He Cut Me Out Of His Life Without An Explanation?

[Zaina]

Hello, I am new here..I've been looking for ways to deal with what I am going through and hoping to find some help. Thanks in advance for anyone who use their precious time to do so, I really appreciate it all.

 

So it was on the Sunday night, 13/03/16 at around 3:23 am. Me and my now ex-boyfriend "Ashley" were on a Skype call like we have always been for the last 2 years. We were together 24/7 because he doesn't have a job and I work online as an Artist. I have to mention too that I am from Mauritius island and he is from United Kingdom, so 2 years of a long-distance relationship and pure love gone like that for no reason.

 

The past few days he had a fever, so that night before I dozed off I was asking him if anything was bothering him even when everything seem just fine. I asked because he is the kind of guy who is pretty quiet and keeps everything to himself even though I suggest that he speak to me all the time about his problems like I express myself with him. I mean that’s part of being a couple right?

 

So he told me everything was fine and convinced me that it was so I was okay with it too. Then, before we were going to sleep he told me his head has still been hot and he was actually throwing 2 blankets over to warm himself koz it was cold but I still thought that it was a bad idea and was scared that something might happen to him because as far as I am concerned having a hot head when you have a fever is bad. I kinda shouted and was like "no, don't do that, its not good” but he still did it anyway knowing how stubborn he is I figured I wouldn't argue with him because I felt like maybe he thought I was judging him. So right after I dozed off unintentionally but blinked right after as if i knew he was going to do that, I turned to my left and looked at the screen and he went offline on Skype.

 

So, I went on Steam to see if he was online there so I could call him and tell him it went off and that if he could come back and to my surprise he wasn't even there. I went on my friends account to see if he was there, but he wasn't. I logged out and logged back in to make sure it wasn't a bug or something. Then I asked my friend and he said he wasn't there either. I went and typed his name on the add a friend section and his name came up but he changed his profile picture and I wasn't able to send him a message because he blocked me and my friend who was also his friend.

 

I thought he got hacked or something so I kept calling him. It worked 3 times at the beginning but then right after that it was over I couldn't reach him at all. He blocked my moms phone number and dad too. I called his mom too and she wouldn't respond to me so I sent a message to her saying "Hello, I'm really sorry to disturb you it’s Zaina here. I can't seem to contact Ash on his phone and I think his account is hacked it would be very kind if you could let him know, thank you."

 

She replied saying "Don’t know what your talking about, Ash is asleep I’ll talk to him tomorrow, he'll probably call you then" Oh and not to mention that she doesn't like me very much because I live in Mauritius and so far away and she thinks I am only using Ash or something. I didn't sleep at all just wondering what was going on, shaking and frustrated and crying. After a couple of hours later my other friend got an email from him sending all the money I had on his Paypal to him so my friend Shawn could send the money back to me.

 

From that moment on I figured it wasn't a hack..but I kept on calling and calling, it was still sending me back to voice mail. In the day I was just crying and laying on my mom’s lap..hopeless and confused. Then in the afternoon I got a message from his mom saying "Sorry zaina I've spoken to ash, he said he's been feeling things weren't going well for a few months and he's been feeling low, he can see you and him are not going to work out, & its best to let each other go. He can’t talk to you as he knows you're upset, he wants you to get on so the only way is to cut all contact."

 

I held my mom tight and cried out loud, my world was falling apart, the walls around me were crawling, I am back in darkness again. Then my mom told me it’s probably just her saying these things considering she doesn’t like me. Then I sent another message to her saying "Please tell him to let me speak one last time. I think I deserve an explanation directly from him. My mom wants to talk to him too, please. Thank you." He knows how much my mom likes him and she did want to speak to him, in case there were so many things that were probably bothering him and he wouldn’t tell me. I am completely heartbroken. Wondering why! How?? Constantly..I didn't even understand what he meant by we had a few things weren't going well..? I might never get the answer.

 

We never fought, only about a few things like normal couples do but never huge like this. Two days ago before this happened he actually just woke up, crying and ignoring me. When I called, he was telling me how it was so much better if i was just going to live in America with my friend Shawn because he was always there to help but I insisted like I've always done for the last few months that I love him and I rather not have it easy. All these times we were patient together, making plans that one day we will be together, we will have kids and how his life will be better too, because he has a pretty bad life. His mom never supported him, his dad left him when he was little and he is living with his step brothers in the same room. We were on the right track to be together one day. My life isn't easy either, my family argues all the time, they get violent and Ash heard all the screams, he knows about it all and yet this?

 

Earlier this year, I paid for a ticket to go meet him in UK. We were both so excited but at customs they didn't accept me to go in because for 5 months i wanted to say with him, and i didn't have that much money with me so they thought it wasn't good enough and sent me back. My plane ticket wasn’t refunded. I paid for nothing, I didn't even get to see him at all..it was all a tragedy..ever since that too we got even closer and we were like yes we will be more strong we will meet one day and be more hopeful and everything was okay. Until now.

 

I have no idea what to do, my life seemed so much brighter when he was in my life, everything i did was a motivation because he was in my life. Literally everything reminds me of him, and I hate it. All my clothing I bought from UK when we first met, I can’t even wear them now. I feel like burning my luggage. I have a hoodie that’s his that has been always on the side of my bed, and now looking at it hurts me so so much. I wish that he would at least give me a sign of life. At least tell me that he was happier this way. But I always knew that he needed me and I needed him. I’d always have these nightmares of me losing him, I had always feared that.

