Not sure if he see's me as crazy...but i want to fix it

[magz1492]

About a month ago, a guy who I have just been friends with for a long time (although we had hooked up before) indicated he was interested in more. From the very beginning there was a bit of a power struggle. He lives 30ish mins away and on our first date wanted me to go to him. Due to some history with his one roommate I got nervous and tried to get him to come to me, but he refused. I ended up caving and going to him.

 

The first date went really well. After it was over we were texting and everything I felt during it, he confirmed with what he was saying. We both agreed we wanted to go out again soon. I was going away the following weekend so we made plans for one night during the week.

 

The day of the date he text me saying a work thing had come up, indicated how horrible he felt about canceling and promised to make it up to me. Ordinarily, I am not ok with being cancelled on last minute, due to previous experiences, however I felt secure about it and told him that it was not big deal. We agreed that when i got home from my weekend trip on sunday we would hang out.

 

I went away that weekend and we talked most of the weekend. He was sweet the whole time. He even made plans to hang out the following weekend.

 

Sunday came and things seemed off. A few hours before my trip home he text me to let me know he got some bad personal news. I felt bad for him and wanted to be there for him, we were after all friends first, but I did not realize the implication of the text i had just gotten. He never mentioned canceling any plans directly. It was not until i saw a post on facebook about him going home the following weekend that I realized he was canceling.

 

I ended up asking if he still wanted to hang out that day. He said the news was affecting him much more than he realized and that he was going to just stay put. I was upset. Twice in 3 days plus canceling the next weekends plans definitely had its effect on me. I tried to be understanding but in my heart something just did not feel right. I let him know that despite how bad i felt for him I was not ok with being canceled on. He was annoyed by this. He text me after I got home and we talked about it. He said how horrible he felt about canceling and once again offered to reschedule. We decided on to grab dinner 2 days later.

 

However the next day the nagging feeling I had just would not go away. I reached out to him to cancel but he called me to talk about it (although the conversation was a bit aggressive as if he was annoyed I had these feelings of not being on the same page) and in the end I agreed to keep the plans for the following day.

 

The next morning I woke up to a long text canceling on me. I couldn’t believe it. My knee-jerk reaction was to just put a stop to it. I told him I wasnt mad but that I couldn't keep doing this. He said that was fair and thanked me for understanding (not sure where he got that from but ok) The day went on and I regretted my decision so I called him up to get to the bottom of it. He claimed he was still interested so yet again i told him i wasn’t going to slam the door shut on the possibility of us. The next couple days we did not talk much, i wanted to back off and give him space while he dealt with the things going on in his life.

 

That weekend we were both out in the same area with our friends. He text me to meet up and we did on and off throughout the day. At the end of the night he told me he wanted me to come back to his place. Since things had seemed normal-ish, i agreed. We went back to his place and end up hooking up (drunk mistake I know).

 

Afterwards things again seemed off, we started to argue and eventually just fell asleep. He drove me home the next day and the conversation was awkward (telling me about other girls he had slept with) and then bringing up a conversation he had with a friend of mine who told him that canceling on me was not cool and to figure his **** out (i love my friends). His tone about it annoyed me and i got out of the car with a thanks for the ride and not a glance back as he said no problem ill see you around.

 

Again, being me i thought about it and was not sure I was ready to give up, after all I (thought I) already kind of knew him as a person and figured I would give it one last shot. I sent him a text saying that I knew the previous week had been crazy and that if he were open to it would he want to hang out next weekend. He agreed and said he would check his calendar the next day. That response alone made me realize he was just saying yes to say yes, but had no intention of following through. I did not push the issue, I said ok and that was that. I never heard from him the next day. It has been 3 days and no contact.

 

I don't know how to feel. I thought I knew him and I thought there could have been something there. I assume that he was put off by the way i reacted to him having to cancel due to his finding out that they were putting his childhood pet down, however no matter how hard I tried I couldn't feel that was a good enough reason to cancel 3 times on me. Especially when the day it happened he was ok to go out drinking with his friends. But part of me still wants to try, but I think he think i'm (and possibly my friends) are crazy

[Zahara]

I lost count as to how many times he canceled on you, as well as the fact that you are the one always reaching out to make it better.

 

Just because he was a good friend, doesn't necessarily make him a good partner/boyfriend. Two different dynamics.

 

You keep saying -- "being me" -- well stop being you for a bit because it's not working. Busting your boundaries to appease him just to make him want/like you only enables his bad behavior. You step back and let him do the work for once.

 

Personally, I would move on. Even on your first date he declined to put in any effort. That in itself would have been a red flag to me. I mean, he couldn't even meet you halfway?

[Redhead14]

About a month ago, a guy who I have just been friends with for a long time (although we had hooked up before) indicated he was interested in more. From the very beginning there was a bit of a power struggle. He lives 30ish mins away and on our first date wanted me to go to him. Due to some history with his one roommate I got nervous and tried to get him to come to me, but he refused. I ended up caving and going to him.

 

The first date went really well. After it was over we were texting and everything I felt during it, he confirmed with what he was saying. We both agreed we wanted to go out again soon. I was going away the following weekend so we made plans for one night during the week.

 

The day of the date he text me saying a work thing had come up, indicated how horrible he felt about canceling and promised to make it up to me. Ordinarily, I am not ok with being cancelled on last minute, due to previous experiences, however I felt secure about it and told him that it was not big deal. We agreed that when i got home from my weekend trip on sunday we would hang out.

 

I went away that weekend and we talked most of the weekend. He was sweet the whole time. He even made plans to hang out the following weekend.

