Should I trust her?

[Coup La-La]

I met a girl on a dating site and we hit it off immediately, speaking for hours on the phone every time we speak, which is 2x a day. We live about 3 hours away from each other so we've only been out together 5 times, each time lasting all night. Suddenly out of nowhere she started ignoring me, not answering any of my calls or texts. This went on for 11 days until she called me saying:

 

"I feel like you're so much smarter and more cultured than I am. I feel intimidated, often when you speak about things I don't understand I just nod and smile and pray that you don't catch on that you're speaking over my head. I figured that you would be better off with a girl that's on your level. I planned on just ignoring you until you got the message, but I missed you, I went on a date with another guy last week and all I could think about was you, I even accidentally called him your name a couple of times. I think I;m falling for you, and if I don't feel that I'm as smart as you, that's something I'll have to work out on my own. Let's meetup tomorrow, I miss you, and I hope you missed me too"

 

Should I trust her? I take it for granted that anyone I meet on OLD is speaking to other people, but I wouldn't expect them to say it out loud.

[NinjaX]

Give her loving and reassuring words that you like her just the way she is. She's probably feeling a little insecure, so be a man and make her feel safe and comfortable.

 

Back off a bit and let her come to you. When you do get together, just show her a good time. Perhaps back off a bit on your intellectual side.

 

A common mistake here is the guy would try to logically convince her that it's okay. Clearly she is into you based on her words. She misses you and her attraction level will slowly rise.

 

You don't need to do much. Just sit back and see if her actions matches her words.

[ff12343]

Ninja hit it on the head. If she was just being nice and fading on you, you wouldn't have received something so lengthy AND asking to meet up again.

 

Follow Ninja's advice.

[Gaeta]

Fading on someone you've been on 5 DATES with and speaking on the phone with twice a day, is highly disrespectful and juvenile.

 

If you had gone on 1 or 2 dates only and no real communication then I'd be more flexible but in the amount of communication you had + 5 trips to see each other, this is unacceptable. I assure you, if you reconnect with her she will do it again.

 

As for her explanation I don't buy it. She did not go on 1 date with another guy, she dated him for 2 weeks. It didn't work, he probably dumped her and now she sees herself with no prospects so she is back.

 

We have a word on here for those 'boomerangs'. They usually come back when

 

1. They got dumped

2. They are bored

3. They're out of options

 

I would reply: Thank you but , no thank you.

[OnlyHonesty]

She ignored you for 11 days which is disrespectful. She contacted you back again because she was out of options, bored, on the rebound, or her other dates didn't go to plan.

 

However, as an attempt to manipulate you, she sent you a message that flattered your ego in the hopes you would concentrate on that as opposed to the fact that she was damn right rude.

 

Note how some of the others that offered you advice in this thread fell for her amateur game hook, line, and sinker.

 

I would listen to Gaeta if I were you. If you want to become a doormat and possibly used then listen to the others.

 

My advice, find someone that does not play games (good luck with that).

[basil67]

If you *really* like her, I'd give her once more chance. Just one. But if you agree that she's intellectually below you and it bothers you - or you have any other qualms, don't bother.

[HereNorThere]

When you do dump her, try to use big words that she doesn't understand.

[LostOnes05]

I wouldn't bother with her honestly, she is just wasting your time.

[Saracena]

Although, like others, I don't approve of the ghosting, I do believe her based on what she's written. I highly doubt she'd make up a scenario like this. It sounds that now you've expressed interest (which she most likely doubted before) she's more comfortable sharing the real reason with you. If you do decide to give her one more chance, I'd certainly call her out on why she ignored you for so long instead of saying something like she didn't see your relationship going anywhere or something similar.

 

Just out of interest what's your occupation?

[WaitingForBardot]

...

As for her explanation I don't buy it. She did not go on 1 date with another guy, she dated him for 2 weeks. It didn't work, he probably dumped her and now she sees herself with no prospects so she is back.

...

This is the way to bet...

[sandylee1]

I think she's being honest .... whether you want to meet her again is up to you.

[Coup La-La]

Although, like others, I don't approve of the ghosting, I do believe her based on what she's written. I highly doubt she'd make up a scenario like this. It sounds that now you've expressed interest (which she most likely doubted before) she's more comfortable sharing the real reason with you. If you do decide to give her one more chance, I'd certainly call her out on why she ignored you for so long instead of saying something like she didn't see your relationship going anywhere or something similar.

 

Just out of interest what's your occupation?

 

The funny thing about it is, she's achieved a higher level of education than I have, she I have a bachelors and she has a masters.

 

And to answer your question: I'm a writer

[coreydillon]

The funny thing about it is, she's achieved a higher level of education than I have, she I have a bachelors and she has a masters.

 

And to answer your question: I'm a writer

 

I wouldn't be happy about this at all or trust her again.. I had a girl pull something similar.. Disappear then come back a month later with a long letter.. We had sex... talking daily... But she still wasnt ready "to date".. Seemed like a game to see if she could get me back..

Edited March 18, 2016 by coreydillon