AlwaysGrowing Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Jenkins, your last sentence and the first sentence of the second paragraph says so much about your thought processes. I can pretty much guarantee that the end of your affair is not what your wife found to be heart-breaking. Or that your wife feels any sense of value/worth, when you did everything you could to end the affair on the very best terms you could for yourself and the OW. There is a feeling of regret about the affair.....remorse doesn't seem to be there at all. It is in how we process and file our life experiences that changes us....not just by living the experience. It is in the narrative that we tell ourselves about ourselves that we either change/grow or continue on as before. You celebrate what you perceive to be a difficult accomplishment....NC with your AP. You celebrate an extremely negative time for your wife....with your OW. You have tied this celebration to the OW....not your wife. How very different this celebration would be file within you....if you had decided to celebrate each day that your wife and yourself have challenged your skills/coping mechanisms/thought processes/truths/lies/compassion/empathy for each other in the wake of one of the most damaging experiences a marriage could go through. Very few people actually challenge themselves/thought processes after an affair. It isn't easy to open oneself up to oneself in such a critical way. For then....one has to be honest about the lies they tell themselves about themselves. It is not enough to let go of old thought processes....one has to re-teach oneself new/healthier ways of being. It is being ever cognizant of how we are processing/moving through ....until our old ways are replaced. 6
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Agree.. But did not want to get too negative Celebrating no contact seems to go against my grain Why are you thinking about the ow at all? If you are counting the days you have not seen her.. Then she is still present. I only counted my 12,000 days to prove a point. A celebration to me is just wrong... I understand I guess..... That it is an accomplishment... But somehow if i had celebrated 100 days of no contact I think John would have been hurt 4
burnt Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Jenkins, I have a confession--and let me make this as gingerly as possible. I do have a way of offending people often times without intending so. So, let me say right away that that's not my intention. Reading some of your initial posts, I did feel you sounded very superficial and rather patronizing--almost fishing for compliments with a whole bunch of OWs sitting at your feet, as they are all pining for their lost MMs. And I remember there was a another poster who made a very similar comment at some point in the past. It has taken me a while to actually appreciate what you are trying to do and that you have a certain way of speaking which I misinterpreted. Not that I have been a LS member for that long, but since I joined, I have seen a few MM's posting. Usually, after getting bashed, smashed, and hammered over the head for what they are doing to the BS and OW, these posters hardly ever stick around to post or read anyone else's posts. There they appear and then there they disappear--either finding the typical responses less than 'user-friendly' or finding another way to deal with their affair problem. It is harsh to take criticisms. But the fact that you have taken everyone's comments/criticisms and responded as positively as you can is commendable. And the fact that in effect, you have tried to help many others is even more commendable. I definitely feel that the need to re-live the affair in my posts is virtually gone now. Thanks for allowing me to do that - I think it has speeded up that stage of my recovery. That is a really great observation. Writing and expressing what you have been going through has not only helped clear out your own fog, but being able to contribute to the others' in the site have reinforced that recovery process. Writing in this site is a healthy outlet. In the aftermath of a disaster, when we realize that we cannot go back in time to undo our actions and that we cannot change the consequence of our past actions, there then comes a solemn solace in knowing that at least we can reach out to others to try to help them heal at the present time and at least try to prevent others from going the self-destructive road in the future time. I look forward to lots of posts about my wife and marriage, and I also hope to support other users - whatever their role in their affair - OW, MM, BS, etc. All of these people hurt and if they have taken the trouble to find LS, sign up and post, then they deserve support. I once read a thread, where several posters said that when they originally joined the site they were in need of guidance themselves. But they remained members with the hope of providing support to others long after their own need for support ended. I am thankful to those posters--they contribute greatly. So, I look forward to your future posts. 3