 

Sunday came and things seemed off. A few hours before my trip home he text me to let me know he got some bad personal news. I felt bad for him and wanted to be there for him, we were after all friends first, but I did not realize the implication of the text i had just gotten. He never mentioned canceling any plans directly. It was not until i saw a post on facebook about him going home the following weekend that I realized he was canceling.

 

I ended up asking if he still wanted to hang out that day. He said the news was affecting him much more than he realized and that he was going to just stay put. I was upset. Twice in 3 days plus canceling the next weekends plans definitely had its effect on me. I tried to be understanding but in my heart something just did not feel right. I let him know that despite how bad i felt for him I was not ok with being canceled on. He was annoyed by this. He text me after I got home and we talked about it. He said how horrible he felt about canceling and once again offered to reschedule. We decided on to grab dinner 2 days later.

 

However the next day the nagging feeling I had just would not go away. I reached out to him to cancel but he called me to talk about it (although the conversation was a bit aggressive as if he was annoyed I had these feelings of not being on the same page) and in the end I agreed to keep the plans for the following day.

 

The next morning I woke up to a long text canceling on me. I couldn’t believe it. My knee-jerk reaction was to just put a stop to it. I told him I wasnt mad but that I couldn't keep doing this. He said that was fair and thanked me for understanding (not sure where he got that from but ok) The day went on and I regretted my decision so I called him up to get to the bottom of it. He claimed he was still interested so yet again i told him i wasn’t going to slam the door shut on the possibility of us. The next couple days we did not talk much, i wanted to back off and give him space while he dealt with the things going on in his life.

 

That weekend we were both out in the same area with our friends. He text me to meet up and we did on and off throughout the day. At the end of the night he told me he wanted me to come back to his place. Since things had seemed normal-ish, i agreed. We went back to his place and end up hooking up (drunk mistake I know).

 

Afterwards things again seemed off, we started to argue and eventually just fell asleep. He drove me home the next day and the conversation was awkward (telling me about other girls he had slept with) and then bringing up a conversation he had with a friend of mine who told him that canceling on me was not cool and to figure his **** out (i love my friends). His tone about it annoyed me and i got out of the car with a thanks for the ride and not a glance back as he said no problem ill see you around.

 

Again, being me i thought about it and was not sure I was ready to give up, after all I (thought I) already kind of knew him as a person and figured I would give it one last shot. I sent him a text saying that I knew the previous week had been crazy and that if he were open to it would he want to hang out next weekend. He agreed and said he would check his calendar the next day. That response alone made me realize he was just saying yes to say yes, but had no intention of following through. I did not push the issue, I said ok and that was that. I never heard from him the next day. It has been 3 days and no contact.

 

I don't know how to feel. I thought I knew him and I thought there could have been something there. I assume that he was put off by the way i reacted to him having to cancel due to his finding out that they were putting his childhood pet down, however no matter how hard I tried I couldn't feel that was a good enough reason to cancel 3 times on me. Especially when the day it happened he was ok to go out drinking with his friends. But part of me still wants to try, but I think he think i'm (and possibly my friends) are crazy

 

Magz, you're stringing yourself along. Let it go. If he calls you now, ignore it and block him.

 

i reacted to him having to cancel due to his finding out that they were putting his childhood pet down -- Paleeze. Yeah, it's hard to lose a pet, but grown ups don't cancel dates because of it. If anything, you want to spend time with someone you like to talk about it a little -- yeah, he did that but he was ok to go out drinking with his friends who apparently mean more to him.

 

cancel 3 times on me

 

I would give it one last shot.

 

I never heard from him the next day

 

But part of me still wants to try -- How many "one last shots" are you going to give him?

[truth_seeker]

 

Afterwards things again seemed off, we started to argue and eventually just fell asleep. He drove me home the next day and the conversation was awkward (telling me about other girls he had slept with) and then bringing up a conversation he had with a friend of mine who told him that canceling on me was not cool and to figure his **** out (i love my friends). His tone about it annoyed me and i got out of the car with a thanks for the ride and not a glance back as he said no problem ill see you around.

 

Again, being me i thought about it and was not sure I was ready to give up, after all I (thought I) already kind of knew him as a person and figured I would give it one last shot. I sent him a text saying that I knew the previous week had been crazy and that if he were open to it would he want to hang out next weekend. He agreed and said he would check his calendar the next day. That response alone made me realize he was just saying yes to say yes, but had no intention of following through. I did not push the issue, I said ok and that was that. I never heard from him the next day. It has been 3 days and no contact.

 

I don't know how to feel. I thought I knew him and I thought there could have been something there. I assume that he was put off by the way i reacted to him having to cancel due to his finding out that they were putting his childhood pet down, however no matter how hard I tried I couldn't feel that was a good enough reason to cancel 3 times on me. Especially when the day it happened he was ok to go out drinking with his friends. But part of me still wants to try, but I think he think i'm (and possibly my friends) are crazy

 

Clearly, you didn't know him but now you do: he's an a-hole.

 

He drops you off after hooking up with you the night before and says: "I'll see you around" ... not much respect there.

[PegNosePete]

From the very beginning there was a bit of a power struggle. He lives 30ish mins away and on our first date wanted me to go to him. Due to some history with his one roommate I got nervous and tried to get him to come to me, but he refused.

Goodness, I wouldn't have even got beyond this. "Power struggle" before even date 1? He "refused" to compromise on location? This is a sure fire indicator that he doesn't give 2 short ships about you or your feelings and would have made a terrible partner. NEXT.