T27 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) I'm 22, my ex is 20. We only dated 3 weeks, which sounds really silly I suppose, but I could really use some answers. Basically, she completely adored me and liked everything about me. Problem is, she has severe depression. She ended up telling me "I love you". She broke up with me because she needs time to figure her life out. I don't know what to do? I actually really like her but I'm stuck in the "Should I stay or should I go?" situation. We broke up Sunday, and she said she needed to be left completely alone to figure things out. 40 minutes after she left she calls me crying, begging me to stay on the phone with her and that she should have slept over. She's consistently told me she's loved me the past week. Yet she thinks she wants to see other people...She can't go more than 2 hours without texting me, and I stupidly respond. I have such a nasty fear of a girl leaving and finding someone else if I ignore her (happened in the past..) Should I stay and give her time and space? She said she likes me, finds me attractive, and loves me. But she never expected to find the love of her life this young. She feels tied down. But she misses me. Then doesn't. Then does. I don't wanna wait 6 months just to find out she has a new bf....I don't wanna stay and then deal with this again...The only thing she maintains is that she likes me. Yet she likes all her exes... I suck at relationships, other than treating the girl really well. My problem has been girls find my personality amazing, but my looks....not enough to wanna continue to date me. I don't know what to do, this girl SEEMS to really like me, yet I'm not sure. She talks to me 24/7 even though she says she needs space. TL;DR: Do I give my ex space to realize how much I mean to her? Or do I just end things even though she refuses to truly say goodbye to me. Edited March 16, 2016 by T27 Misspellings.
kztar Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Drop this girl like a bad habit. Depression and telling you she loves you within 3 weeks?. These are major red flags. You're still young, don't stress this. GO No Contact with this girl and seriously NEVER contact her again. It's only been a few weeks. Don't dig yourself in a whole like alot of us have done. Trust me, we are older and wiser. DROP THIS GIRL LIKE A BAD HABIT and on to the next. 4
Author T27 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 Drop this girl like a bad habit. Depression and telling you she loves you within 3 weeks?. These are major red flags. You're still young, don't stress this. GO No Contact with this girl and seriously NEVER contact her again. It's only been a few weeks. Don't dig yourself in a whole like alot of us have done. Trust me, we are older and wiser. DROP THIS GIRL LIKE A BAD HABIT and on to the next. Alright, but how come? I like to understand the psychiatric side of things rather than just be told what to do. She also told her mom, sister and friends about me and they all wanted to meet me...I just like to know, so I understand. Cause it seemed a bit odd to me. 1
kztar Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Alright, but how come? I like to understand the psychiatric side of things rather than just be told what to do. She also told her mom, sister and friends about me and they all wanted to meet me...I just like to know, so I understand. Cause it seemed a bit odd to me. Hey T27, She is young and in depression. Her emotional state is not stable. She might not even know what she really wants. When people are young or have an immature mentality, these things happen. They say things, do things that in reality they're not thinking though but just feeling at the moment. This is never a good thing. Im giving you advised, based on personal experience. In order for you to really know what she wants you will be having to put up with her for months and years.
basil67 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 It seems odd because she's odd. There's no psychiatric side to consider. All you have to do is look at her behaviour and consider whether or not she's the type of stable, loving girl who you want. Because from what you say, she's got a screw loose. You say that you suck at relationships other than treating the girl really well. Do you know why you suck? It's because you don't treat yourself well. Honestly, no sensible person would tolerate this hot/cold business which she's pulling. Lastly, she doesn't love you. Love doesn't happen after only 3 weeks - this is still the infatuation stage. Nothing more than a surge of adrenaline and feel-good hormones. It's heady. It's wonderful. But it's not love. 3
EgoJoe Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 You have stuck your dick in crazy. She's a laundry list of red flags. That is the why.
Emilia Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Alright, but how come? I like to understand the psychiatric side of things rather than just be told what to do. She also told her mom, sister and friends about me and they all wanted to meet me...I just like to know, so I understand. Cause it seemed a bit odd to me. You have to listen to us because we are telling you things that you only learn through life experince and meeting many crazies. This isn't something you can understand or fix. She has massive emotional issues that will suck you in and spit you out. That in itself wouldn't matter. The fact that you want to understand psychology will make you a crazy-magnet and you will not find stability. Cut contact with her now! Before this becomes normal for you.
Captivating Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Hi, She wanted to break up with you because she needed space. (at least, that's what she told you) So if I were you I would give her space. This is a sure way to realize if we miss someone or not. Tell her the same. "Alicia, (?) you broke up with me because you needed space. Let's stick with this plan. Please don't contact me until you are SURE that you want me. You need to stop texting me constantly. Please respect my wishes. Thanks. " Be confident and focus on yourself a little bit. Go out with your friends, be open to the possibility of a new relationship (!!), go to the gym, movies, have fun, be active. Look your best, be well groomed, clean and fresh This is very important for women. Good oral hygiene is priority! (floss every night after brushing!) Stay away and don't contact her. It's the dumpers duty to reach out. This shows her that you have self-respect. This silence will make her curious after a while. It is sad that she has depression, hopefully, she can manage it in a way that it won't interfere with her private life. I hope this was helpful in some ways Let us know how things are.
Cooper04 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Your situation sounds very familiar to me, basically going through the exact same thing. I can really only repeat the advice others are giving me. Drop her, no contact at all. In her mental state, she is not ready for a relationship. When she gets herself sorted out, you have no guarantee she will choose you and you risk getting very hurt if you've been sticking around waiting for her. I understand it hurts and you want to be with her, but you'll never get over her if you keep talking to her.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 You won't really be able to understand the psychiatric side of it, other than people who suffer from depression are often stuck in a cycle of very low lows, intermingled with a couple bright spots. But the bright spots aren't enough to pull them out of the lows, if you get what I mean. They also have a tendency to push people away. Depression can drive people to want to isolate themselves. Having said that, at 3 weeks, there's no emotional investment yet. She barely knows you. That "love" isn't the love you think it is. She isn't healthy enough to be in a relationship right now. Take her word for it. There's not enough of a foundation to build on. I'd drop contact and start moving on.
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