wmacbride Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Jenkins, I'm not saying this to hound you or try and bring you down. You have gone many days with nc, and that most defiantly is a milestone to be happy about. There is a good reason that you should give consideration to comments and thoughts expressed by bs. They have been where your W is, and if you have made the choice to reconcile, then their words can have some very valuable advice. If course, not all of it will apply to your situation, as each is different. Take what you can use, and at least think about the rest. I don;t know the mindset of a ws /mm, as I have never been one, but - and this is just my opinion- at some point, you will need to shift gears from mm mindset to reconciling ws mindset. I suppose both can co-exist, up to a point, but eventually, I would think that you'll have to let go of the mm mindset. 4
Liam1 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) I am happy you are happy. May I please ask how your precious wife is doing? 100 days of no contact is wonderful.. But in the scheme of things I do wonder how she feels about your celebration... 100 days my husband was still in deep depression... Still taking medications... Still suffering... Still in a state of shock. 100 days... I am over 12,000 days of no contact...and we still carry the scars. I just want to put things in perspective... It doesn't just disappear it goes on forever May you have many more 100 days... I second what Mrs John Adams said. It will take years for your BS to recover, if ever. Still congratulations, and I wish you the best and much future happiness. I am raising a glass of Glenfiddich scotch in a toast to smooth sailing going forward and to 100 days of reconciliation with your loyal wife Edited March 16, 2016 by Liam1 4
burnt Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 To AlwaysGrowing & Mrs. John Adams: There was a MM recently who BROKE OFF CONTACT WITH OW. He came and announced it, and everyone cheered. Everyone happy holly jolly that he is just all over the OW and all in lovey dovey with wifey again. He professed his true love for the wife and the newly found self actualization that he will now put 100% of his energy to the wife. WHOA. Bravo. Yayyy. I read the posts and said--yeah, right; give it another month and he'll be back again chasing other female tails. A few weeks later. OOPS. He's back again with OW. Then break up again. Love the wife again. Oh wait; OOPS. Again… Lovely. Have you heard this story before? Like Millions of times? The problem is. Human emotions just don't evaporate like condensed milk. It's a process. Affairs are complex process. Hence it will involve a complex solution that takes a gradual process to solve. AlwaysGrowing & Mrs. John Adams: With all due respect, I find your posts to be just so incredibly disturbing and lacking insight. Each and ever single one of us has a very unique way of dealing with pain, loss, and recovery. If someone who engaged in an EA/PA with another person, do you honestly think that just over night it's possible to cut off all emotional connections with that person? And if your answer is yes, there's something wrong with your understanding of human connections. It's tough to break it. It takes time. Once a connection between two people has been made, you can't just snap out of it--unless you're truly cold to begin with. An ex-alcoholic celebrating 100 days of 'No Alcohol' is not celebrating alcohol, he is celebrating being able to detach from the alcohol for 100 days and is celebrating his determination to do so, and stick to the plan even though he's found it difficult.
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I am a fww.. I have walked in his shoes. I have great insight ... Jenkins knows I do... At this stage of healing this is not a celebration of nc... It is struggling with how to help your betrayed spouse... The focus is wrong... I am also a fbs... So I have worn those shoes as well. I am proud he has had no contact.. I would like to see him focus on his wife... 9
Liam1 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) Once a connection between two people has been made, you can't just snap out of it--unless you're truly cold to begin with. Not everyone forms a connection with an affair partner. Obviously some do, but not all. I don't think it has anything to do with being cold. It's more that the person accepts the reality that an affair is NOT a relationship. It's a sexual romp. Nothing more, nothing less. I in part agreed to my OWs persistent and blatant invitation to have an affair precisely because she was not someone I could ever love or respect or become "connected" to. I did not want to become connected to her. I just wanted sex. The guy you wrote about is most likely addicted to the sex, not the person. To AlwaysGrowing & Mrs. John Adams: There was a MM recently who BROKE OFF CONTACT WITH OW. He came and announced it, and everyone cheered. Everyone happy holly jolly that he is just all over the OW and all in lovey dovey with wifey again. He professed his true love for the wife and the newly found self actualization that he will now put 100% of his energy to the wife. WHOA. Bravo. Yayyy. I read the posts and said--yeah, right; give it another month and he'll be back again chasing other female tails. A few weeks later. OOPS. He's back again with OW. Then break up again. Love the wife again. Oh wait; OOPS. Again… Lovely. Have you heard this story before? Like Millions of times? The problem is. Human emotions just don't evaporate like condensed milk. It's a process. Affairs are complex process. Hence it will involve a complex solution that takes a gradual process to solve. AlwaysGrowing & Mrs. John Adams: With all due respect, I find your posts to be just so incredibly disturbing and lacking insight. Each and ever single one of us has a very unique way of dealing with pain, loss, and recovery. If someone who engaged in an EA/PA with another person, do you honestly think that just over night it's possible to cut off all emotional connections with that person? And if your answer is yes, there's something wrong with your understanding of human connections. It's tough to break it. It takes time. Once a connection between two people has been made, you can't just snap out of it--unless you're truly cold to begin with. An ex-alcoholic celebrating 100 days of 'No Alcohol' is not celebrating alcohol, he is celebrating being able to detach from the alcohol for 100 days and is celebrating his determination to do so, and stick to the plan even though he's found it difficult. Edited March 16, 2016 by Liam1
