Second date at his house?

[Gaeta]

I have that feeling, that I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off him. Today I had a hard time keeping my hands where they should be, once we sat down outside and he started saying I was beautiful, kissing, touching my legs. Earlier in the date when he pulled out my chair, opened doors and spontaneously bought flowers all helped lead up to that. My ex wasn't romantic at all. He never even bought me flowers.

 

I've never bought condoms before. Do I just get any kind? I always assumed the guy would have them.

 

 

Men will say anything at first. They will tell you you are beautiful, special, and they will be on their best behavior, it means nothing.

 

I had a man take me out on 4 amazing dates! Showered me with compliments, flowers, fancy restaurants, phone calls, then after our 4th date I learn he was married. People can be deceiving. You need to calm down.

 

As for condoms buy anything but make sure it says Latex condoms, they're the only one protecting you against std's.

[Amytm]

Men will say anything at first. They will tell you you are beautiful, special, and they will be on their best behavior, it means nothing.

 

I had a man take me out on 4 amazing dates! Showered me with compliments, flowers, fancy restaurants, phone calls, then after our 4th date I learn he was married. People can be deceiving. You need to calm down.

 

As for condoms buy anything but make sure it says Latex condoms, they're the only one protecting you against std's.

 

Wow. Is there any way to see through it? Or doni just have to wait it out and hope he's being real?

 

Thank you I didn't know that about latex.

 

Hard to say what he likes, but I'd advise any lady to have them on hand. If you supply them, you know they have been stored well and are fresh.

 

How many should I have? Do I always insist on using my own for safety? Do they come in different sizes or one size?

[xpaperxcutx]

Are all/most guys like that or is he just a jerk? Should I talk to him about it or just say I'd rather go out. I haven't told him that I've only been with 1 person. He could have figured it out, maybe.

 

I feel like I really like him. I had a lot of fun with him, he was nice, sweet, funny, quite attractive. He did a lot of nice gestures like getting doors, pulling our my chair, got some flowers from a street bouquet seller on our walk, walked me back to my car even though he was parked quite far away.

 

I don't know if I could control myself at his house. I'd get really turned on and things might just happen. I also don't drink often. I breastfed all my kids and one of my 4 year olds JUST weaned. I wasn't comfortable drinking while nursing. I get drunk easily and don't know how it would affect my decisions. If there was alcohol involved. I could easily not drink, I'm very use to saying no to that.

 

 

You only know this guy for 3 hours and you want to tell him you only been with one person? I'm sorry but you're gonna set yourself up to be easy prey for him to bed.

 

 

And any person can ask you to go walk about the park, and pull open doors for you. Why are you already putting this guy on a pedestal?

[Rumely]

Just buy some normal Trojan condoms. Blue box I think.

 

Ask lots of questing on the date and really listen to his answers. I really hate to say this, but when a lady is really into a guy, he can say almost anything and she will think it's great. I've listened to what some guys that were good with women told them. I thought there is no way she's buying this crap, but the lady was eating it up. Wouldn't have mattered what she asked as she wasn't listening to the answer. I've never been good with women like that.

Edited March 17, 2016 by Rumely

[Amytm]

You only know this guy for 3 hours and you want to tell him you only been with one person? I'm sorry but you're gonna set yourself up to be easy prey for him to bed.

 

 

And any person can ask you to go walk about the park, and pull open doors for you. Why are you already putting this guy on a pedestal?

 

I wasn't sure if it was something I should warn him about. I didn't think he'd use that info to his advantage to get me in bed.

 

Maybe it's because no man has ever done that for me. My ex or the guys I've been on dates with. They opened doors, but didn't do other things and there wasn't a connection or huge attraction.

 

Just buy some normal Trojan condoms. Blue box I think.

 

Ask lots of questing on the date and really listen to his answers. I really hate to say this, but when a lady is really into a guy, he can say almost anything and she will think it's great. I've listened to what some guys that were good with women told them. I thought there is no way she's buying this crap, but the lady was eating it up. Wouldn't have mattered what she asked as she wasn't listening to the answer. I've never been good with women like that.

 

Okay thank you.

