falxmanolo Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Heyya Background- ex and I dated for 2 years. He broke it off suddenly, moved cities, changed numbers, blocked me on Facebook and vanished from my life. That was 3 years ago. Last year, ex was genuinely apologetic (or so I thought) and professed being in love but literally did the same exact **** (blocked my number and vanished). Current situation- Same ex as above has contacted me on social media, text and left a dropped call on my phone(I deleted his number hence didn't realise it was him till he messaged me). Message is as simple as "hey how's it going". He has also contacted mutual friends asking if I ask him about him and how I'm doing. For general information, I literally just vocalised these words to my best friend last week "I'm finally in a really good place in life and I don't feel the need to date anybody". I am sad. I replied to ex's text v.platonically and left it at that. He tried to further conversation but eventually stopped when I left him with singe word answers. My problem 1. I feel so so so sad. I haven't been able to sleep for the past few days. I can't understand why my ex still has such an affect on me. 2. I feel annoyed by this "hey how's it going" text. What is that even about? He obviously knows through our mutual friends that I'm doing pretty damn well in life. 3. Is this me seeking validation from again? By making a mountain out of a mole hill? 4. I don't have any active feelings for him. I'm not repulsed by him yet either. 5. Every time he contacts me and vanishes, it takes me a few months to get my act together. I don't take it well at all. What can I do now? All views are accepted, please can people contribute! Thank you! 1
Zahara Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) 5. Every time he contacts me and vanishes, it takes me a few months to get my act together. I don't take it well at all. What can I do now? Why haven't you blocked him from contacting you via phone? Why haven't you told your friends to stop feeding you or him information? Why haven't you blocked him on social media? The responsibility to protect yourself is completely yours. Not his. If anyone is at fault here it is you for allowing yourself to be hurt over and over again. Self-preservation. Do it. He comes back because he knows he can and no matter how badly he's treated you, you will always be there to entertain him. Out of curiosity, likely boredom, maybe a need for an ego stroke or to just see if Fal is still pining for him -- he gets what he needs from you. No matter what he's done to you, you're there to respond, to accept contact. Where is your self-respect? Why do you even respond? I mean the guy disposed of you twice like you were nothing. He has such an effect on you because you've never really let go. You so desire his validation, that you remain accessible to him hoping that maybe one day, just one day he'll come around and validate you. You don't believe you deserve better? Edited March 16, 2016 by Zahara 2
Satu Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 You can get off that rollercoaster any time you want to, but only if you really want to. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care. 2
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