AlwaysGrowing Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 To AlwaysGrowing & Mrs. John Adams: There was a MM recently who BROKE OFF CONTACT WITH OW. He came and announced it, and everyone cheered. Everyone happy holly jolly that he is just all over the OW and all in lovey dovey with wifey again. He professed his true love for the wife and the newly found self actualization that he will now put 100% of his energy to the wife. WHOA. Bravo. Yayyy. I read the posts and said--yeah, right; give it another month and he'll be back again chasing other female tails. A few weeks later. OOPS. He's back again with OW. Then break up again. Love the wife again. Oh wait; OOPS. Again… Lovely. Have you heard this story before? Like Millions of times? The problem is. Human emotions just don't evaporate like condensed milk. It's a process. Affairs are complex process. Hence it will involve a complex solution that takes a gradual process to solve. AlwaysGrowing & Mrs. John Adams: With all due respect, I find your posts to be just so incredibly disturbing and lacking insight. Each and ever single one of us has a very unique way of dealing with pain, loss, and recovery. If someone who engaged in an EA/PA with another person, do you honestly think that just over night it's possible to cut off all emotional connections with that person? And if your answer is yes, there's something wrong with your understanding of human connections. It's tough to break it. It takes time. Once a connection between two people has been made, you can't just snap out of it--unless you're truly cold to begin with. An ex-alcoholic celebrating 100 days of 'No Alcohol' is not celebrating alcohol, he is celebrating being able to detach from the alcohol for 100 days and is celebrating his determination to do so, and stick to the plan even though he's found it difficult. Insight requires challenging oneself.....it is not sitting back and patting oneself on the back for no longer engaging negative behaviours. One has to replace whatever thought processes that brought them to that point.....or nothing really has changed within. I will tell you....that some of the wisest/gentle souls that I have met....have done some not so nice things to others or themselves in the past. There is a knowingness in them.....a foresight of life....a quietness.....because they see things so far out. They are the ones that delved deep within......and came out taking full responsibility for the havoc they wrecked in their life and the innocent loved ones. They worked hard to replace/repair whatever needed replacing. They listened. They celebrated and cherished the healing within and the healing of those that they hurt. To add to your alcoholic analogy....counsellors strongly encourage their client to stop tying their new life choices to their former drinking buddy/s. Most....refuse to take on couples together because the relationship is so toxic that whether or not one is all-in or not....failure likelihood is higher. The goal is to strengthen the individual....so that they no longer tie their sobriety or lack of to the other person. Being mindful of the narrative that we file the experience within ourselves matters. Instead of "No Alcohol"...have it wired to "clarity". Removing the negative word no and the toxic substance....one now has it filed on its own and positive. The alcohol file gets pushed back further and becomes less accessible. So yes it is a process....a process that one has to be willing to examine themselves and make course corrections at all/any time that it is either pointed out or they themselves now see as a potential backslide. 5
burnt Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I have great insight ... Jenkins knows I do... I'm sure you do have great insights, in general. But your comment in this particular matter shows lack of insight in this particular situation. Which is ok, our insights are usually based on our own experiences, and we shouldn't think we have great insight in every situation, especially when it comes to other people's personal emotional states. I am a fww.. I have walked in his shoes. NO you haven't. You have walked on a road which is similar to Jenkins'. There is ONE person in this world who truly understands what it feels like to walk in HIS shoes--Jenkins himself. You maybe able to relate to his situation, but cannot truly know what it's like to be in his shoes. You don't know how strong the emotional bond he had with his xOW and therefore you cannot dictate or predict how long it will take him to fully detach from her. May I ask how strongly you bonded with you AP? How many times you professed your love to your AP during your affair? The stronger the bond during the affair, the longer it takes to break it. At this stage of