 

From what I've been told here and what I've told my friends, it seems to be agreed that he's good with women and has me right where he wants me. I'll have to try to really listen.

[xpaperxcutx]

I wasn't sure if it was something I should warn him about. I didn't think he'd use that info to his advantage to get me in bed.

 

Maybe it's because no man has ever done that for me. My ex or the guys I've been on dates with. They opened doors, but didn't do other things and there wasn't a connection or huge attraction.

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

You realize the men that really wants you will do everything to make you feel special.

 

 

If you go to my profile, I was dating a guy who asked me to have dinner at his place. Granted we didn't have sex, but he was never really serious to begin with. He was only after sex.

 

 

Another guy who I am dating now, he never once asked me back to his place. He actually drives 40 minutes to come pick me up so he can take me to dinner to nice restaurants in New York City and Brooklyn, and he pays for the meals without me even getting the check.

 

 

The second guy never once made a move to call me nicknames and he was never hands-on to make-out with me. I actually feel more comfortable with him than the first guy.

 

 

A guy who can come on that fast is a "future faker". He will tell you all the things you want to hear so he can get you to believe that he wants the same things as you. The only way you don't fall for his charms is to look past all the embellishing words. Look at his actions.

[Gaeta]

Wow. Is there any way to see through it? Or doni just have to wait it out and hope he's being real?

 

No way to know at first. You need to observe, listen, ask questions, and go on dates. Men can't keep up their game very long. You want to see consistency in a man.

 

This place is full of stories from women feeling intense chemistry on a first date, they get carried away, and by the 3rd, 4th date, usually after sex, the guy bails. Then they post on here wondering what happened!! they had such a good time, he was so into her, etc.

[Amytm]

You realize the men that really wants you will do everything to make you feel special.

 

 

If you go to my profile, I was dating a guy who asked me to have dinner at his place. Granted we didn't have sex, but he was never really serious to begin with. He was only after sex.

 

 

Another guy who I am dating now, he never once asked me back to his place. He actually drives 40 minutes to come pick me up so he can take me to dinner to nice restaurants in New York City and Brooklyn, and he pays for the meals without me even getting the check.

 

 

The second guy never once made a move to call me nicknames and he was never hands-on to make-out with me. I actually feel more comfortable with him than the first guy.

 

 

A guy who can come on that fast is a "future faker". He will tell you all the things you want to hear so he can get you to believe that he wants the same things as you. The only way you don't fall for his charms is to look past all the embellishing words. Look at his actions.

 

So remember that actions speak louder than words. Got it. He didn't do anything that said red flag to me. I guess initiating kissing could be. He didn't ask me back to his place right then and there. Maybe it needs more time to show if anything is wrong.

 

Everything he did say was perfect. But he said what he was looking for before I did. But that could still be a lie.

 

I don't want to be one of the girls that come back saying what happened why hasn't he got back to me. I want to be able to come back and say its going great and he's amazing.

 

He added me on Facebook tonight. Is that too soon? My only concern is that I have some pictures of my kids there. But so does he on his.

[Rumely]

Initiating kissing is not a red flag unless he is pushing you into it. My personal rule of dating was better to kiss too early than too late and have her wondering, "why isn't he kissing me." She'll let you know if it's too early, but might never happen if it's too late.

 

FB is good. Now you can see if random chicks are posting on his timeline.

 

One reality to remember is that odds are you will get your heart broke. If not now, later. It would be extremely rare to come out of one relationship and find another without a little heart break. There are no sure things in dating. Definitely not a reason not to try though.

[Gaeta]

He added me on Facebook tonight. Is that too soon? My only concern is that I have some pictures of my kids there. But so does he on his.

 

Everyone manages their FB differently. I have never added a man I dated on my FB, actually I have never added an official boyfriend on FB lol.

 

The only thing about adding someone new on FB is that it takes away the 'mystery' of the new person. In a new relationship the newness and the mystery is important, it's exciting to get to know someone bits by bits. When you add someone on FB after 1 date they get an overdose of who you are. Suddenly they know pretty much everything about you. Also I find it a source of stress for people that date. There is always questioning about why so many single female friends, or who's that woman always liking his post, or why is his ex still on his FB, that type of none sense.

