highroller30 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Hey guys, I want to share my experience here and would like to hear different opinions on the matter. I'm a 21 year old guy and 3 months ago i met a girl on tinder who lives about 80 kms away from me. We hit it off online really well, found out we had an unbelievable amount of things in common. I am really picky when it comes to girls, I want to be attracted to her physically, feel a good emotional connection, have hobbies in common, share the same values and be able to support her in the things she wants to achieve and vice versa. I finally thought to have met this person and she agreed on the 'spark' offline. Our intentions were never to 'hook up'. It took 1,5 month for us to finally meet in person. About 2 weeks before the date she stated she wasn't sure if the date was going to be purposeful because she lives so far away and is very busy but wanted to meet me anyway because we hit it off well. She asked me if i wanted to meet her 2 weeks later. The date went well, it wasn't certain if our connection in real life would be the same as offline but she said (with a blushing smiley) that she had a good time. No awkward silences, a natural flow of conversation and decided to swap drinks every now and then (AKA fun). I asked her 1 day after if she wanted to catch a movie but she started about how it was impossible to see each other as she was very busy with school, internships and family/friends in the weekends and the distance between us. She said she wouldn't want to start something serious yet because of this. After this the contact went kind off cold, no initiative anymore from her side so I stated we either both put effort into talking or it would be best to go our own way. She then said the latter would be the best and she also stated she didn't feel the 'spark' that was needed for her to make the effort. I started to doubt whether this was on me or her... A first date can't possibly make somebody fall in love. In my opinion you can just see how the person is personality wise and see if you can have fun together. How can you have so much in common and a nice connection both online and offline and she missed a 'spark'? I want to see different perspectives on this because I want to know if I can perhaps adress her in the future, when she would be more open for something serious or she just doesn't like me... Thanks for thinking with me and reading the long story!
smackie9 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 It takes 7 seconds for a woman to know if you are BF material or not.....she didn't feel it in person, so just accept it, the attraction truly wasn't there to pursue a second date. You can't win them all. 2
NinjaX Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Several theories: 1) No physical chemistry. This is gonna happen with dating. Perfect conversation flow, common hobbies, and all that good stuff, but she doesn't see you as someone beyond a friend. Escalate and flirt more. If you have been talking on the phone for such a long time, it builds comfort like a good friend, but not as a lover. - Go for the kiss during the date when you feel it's right. - Avoid extended chit-chats through the phone. If you continue to do things that friends do instead of doing what a lover would do, she will naturally see you as a friend, not as a romantic potential. 2) You over-pursued - You asked her out again 1 day after your date. You need to give her room to breath. She already invested a lot in that first date especially when you two live 80km away. - The most common mistake guys make when they see a girl that they really like is that they immediately try to lock her down by setting more dates and asking her to commit more time than she is willing to spend. - You made things even worse when you "stated we either both put effort into talking or it would be best to go our own way." Your over-pursuit causes several things: a) She immediately senses that you are committing way more than she is b) She senses that she is starting to lose her freedom Naturally, she is going to back off.
normal person Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 After this the contact went kind off cold, no initiative anymore from her side so I stated we either both put effort into talking or it would be best to go our own way. She then said the latter would be the best and she also stated she didn't feel the 'spark' that was needed for her to make the effort. I started to doubt whether this was on me or her... A first date can't possibly make somebody fall in love. In my opinion you can just see how the person is personality wise and see if you can have fun together. How can you have so much in common and a nice connection both online and offline and she missed a 'spark'? I want to see different perspectives on this because I want to know if I can perhaps adress her in the future, when she would be more open for something serious or she just doesn't like me... She just doesn't view you the same way you view her. If she wanted something more serious, she'd make an effort for it or at least agree to keep talking to you. For whatever reason, she doesn't feel the "spark." It's not something that can be argued or rationalized -- it's biology. It just has to be accepted. Whatever the mechanism that makes her heart race, think about you constantly, all that stuff, you just don't have. Don't take it personally, most people won't do that for her (or for anyone else). It happens to everyone. Meeting people and having it not work it is a pretty unavoidable step in the process of finding someone with whom it will. In my opinion she did you a favor, she doesn't feel that strongly about you so she's giving you clear indication that it's time to forget about her and move on. No worries, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Best of luck. 1
preraph Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I guess she was on her best charming behavior for the date and glad to meet you, but you weren't her type or something. I know it can seem so wrong sometimes because to you, there's a lot in common, but all it takes is some random preference they have in their heads about what excites them or maybe they look for a certain type of back-and-forth interaction. You know, it's just people have these preferences that aren't always rational, but they must be there for a reason. People are so different in person than online and in writing. I know I am. So that makes me nervous to meet anyone I think I like online because I know how different I am, so they may be as well. You just can't feel a person's personality accurately until you meet face to face. Sorry it didn't work out. You'll find someone else.
Erik30 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 She told you why, there was no "spark" when you finally met her. The image she had of you in her mind while you two were texting for weeks, didn't match up with the actual guy. Everything she's saying about the distance, too busy, etc... these are just excuses. If you really had a great connection, she would find a way to make it work. Sorry Also you met her on Tinder, so there's a chance some other guy is in the picture.
Author highroller30 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 I guess there is truth in the fact that i talked too long before we actually met. However I am who I am, the same guy on the phone as in person. I didn't want to get too 'aggressive' by going for a kiss or something as she doesn't date guys often and certainly don't kiss them first dates. I believed that if we had more time and less distance we actually could've got along well. Why is it btw an excuse to be busy and worried about distance. To me it sounds perfectly normal to be in a different stage in your life at age 21...
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