healing this is not a celebration of nc... It is struggling with how to help your betrayed spouse… Which was the entire point of my post: Only Jenkins should be deciding what stage of the healing process he should be in. In only about two weeks ago, as he himself shared that he almost broke NC but with the help of others he stopped himself. I would say it's a damn good celebration of keeping NC if he has come that close that recently. More than anything else, the fact that he is figuring out a way to move forward in the right direction, at a pace realistic enough is the biggest cause for celebration. So, please recognize that. The focus is wrong… Again, NO. Allow the person who is recovering to figure out what he is able to focus on. He is making progress; perhaps his level of progress is really disappointing to you, but it's in his terms. I am proud he has had no contact.. I would like to see him focus on his wife... What you would like to see is truly unimportant, with due respect. He is working more and more in the right direction. Obviously it'll take more than 100 days. Seriously, For heaven's sake, for a change, we have a poster who is posting honestly, openly with struggles that are not easy to talk about, instead of bailing out, he is trying to help others in the process, as well. And you have to comment about how he's not making FAST enough progress? The lack of insight on your part, with respect, I"m talking about is having the insight to understand that each one of us has a different set of emotional state and different pace of moving forward and that we should celebrate the ones who are making their best effort to change instead of pointing out that they are not moving fast enough. The number of steps, one step at a time, that you take, when things are tough is much more important than talking about how big or fast a pace you're running at.
burnt Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 To add to your alcoholic analogy....counsellors strongly encourage their client to stop tying their new life choices to their former drinking buddy/s. Most....refuse to take on couples together because the relationship is so toxic that whether or not one is all-in or not....failure likelihood is higher. The goal is to strengthen the individual....so that they no longer tie their sobriety or lack of to the other person. Correct. It is strongly suggested that you go No Contact with your former drinking buddies. But it is also strongly suggested that you into Regular Contact with others who are also recovering--the entire AA meetings celebrate the number of days of no drinking for a very good reason. We NEED to celebrate each and every single day of NC in an affair, because it is exactly like an addiction and like an addiction it takes time to detach. Just like drinking, it takes ONLY one slip to go back to the old addiction--and that's why it's necessary to celebrate FIRST how many days you've managed to control your temptations. ONLY then slowly and slowly you can focus more and more on the effect your drinking has had on your loved ones. And only then you can work more on repairing all the other things in your life. The FIRST step is working on yourself. That means maintaining NC (similar to no drinking).
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 You are absolutely right on all accounts. I stand corrected. Jenkins is doing great... I wish him many more days of success.
burnt Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Once a connection between two people has been made, you can't just snap out of it--unless you're truly cold to begin with. Not everyone forms a connection with an affair partner. Obviously some do, but not all. I did not want to become connected to her. I just wanted sex. My statement was, ONCE a connection between has been made… meaning, IF there is a connection, then it's harder to break it. Clearly you didn't have a connection with your xOW--so clearly there was nothing to break for you. Jenkins does not fit into your description. As he iterated, he DID have an emotional connection with his xOW--hence my comment. That it requires time to break that emotional connection. 1
AlwaysGrowing Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Burnt...I am unsure of what exactly you are taking exception to. There are people who drink and are violent. Although they may not have had a drink in the last 100 days....they still punched a hole in the office wall yesterday. Are we to turn a blind eye to the damaged wall and "celebrate" the hundred day? There are dry alcoholics and there are dry adulters. Acknowledging that yes they may not be engaging in the behaviour currently.....the thought processes that got them there are still alive and fully functioning. That without addressing the underlying issue/s....what one is celebrating is superficial. I nor anyone else can give insight. Insight comes from within. PS: there is a reason why the mentor for recovering (whatever) should be same sexed and recovered.....not recovering. Even within group sessions there is a person who guides/challenges thought processes of the individual or the group. 2