[Amytm]

Initiating kissing is not a red flag unless he is pushing you into it. My personal rule of dating was better to kiss too early than too late and have her wondering, "why isn't he kissing me." She'll let you know if it's too early, but might never happen if it's too late.

 

FB is good. Now you can see if random chicks are posting on his timeline.

 

One reality to remember is that odds are you will get your heart broke. If not now, later. It would be extremely rare to come out of one relationship and find another without a little heart break. There are no sure things in dating. Definitely not a reason not to try though.

 

He didn't push me into it. He definitely initiated. I wanted to kiss him but was very nervous. After the first kiss he stopped and said "you're nervous aren't you" in a playful type way. I said yes and he asked if it was okay, I said emyes again. And he leaned in for another and then making out after that. I think he might have got hard when we were making out. He had his sweater off and rwached behind himself to grab it and pull it over his lap. And his hand went under the sweater a couple times for like 2 seconds. That's fine right? Normal?

 

My ex rarely got hard from making out. He had to be touched to get hard.

 

You're right, I need to remember I might get my heart broken. The chance that he's "the one" is slim. I wouldn't get that lucky (to go from one relationship to the next).

 

I accepted the FB request. No posts from other girls really. I don't want to stalk his profile.

[katiegrl]

Wow. Is there any way to see through it? Or doni just have to wait it out and hope he's being real?

 

 

IMO, yes there is absolutely a way to see though it, right from the first meet!

 

Red flag no. 1 -- a man who is all over you physically, kissing you, touching your legs? On a first MEET? No no no. A man who is interested in you is respectful and treats you like a lady, which means hands off ....unless YOU are the one throwing yourself at him, which I highly doubt is what happened here.

 

Red flag no 2 - a man calling you beautiful (or baby, babe, or other special terms of endearment) on, or shortly after, a first MEET. He doesn't know you, and as such, should not be feeling "that" comfortable with you yet to be using these special terms of endearment ..... he is sweet talking you so you will fall for him and have sex with him.

 

Red flag no 3 - inviting you for dinner at his place on second date (or actually first date as the first time you met, was actually a first MEET)....and then saying things like "I will cook you a dinner you will never forget.". Trust me he did NOT mean dinner!

 

Red flag no 4 - when you declined the invite at his place, him arbitrarily telling you (without your even mentioning it) he did not want you to feel *pressured". Pressured for what, dinner? No, he meant pressure for sex which was what he had in mind from the get go!

 

This bozo would not have lasted ten minutes with me...I can't stand that type of BS, and am able to see though it very easily...it's actually a huge turn OFF for me.

 

But it took time, and many dating experiences, which as you continue to date and get involved with these guys (and get hurt)...you will hopefully discover for yourself too.

 

Wish you the best.

Edited March 17, 2016 by katiegrl

[Amytm]

IMO, yes there is absolutely a way to see though it, right from the first meet!

 

Red flag no. 1 -- a man who is all over you physically, kissing you, touching your legs? On a first MEET? No no no. A man who is interested in you is respectful and treats you like a lady, which means hands off ....unless YOU are the one throwing yourself at him, which I highly doubt is what happened here.

 

Red flag no 2 - a man calling you beautiful (or baby, babe, or other special terms of endearment) on, or shortly after, a first MEET. He doesn't know you, and as such, should not be feeling "that" comfortable with you yet to be using these special terms of endearment ..... he is sweet talking you so you will fall for him and have sex with him.

 

Red flag no 3 - inviting you for dinner at his place on second date (or actually first date as the first time you met, was actually a first MEET)....and then saying things like "I will cook you a dinner you will never forget.". Trust me he did NOT mean dinner!

 

Red flag no 4 - when you declined the invite at his place, him arbitrarily telling you (without your even mentioning it) he did not want you to feel *pressured". Pressured for what, dinner? No, he meant pressure for sex which was what he had in mind from the get go!

 

This bozo would not have lasted ten minutes with me...I can't stand that type of BS, and am able to see though it very easily...it's actually a huge turn OFF for me.

 

But it took time, and many dating experiences, which as you continue to date and get involved with these guys (and get hurt)...you will hopefully discover for yourself too.

