loveiswar101 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) After 4 months of dating and getting to know a woman, to which I get the feeling were getting on, kudos was had and all fun and giggles most of the time. Only blemish is maybe I'm to nice and pleasing at times. Anyhow 9 days ago she fall asleep on my chest on her couch as we cuddle. Bliss I think. Next day hang out and next day for a few hours. Then I here nothing ,nada for 4 days and text if want to catch up, she's busy. So I say no worries and let it go. Then I think not to worry she probably wants a break maybe space. Today 9 days after her falling a sleep on me cuddling I get a text... "Hi *****, I'm sorry to say but totally unexpectedly I have met someone and a connection has happened. I know this will make you sad and understand you will not want to be friends at the moment. You are a lovely person and do hope maybe one day we can be friends again xxx." WTF My response (yes should not of I know) was... "Best Wishes. Please delete my number. Thanks." This is the kicker and why im losing faith in the opposites sex. Obviously she been lying through her teeth and leading me on. 9 days ago cuddling and in that time met someone and made a connection! This is an older mid 40's lady who you hope has some sense and maturity. Why oh why lead someone on and play with the emotions! Bit over this dating bull**** now! How do you trust anyone these days? Edited March 16, 2016 by loveiswar101
Author loveiswar101 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 I'm in my mid 40's. Marriage of 10 years ended 8 years back. Relationship of 3 years ended a year ago. Bits and bobs here and there. Nothing to serious. I'm losing faith in me and the opposite sex and dating.
Zippy2000 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Dont worry, youre not alone. The exact same thing happened to me after months of dating. Im 41 and I sent a Valentines day card just gone. She messages to me and said thank you but a few days ago on the 10 march I asked were we were going as she never made any plans with me. She said "I m seeing someone since new year, and were not compatible and we didnt have that dynamic" WTF! Seeing someone since new year and she never mentioned to me that she was. I fel led on like you do and I have a feeling she made all of it up. You see if she says she met someone it means you cant pursue her or cotnact her anymore as she is supposedly with someone. I dont believe anything this girl said to me. Shes always busy at her work and works 47 hours a week. She always messaged me and we used to spend a couple of hours texting. I m like you now and Im losing faith too. Remember its "not you, its them" lol
PegNosePete Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 For every guy with a story like yours, there is also a woman with a similar one. Being douchey is not a trait unique to either gender. You just have to keep looking until you find one that is not. Or if you decide to give up looking, that's up to you. But know that it's not them who are forcing you to give up.. it's your choice. 4
road Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 After 4 months of dating and getting to know a woman, to which I get the feeling were getting on, kudos was had and all fun and giggles most of the time. Only blemish is maybe I'm to nice and pleasing at times. Anyhow 9 days ago she fall asleep on my chest on her couch as we cuddle. Bliss I think. Next day hang out and next day for a few hours. Then I here nothing ,nada for 4 days and text if want to catch up, she's busy. So I say no worries and let it go. Then I think not to worry she probably wants a break maybe space. Today 9 days after her falling a sleep on me cuddling I get a text... "Hi *****, I'm sorry to say but totally unexpectedly I have met someone and a connection has happened. I know this will make you sad and understand you will not want to be friends at the moment. You are a lovely person and do hope maybe one day we can be friends again xxx." WTF My response (yes should not of I know) was... "Best Wishes. Please delete my number. Thanks." Were you two exclusive? Did you two ever have the exclusive talk? In four months how far did the physical part of the relationship go?
Mumbles Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I'm reading no sex in this relationship - is that right? If so, I can guess whats happened. That 'cuddle' you enjoyed so much was supposed to be rampant sweaty between the sheets time. It didn't happen, she's of a personality type that won't initiate, so she's gone looking elsewhere. Thats my take - perhaps I'm completely off base. Can't think of another reason why you got the outcome you have.
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Yes, what happened sucked. The very small silver lining is she told you. She ending things. You know where the clean break is. Even though she did 4 days of ghosting she made the definitive announcement. So you at least date people with some integrity.