Liam1 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 IF there is a connection, then it's harder to break it. Clearly you didn't have a connection with your xOW--so clearly there was nothing to break for you. There was something to break. The sexual romps were something to break away from. It was easy to break away from that, when I realize I loved my wife and no longer wanted to hurt her. IMO, some people miss the exciting affair sex and they MAY confuse that with love. Focusing on the connection will harm reconciliation with the wife. IMO, that is the point Mrs. John Adams is making. Jenkins chose his marriage, and putting his celebratory focus on his wife, would likely help him break his connection, whether it was sexual or emotional, to his AP. For a reconciliation to work, both people in the marriage need to be all in. That means, putting your focus on your marriage........fully. 3
Author jenkins95 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 Wow! I'm overwhelmed by all the posts added to the thread since I last logged in. I'm so grateful to everyone for all their effort and for giving me the benefit of their experience and knowledge - it really means a lot. I'm on a 10 minute break at the start of a of night shift, so have literally only had time to just skim over what has been added here. Lots of names that I recognise and respect very highly. I can't wait to read, re-read and study everything. I am doing two long work shifts for the next two days so probably won't be back much for a few days. I tend to have a few long work shifts, then several days off, which explains why some days I am posting like crazy and other days I am almost absent! Know that your effort is massively appreciated and these posts will be given my full attention and read many times. I know that some of them will challenge me, my attitude and my actions and I welcome that. It's extremely enlightening to receive posts and comments from all angles, whether critical, encouraging, questioning of whatever. Thank you all! Please keep it coming guys and I can't wait to add more posts soon. One thing that caught my eye as I was scanning through - Liam's Glenfiddich! Great stuff, save a few measures for me L Just what the doctor ordered! Keep posting! You are all amazing. Back very soon! Jenks
Pat944 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 As I have read your posts I'm impressed how your questions are helping others process their experience and struggles. I believe that as you enjoy the new growing aspects of sharing with your wife, this question will gradually lose its significance and you stop will counting. A good sign.
burnt Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 My last post on this subject: Congratulations Jenkins! One day at a time. Good work so far. Keep moving forward. The END. 1
ladydesigner Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 There was something to break. The sexual romps were something to break away from. It was easy to break away from that, when I realize I loved my wife and no longer wanted to hurt her. IMO, some people miss the exciting affair sex and they MAY confuse that with love. Focusing on the connection will harm reconciliation with the wife. IMO, that is the point Mrs. John Adams is making. Jenkins chose his marriage, and putting his celebratory focus on his wife, would likely help him break his connection, whether it was sexual or emotional, to his AP. For a reconciliation to work, both people in the marriage need to be all in. That means, putting your focus on your marriage........fully. Boom you nailed it Liam! This is exactly what Mrs. John Adams was saying because at some point the BS is not going to care how much the WS is hurting for their AP and it will ruin R. Many many a BS has called it quits because the WS took too long to get over their AP. 3
Ladyjane14 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I'm in agreement with Mrs. John Adams and Liam... glad the OP is maintaining NC, but thinking that his energies would be better spent on relational recovery with his wife in order to solidify emotional connection within the marriage. 1
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Yep.... I feel very sorry for Everyone involved in infidelity....it freakin HURTS but if i said to John....wow babe....It has been 100 days since i had contact with the AP! Aren't you proud of me!!! He would have thrown my ass out the door. 100 days after DDAY....John was still in shock.....I hardly think a celebration is in order... Sorry...I know Burnt disagrees with me....because she thinks that i am not being sensitive to jenkins.....I am. I understand..... but if he focuses on his wife's pain...pain the HE caused....the LAST thing he should be concerned about is how many days it has been since he saw his AP. There is a very fine line in reconciliation.... the inner battles of the Wayward....and the inner battles of the betrayed. Both have to be dealt with....delicately As a wayward...if we concentrate too much on OUR pain...on OUR needs....then it APPEARS to the betrayed....that we are still being self absorbed and insensitive to their pain. I KNOW that John would have been angry and hurt if i concentrated on ANYTHING to do with the OM. So I am saying to Jenks....concentrate on the needs of your spouse....concentrate on healing your spouse....concentrate on YOUR SPOUSE..... It will heal the BOTH of you....and the days of no contact will not matter. Instead count the days of reconciliation. 4