 

Wish you the best.

 

Is there any chance that he is just out of the game and making mistakes? He was with his wife a long time and said he only had " fun" after the divorce and just recently got serious.

 

I really don't want him to be a jerk...

 

He wasn't all over me until we kissed. Before that (about an hour and half) he didn't try and touch or kiss me. Maybe I led him on by kissing him back.

 

He asked me back to his place right after we made out and I'm pretty sure he was hard as i said a post up, so obviously turned on. Maybe asking me over really was heat of the moment like he said. And me accepting led him on more.

 

When we were making out I touched his leg first. Like upper, inner leg. After that he touched mine.

 

So maybe I led him on...

[Art_Critic]

That means sex right?

 

Yep.......

[katiegrl]

Is there any chance that he is just out of the game and making mistakes? He was with his wife a long time and said he only had " fun" after the divorce and just recently got serious.

 

I really don't want him to be a jerk...

 

He wasn't all over me until we kissed. Before that (about an hour and half) he didn't try and touch or kiss me. Maybe I led him on by kissing him back.

 

He asked me back to his place right after we made out and I'm pretty sure he was hard as i said a post up, so obviously turned on. Maybe asking me over really was heat of the moment like he said. And me accepting led him on more.

 

When we were making out I touched his leg first. Like upper, inner leg. After that he touched mine.

 

So maybe I led him on...

 

I don't know I wasn't there, why not go out with him...stay out of the bedroom, get to know each other, and see what happens?

 

To me, he sounds like a *player* ....but again I wasn't there, just going on what you have shared with us.

 

If you feel good about it, then go and enjoy!

 

Watch his actions and pay attention!

 

If he still wants to date you, staying away from the sex for awhile..... that is s good sign.

 

Course if you want to have sex .... go for it, but keep expectations low, and don't start assuming you are in a RL, cuz sex and relationships are not mutually exclusive.

 

And don't"t be surprised if he disappears after. Not suggesting he will, just don't be surprised if he does, tis all.

 

Keep us posted!

[HereNorThere]

Serial dater here.

 

No, it doesn't necessarily mean sex. In fact, it NEVER means sex unless you're down for sex. If you are it doesn't matter where you have dinner first.

 

It could mean some things. He might be off his game and not know that you go out first and then make a good excuse to end back up at his house. Depending on his finances, it could mean he's broke and can't afford to take you out. He may think that you're domesticated and a man who cooks impresses you, but you will never be able to figure it out because you're trying to make a hypothesis with an incomplete data set.

 

You decide the who, when and where you have sex. Unless the guy is a jerk, I doubt it's an issue. Sooooo many of my dates end up back at my house without any sexual activity. Sometimes it's just fun to kick it and have Netflix night, but the second date is a little too soon to suggest it. My game is tighter though, lol.

 

Btw, if you want to bring some condoms and shag this guy rotten, go for it. Quit stressing and do what YOU want to do. As long as it's mutual, just go for it.

The funniest part is that as soon as it's over you'll just be "meh, I can't believe I was stressing about that. Wanna go again?"

[Rumely]

he only had " fun" after the divorce and just recently got serious.

 

Don't like this part. Think he may still be in the fun stage.

[Rumely]

Serial dater here.

 

No, it doesn't necessarily mean sex. In fact, it NEVER means sex unless you're down for sex.

 

She is down for it. If he starts, she will not be able to stop. Not that she'll want to. Out on the town, she'll be able to make a slightly more informed decision after some conversation. My guess is they will be in the bedroom way before dinner if they have dinner at his place.

[katiegrl]

She is down for it. If he starts, she will not be able to stop. Not that she'll want to. Out on the town, she'll be able to make a slightly more informed decision after some conversation. My guess is they will be in the bedroom way before dinner if they have dinner at his place.

 

And if they go *out* for dinner, my guess is they will be in bedroom soon after dinner!

[Rumely]

And if they go *out* for dinner, my guess is they will be in bedroom soon after dinner!

 

Yep, it's a done deal, unless he comes up with something real bone head during the date. And that's OK.

[Amytm]

Don't like this part. Think he may still be in the fun stage.

