RobTaylor10 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 So my ex GF broke up with me about 4 months back. She got into a relationship 3 weeks later that's still going on. When she got into the new relationship, she seemed to change. Her new guy is different than me. He's an eagle scout and always loves to hike and camp and fish, etc. My ex now acts like that's such a huge part of her life. However, she never use to show interest in that when we were dating or even before we were dating. Her family has been camping, but in an RV at like the Disney campground so that doesn't really count. Back when I was in the begging stage, she accused me of never wanting to do anything outdoors. This is very untrue. I think camping and hiking is really fun and would love to do it. We're both in college and don't have a lot of time, but another reason she assumes that is because I didn't make an effort to do those things because like I said, she never showed interest. Heck, we were on a trip to st. Augustine and their was a nature trail I wanted to hike, and she told me it was dumb and there was no point. Now, hiking and camping is her life apparently. She was never like that. All her friends aren't like that either. I know I shouldn't be thinking about her or care, but I saw her a couple days ago and she asked me what I was doing for spring break and she proceeded to tell me without me asking that her and her boyfriend were going camping. It just made me think why her lifestyle is so different 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 She wants him to like her. That's why she's picking up hobbies that apparently never appealed to her before. Just my two cents. 4
LadyDeadpool Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 It might sound harsh, but sometimes it takes that certain person to make us want to do things we never before would have. You probably weren't that person. It's like those people who swear they'd never give up meat and then meet the "love of their life" and end up eating nothing but rabbit food and trying to convince you to eat organic too. It isn't really anything to do with you, it's just that you weren't the person she needed to inspire her to love the outdoors. ....or she could just be trying really hard to get the guy to stay with her and so is busting her *ss to look like the outdoorsy type. It's a toss up either way. 2
kztar Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Just my 2 cents here. Just because she's doing all these things doesn't mean ANYTHING. MY EX did everything to WIN which consisted in everything he did not normally do. Meaning FAKE person. After a few months and his true colors came out, those things were no longer interest for him but for me they still were. People do this and that to win someone but guess what, Its only a matter of time before they go to who they really are. No matter how "in love" they are or whatever. Trust me me ex moved mountains to get with me, but that wasn't him. People need to not be FAKE and be themselves because eventually these things will come to light. A month, a year or decades later IT WILL HAPPEN. TRUST ME. 4
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 So my ex GF broke up with me about 4 months back. She got into a relationship 3 weeks later that's still going on. When she got into the new relationship, she seemed to change. Her new guy is different than me. He's an eagle scout and always loves to hike and camp and fish, etc. My ex now acts like that's such a huge part of her life. However, she never use to show interest in that when we were dating or even before we were dating. Her family has been camping, but in an RV at like the Disney campground so that doesn't really count. Back when I was in the begging stage, she accused me of never wanting to do anything outdoors. This is very untrue. I think camping and hiking is really fun and would love to do it. We're both in college and don't have a lot of time, but another reason she assumes that is because I didn't make an effort to do those things because like I said, she never showed interest. Heck, we were on a trip to st. Augustine and their was a nature trail I wanted to hike, and she told me it was dumb and there was no point. Now, hiking and camping is her life apparently. She was never like that. All her friends aren't like that either. I know I shouldn't be thinking about her or care, but I saw her a couple days ago and she asked me what I was doing for spring break and she proceeded to tell me without me asking that her and her boyfriend were going camping. It just made me think why her lifestyle is so different Some women who want to be with a man at any cost can be "chameleons". They will do and say anything to show the man that they like what they like, think like they think, etc. She likely did that with you until she couldn't do that anymore. She will do it with this guy for as long as she can stand it. Bottomline, she likely doesn't know WHO she is . . . 4
mightycpa Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Back when I was in the begging stage, she accused me of never wanting to do anything outdoors (like her new boyfriend does).How come there's no GROAN smiley? I hate to say it this way, but he probably makes it fun for her to do that stuff and you didn't. When you're with somebody new, it's not so much what you do, but that you're doing it together. Time will tell if she's faking it or genuinely interested. Wait until the winter comes! Either way, I'm not sure what this has to do with you. If it bothers you that she's doing this, then I'd suggest that you stop having these conversations with her altogether. Go find some girl that wants to make you try something new. It could be worse. He could really be into anal sex. 2
Satu Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 snip *I know I shouldn't be thinking about her or care, but I saw her a couple days ago and she asked me what I was doing for spring break and she proceeded to tell me without me asking that her and her boyfriend were going camping. It just made me think why her lifestyle is so different Don't waste your time thinking about her, what she's doing, or why. Think about yourself, and what you can do to make your own life more enjoyable. Next week she might leave to go to circus school, but what would it matter? Enjoy examining all the opportunities that have opened up for you. Take care. 2
bluefeather Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 either the guy she's with made her like it or she's pretending to like it to be with the guy either way, it doesn't matter. go find someone else. I once had an ex who used to bash a lot of stuff I was into. Years after break-up I find out she's more into that stuff than I ever was.. kinda funny but it doesn't really matter to me. I mean it makes her seem kind of hypocritical, but it doesn't piss me off. Maybe there's a legitimate reason for it. But it's her life and she is doing whatever she wants. What she does no longer concerns me. Who, what, when, where, and why is not my business anymore. Case is closed, buddy. Move it on. 1
