truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Then she isn't girlfriend material. You either walk away, or have some random sex. Like I said mate, it's simple It's simple, yes, but after a while it can become frustrating if you really want to meet someone. You seem to be locked into the player role. I get it. Wait till you age and really want to settle down and still dealing with women who are playing games.
Summer3 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 My dad and brothers have told me "men value most the things they have to work for." I have found this to be true as well, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Yep. If you like a guy you will need to let him work to get you. Not work so hard that he feels you might not be interested but he will need to put in some serious effort. If not, he doesn't like you that much. What how people spend their time and money and you'll find out what's important to them.
truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 But he initiated the first three dates.... so he showed no caution there. But yeah perhaps now he's cautious, but OP did initiate the fourth date, which he cancelled....and hasn't rescheduled. In my world, that's not being cautious....it's being dis-interested. Did they have sex on the third date? Maybe he felt since no sex or much hooking up by the third date, that was it?
Summer3 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Yep. If you like a guy you will need to let him work to get you. Not work so hard that he feels you might not be interested but he will need to put in some serious effort. If not, he doesn't like you that much. Watch how people spend their time and money and you'll find out what's important to them. Fixed above due to grammatical error.
Gaeta Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Did they have sex on the third date? Maybe he felt since no sex or much hooking up by the third date, that was it? Is it how you think?
Jabron1 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 You seem to be locked into the player role. I get it. Wait till you age and really want to settle down and still dealing with women who are playing games. I was in a long term relationship about 6 months ago. It took a little while to get over it, and I'm struggling to get back to the 'player role' that I had before. So, I sort of have one foot in LTR mode, and one foot in 'play the field' mode. It's a very weird place to be. But I've always thought the best way to enter a long term relationship is from a laid back attitude: a 'see where it goes' attitude. I don't think I've ever actively searched for one in my life. Perhaps that'll change when I get a bit older.
truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Is it how you think? I'm just exploring possibilities here.
truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I was in a long term relationship about 6 months ago. It took a little while to get over it, and I'm struggling to get back to the 'player role' that I had before. So, I sort of have one foot in LTR mode, and one foot in 'play the field' mode. It's a very weird place to be. But I've always thought the best way to enter a long term relationship is from a laid back attitude: a 'see where it goes' attitude. I don't think I've ever actively searched for one in my life. Perhaps that'll change when I get a bit older. Today though it's so much harder. My friend is in a relationship with this woman now 2 years. He told me the first year they both slept with other people. He said after a year they decided to be exclusive. If that's how people do things to day, I don't know... sounds gross to me. 2
Author pinkelephant1111 Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 What if I just ask him directly if he's still interested? Will that cause him to run away even further with direct confrontation? (Any suggestions on how to word this without being so direct)?
jen1447 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 What if I just ask him directly if he's still interested? Will that cause him to run away even further with direct confrontation? (Any suggestions on how to word this without being so direct)? Having to ask implies that you're not sure, which makes you look bad and puts you at a disadvantage. You're really best off just asking him out on the next date. If he declines or puts you off or cancels again, ok fine, now you know. You haven't really lost anything. 2
losangelena Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 What if I just ask him directly if he's still interested? Will that cause him to run away even further with direct confrontation? (Any suggestions on how to word this without being so direct)? No, I would not ask him directly. That's putting him on the spot. I'll reiterate what I said in my first post: If I were you, I would ask him out again (even though I know you don't want to), and if he says yes, when you see him, you tell him something like, "hey, if you're interested, I would love it if you invited me out sometime (or words to that effect)." You state your needs/wants (effectively saying, "I'd like for you to ask me out"), then sit back and see what happens. If he still doesn't initiate, you have your answer. 2