 

He said he's looking for something serious now. And that having fun showed him that he wants something serious again. I don't know if I'm the first person he's dated since wanting to be serious.

 

I guess he could just be using that as a line, or change his mind later on.

 

Having fun means sleeping around right? I'm still really nervous that he's going to have a ton of partners and be great in bed and I'll be an inexperienced idiot that can't get him off and embarrass myself. But I'm probably reading too much into it.

 

Btw, if you want to bring some condoms and shag this guy rotten, go for it. Quit stressing and do what YOU want to do. As long as it's mutual, just go for it.

The funniest part is that as soon as it's over you'll just be "meh, I can't believe I was stressing about that. Wanna go again?"

 

You're right that I can't know the real reason behind him asking me to his place.

 

I hope that last part is true. Do people actually go twice, though? I thought when a guy was done that was it?

 

Yep, it's a done deal, unless he comes up with something real bone head during the date. And that's OK.

 

Do you think he thinks that too? That's it's a "done deal" that we'll have sex?

Edited March 17, 2016 by Amytm

[katiegrl]

He said he's looking for something serious now. And that having fun showed him that he wants something serious again. I don't know if I'm the first person he's dated since wanting to be serious.

 

I guess he could just be using that as a line, or change his mind later on.

 

Having fun means sleeping around right? I'm still really nervous that he's going to have a ton of partners and be great in bed and I'll be an inexperienced idiot that can't get him off and embarrass myself. But I'm probably reading too much into it.

 

 

 

You're right that I can't know the real reason behind him asking me to his place.

 

I hope that last part is true. Do people actually go twice, though? I thought when a guy was done that was it?

 

 

 

 

 

------

 

**Do you think he thinks that too? That's it's a "done deal" that we'll have sex?

 

^^Why do you keep asking us?

 

We would not be saying any of these things if we didn't believe them to be true.

[TXGuy]

I'm going to throw in a counterpoint here.

 

You are getting a lot of advice from bitter man-haters telling you this guy is a predator out to use you. Be careful not to take all of that advice too seriously. You might run off a decent guy if you overthink things and are overly suspicious.

 

I'm not saying this guy is a saint. I have no idea what his intentions are. He might be a cad, he might be a sweet guy.

 

Whether he is a cad or a sweet guy, he does want to sleep with you. From his point of view, the sooner the better. This does not make him a cad. If he is emotionally and physically healthy, he wants to have sex. That is how guys are wired. It does not make him a bad guy. Ideally, he likes you and wants to be with you beyond the sex part. But the fact that he wants sex does not make him a bad guy.

 

I think his reaction to moving plans from his place to out-and-about was appropriate and respectful. I'm not going to run through all of the specific points someone else pointed out to you, but for every 'red flag' they highlighted, it would be easy as pie to spin those red flags into an example of him being 'sweet and charming.'

 

In short, the guy is into you. Yes, he probably would like to have sex. You seem to feel the same way (at least in the same neighborhood). He seems fine with taking things at your pace.

 

I'm rooting for you. I hope he turns out to be a guy that makes you happy.

[Amytm]

^^Why do you keep asking us?

 

We would not be saying any of these things if we didn't believe them to be true.

 

Asking questions? Because it's a forum...

 

Someone above said me having sex with him is a done deal. It kinda hurt. I don't want him to think that...

[Rumely]

Having fun means sleeping around right? I'm still really nervous that he's going to have a ton of partners and be great in bed and I'll be an inexperienced idiot that can't get him off and embarrass myself. But I'm probably reading too much into it.

 

I'm hoping for your sake he is really good. Don't worry, just be open to direction. Sex is fun.

 

I don't believe there is a direct correlation between many partners and good. My suspension is the reason some men have many partners is no woman wanted to keep them around. A few good partners can give you a pretty well rounded exerience. My x-wife was the only one I'd been with. She thought she was great in bed. After my divorce, I met lady that I learned a lot from. I now realize my x-wife was way below average. My current gf and I have wonderful sex. She claims her x was terrible and she knew he had many partners.

 

Another thought, who's to say that after sex, you won't be the one saying, "that was good, now on to the next man."