UmmApril Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I'm really confused recently by my boyfriend or ex boyfriend. We have dated off and on for three years. I've been in love with him the whole time. This last time we got together I asked him if he loved me. He said he doesn't feel like he knows me completely enough or understands me enough to say he's in love with me. We are been on and off this whole time. He wanted to date and see how it goes with a label on our relationship. When I told me he doesn't love me, I decided to end it. When I did he became very angry and started being mean to me, and decided he didn't want to talk to me anymore. He's never acted this way before. Normally he wants to be friends. My question is, why is he being so mean, and why is he so angry at me? He said he didn't love me after all this time. So what's gives? So confused:/
central Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 He likes the convenience of a girlfriend, but not the commitment a relationship requires. If he doesn't love you by now, he's just using you. Dump him. 8
NinjaX Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 When a person becomes hostile after a rejection, it's their insecurities showing through. Clearly he likes that you like him and it validates his ego. When you pull away, part of his ego shatters.' You deserve better than that. 2
FastHands Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 IMHO after 3 years a relationship kinda should be passed the I think he loves me thing, maybe settling down or having a more promising relationship. After all if one has good intentions it's kinda sad to be used.
angel.eyes Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 He can't give you what you want. If he still didn't love you after three years, I'm sorry, but he's not going to change his mind. Time to accept that and look elsewhere. Continually breaking up and getting back together was dysfunctional anyway. Someone needed to end the cycle. Hugs. Lean on your friends and try to stay busy. You'll get through this. 2
katiegrl Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I'm really confused recently by my boyfriend or ex boyfriend. We have dated off and on for three years. I've been in love with him the whole time. This last time we got together I asked him if he loved me. He said he doesn't feel like he knows me completely enough or understands me enough to say he's in love with me. We are been on and off this whole time. He wanted to date and see how it goes with a label on our relationship. When I told me he doesn't love me, I decided to end it. When I did he became very angry and started being mean to me, and decided he didn't want to talk to me anymore. He's never acted this way before. Normally he wants to be friends. --------- **My question is, why is he being so mean, and why is he so angry at me? He said he didn't love me after all this time. So what's gives? So confused:/ ^^It's called gaslighting... If he makes you the *bad guy* for dumping him, then HE doesn't have to feel guilty for essentially leading you on for three years! 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 What he probably means is... he loves you but is not IN love with you. I can see why he may be confused - a lot of dating experts claim that you do not need to be IN love in order to have a good partnership. Many men feel that if they are not infatuated or id they never went through the honeymoon stage, that they are not in love despite caring deeply and LOVING the woman. I would clarify with him if he meant that he isn't inn love yet still loves you - if he LOVES you without that intense IN love feeling, you can have a long and happy relationship according to most experts. If he doesn't even LOVE you after 3 years..... then you're in trouble. my ex ex loved me but was never in love with me - but even he thought he loved me by the 1 year mark.......
Justanaverageguy Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I think the getting angry part when you dumped him is a separate thing. That speaks basically to his personality and how he handles rejection. Evidently not very well. But on the relationship itself. I have had a similar relationship previously when I was younger which lasted for 2 years. It was with a girl I really liked - but never was in love with and sounds similar to your situation. I was caught in 2 minds as to what I wanted to do .... I thought she was a great person and we connected well - but something was missing. I was always hopping the deeper feelings would develop but they never did. I ended up hurting her badly when I ended it which I always felt very bad about and still do. I learnt a lesson from that not to stay in something your not sure about longer then 3-6months. If your still not sure after that period .... then its best to let her find someone that is. She got married a few years back and I was really happy as she deserved it. My guess would be your guy is not a bad guy who is using you. I think he probably cares about you a lot - but I just don't think he shares the same level of feelings you do. Loves you but not in love with you as others said. My advice - stick to your guns and move on and find someone who does feel the same way about you. Painful in the short term but better for both of you in the long run. 2
Toodaloo Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 He likes the convenience of a girlfriend, but not the commitment a relationship requires. If he doesn't love you by now, he's just using you. Dump him. Get rid. He is wasting your time. Read the above. This is one of those where after years of being together he dumps you and marries a girl he met after 6 months of knowing her... Get yourself single so you can quit wasting your time on this guy. He is a time waster. Keeping you around because he doesn't want to be on his own and you will do for now until he finds someone he does want to be with... Take action or you will be hurt old and crusty before you know it. 2
PegNosePete Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 My question is, why is he being so mean, and why is he so angry at me? Because you told him he couldn't have his cake and eat it any more. He has gotten so used to getting his way for the last 3 years, that when you told him it's not acceptable to you any more, he acts like a spoiled kid whose candy has been taken away. He doesn't love you and never will. Time to move on. 2
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 We have dated off and on for three years. We are been on and off this whole time. On and off relationships never work out, it is because there is not enough substance in the relationship to keep it going, so it keeps breaking down. Here you have found what is lacking, he doesn't actually love you, he doesn't feel he knows you well enough, he doesn't understand you. After 3 years, you need a relationship that is moving forward, this one shows no signs of real progress, it is time to let it go. I agree that you run the risk of being the ultra long term gf that gets dumped or cheated on, to find he is then married very quickly to the "love of his life". 3
Zippy2000 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 He cannot have his cake and eat it. He cant say he doesnt love you anymore and still be in a relationship with you at the same time. Is this what you call a loveless relationship? It`ll only end up being one sided where you put more effort than he will. He just wants the security of a relationship without the responsibilities of being in one. 1
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 His plan was to stay where he was with you, safe and secure, until something better caught his eye. He would then leave when he had someone else to go to. By you turfing him out and being firm in your resolve, he panicked and his fear expressed itself as anger. 1
Miss Peach Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 My BTDT advice is I wish I hadn't stayed as long as I did. He will not suddenly decide he's in love with you. If you want more you're going to just become more and more resentful in this situation. They do this because they want the comfort of the relationship but they either can't attach emotionally or they just don't want to with you. In the meantime you're auditioning for the part of GF hoping to be upgraded. It's a win win for him as long as he can keep you hooked. It's a bad deal for you.
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