xpaperxcutx Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Recently I find that the types of guys I go for are strictly Asian, and predominantly, Chinese. I refuse to date outside my race because I got tired of being a fetish to guys, and we all know some Caucasian men (no offense) tend to have yellow fever. This thread isn't a flame post or anything, and neither am I looking to offend anyone. But as another thread on this site asked whether people date for an end, my ultimate end to dating is preferably marriage and family. I know I'm only 26, but I feel like only men within my own race are more likely to have the same mindset. Afterall, most of my Asian friends are the only one to get married the earliest. Does anyone else feel the same? That ultimately settling down someone from either your culture or background seem more reasonable than avoiding the norm, and choosing someone who isn't?
lino Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I wouldn't want to be the guy a woman 'settles down with' whether she was my race or not. But then again I'm not someone who pays real close attention to things like race with attraction. Things are already hard enough! 2
SammySammy Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 No, I don't feel the same. I would never limit my prospects to only one race. Love is so much bigger than that. I would be denying myself the opportunity to meet so many wonderful women if I did that. 1
angel.eyes Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I focus on shared values and goals. As you recently discovered, just because someone shares your race, doesn't mean he'll share your dating objectives. Obviously there are guys in every race who are marriage-minded and focused on finding a spouse. It's not just Asian guys or Chinese guys who are looking for something serious. Moreover, not all of the 700 million Chinese guys out there are dating to find a spouse. Some are just looking to pay the field and have fun. You're making very broad generalizations and unfounded assumptions about specific individuals based on stereotypes. That has led you painfully astray in the past. Perhaps it's time to revisit your belief system. Certainly your dating experience hasn't matched up to it. Rethink what really matters in selecting partners. Then you may have an easier time selecting appropriate guys.
Lady2163 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I'm not quite twice the age of the OP. While I have some attraction to men of different races, as I've gotten older I'm less likely to embrace adversity in a relationship. A different culture and/or language brings a whole host of situations to a relationship. For it to work, both partners have to assimilate. I just don't think I have it in me to battle the differences. 3
MissCongeniality Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Speaking as a bisexual woman I'm not into guys outside my race and really not attracted to black men(no offense) I literally do not find blacks attractive. It's not a racist things I don't feel attracted to men outside my race now where women are concerned I like hispanics and asains but wouldn't want anything long term.
Jabron1 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 My ex was Polish. It's not a different race, but it is a different culture, and language. There are a lot of Polish immigrants in England. And they typically mix within their own circles. That definitely was a challenge for me. I certainly felt like an outsider among her social circle. This sort of stuff is trivial though, when you really like someone. Perhaps I have a more relaxed attitude, but I don't have a perfect person, or endgoal in mind when I meet someone. Thus, I don't have any requirements for race, culture, or things like that. I have preferences, but no pre-conceived idea of 'the one'.
joseb Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 If you are attracted to guys outside your own race, then you shouldn't limit yourself because you perceive some guys have a "fettish" for Asian Girls. Perhaps this fettish is just a preference, similar to how many women go exclusively for tall guys. If you are not attracted then by all means stay and date within your race. Personally I know a lot of Caucasian guys who have dated, married and had kids with Asian women and are happy.
Emilia Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 No, I don't date within my race. I prefer to be viewed as an individual and I do the same when it comes to men. I've lived on 3 different continents though, that helps
Phoenician Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 it was shocking to me , that after 18 years of a roller coaster marriage ; I can accept the idea to date a woman who looked odd to my desires few years back . If I am free again , the lady who will occupy my heart mind and soul could be even an Alien !