heartwhole Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Since it has been mentioned by others, I'll share that I too have wondered at your seemingly singular focus on the experiences of OW. I see you keeping up with their stories, asking for updates, commiserating, etc. That is all well and good except for the obvious distinction that you are not an OW. I cannot pretend to understand the difficulty of giving up one's AP. Every experience is unique, and I think that if you are wishing to reach out to her but know that you shouldn't, then focusing on the experiences of other OW can be a useful proxy until such time as you feel the emotional connection is gone. However, as a BW, I would be uncomfortable with my WH posting as you do with such frequency and enthusiasm on the threads of OW. I'm here posting on an internet forum myself so obviously I understand its usefulness, and I encourage you to have safe spaces for venting and reflection. That's all good. But your myopic focus on OW and the emotional connection you offer by being a regular voice on their threads . . . I wonder if you can see where I am going with this. Perhaps what you got out of the affair was being a rescuer. The question is, are you focusing on channeling those energies to the woman you chose as your life partner? I agree that your mentions of her seem to be sparse. There is an opportunity cost to everything we choose to do. Your posts are positive and have obviously helped a lot of OW. But in choosing to invest so much energy into the lives of faceless strangers, are you taking away from the energy you could be investing into yourself and your marriage? Perhaps that can be the focus of your next 100 days. 5
OneLov Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 What I take from this thread is it is ok to move at your own pace but you must appreciate the real consequences that exist if you do not move fast enough. For example, you can get tattoos up and down your body all you want, (I think some of them look really good) but you must appreciate that there are those that will prejudge judge you and those tattoos may cost you a few jobs. Is it fair? No. But it is worth it to consider that even though people should respect our individuality; life is not one big liberal arts college campus.
wmacbride Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Jenkins, this may sound wild and crazy, but have you ever told your wife the things you have on here? I'm guessing that you haven't because you don't want to hurt her. The truth of the matter is that, unless you are one hell of an actor, she probably has guessed for herself. She may never tell you that, she may not even hint at it, but it's there. Sure, it will hurt her to hear that you had these strong feelings for you ex-ow, and still hurt even worse for her to hear the kinds of things you post on here. It will hurt like hell, but it may very well have a positive effect. It's been my experience that things that are hidden fester and cause harm. Once they are exposed to the sunlight, they can begin to be addressed. Please note, I'm not saying to rub your wife's face in it and run to her every time you have a twinge of sadness over the A ending, but rather that you let her know it sometimes happens, and give her the chance to respond. Also, as I mentioned in another post about shifting away form the mm mindset. Next time, instead of celebrating 100 days of no contact, how about re framing it to " 200 days of choosing my w and marriage". Even a subtle shift like that can make a difference in your outlook. 2
MidnightBlue1980 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Wow! I'm overwhelmed by all the posts added to the thread since I last logged in. I'm so grateful to everyone for all their effort and for giving me the benefit of their experience and knowledge - it really means a lot. I'm on a 10 minute break at the start of a of night shift, so have literally only had time to just skim over what has been added here. Lots of names that I recognise and respect very highly. I can't wait to read, re-read and study everything. I am doing two long work shifts for the next two days so probably won't be back much for a few days. I tend to have a few long work shifts, then several days off, which explains why some days I am posting like crazy and other days I am almost absent! Know that your effort is massively appreciated and these posts will be given my full attention and read many times. I know that some of them will challenge me, my attitude and my actions and I welcome that. It's extremely enlightening to receive posts and comments from all angles, whether critical, encouraging, questioning of whatever. Thank you all! Please keep it coming guys and I can't wait to add more posts soon. One thing that caught my eye as I was scanning through - Liam's Glenfiddich! Great stuff, save a few measures for me L Just what the doctor ordered! Keep posting! You are all amazing. Back very soon! Jenks I read all the posts. Here is the thing - the reality is, you feel what you feel. Jenkins seems to have more female qualities than Liam (even though Jenkins is what did you say, 6'4 and 220 lbs or something?). Like all the OW on the other board, he got all sucked in heart and soul, so it's a struggle. It's his reality, as it mine, as is many, many. It's great that there are others who were able to remain detached and just have sex with other people and feel only disdain for the very people they slept with, and to be honest, I wish I was like that as it would make it easier. Some of us, many of us, we just have feelings for someone else but we made a decision to move on, end the affair, stay with our spouse, etc. But we still hurt. So every day moving further away from the people who would only cause us pain, is a celebration.
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