triple-s Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Just my 2 cents here. Just because she's doing all these things doesn't mean ANYTHING. MY EX did everything to WIN which consisted in everything he did not normally do. Meaning FAKE person. After a few months and his true colors came out, those things were no longer interest for him but for me they still were. People do this and that to win someone but guess what, Its only a matter of time before they go to who they really are. No matter how "in love" they are or whatever. Trust me me ex moved mountains to get with me, but that wasn't him. People need to not be FAKE and be themselves because eventually these things will come to light. A month, a year or decades later IT WILL HAPPEN. TRUST ME. I agree with this 100% . my now ex got involved with me and i noticed she started taking on interests that i had . Liking starwars and tv shows i liked ... in the end , it was just for show. She was just trying to show me that she was into the same things i was ... I remember she even made a section on her pinterest dedicated to starwars . Once we broke up ... she deleted it. It was all for show ... Fakery at best ... 2
Simon Phoenix Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Why did you have this conversation with her in the first place exactly? You're a bit of a glutton for punishment OP. 1
kztar Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I agree with this 100% . my now ex got involved with me and i noticed she started taking on interests that i had . Liking starwars and tv shows i liked ... in the end , it was just for show. She was just trying to show me that she was into the same things i was ... I remember she even made a section on her pinterest dedicated to starwars . Once we broke up ... she deleted it. It was all for show ... Fakery at best ... Yes. Fakery at best literally. This is actually very annoying because not everyone is like that. I don't pretend to be interested in something im not to win someone because clearly that just shows low compatibility from day 1. Makes it much easier to say FU goodbye! In other words you're already wasting my time by being FAKE and pretending to like things I like. I do what I like to do and if the other person likes it cool, if not it's easy to move on rather than waiting a year or two. or who knows how many more later after you've actually invested time in this FAKE person you thought was being real from the start. Eventually, true colors come out and for the most part with these kind of people, it's NOT CUTE. I think the OP dodged a bullet here. My ex and I were literally from two different worlds. When he met me he told me "I never thought i'd even approach a girl like you because you have all this personality and I know that you are going to break my heart but I want to give us a chance". I am indeed a very pretty and very fashionable girl, getting guys has never been an issue and honestly he was just this average dude.(I never did those until I met him) Not appealing or interesting to me at all. So he became someone who he was not to impress me, to get me to give him attention, to get me to like him and eventually fall in love with him. A few months down the road, he's back to his regular self, refused to even enjoy anything I liked doing, then I wondered, WTF HAPPENED HERE HE ENJOYED THESE THINGS BEFORE, then I got a reality check, It was all a LIE to get me. He didn't like those things from the start. AND finally HE DUMPED ME BECAUSE HE SAID HE WASNT IN LOVE WITH ME BECAUSE WE WEREN'T "COMPATIBLE". I SAID DUDE WTF I COULD OF TOLD YOU WE WERENT COMPATIBLE FROM THE START. IM FROM EARTH AND YOU'RE FROM MARS. So lesson learned, all average dudes are screwed from now on with me. Im giving no one chances. LOL . Lesson learned. Anyway OP just wait on this. It will HAPPEN.
Author RobTaylor10 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 Simon, I was at her check out line in the store. I was in a hurry and she had the shortest line. She asked me what I was doing for spring break and I answered. I didn't ask her what she was doing, she just told me
Blanco Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 The breakup for you is still relatively fresh, so you're still in that phase where you're putting yourself in no-win situations because that's your only contact with the ex. This isn't the first time you've had an awkward encounter with her at the grocery store, a place where you know she works. You mentioned before that the next closest store is 10 miles away. Unless you live in Los Angeles, that isn't far at all, and certainly worth the peace of mind that doing your shopping without the threat of seeing her provides. But, like I said, you're still in the phase of the breakup where you're not totally honest with yourself about some of your actions. If you really didn't want to see her, you would find another place to do your shopping. But, deep down, you do want to see her, so you justify patronizing her place of employment, even though it's causing you more angst. Sooner you're honest with yourself, the sooner you can make steps forward. The first couple months after my ex and I split, I found myself at a nearby grocery around the times she might also be there shopping. It's close to my home, so it is a place I frequent a lot, which I what I used to justify me being over there. Truth is, I really just wanted to run the chance of crossing paths with her. Had I not, I would've gone at the many other times of day where she would absolutely not be there. Funny, because I'm the opposite now: I won't go to that store if there's even a remote chance that she'll be there. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Simon, I was at her check out line in the store. I was in a hurry and she had the shortest line. She asked me what I was doing for spring break and I answered. I didn't ask her what she was doing, she just told me Next time wait in line. This is just counterproductive. Stop making excuses to have conversations with her. 2
Captivating Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 So lesson learned, all average dudes are screwed from now on with me. Im giving no one chances. LOL . Lesson learned. Anyway OP just wait on this. It will HAPPEN. Are you serious ??? Looks has nothing to do with someone's personality, why would other "average dudes" pay the price for your "average dude's" decision of dumping you? Did you find out the EXACT reason why he dumped you? That would be the true lesson about yourself. The term you use "average dudes" is a dead give away I mean, who are you to downgrade anyone???