Els Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) I'm East Asian as well and race hasn't really been a major consideration for me. To be fair, everyone I've dated is/was also East Asian (although not all the exact same race), but that was probably due to the fact that I grew up and did all my dating in Asia, so it might've been a statistical probability thing. I don't think it's a good idea to exclude people due to race, but then again I don't think it's a good idea to exclude people due to height, weight, hair, fashion, etc also. If it's an integral part of your attraction then it can't be helped, but if you're consciously setting 'requirements' I would reexamine that. Re: "Yellow fever", yeah, it's a concern, and if you were raised in an Asian family/society I can understand how that precaution would have been impressed upon you by mostly well-intentioned elders. But the thing is, (1) there isn't necessarily a correlation between objectification and race, and (2) the personality of the person determines how they will treat you, not their race. Lots of Caucasian men are *******s who will objectify you due to your race, but similarly lots of Asian men might objectify you in other ways. Perhaps better to learn to avoid that sort of man, rather than an entire race? And as for age of marriage, I don't think East Asian men necessarily marry earlier. In general I've noticed that Caucasians have a wider variability in age of (first) marriage, whereas East Asian men have a much narrower range (and are more likely to have only one marriage in their lives, though whether or not that is a good thing is debatable). I've seen Caucasian dudes have their first marriage at anything from age 18 to age 50, whereas among the East Asian men I know, most of them cluster around the late 20s - mid 30s. Edited March 15, 2016 by Elswyth 2
lychee Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 We all have a personal preference and are attracted to certain races more than others. In your case IMO I think you are limiting yourself. Many other cultures, im sure, have the same morals & values as yours. Personally I'm not attracted to my own nationality ..simply because it's too close to home. No variety, im attracted to whats different, I love learning and I like a challenge. The guys I've dated all had one thing in common, we had the same values, we were brought up the same way and had the same views on things I find important.
Gaeta Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I only date outside my race. Some people call it a preference, others call it a fetish. I don't care what people call it, I simply date men I find attractive and desirable to me. Back to you. I am somewhat familiar with Chinese culture. I mean no offense when I say this but at 26 your expiration date is coming up soon. In a couple of years available single Chinese men won't pick you because of your age so I think it's shooting yourself in the foot to not look outside your culture. If I were a Chinese woman I would date outside my race. I would never be able to deal with in-laws controlling my husband and controlling me. Every Chinese woman I know are practically slaves to their in-laws. No thank you.
Buddhist Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) Does anyone else feel the same? That ultimately settling down someone from either your culture or background seem more reasonable than avoiding the norm, and choosing someone who isn't? Yes I do. As a caucasian woman who once dated Asian men I've totally shelved that idea now. I came to realise the strict cultural mindset of many Asian men doesn't enable them to love the way I understand it. I'm sure it's love for people from their culture but it just feels like something very unfulfiling to me. I never wanted to marry any of them because there was always a lack of real connection. I was just a trophy to them. The older I get the less likely I am to bother with intercultural dating. When I was younger it was all important because I wanted to experience something different. But when the two cultures are so far apart the partners always feel like something is lacking in their connection with each other. Asian men could never understand why I don't put family as the centre of my universe and I was frustrated with their lack of independence from their family unit. It was a fundamental incompatibility that no amount of affection could ever bridge. People prefer their own cultures and races for a reason. You both have a similar perspective in life which helps enormously with understanding and feeling connected. I don't care whether I marry or not it's not important to me at all and neither do I particularly care about family. I'm looking for someone to become a couple with, independent of of those things. What matters to me most is the connection we share. Edited March 15, 2016 by Buddhist 1
SwordofFlame Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I'm an Asian American who's open to dating all races. Why limit yourself? I'm sure there's some truth to racial stereotypes, but I'm certainly not going to establish racial dating preferences because of them. That's terribly close minded.
stillafool Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 That ultimately settling down someone from either your culture or background seem more reasonable than avoiding the norm, and choosing someone who isn't? I don't think it is the norm to chose someone outside your race to marry. Either way, if it's important to you to marry within your race then do it. Who cares what others do or feel?
road Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I never heard "yellow fever". Had me laughing so hard I was this close to spilling my cup of tea. Never had the opportunity to date an Asian woman though I have seen some very beautiful one's. And if one of them wanted me and if I was single who am I to deny them 1-2 minutes of the greatest pleasure they would ever have. As to only wanting to date one's race, religion, ethnic group (in America there are a lot hyphen-americans) is not racist. It is a preference. Being compatible on what is important to oneself is all that matters.
