Jc396 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Okay so I will start by saying I know to keep my expectations low when it comes to tinder but this I'm curious about. Okay so I matched with this guy who I found really attractive and for some reason most my matches never contact me so I figured I would message him. He seemed friendly, he said he was shocked I messaged him first and that I'm very pretty. He also said he hardly gets on the app. He stops messaging me mid conversation. this was Sunday and I don't hear from him Monday. I'm thinking he wasn't interested until I hear from him yesterday Tuesday where he apologizes for not messaging me back and the delay stating he seriously doesn't get on there often. He still stops replying mid message so I decide to take a leap of faith today and message him with the intent to give him my number. He responds and gives me his number first stating he didn't want to be forward but he also doesn't want to keep leaving me hanging. I text him now and the guy still takes forever to respond. HHe is working today so I understand but idk if he seems interested, he did tell me he is old fashioned and prefers phone calls over messages and he said he deleted tinder already. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals. If he wasn't interested then why would he give me his number and apologize for me not hearing from him, but if he was then why does he keep being silent? I'm new to the guy, dating, tinder, online thing so idk how this is supposed to go.
salparadise Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Just quit thinking that you can determine anything at all by messaging. He doesn't know you, so how could he possibly know if he's interested. If you think he's a possibility do some initiating and meet up with him––soon. You have nothing to lose, everything to gain.
spriggan2 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 (edited) Dude, first of all chill. Tinder imo isn't about having low expectations but about having casual expectations. Take it easy and don't overthink or youll burn out quick. From what you've stated I'm thinking the possible reasons for his non prompt responses are many. He could be busy He could be texting many matches and is getting overloaded He could have a bunch of dates in circulation and doesn't want to engage you until they dry up He could be unfamiliar with what constitutes a closing reponse in a text exchange He could be intentionally minimizing contact so you don't think he's desperate He could be unfamiliar with your expectations for response timing He may not have the heart to let you down if he's not interested Whatever it is he's clearly not prioritizing you, you shouldn't be either. Just think about what you want. Is it a date? Right away? Why not ask him out? Why not follow up with other matches until he gets himself together? Hopefully you'll get clearer signals if you meet face to face, until then no point frustrating yourself with inconsistent conversation. Edited March 17, 2016 by spriggan2 1
truth_seeker Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I wonder if women have ever obsessed over me like this? Is this how women behave all the time? They obsess over the guys they are interested in? Anyway, are you sure you like him or are you interested because of this guy's behavior?
basil67 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Answering your questions with a question: Why would you use text to contact a guy who's told you that he prefers phone conversation? 1
Buddhist Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I wonder if women have ever obsessed over me like this? Is this how women behave all the time? They obsess over the guys they are interested in? At the risk of generalising and being stereotypical....um yes. Which I'm sure is news to many guys who 'generally' believe women aren't ever invested or interested and will move along with the blink of an eye. Until recently if you as a woman liked a man you had to sit around and look pretty and make doe eyes and hope he likes you back and approaches you. Many women still believe this is the only way to go. Which does lead to obsessing about every minor contact and facial expression and trying to figure out if it's ever going to happen because gee jolly gosh I couldn't possibly take my own destiny into my hands and make something happen. Social expectations on the agency of females is to attract and the agency of males to pursue. Not saying it's right but am saying many people still believe in it. Apparently if you are female and pursue then you are failing in femininity because the role of a female is to attract. In other words, clearly you are ugly if you pursue. 1
truth_seeker Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 (edited) At the risk of generalising and being stereotypical....um yes. Which I'm sure is news to many guys who 'generally' believe women aren't ever invested or interested and will move along with the blink of an eye. So if they start ignoring you it's all an act then? They come off like they don't have interest anymore but behind closed doors gossip the hell out of you. Edited March 17, 2016 by truth_seeker
abby_tx Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I think you're wasting your time. Posts like these irritate me because here's a guy who has a girl obsessing over his every move and he's barely done anything to deserve it. He doesn't seem very conversational and he's not trying to impress you (which he should) yet you still want him.
Buddhist Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 So if they start ignoring you it's all an act then? They come off like they don't have interest anymore but behind closed doors gossip the hell out of you. You know we'll have to initiate you into the Holy Sisterhood soon. These kinds of secrets cannot get out. But jokes aside, yes. I have seen it many, many times when some poor young woman cries on my shoulder because all she did was stare at him a lot and he moved on. :roll eyes: So a note to guys. When a women starts ignoring you just imagine her sitting around with her groupies trying to figure out how soon the wedding will be. 1
Justanaverageguy Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 So a note to guys. When a women starts ignoring you just imagine her sitting around with her groupies trying to figure out how soon the wedding will be. Oh dear god - don't put that out that out there. The guys on here are confused enough without telling them the girl that ignores you secretly really likes you and wants to have your babies. I think maybe a safety statement is required: If you ask a girl out and she ignores you ..... that does not mean she wants to have your babies. 1
Otter2569 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I find Tinder to be as amazing as all the other OLD sites (sarcasm). You would think that middle aged people (my age bracket) have their stuff together by now but they don't. I approach it as a game and set my expectations pretty low. Try and have fun with it. Definitely don't make this guy a priority if he is not responding to you timely. Trust me, if he was interested he would be all over it. Next!
truth_seeker Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 You know we'll have to initiate you into the Holy Sisterhood soon. These kinds of secrets cannot get out. But jokes aside, yes. I have seen it many, many times when some poor young woman cries on my shoulder because all she did was stare at him a lot and he moved on. :roll eyes: So a note to guys. When a women starts ignoring you just imagine her sitting around with her groupies trying to figure out how soon the wedding will be. To be fair NOT all women are like this. There are a solemn sum who behave this way. BTW, these are the women I want to avoid. If they're that crazy over you, imagine what they'll be like with you.
truth_seeker Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Oh dear god - don't put that out that out there. The guys on here are confused enough without telling them the girl that ignores you secretly really likes you and wants to have your babies. I think maybe a safety statement is required: If you ask a girl out and she ignores you ..... that does not mean she wants to have your babies. The key is to know the difference. There are those playing hard to get and those who are telling you: "you will not get me".
truth_seeker Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Definitely don't make this guy a priority if he is not responding to you timely. Trust me, if he was interested he would be all over it. Next! I agree that this particular guy isn't that interested. I will tell you that there have been girls I've really liked but refused to throw myself at them.
Buddhist Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I think maybe a safety statement is required: If you ask a girl out and she ignores you ..... that does not mean she wants to have your babies. Better ask her twice....just to be sure. Excuse me....are you really sure you don't want my babies? 1
kikik Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 This guy has other priorities. You are way into this. Find yourself someone more on your wavelength!
Recommended Posts