Kimura89 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Basically there's a girl who works for same company as me (different department, it's a massive company), I've had to deal with her a few times on different matters. The last encounter we had she was somewhat flirty and joked about me buying her a coffee, eventually ended up taking her out for one and we had a nice chat things seemed to go OK, talks of catching up again. Afterwards she didn't seem that receptive, so I left it and pretty much went No Contact and chalked it up to a rejection. Anyway 2 weeks later she randomly emails me at work and sparks up a conversation, saying that she forgot my last name and had to ask around, we chat again and she invites me out for some drinks that night with her and her friends. I already had plans so declined but proposed a night during the week to catch up, she agrees. Chatted again the other day via messenger, mid conversation I bring up the catching up for drinks. She flat out ignores the question and keeps chatting as if I never asked :S... I asked another question to spare the awkwardness and then radio silence. I don't really understand this type of behaviour, if you weren't interested why try to reengage conversation again and invite me out?
NinjaX Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) When a woman puts effort into getting you two together ALONE, it is your job as a MAN to escalate the encounter. Did you try to kiss her? Did you try push it to more than just friends/coworkers? If you didn't do that on several occasions, the woman will feel that maybe she's not sexy enough for you, or maybe you just want to keep it at a platonic level, or perhaps you just don't have the balls to go for it. None of those situations are good for you. Just because a woman asks you out doesn't mean she's gonna make the moves to turn things romantic. Man up, do your ****ing job or she's gonna find someone else that knows what the heck he is doing. Edited March 16, 2016 by NinjaX 1
thecrucible Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I can't know for sure but it seems like she is only being friendly at the moment as she originally invited you out for a night out with her and friends and not her own; then she flinches when you suggest something for just the two of you. As the other poster suggested, it could also be that she reached out and didn't get a vibe you were interested so took a step back. But in that case, I don't see why she wouldn't say yes to meeting you one on one when you invited her?
preraph Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 She is someone who has to work with you. Real professionals often feel it's part of their job to just reach out and be social with people they need to work with and establish a friendly working relationship. Can't say if that's the case here or not, but at any rate, if she was interested at first, seems like she wasn't much after that. But she has to maintain a working relationship. Since you work together I would drop it unless she picks up the ball and runs with it again in a way that could be romantic rather than coworkery.
NinjaX Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Yeah I think your best move is avoid all the texting/chit chat. It puts you into the friend-zone really quickly. If she contacts you, keep the conversation short and ask her out again. If she ignores again, pull back. If she goes out with you, escalate.
Author Kimura89 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 She is someone who has to work with you. Real professionals often feel it's part of their job to just reach out and be social with people they need to work with and establish a friendly working relationship. Can't say if that's the case here or not, but at any rate, if she was interested at first, seems like she wasn't much after that. But she has to maintain a working relationship. Since you work together I would drop it unless she picks up the ball and runs with it again in a way that could be romantic rather than coworkery. Fair enough , what I can't wrap my head around is why she would invite me out on a Friday night randomly with her and her friends with alcohol involved after not talking to me for 2 weeks?
Methodical Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 She sounds like a pancake...flip/flopping. At no time had she initiated or suggested they get together ALONE. OP, you haven't done anything wrong. She's indecisive and runs hot/cold depending on which way the wind blows. You'd be better off moving on rather than entertaining her games. 1
NinjaX Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Fair enough , what I can't wrap my head around is why she would invite me out on a Friday night randomly with her and her friends with alcohol involved after not talking to me for 2 weeks? Could be many reasons. Sometimes women will just do that to see if you are going to follow her lead, which is a trap. Maybe she just wants her girlfriends to know that she has romantic options in her life for her own ego boost. Don't go to those events. She has all the social proof with her friends around and you are just some random guy lingering around trying to make a connection with her. It will seriously lower your value in her eyes. 1
thecrucible Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Don't go to those events. She has all the social proof with her friends around and you are just some random guy lingering around trying to make a connection with her. It will seriously lower your value in her eyes. I never thought of that Ninjax, but I think you may be onto something especially if he is going to end up as the only guy among a group of girls. It's probably not the best strategy to attract a girlfriend. I think OP can keep a certain amount of distance and still have a good professional relationship where they only socialise at events related to their work. By not wanting to meet with him one-on-one she's definitely put in some distance. It seems like she's happy to be one-on-one with him at work when nothing could be construed as romantic but wants to stick to only group situations outside of work.
Author Kimura89 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 I never thought of that Ninjax, but I think you may be onto something especially if he is going to end up as the only guy among a group of girls. It's probably not the best strategy to attract a girlfriend. I think OP can keep a certain amount of distance and still have a good professional relationship where they only socialise at events related to their work. By not wanting to meet with him one-on-one she's definitely put in some distance. It seems like she's happy to be one-on-one with him at work when nothing could be construed as romantic but wants to stick to only group situations outside of work. For context I never actually see her at work as we work on different floors in different departments who have nothing to do with each other.
preraph Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Fair enough , what I can't wrap my head around is why she would invite me out on a Friday night randomly with her and her friends with alcohol involved after not talking to me for 2 weeks? I don't know, but she could just be very social, too. I have a friend who was all over the place inviting men to do things and more than one and all that. I guess don't make any assumptions, but go if you want to and just see what the plan seems to be, if any. Maybe she just likes a party.
Author Kimura89 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 She sounds like a pancake...flip/flopping. At no time had she initiated or suggested they get together ALONE. OP, you haven't done anything wrong. She's indecisive and runs hot/cold depending on which way the wind blows. You'd be better off moving on rather than entertaining her games. Thanks, just sucks as I feel it has something wrong with me. Like she thinks I'm ugly or something
Methodical Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Thanks, just sucks as I feel it has something wrong with me. Like she thinks I'm ugly or something Quite the opposite, really. If you were ugly, she would not have prompted you to join her for drinks with her friends. Who wants their friends thinking only an ugly guy is after her? I think she likes attention and wanted you there as arm candy . 1
Zippy2000 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I feel for you but I ve seen this type of behaviour before. Its very similar to my situation where I ve talked to a girl for weeks and months. Asked her out and like in your case. She blanked question. I found out later the reason why she blanked my question as she saw me as friend and not a romantic interest so she wasnt sure how to turn me down. Its hard to get a clearer view of this girl youre talking about as I dont know whats she like with you but it sounds like she just wants to be a friend and she is loving the attention right now. The girl I mentioned above? She liked the attention too but as soon as I made a move she avoided me. She had an avoidant type personnality. What you need to do is ASK her not on a night out but tell her its a DATE!
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