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Looking back, what would you do different dating wise?

Larryville

By Larryville
in Dating

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Larryville Established Member

Larryville

Posted
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Was watching this show and a young lady was interviewing older adults and asking them

"What advice would they give their younger selves regarding life?"

Of course after being on this site and absorbing so much material, reading stuff that I think is silly or unwise now but likely may have articulated many years ago. Regarding dating/girls/women what advice would I convey to the younger me?

 

1) Date more girls/women to get a clearer understand of the type of woman I am looking for.

 

2) Put off losing virginity much longer, and lose it to someone worth a damn.

 

3) Don't settle... this hot older woman was into me... we dated... had sex... I settled...

 

4) Don't get married till much later (married at 20) HUGE Mistake... Every dating issue/mistake I've made post 2nd divorce (making them in my 40's early 50's) is a result of meeting, settling, moving in too early, marrying someone too young I would not even talk to today or be interested in. (LS folks you younger people never forget the dating mistakes you make today will indeed haunt you years from now if you don't think!)

 

5) Patience... should have taken my moms advice. Learn to be on your own and be comfortable with yourself BEFORE getting into a relationship with anyone, no matter how great you think they are. This goes to dating more people, learning and discovering.

 

What advice would you give your younger self?

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NinjaX Established Member

NinjaX

Posted
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Get over the fear of rejection.

brothers343 Established Member

brothers343

Posted
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If you find a good one....keep him or her. It may take a lifetime to find another.

  • Like 3
Jejangles Established Member

Jejangles

Posted
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Get over the fear of rejection.

 

Yes, that's a big one for me too!

 

I would say:

 

- Be more open - the right guy may not look like you thought

 

- Take risks and don't worry about rejection

 

- Enjoy dating - stop worrying about the future and if this guy is "it"

joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
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What advice would you give your younger self?

 

Don't get into a serious relationship with anyone until your late 20s at the earliest.

 

Honestly evaluate relationships as you go based on how they are improving your life. If they are not, let them go.

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Larryville Established Member

Larryville

Posted
  • Author
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Take risks and don't worry about rejection

Enjoy dating - stop worrying about the future and if this guy/gal is "it"

 

Very important why settling is such a huge mistake. This is another example of my lifelong issue. I’m not a risk taker, I have always settled for what I saw as a “safe” relationship/person.

 

“Enjoy dating” also something I never really did, I saw dating as potential “business mergers” going online and going thru profiles was like cycling thru job resumes and me having an OCD type personality poured too much time and mental energy into OLD. Not nearly as bad these days but it took a long time to adjust my behavior.

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Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
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Value yourself more.

 

Learn to take care of yourself before you take care of others.

 

Make better friends instead of concentrating on crappy ones.

 

Don't stop dancing.

 

If you are worried there is reason - cut em loose.

 

Follow your gut instinct.

  • Like 3
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I would have dated the boy who asked me out freshman year of HS rather than assuming he was playing a cruel joke on me. I would have ended a dysfunctional relationship earlier. I would not have rebounded into the guy that followed my dysfunctional relationship. I would have married earlier so I could have had kids.

 

But if I had made those changes I might not have ended up with DH & that would be a shame so maybe, the way things happened were the way they were meant to be.

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Jejangles Established Member

Jejangles

Posted
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Value yourself more.

 

If you are worried there is reason - cut em loose.

 

Follow your gut instinct.

 

Oh yes, this is huge! You need to listen to yourself.

mcjordan Established Member

mcjordan

Posted
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1. Lighten up

2. You won't die from rejection

3. There are no guarantees, and you can't read minds, so don't try

4. Enjoy the company and don't get hung up on the "what ifs"

5. If you really NEED to know what he is thinking...just ask

6. Some men may have patterns of behavior, but no two men are alike. Don't fall victim to the stereotypes of the jaded

JustGettingBy Established Member

JustGettingBy

Posted
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Okay, Mr Oblivious, get a pen and paper.

 

*waits for younger self to do that*

 

Here is a list of girls who will be interested you in HS and how you will meet each of them.

 

Here is a list of women who will be interested in you in college and how you will meet each of them.

 

Here is a bunch of other girls or women who will be interested in you and how you will meet.

 

Put a star beside the following names. You will regret not asking them out.

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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1) go out clubbing/dancing more

2) stop giving guys you really were not that attracted to, a chance to go out on a date.

3) be more picky

4) focus more on your friendships

  • Like 1
introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
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If you find a good one....keep him or her. It may take a lifetime to find another.

 

Don't get into a serious relationship with anyone until your late 20s at the earliest.

 

My advice would be to find the balance between these two. I met a lot of would-be keepers in my early to mid 20's that I threw back because I felt I was too young to be in a serious relationship.

 

As I get older, I realise I let some really good men go.

  • Like 2
Snow_Queen Established Member

Snow_Queen

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1: I've learned to trust my instincts. Every time I felt this way, it was for a damn good reason.

 

2: Take it easy and not worry about every little thing. In other words, go with the flow and be yourself. Someone will eventually like my easy going, straightforward personality. If a man wants drama they can find someone else! There is nothing wrong in not wanting to play games.

 

3: Most importantly, never be afraid to go after who I want. It may lead to finding my "Mr. Right". I'm an adult so I can make my own decisions. Why wait around to be asked out?

  • Like 1
thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

Posted
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1. Put yourself first - I've always been a naturally giving and generous person and that led me to the wrong guys when I was younger. It's not like I was ever stupid as I'm quite intelligent but it's more in terms of giving too much before the guy was truly invested or really deserved it. I don't do this now with anyone and I get a lot more respect.

2. Trust your instincts - I think I have grown to trust my own opinions and follow my own path when it comes to dating. When I was younger, I'd give in to others' opinions more and I would give too many chances when I was lukewarm about someone (which wasn't fair on them anyway).

3. Romance isn't like the movies - I think when I was younger I was more into the fantasy Prince Charming kind of behaviour but I really prefer something less cheesy now and more substantial. I'm less likely to fall for superficial behaviour. I also cut a guy a lot more slack and give him more of a chance to make an impression on me.

4. Be yourself - I see this in the sense that I don't hide my opinions, I say how I'm feeling and I don't have to bend myself into a different shape. I now get men telling me they admire me for being my own person and are attracted to that. I love hearing that even if it doesn't work out with that particular guy.

5. Don't overanalyse everything - be confident that you put your best foot forward.

 

In terms of long-term relationships I've learned from experience how best to approach problems and disagreements (though everyone is still learning as they go along). I know what's worth arguing about and what isn't and I try not to run away from problems (I can be prone to this). I think I was also loyal to a fault in previous relationships and I can now be more realistic about what just "isn't going to work". I don't feel like a failure if a relationship ends anymore.

thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

Posted
Posted
My advice would be to find the balance between these two. I met a lot of would-be keepers in my early to mid 20's that I threw back because I felt I was too young to be in a serious relationship.

 

As I get older, I realise I let some really good men go.

 

I totally agree. I've let decent guys go in the past - some I don't regret because we didn't have enough in common or there was something that wasn't quite there for either of us. I regret some of them because I met them at the wrong time when I didn't have the right mindset to notice them, or I felt I could have given it more time to consider them rather than make my mind up about them so quickly. There were also times I was in an unhappy relationship and so I wasn't on the market but I would still get attractive men trying to chat me up. I was in an abusive relationship when I was 18 so any of those guys attempting to chat me up would have been better than the man who was my boyfriend but I'll never know where that would have lead and if they would have been great for me. Of course another thing I learned was not to stick with guys that are making me unhappy as it's a waste of my life. :)

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