LostGrl Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Hi all. I met my ex over a year ago and we dated for about 8 months. I was totally in love with this guy as he was with me. When we met I was honest in telling him I was still legally married but separated. This was before I had ANY interest in him romantically. That part came later. So, eventually we both decided that it was wrong for us to continue dating until I was actually divorced, so at first our 'breakup' was mutual, even though I didn't really want it. I knew it was absolutely the right thing to do. This breakup was about six months ago. So fast forward to now and I have officially filed for divorce but I am still heartbroken over the guy I was dating. He still says he cares about me, but he doesn't say he loves me. At first he did...but now he is being distant and cold. It hurts so much. I didn't leave my marriage for him or anyone...so I know it's not because he doesn't trust me. I also know I need time to get past my divorce, it i feel like I just went two horrible breakups within a six month period. I have tried everything to get over this, but I can't seem to shake it. I know I need to 'get over'....but it doesn't seem like we ever got a fair chance. Not sure what I need...maybe just to vent and hear some words of support.
Author LostGrl Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 After my first post I decided I will post here for the next two months. I made a decision to get backin shape within two months, so I will update this thread as well as keep my thoughts and try to cope on here. Any feedback or support will be great.. Thx
CDJ Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 As you appear to have recognised, I think you need to heal from the first break-up before embarking on a new relationship. I'm not saying the second one was a rebound; but it seems you've added another layer of anguish/heartbreak/pain on top of the first one. I did the same thing when my relationship ended badly - I met someone and rushed into it (partly because I didn't want to lose the opportunity) and ended up just feeling worse because of unresolved issues from the first break up! Focus on yourself for now and maybe when you are feeling better and more confident you can reassess the situation with the second guy to see how you feel (whether it's something you want to fight for, or something else you need to accept and move on from).
Author LostGrl Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 As you appear to have recognised, I think you need to heal from the first break-up before embarking on a new relationship. I'm not saying the second one was a rebound; but it seems you've added another layer of anguish/heartbreak/pain on top of the first one. I did the same thing when my relationship ended badly - I met someone and rushed into it (partly because I didn't want to lose the opportunity) and ended up just feeling worse because of unresolved issues from the first break up! Focus on yourself for now and maybe when you are feeling better and more confident you can reassess the situation with the second guy to see how you feel (whether it's something you want to fight for, or something else you need to accept and move on from). Thank you. For me it wasn't that I wasn't over my marriage, it was just horrible timing with regard to meeting my ex at that point. We got along awesome. He wanted to even introduce me to his kids at some point but then we called it off until I filed for divorce. It took longer than I wanted because I was trying to get my ducks in a row and get established at my new job. I am thinking he may have already met someone else and just does not want to tell me. I would just rather he did so I can stop thinking we might ever reconcile. In the meantime I am working a lot and just focusing on me. I did get asked out recently and even that doesn't seem right. Ugh. I guess I need more time.
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I would just rather he did so I can stop thinking we might ever reconcile. He did tell you - He's not in love with you. Doesn't matter that he once was, he isn't anymore and that should be the push to make you let of him and any hope of you two getting back together. He also may feel it's not your business to know if he is dating someone else, if he tells you then he's going to have to hear your reaction and deal with you on some level. Sorry you're hurting but hanging onto hope is going to make letting go much harder.
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