Elwood Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I think it's common when someone enters a new relationship to take on some of the interests of their new partner. It's part of the infatuation. I've done the same thing.
elaine567 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I agree with this 100% . my now ex got involved with me and i noticed she started taking on interests that i had . Liking starwars and tv shows i liked ... in the end , it was just for show. She was just trying to show me that she was into the same things i was ... I remember she even made a section on her pinterest dedicated to starwars . Once we broke up ... she deleted it. It was all for show ... Fakery at best ... Or maybe she just cant stand Starwars any more because it reminds her too much of you. Too hurt or too angry perhaps...
elaine567 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I think it's common when someone enters a new relationship to take on some of the interests of their new partner. It's part of the infatuation. I've done the same thing. Yes, but mightycpa also makes a good point. I hate to say it this way, but he probably makes it fun for her to do that stuff and you didn't. We tend to like doing stuff that please our partners that make them happy. She maybe got the impression the OP was merely going to go on the hike to please her and not because he really wanted to do it, so she said no. Faced with a partner who loves that stuff, she can be herself.
kztar Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I think it's common when someone enters a new relationship to take on some of the interests of their new partner. It's part of the infatuation. I've done the same thing. Not me. I only do what I like to do and things we share in common. I don't make pretend to do something Im not into.
kztar Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Are you serious ??? Looks has nothing to do with someone's personality, why would other "average dudes" pay the price for your "average dude's" decision of dumping you? Did you find out the EXACT reason why he dumped you? That would be the true lesson about yourself. The term you use "average dudes" is a dead give away I mean, who are you to downgrade anyone??? This is not just about looks. You can look good and have no swag. He looked good but his personality was much different than mine. When we started dating I knew we were the most incompatible people on earth. We had NOTHING in common besides the fact that we wanted the same thing in the future. Which was to get married and have children. While he's in bed at 7 PM at that time im getting ready to begin the night, while he got up at 5am to go work out on weekends I was out partying and getting ready to head home to sleep. We had completely different lifestyles and upbringings. He is also immature in the head and never had a real relationship prior to me. But basically the reason he dumped me was because he realized we had nothing in common a year and half later and he couldn't see himself marrying me due to our differences. I could have told him this from day 1. My gut told me don't do it but I just went for it. This future for me was short term as of where for him he felt like he had so much more to life than a family and marriage. We were raised differently, had different values, we weren't really interested in each other's hobbies. Despite our incompatibility I thought we could make it work, turns out I was WRONG. 1
Chi townD Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I also agree that you have to stop seeing her all together. Period. I wouldn't even shop at the store that she works at. You need to keep yourself in NC. Time to heal and move on, dude.
mightycpa Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 But basically the reason he dumped me was because he realized we had nothing in common a year and half later and he couldn't see himself marrying me due to our differences. I could have told him this from day 1. My gut told me don't do it but I just went for it. This future for me was short term as of where for him he felt like he had so much more to life than a family and marriage. We were raised differently, had different values, we weren't really interested in each other's hobbies. Despite our incompatibility I thought we could make it work, turns out I was WRONG.Ordinarily, other than "I'm just not feeling it anymore, I can't tell you why", most dumpers don't really have a reason. It's THAT, and dumpees don't really understand it, don't want to accept it, and insist that there is something else wrong, either with the dumper, or the real reason not being disclosed. Sometimes though, it's just that simple. In your case, I can't think of a better reason to be dumped. Sounds like you owe him one for figuring it out before it REALLY DIDN'T WORK.
JourneyLady Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I stopped doing a hobby I liked when the ex-bf that introduced me to it left. I still enjoyed it, but the people I was left to do it with made it no fun (walking too fast, being too grumpy, etc.) A lot of "fun" has to do with who you are with and whether you enjoy being with them. I never lost interest in that hobby, but I moved and have yet to find another group with that interest. Still makes for interesting memories and tales though. :-D (Do not want to identify the hobby in case ex's show up here.)
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