mcjordan Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 reading this post somewhere only made me more infuriated and added fuel to fire over the gender role that guys are expected to approach and be the initiators: “Normally, you are the one who has to begin the initial conversation; you are the one who starts touching her, who takes her number, who calls her up, who tells her where to meet you for a date, who initiates a hug the next time you see her, who takes her to a café, who touches her hand across the table, who goes in for the first kiss, who leads her home, who undresses her, and so on through the many small steps all the way into bed. You are responsible for making things happen since you are the male, so advancing is all on your shoulders. Whenever you feel you are not getting anywhere with a woman, or that things are moving slowly, it is because you are not advancing. If you ever catch yourself thinking something such as, “I am not getting anywhere with this girl,” or “I do not know if she likes me,” then it is time for you to make a move. She will not do it, not even if she wants you, and if she does make a move then she is seducing you, not the other way around. If you are thinking, “Well, but if she wants me, why doesn’t she make a move?” it means you do not understand women very well, what they want, or that you as a male are expected to act like a male — and that she is thinking the exact same thing. All over the world, females grow more frustrated by the day because males they know are interested in them are afraid or do not know how to show it by making a move. Many males lose women because they fail to make a move when they have the chance. When you do have the chance but do not take it, the woman is thinking “Why isn’t he doing anything?” because her mindset does not include the option of doing something herself. She will start thinking that you do not like her, or she will park you in her let’s-just-be-friends spot and look for a real man.” W. Anton I always laugh when I read a blogger who speaks as if they speak for the entire female gender. And I bet this blogger is a man, too. Ridiculous. Beware of bloggers and sites who generate most of their traffic from ranting about women from their basement or PUA courses.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 a man who has women chase him isn't somehow automatically passive, and in the event of failure it's not automatically bc the guy "failed to lead" due to this assumed passivity or whatever. This is actually a good post Jen, and I've always said the same thing myself. Let's say that a woman reaches out and initiates communication. But anytime she does, the guy uses that as an opportunity to plan the next date. He is still taking action and leading. Passive behavior would be sitting back and always expecting her to both initiate communication and plan everything. If you think about it, initiating communication is one area where women can actually do their part to show interest. I mean if a guy is planning dates, paying for them, initiating sex, etc.. How hard is it for her to send a quick text so he can set up the next date? Also, another way to look at it is this. Men are action based and very goal oriented. Women are more in tune with their emotions, and want communication/connection. So striving to keep communication open, seems like it's more feminine energy than anything else. Maybe that's why it's a turn off when a guy reaches out too much with texts and calls because he's actually being more feminine. That's not to say that a guy should never call or text between dates. However, in my experience when a woman is truly interested she enjoys reaching out more often than not, so he'll take action to see her in person.
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I know men and women are different. But as long as we are pretending they can be effective soldiers, police, and firemen; we can pretend they should put the same effort into relationships as men do. What do those things to do with each other? :confused:
2005tahoe Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I have learned in dating that we men shouldnt do all of the work. I manage to strike up a conversation, get a number ask for the first date and send a thank you text or phone call afterwords. Rarely do I get an initiated text or phone call afterwards, if I send another text or phone call I am look at as eager or clingy. So, I have learned to brush it off. I feel like women should initiate some kind of contact or interest after the first date. 1
katiegrl Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 I have learned in dating that we men shouldnt do all of the work. I manage to strike up a conversation, get a number ask for the first date and send a thank you text or phone call afterwords. Rarely do I get an initiated text or phone call afterwards, if I send another text or phone call I am look at as eager or clingy. So, I have learned to brush it off. -- **I feel like women should initiate some kind of contact or interest after the first date. Which the OP did, even initiated the 4th date, which HE cancelled and has made no attempt to reschedule or even contact her! The OP said that after he cancelled ... SHE has been the one to do all the initiating, otherwise, they wouldn't talk at all. And he has still failed to reschedule the date that HE cancelled. Not sure what some of you guys expect, but it's getting a little ridiculous IMO. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Which the OP did, even initiated the 4th date, which HE cancelled and has made no attempt to reschedule or even contact her! The OP said that after he cancelled ... SHE has been the one to do all the initiating, otherwise, they wouldn't talk at all. And he has still failed to reschedule the date that HE cancelled. Not sure what some of you guys expect, but it's getting a little ridiculous IMO. Yeah this is true. Etiquette regardless of gender says that the person who cancelled should re-schedule. Usually though, if the person is on the level they'll at least make some mention of a re-schedule at the time of cancel with an alternative day. An open ended cancel/excuse with no mention of re-scheduling is usually a blow off in a lot of cases.
katiegrl Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Yeah this is true. Etiquette regardless of gender says that the person who cancelled should re-schedule. Usually though, if the person is on the level they'll at least make some mention of a re-schedule at the time of cancel with an alternative day. An open ended cancel/excuse with no mention of re-scheduling is usually a blow off in a lot of cases. Agree, except to say, it is not even about etiquette. It is about being interested. An interested person would have rescheduled. An interested person would *want* to reschedule!
Ferret Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Today though it's so much harder. My friend is in a relationship with this woman now 2 years. He told me the first year they both slept with other people. He said after a year they decided to be exclusive. If that's how people do things to day, I don't know... sounds gross to me. Sex is the new hand shake these days agreed its kinda gross to me how on earth one sleeps with some one and doesn't even know their name is beyond me but it happens.. Agree.... I modified my post and took that out and changed it to "good for now" girl....which is more fitting anyway. Dose the guy have to purpose after the 3rd date? sweet jeebus...maybe he got busy maybe work slammed him you never know..she can ask him out one last time and if he says no or flakes then she has her answer.. This is great, I need to pin this on my wall. Here's where I struggle though - as a girl, I can not be very interested in a guy for the first couple of dates (my case here actually), but something can be triggered in me to start emotionally investing - frequent texts (i've had a past flame where I wasn't too interested until he emailed me every day to chat, and it took a couple of weeks before I was hooked). As a guy, let's say he puts me in the "good for now" category, and we hang out a little more frequently, text a bit more...wouldn't he become more emotionally invested the more he sees me and I change categories to perhaps a more serious one? Again, as a girl I can see this happening to me. Just not 100% sure it works this way with guys. Don't become overly invested in anyone before you find out what the deal really is. Todays on line interactions and texting are great to get the ball rolling but never let it roll for to long with out some sort of clarity. Other wise you are just setting yourself up for failure ive said it before and I will say it again if you treat dating like a "game" then you will lose more often then not..
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