Gaeta Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 No, I would not ask him directly. That's putting him on the spot. I'll reiterate what I said in my first post: If I were you, I would ask him out again (even though I know you don't want to), and if he says yes, when you see him, you tell him something like, "hey, if you're interested, I would love it if you invited me out sometime (or words to that effect)." You state your needs/wants (effectively saying, "I'd like for you to ask me out"), then sit back and see what happens. If he still doesn't initiate, you have your answer. mehhh! The risk here is maybe at some point, in 2-3 weeks, he'll get bored with nothing better to do and he'll ask her out. She will put some meaning into it and waste more time on something not meant to be. We see it all the time here, people not showing real interest but still doing the random date and that gets the other person all confused. 1
Shining One Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Speaking for myself, I find women who are confident enough to go after what they want very attractive. Two of my longest and best relationships started with the woman approaching me and doing basically half the "work" early on. Before anyone implies I'm one of those shy men full of "feminine energy", I've asked out well over 100 women over the years (not counting OLD). 2
jen1447 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Speaking for myself, I find women who are confident enough to go after what they want very attractive. Two of my longest and best relationships started with the woman approaching me and doing basically half the "work" early on. Before anyone implies I'm one of those shy men full of "feminine energy", I've asked out well over 100 women over the years (not counting OLD). That's impossible - men who 'allow' women to ask them out are always feminine (and usually gay) 1
losangelena Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 mehhh! The risk here is maybe at some point, in 2-3 weeks, he'll get bored with nothing better to do and he'll ask her out. She will put some meaning into it and waste more time on something not meant to be. We see it all the time here, people not showing real interest but still doing the random date and that gets the other person all confused. Well hopefully if he swings back around after two or three weeks of silence, OP would have the good sense to next him. There's a statute of limitations once she opens the door for him. Besides, he could do that regardless of her telling him anything. I still think it won't hurt her at all to at least try, if she's really interested. Nothing intrinsically bad is going to happen. She gets rejected? No one died from that. 1
katiegrl Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) Well hopefully if he swings back around after two or three weeks of silence, OP would have the good sense to next him. There's a statute of limitations once she opens the door for him. Besides, he could do that regardless of her telling him anything. I still think it won't hurt her at all to at least try, if she's really interested. Nothing intrinsically bad is going to happen. She gets rejected? No one died from that. Look.... bottom line is IF he were interested ..... since he cancelled the fourth date (legit reason) which SHE initiated, he would have rescheduled! How many times has it been said on this board -- interested people act interested! OP has shown him SHE is interested by initiating the fourth date. Not only did he cancel that, but he has not made any effort to reschedule. What does this tell you? Come on now common sense. Now sure she can go ahead and ask him out AGAIN, and hope he accepts. If he's bored, maybe he even will. But why? So he can see her when he has nothing else going on, and risk being put in the "good for now" category? Again, interested people act interested. OP is acting interested....he, on the other hand, is not. Not only that, but if she proceeds to chase him (which if she asks him out AGAIN, is precisely what she's doing), that sends him the message that he doesn't have to do much, if anything, to maintain her interest and attraction. Hey, it may even tell him that the more he acts DIS-interested, the MORE interested SHE is! It sets a very bad precedent. Now if he was a passive guy in general, then okay if she wants to take the lead in the RL and do all, if most of the pursuing, that is fine. But we already know he is NOT a passive guy since he already initiated the first three dates. Edited March 15, 2016 by katiegrl 2
losangelena Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 But why? So he can see her when he has nothing else going on, and risk getting her heart ripped to shreds? I didn't realize her heart was in danger of getting ripped to shreds if she asks him out again. That's a tad dramatic.
katiegrl Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I didn't realize her heart was in danger of getting ripped to shreds if she asks him out again. That's a tad dramatic. Agree.... I modified my post and took that out and changed it to "good for now" girl....which is more fitting anyway.
road Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Honestly, I think they are suspicious if a woman comes on to them and may suspect she is trashy. Trashy and attractive are not joined at the hip. Women can be any combination of attractive, trashy, unattractive, not trashy. Trashy is the way she talks, dresses, body language, conducts herself, and manners. Trashy has nothing to do with her being attractive or ugly. So just because a woman asks a man out does not make her trashy. Regardless of her being attractive or ugly. However being trashy can be a deal breaker for a man even when the woman is attractive.
