lysssans Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) So, to make a really long story short, my ex and I broke up almost exactly a year ago after two years together. We were both in our early 20’s and living at home with our parents. We were so crazily deep in love, like nothing I’d ever felt before… I really was certain I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. We were basically forced apart because his mother didn’t like that I wasn’t from the same cultural background as them. Her and his sister really did everything they could to cause problems for us… from stalking me, harassing me, lying to him about me…. it was complete insanity that caused me so many mental breakdowns. They threatened to kick him out, cancel x, y and z or disinherit him and he was too young to man up enough to tell her to back off, or argue anything really, since he was still living under her roof. She and his sister felt that I was “taking him away” from them, I guess as we got more serious, they felt they were getting less attention from him. The sister felt like I was replacing her in his life, which was ridiculous and I still don’t understand, but I digress. My best friend at the time also didn’t like us together, due to her own insecurities and unhappiness in her life. She always needed to have a boyfriend, but never really liked any of them, which leads me to believe she was envious of the happiness I found. She hated him for taking up my weekends, and actually hated him from the beginning for no reason. She egged me on during fights I was having with him - never really offering me real advice, but rather trying to make me angrier at him than I should have been, which I see now. A select few of his friends were also extremely immature, single, and always wanted to be out partying. They hated that they stopped seeing him as much once he was in a committed relationship with me, and put pressure on him to spend less time with me (we weren’t hanging out excessively - could only see each other on weekends actually.) My ex would tell his sister and friends and I would tell mine, that they would understand once they found what we had, why we became each other’s world so quickly and were willing to do everything we could to keep each other happy. Fast forward to now, his sister has a boyfriend she’s extremely happy with (she had never had a relationship before this guy) that friend of mine, I hardly see anymore because I realized how toxic she was, and she's also madly in love with some guy she met, so she stopped caring to keep in touch anyway, and made much less of an effort than I did when she hated my ex for all that. The main friend of his who caused us to fight is in a relationship and happy… from what I can tell, my ex doesn’t even hang out with any of the people who were bad influences on our relationship anymore. Another big problem with us was our work schedules - he loved to work and make money, and I’ve recently become the same way really throwing myself into my work. He would always come over late exhausted from a long day, and now, my life with how much I want to work is the same as him and I guess I wish I could just see how we would’ve worked out with everyone in our lived being happy instead of against us and now that I feel like we’re on the same page with working. It all just leaves me wondering, what if we hadn’t gotten torn apart and were still together? What if all the people so against us had found their own happiness while we were together? And why couldn’t it happen that way? I wonder if they finally “get it” and understand what we had, if they feel bad, I wonder if he wonders the same things. And I also wonder if his relationship with this girl is working out perfectly for him, because she's lucky enough to not have friends like I did, and lucky enough to have met him after he cut off all of his anti-relationship friends. It sucks to be the girl who things went wrong with, who is the reason he discovered how horrible his friends were, helping him to get rid of them... paving the way to help his next relationship work out a little easier. Of course, the damage is already done, and I don’t think he would ever go against his family to reach out to me to get back together, even though I would love nothing more than to know what he’s thinking about all of this since we ended so abruptly in a huge blow up fight with no real conversation about it all. My ex hopped into a rebound relationship that he’s somehow been in ever since (it’s been less than a year) with some girl who’s fro the same cultural background as him, probably making his mom very happy, and I’ve briefly dated a few people, but to be honest, I’m just not over him and don’t see myself being for a while. My head is too filled with “what ifs” at this point to really focus on or care about getting to know someone new, let alone putting any work into a relationship when I’m not 100% into it. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has ever had so many people against your relationship, only to break up with the person and then realize how perfect things may have been if all those people had just been at a different point in their lives, or just not in your life, or something like that. I hate to sound so depressing and sappy, but I kind of feel like he’s gonna be that “one that got away” which is terrible because we had such a fantastic relationship where the only real downfall was other people outside of it being unhappy, and now all those people are happy as can be with their lives while I’m without who I thought I was the love of my life. If anyone has or has had a similar situation, I would love to hear it. Just hate this feeling. Edited March 16, 2016 by lysssans
Murek Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 My very first long term relationship was with a girl who was Asian, Filipino to be exact. For some reason her parents had an undying passion to make my life a living hell and torture her into not letting her see me, not being with me telling her to break up with me, influencing her decisions the list goes far on. Like you, as a young bird much younger than I am now - I thought she was the "one" that she was the only person I could ever have loved, and that if she and I do not work then I'm royally ****ed. Guess what, I found another with a much stronger connection granted it did not work out however my point stands. If someone allows another to influence their decisions in a relationship then they are not the one for you to be with, and are not emotionally mature, and in all seriousness they themselves are not even close to being mature enough. If someone wants to be with you, they will be. School, distance, money problems, family problems they will make the time and find some way to see you or be with you regardless of what another would say. People literally get beheaded for this ****. Trust me it hurts like a train. However, someone with more depth, substance and compassion will come along and show you truly what love means to you. 2
Raina314 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I've been there too, with a Filipino guy lol. We dated most of high school and he was my first love. I broke up with him in my freshman year of college because even though I loved him, I knew that his mother and the community would never accept me. She didn't go to the lengths that it seems like your ex's family did, but she would say that she didn't want us dating, I wasn't *even that pretty* etc... I'm a very family oriented person and while the love of my bf alone was enough for high school, I know that for me, no love from one single man can make up for being surrounded by a whole family/community who don't want you there. I knew I could never marry him, so I ended it. I felt heartbroken for about 6 months and wondered if I'd ever find anything like that again and had the same remorse you did. I tried to get back with him, but he (wisely) wouldn't have me. We were so close we never stopped talking though, and now he's one of my best friends and I can honestly say I don't have any romantic feelings for him left at all. I did get over it. I did find other people whose families really liked me, and even though those relationships sadly didn't last either, I now am sure, after experiencing love and appreciation from my s.o's family that I never want to go back to a situation where that's not true. You're going to be okay, even if it doesn't feel like it now. Hugs.
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