 

He would always support me, telling me that he would never do this, it’s not in him to do such a thing. That would reassure me so much. Every piece of art I made, he would always support me and tell me how good it is and his opinion on it and now i just don't know what to do because everything that I loved to do involved him, and it’s just so unbearable..

 

Everywhere I go I would always be thinking of how he would come here and that we would be together. Doing this and that and all is set for life..

 

And now it’s over. Sorry, there is so much. Please, someone, explain to me what happened.

[Jake200393]

Hey Zaina.

 

I'm Jake im from the UK. I've recently gone through a long distant break up. Hurts like hell! There's so many factors that change people and I've learned distance is one of them. It can work for many but only really strong people emotionally and mentally can handle it I guess.

 

I admire that you're so committed to some one just like most of the people on this site. I find it extremely strange he didn't have the guts to tell you it was over himself. May I ask how old you guys are? He should have had the decency to tell you himself.

 

The scary and horrible truth I've come to realise is we all may never get an answer to why someone's broken our hearts and even if they gave us a million reasons it'll never be good enough! People on this site stress about having no contact with the ex and I have to agree. The more you chase him for answers the more you're going to hurt.

 

No one can give you an answer to why he did what he did only he can answer that, but we all can give you some kind of platform to get out your feelings and unravel any thoughts in your mind. I'll be looking through this site a bit today I may not be great help but we all have to get through heartbreak otherwise what's the point

[Itspointless]

he is the kind of guy who is pretty quiet and keeps everything to himself even though I suggest that he speak to me all the time about his problems like I express myself with him. [...] knowing how stubborn he is I figured I wouldn't argue with him because I felt like maybe he thought I was judging him. [...] He can’t talk to you as he knows you're upset, he wants you to get on so the only way is to cut all contact." [...] [...] His mom never supported him, his dad left him when he was little [...] he knows about it all and yet this?

Apparently in the world of that family support means letting people learn to be tough, to be able to find your way in the world, I think that is what his mother has showed him, and now has shown to you. Also being left by his dad, makes him probably distrust people in a deep level. Her telling you to cut him off also seems to suggest that this is considered normal in their eyes. For them it probably is a way to not to have to face difficult emotions. Overall he seems to have poor communication-skills, he is closed off, stubborn, you have to be careful as he feels judged quickly and he did let his mother do the talking which is definitely not mature.

 

He does not sound like a partner that would have been a happy ever after for you.

 

Try to move on and be kind to yourself.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. It's palpable through the computer screen.

 

A few questions to clarify the situation:

 

1) When was the last time you visited in person? From what I gather, you only actually met in person once. The other attempt didn't work out, as you were denied entry into the UK. But I have to also ask whether either of you researched entry or visa requirements, prior to your trip? It's relatively easy to stay on the right side of the law if you do some quick internet research. Is there a reason he could come to see you instead?

 

2) How do you know for sure it was his mother that sent you the message to cut contact, and not your boyfriend himself? I get that it probably came from a different number that he told you was hers, but have you ever actually spoken to her?

 

3) Did you see any other red flags that he wasn't committed? Him telling you to go off to the US with your friend could have been in an indication he was starting to detach from you.

 

4) How old are you both, and how much relationship experience do you have? It seems that sadly you have built up an entire life story based primarily on his words and not his actions. What real, concrete plans had you made together? I don't mean fantasizing about what life could be like. I mean actionable plans.

 

I think now is the time to grieve and take a big step back and try to evaluate this more objectively. You have only met him one time in person. Everything else was online, but that doesn't give you the full picture of who he is or what he does day-to-day. We can't explain why this happened, unfortunately. We can really only give you advice on how to move forward.

[mightycpa]

So when it is all said and done, he got his mommy to break up with you?

 

You should text back the mother and thank her for showing you what a child he really is. Tell her that for his sake, she might want to think about finding him a male mentor to teach her boy how to act like a man, someone that can teach him how and why he should end a romantic relationship all by himself. Tell her that you're so glad not to be in a relationship with a momma's boy any longer.

 

Then block, block, block that bloke and forget about him. Find somebody local that you can hug and squeeze and kiss whenever you want. You'll like that a lot better.

[Zaina]

He got back to me 2 days after, crying on the phone and me like a damn fool forgave him and started over. I sent him all the pictures he had deleted of us, I sent him so many gifts and said yeah lets start over koz I really love him but that it was going to take time to have trust in him again. Anyway 5 days ago, we had a small fight and yet he cut me off and that it is, before he blocked me on Steam he told me he doesnt deserve this and left, blocked me everywhere once again so now I am just sad, sitting here crying all the time wondering if he will ever miss me or love me the way I have always loved him or even think about how many things i have done for him to prove him that i love him..doesnt feel good enough..I don't have any friends either to talk to koz my friend of 2 years basically told me how he doesnt care about me 3 days before that happened. I wish I could have someone I can talk to on Skype so they can help me move on or just kill the silence thats killing me..

[mightycpa]

I'm sad that you don't have a real friend or a real boyfriend or anybody close by. Get off that computer and live your life locally for a while. It will be a big improvement, you'll see.

[keiji]

Zaina, don't you have any friends or acquaintances you can talk to?