Author pinkelephant1111 Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 Look.... bottom line is IF he were interested ..... since he cancelled the fourth date (legit reason) which SHE initiated, he would have rescheduled! How many times has it been said on this board -- interested people act interested! OP has shown him SHE is interested by initiating the fourth date. Not only did he cancel that, but he has not made any effort to reschedule. What does this tell you? Come on now common sense. Now sure she can go ahead and ask him out AGAIN, and hope he accepts. If he's bored, maybe he even will. But why? So he can see her when he has nothing else going on, and risk being put in the "good for now" category? Again, interested people act interested. OP is acting interested....he, on the other hand, is not. Not only that, but if she proceeds to chase him (which if she asks him out AGAIN, is precisely what she's doing), that sends him the message that he doesn't have to do much, if anything, to maintain her interest and attraction. Hey, it may even tell him that the more he acts DIS-interested, the MORE interested SHE is! It sets a very bad precedent. Now if he was a passive guy in general, then okay if she wants to take the lead in the RL and do all, if most of the pursuing, that is fine. But we already know he is NOT a passive guy since he already initiated the first three dates. This is great, I need to pin this on my wall. Here's where I struggle though - as a girl, I can not be very interested in a guy for the first couple of dates (my case here actually), but something can be triggered in me to start emotionally investing - frequent texts (i've had a past flame where I wasn't too interested until he emailed me every day to chat, and it took a couple of weeks before I was hooked). As a guy, let's say he puts me in the "good for now" category, and we hang out a little more frequently, text a bit more...wouldn't he become more emotionally invested the more he sees me and I change categories to perhaps a more serious one? Again, as a girl I can see this happening to me. Just not 100% sure it works this way with guys.
mcjordan Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I think all guys would appreciate a woman they find attractive making her interest clear somehow. BUT It's been my observation that a confident, socially intelligent man with a healthy outlook about dating and women still does enjoy pursuing to a degree. It only seems to be the men who are jaded, emotionally not as intelligent, and fixated on the math who make a big deal about a woman needing to cross exactly the same amount of t's that he does. 1
thecrucible Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I wouldn't go up to a man I liked and point blank ask him on a date. I doubt that would work very well for either gender. But I see absolutely nothing wrong with initiating conversation with a man and getting to know him whatever comes of it. If he likes you, he won't think that you initiating contact and making your presence known is going to be a turn off. It's like that song, "It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it, and that's what gets results".
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I know I'm not alone in wishing that women were not so passive when it comes to meeting guys 1
truth_seeker Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I wouldn't go up to a man I liked and point blank ask him on a date. I doubt that would work very well for either gender. But I see absolutely nothing wrong with initiating conversation with a man and getting to know him whatever comes of it. If he likes you, he won't think that you initiating contact and making your presence known is going to be a turn off. It's like that song, "It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it, and that's what gets results". If a woman approached me, whether I found her attractive or not, I would take it as a compliment. If a beautiful woman asked me out on a date, I'd probably give her the keys to my house. lol. Very true about the song...
road Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 This is great, I need to pin this on my wall. Here's where I struggle though - as a girl, I can not be very interested in a guy for the first couple of dates (my case here actually), but something can be triggered in me to start emotionally investing - frequent texts (i've had a past flame where I wasn't too interested until he emailed me every day to chat, and it took a couple of weeks before I was hooked). As a guy, let's say he puts me in the "good for now" category, and we hang out a little more frequently, text a bit more...wouldn't he become more emotionally invested the more he sees me and I change categories to perhaps a more serious one? Again, as a girl I can see this happening to me. Just not 100% sure it works this way with guys. I don't know nothin' about no women's minds. As when they say "fine" when they are pissed at you or "go ahead" when they mean don't you try it. But I will say this as soon as a man sees a woman that he finds attractive he is ready to go out with her. He does not need no time to "build a connection" or barf "develop feelings" for her.
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