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I was ghosted without a word after 6 months. Yes back then I lost faith in dating, relationships and lost faith in men....till a couple of years later I met a man that re-ignited faith in me. 1
lilmissjava Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Fade, slow fade, ghosting, the lot. The dating game. It's all happened to me too. While on my break from OLD, I had someone get back into touch with me. We were both subject to right person, wrong time for a long time. Since we have reconnected we are now taking things slow and have plans to get together this weekend and take it from there. Not an ex, this is someone I knew from years ago. I guess my "special friend" will be watching from the sidelines kicking himself for not picking up where he left off during the holidays (for those who know of my post-holiday circumstance). So not all is lost. If it happened to me, it can happen to anyone. Sometimes you just need to take that break and let things just roll out naturally.
Larryville Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Dont worry, youre not alone. The exact same thing happened to me after months of dating. For every guy with a story like yours, there is also a woman with a similar one. Being douchey is not a trait unique to either gender. Unfortunately this is so disturbingly common... for me "Being douchey" is assumed until proven otherwise. Don't let it mess up the mind..
WaitingForBardot Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I see no reason to believe that she did not speak the truth. She did not appear to lead you on, she just perhaps waited a bit too long to let you know of her choice. Beyond that I just don't see what she did that was wrong. To those saying she was being douchey, would it have been better if she had instead led him on for awhile in order to let him down easy? Are you saying if you had been dating someone for 4 months and chanced upon someone else that seemed like a significantly better long-term fit you would pass them by to stay with someone you didn't feel was as promising? This certainly would not have put me off the opposite sex or dating.
Cobra_X Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 So not all is lost. If it happened to me, it can happen to anyone. Sometimes you just need to take that break and let things just roll out naturally. It doesn't work this way for guys. You can't sit back and wait for jobs to show up on your doorstep. In the same way women don't come around if you don't put out large amounts of effort.
Author loveiswar101 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 Well Im done for a while, we did have sex and made out often. Its just wrong to lead someone up the garden path if you have no intentions. Ive lost respect for that woman 100% now as she obviously has been lying to me, be this women be anyone it's wrong. But silver lining is at least I know, never hated anyone really, but this woman certainly is close. Anyhow time off I think. No effort to give!
joseb Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Well Im done for a while, we did have sex and made out often. Its just wrong to lead someone up the garden path if you have no intentions. Ive lost respect for that woman 100% now as she obviously has been lying to me, be this women be anyone it's wrong. But silver lining is at least I know, never hated anyone really, but this woman certainly is close. Anyhow time off I think. No effort to give! Probably good to take a break. What did she lie about? Did she say she was exclusive, and that she had really fallen for you/that she wanted to get married/move on together or something?
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 You have 6 threads about her and how she goes hot and cold on you since beginning. It was just a matter of time before she moved on. The red flags were there and flashing since day 1 but you ignored them. ...because you liked her she was so hot. Maybe you should look within for answers. 1
Snow_Queen Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Sorry to say this kind of behavior occurs frequently in dating. Guys can also love you one day then decide they can do better the next. I'd say in this case it sounds like you invested in too much too soon.
smudge21 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 It's no comfort, but at least you got told the truth rather than nothing. I just got the sudden change in the fact that she stopped initiating contact and would end conversations really suddenly. At that point I backed off (not going to chase something that doesn't want to be caught) and that was it. It's so true that when people (men or women) suddenly walk away we are left wondering what on earth happened and was everything they said all just lies, just words to keep us sweet and close by. Were we just a stop gap until the usual bad girl/boy comes along (the type that doesn't show them the attention we do) which is what they're used to. Sadly as nice as we can treat someone, if that's not what they want or into then all the love in the world won't make them be with us. It is messed up when people think they can just treat others like this, yet it would be them who would be crying to their friends if someone did that to them. I agree about the whole dating game and have been put off by it for some time. This latest one came out of nowhere and it's now reinforced my belief of staying single.
Recommended Posts