Daaanz Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Hi everyone. So I recently started a new job which is going really well. However at my old job I worked with my best friend who was also my manager. The last few weeks at my old job she started being funny with me, it was always me asking if she wanted to go to lunch, messaging her first, making an effort to talk to her even though I would barely get a conversation out of her. On my last day she wrote me a lovely card which said how much of a great friend I had been to her and to stay in touch. I haven't heard from her since I left, granted I have not made an effort to contact her but a simple message from her wishing me good luck or asking how the new job is, is the least I would expect from a 'best friend', and really I am a little fed up of me making all the effort. when I think of it I start feeling super upset and anxious because I don't know what I've done wrong, I care for her so much, she was there when I was struggling the most with anxiety and depression and I just feel so alone now. My boyfriend tells me not to worry as I don't need friends like that but it's way easier said than done, I feel like I want answers but I don't want to talk to her because I know she doesn't care. I feel like she just used me so she had a 'friend' at work. She was quite unpopular amongst our other colleagues. Has anyone been through a similar situation? Can you give me any advise on how to deal because right now I just want to cry!! Edit/Delete Message Reply With Quote Multi-Quote This Message Quick reply to this message
preraph Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Between the two of you, SHE is the one who wrote you the nice card, thereby keeping in touch and also encouraging you to keep in touch. So not sure why you think she's done anything wrong here. She made the gesture, not you. So call her already.
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 She's upset because you left her. Yes you are busy but she feels left behind. While you are upset that she hasn't reach out to you, she is probably sitting there thinking you forgot all about her as you are off to your new glamorous bigger better job. So be the bigger person & ask her to get together.
Author Daaanz Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) Between the two of you, SHE is the one who wrote you the nice card, thereby keeping in touch and also encouraging you to keep in touch. So not sure why you think she's done anything wrong here. She made the gesture, not you. So call her already. I made so many gestures to her before I left, I said to her about planning dates we would definitely go for meals out, tried to plan shopping trips, they just got shrugged off on every occasion. I honestly put every effort in to it, and the shopping trip I mentioned after she had given me the card, but she just didn't want to make any definite plans. I don't want to reach out to her and get rejected all over again and end up feeling worse than I do already. Edited March 15, 2016 by Daaanz
preraph Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 If you were really friends, she will go do things with you. If you were just work acquaintances, then maybe not.
CarrieT Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Here is what I read into this... On my last day she wrote me a lovely card which said how much of a great friend I had been to her and to stay in touch. She threw the ball in your court to stay in touch. granted I have not made an effort to contact her You haven't done it. but a simple message from her wishing me good luck or asking how the new job is, is the least I would expect from a 'best friend', and really I am a little fed up of me making all the effort. But you just said you haven't made an effort. Why don't you call and say, "Hey, let's grab a meal and catch up?" when I think of it I start feeling super upset and anxious because I don't know what I've done wrong All you did was invest a little more of yourself into the relationship than she did and it hurts.
Author Daaanz Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 Here is what I read into this... She threw the ball in your court to stay in touch. You haven't done it. But you just said you haven't made an effort. Why don't you call and say, "Hey, let's grab a meal and catch up?" All you did was invest a little more of yourself into the relationship than she did and it hurts. Before I left I said to her let's plan some dates we will definitely meet up more than once, I tried to plan shopping trips too and she just brushed it off and that was after she had given me the card, so I have made an effort. I don't want to make more of an effort and just be left feeling rejected, I tried so many times to plan things.
CarrieT Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Than quite simply you are more invested in the friendship than she is. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that happens often with "best friends."
darkmoon Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 "She was there when I was struggling the most with anxiety and depression" ? I think she might have grown tired of being "there" so it is time to change what you talk about
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