Larryville Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I would never limit my prospects to only one race. Love is so much bigger than that. If race is first and foremost in your mind, you will never find true love or even be in a cohesive relationship… I focus on shared values and goals. As you recently discovered, just because someone shares your race, doesn't mean he'll share your dating objectives. Great point! I’m mixed look ethnic and grew up in a upper middle class all white neighborhood, so my “preferences” have been shaped by that upbringing. Every relationship partner and my OLD preferences were indeed shaped by my childhood experiences. While I have some attraction to men of different races, as I've gotten older I'm less likely to embrace adversity in a relationship. A different culture and/or language brings a whole host of situations to a relationship. For it to work, both partners have to assimilate. I just don't think I have it in me to battle the differences. I have run into those who felt this way and it is not a good or bad thing. In some relationships I felt like the outsider and it is hard particularly having to battle the prejudices of the family and having to also see your significant other struggle with fighting their own family about these prejudices. I don't have any requirements for race, culture, or things like that. I don’t either, do I have a preference… yes… however I focus on intelligence, education, and depth of character, someone with self-confidence these type of people are far more likely to view me as an individual rather than my skin color. Yellow-fever? I'm former military... very prevalent
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 I'm an Asian American who's open to dating all races. Why limit yourself? I'm sure there's some truth to racial stereotypes, but I'm certainly not going to establish racial dating preferences because of them. That's terribly close minded. I dated outside of my race before. Hispanic, White, South Asian.... so far the only good experience has been an Asian. I find that my preference for guys changed. Im also looking at personalities more. As much as certain races are aesthetically pleasing, Im just not that tempted to want to date another Caucasian or Hispanic.
Jejangles Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 In the past I have had a preference for guys with a similar background to me (who tend to be the same race). However, my current boyfriend is an immigrant of a different race and yet I have never met a man who I have had more in common with. Our values are similar, our views on life are similar, our interests are similar. I have never met a man from my background or race who I connected with like with my guy. So I think you need to look inside to determine compatibility. Culture and race may play a part in relationship success, but what matters more is who you both are and how you view life.
SwordofFlame Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I dated outside of my race before. Hispanic, White, South Asian.... so far the only good experience has been an Asian. I find that my preference for guys changed. Im also looking at personalities more. As much as certain races are aesthetically pleasing, Im just not that tempted to want to date another Caucasian or Hispanic. That's not surprising. I don't know why, but they've done studies on interracial dating and it seems men are a lot more open to it than women.
Larryville Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I don't know why, but they've done studies on interracial dating and it seems men are a lot more open to it than women. Because women who date outside their race are risking significantly more, family (siblings and their friends), close long term friends (especially if you never dated outside your race before), co-workers, social status (is she dating a dude who is unemployed, uneducated or undereducated), a seriously screwed up and prejudice society depending on where you live (major city, east or west coast vs some small town in Iowa) And also the dirty little secret… when things go bad no matter what race will ALWAYS creep back into the dynamic. Look we all have prejudices deep down and when $#it hits the fan, friends family will no doubt say “I told you not to date that….” A dude in most cases are just better able to ignore the outside noise... 1
normal person Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I dated outside of my race before. Hispanic, White, South Asian.... so far the only good experience has been an Asian. Honest question, do you think the good/bad experiences were solely a result of the race of the person or might there be other factors at play? I've dated girls and had it been a bad experience before, I never attributed it to race. Granted, I'm white and these are all white girls. But if I have a bad experience with one, I wouldn't say "I have bad experiences with white girls (or whatever race it was)," I'd say "I have bad experiences with girls who do x, y, z," because race isn't the crux of the problem. It can be, if x, y, and z are things where race is referenced or a salient trait. But if isn't, I think it's weird to assume that the bad experience was just a result of the race of the person. 5
Shining One Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) OP, it sounds like you're limiting yourself. You should use early dates to feel people out to see if they have what you're looking for. Eliminating entire races from your dating pool will eliminate many of the men who have what you're looking for. I have no racial preferences of my own, but like you, I look for a certain mindset. In my case, I find I'm more compatible with black women who grew up in the Caribbean (one of my favorite exes is Jamaican) than black women who grew up in the US. If I had eliminated black women from my dating pool, I would never have dated that wonderful ex. I learned a lot from that relationship and we're good friends now. Edited March 15, 2016 by Shining One 1
Almond_Joy Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 As a Black woman, I'm really curious... What is the aversion to black men/women? I promise I'm not offended or trying to stir the pot, no one can help what they're attracted to and everyone's entitled to preferences. I'd just really be interested if someone could put into words what they find off-putting about black people physically. I love my features so it's hard for me to get why others don't like them lol. And I can't recall a time that I've been unable to appreciate other people's features regardless of their race.
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