BC1980 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Really needs some help here...I feel completely unable to cope and destroyed. UPDATE Since i unblocked her...i asked if I could see her. She said "Maybe Saturday". I got annoyed that it was 'maybe' after all we've been through considering that she was partying with that guy the night before and was going to see him again the same day I asked. I pretty much gave some passive aggressive comments telling her she betrayed me, shes a club girl now, a backstabber and I also spilled my heart saying how I wish things were like they were before.i kept saying why does she put me on the sidelines and see this guy and her friends over me. She even flew to new york city with that guy and her friends. She parties all the time with them and does everything with them. All the things i wish i could be doing with her she's doing with others. She blocked my number. Her last words after I spilled my heart were "Lol bye". I sent her countless emotional facebook messages pleading for her back. I created free phone number apps and called and texted her from them pleading to unblock me only for her to block those numbers. I feel totally crushed, betrayed, REJECTED and like I gave up my last droplet of dignity doing this. She blocked me for what seems like for good, is completely ignoring me and probably happy spending the day with her guy. I feel so hurt and unable to cope with this. Not only did she **** me, i screwed my self respect and dignity by begging for her and seeming crazy to send so many paragraph long messages At this point, she is doing you a favor by blocking you and ignoring you. I know that seems harsh, but, right now, you can't stop yourself from contacting her. You are an emotional wreck (understandable), and you aren't making good decisions. I think you are still in a lot of denial, which is also pretty normal at this point. I feel for you because I've been there. It's not nice by any stretch of the imagination. I look back and can't believe I once felt that way, so you can move on. Please have hope that you can because there are a lot of people here who have moved on. At this point, you absolutely must go NC. If that is the only thing you do right now, just make the decision to go NC. Don't concentrate on anything else right now. Just try to do it for 30 days if it seems too hard to go further than that. You can do it for 30 days for sure. Can you just try to make that commitment and reevaluate after 30 days?
BC1980 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Surprisingly, she called me today to 'clear the air. She said she still wants to talk and be friends, and even see me (probably for same ole usual sex and nothing else). She told me if we got back together, things probably wouldnt be the same. She also mentioned concern that Id use pictures she sent me of herself throughout the years against her. I said I wouldnt ever do that...Im wondering if the phone call was essentially so she could get that reassurance only. I think she's over me...she probably just wants to keep me around for her ego. Idk...I dont even think she wants me around really. One thing I know for sure is she doesnt want the same thing as me. She doesnt want to have me as a close friend, or someone she has new experiences with. Really, I shouldnt be over thinking anything. I should just forget about her, accept that she's no longer part of my life, and move on... Ugh. I didn't read this before I posted. Block her. Now. She is playing with you because she is emotionally distanced from you. She no longer feels the way you do. If you have to get up every morning and force yourself to say that, do it. It will hurt like h*ll, but do it. When I first started NC, I used to get up and tell myself that he made the choice to leave and no longer wants me. It's hard, but you get used to it.
Weathersf1 Posted March 19, 2016 Posted March 19, 2016 I'm sorry that you're going through this incredibly difficult experience. I myself have gone through the exact same scenario after 3 yards of dating. I'm currently coming up to 3 months of NC. One thing is absolutely certain and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, YOU MUST ABSOLUTELY GO TOTAL RADIO SILENT. Under no circumstances do you speak, talk, answer or respond to anything. It is the only way for you to recover and before you think I don't know how hard it is. Trust me brother, you're talking to someone that walked in on his fiancée having a threesome 2 weeks before a wedding in Bahamas. I have battled with the emotions night and day and have the scars to prove it. I have had to live with the images of my future wife naked in bed with her friend and her lowlife boyfriend. There was no other way but to pretend she died. Which I did and it has gotten a bit better but still a long way to go. Walk away and never look back. You have the strength in you to do this and come out the other side a better and stronger man. It won't be easy or quick but it has to be done. Good luck and we are all here to support you.
Author loiden Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 (edited) UPDATE: On top of all the emotions I've been feeling, tonight just cherry topped it. I was out with a friend, and I see my ex with another guy, alone. It was late at night (4am) in a bar type area, they were near her car. They were talking to each other about to say bye to each other, she sees me walking her direction (was parked close by, this was all a coincidence). The guy says bye to her, leans in for a kiss but she didn't accept the kiss. I know she denied the kiss because she saw me, but still she was clearly out with him all night and probably made out countless times while dancing at a club. What hurts even more? I asked to see her today. She told me she was busy all day and night with work and couldn't. Apparently, her plan was to see this guy. She insisted on denying she's been seeing or dating a guy for months, but now I know the truth. She likely denied the kiss to not look bad for lying to me about not seeing anyone, though it's clear she's with a guy. I kinda find it odd that she'd have enough respect for me to deny his kiss as I'm walking by though...it confuses me a little. This just ****ing hurts so much. I wish I didn't see her and this guy together, and see the guy leaning in to kiss my ex girlfriend who I used to kiss all the time...I know that she is out with guys now having her fun and here I am hurt and devoting my thoughts to this all. I seriously am so hurt. I feel a tad relieved that I saw this though, oddly. I visually witnessed her moving on for good, getting close to other men and it's pretty much taken out denial in my mind...It's allowed me to really accept that it's truly over Edited March 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
Empire87 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 (edited) UPDATE: On top of all the emotions I've been feeling, tonight just cherry topped it. I was out with a friend, and I see my ex with another guy, alone. It was late at night (4am) in a bar type area, they were near her car. They were talking to each other about to say bye to each other, she sees me walking her direction (was parked close by, this was all a coincidence). The guy says bye to her, leans in for a kiss but she didn't accept the kiss. I know she denied the kiss because she saw me, but still she was clearly out with him all night and probably made out countless times while dancing at a club. What hurts even more? I asked to see her today. She told me she was busy all day and night with work and couldn't. Apparently, her plan was to see this guy. She insisted on denying she's been seeing or dating a guy for months, but now I know the truth. She likely denied the kiss to not look bad for lying to me about not seeing anyone, though it's clear she's with a guy. I kinda find it odd that she'd have enough respect for me to deny his kiss as I'm walking by though...it confuses me a little. This just ****ing hurts so much. I wish I didn't see her and this guy together, and see the guy leaning in to kiss my ex girlfriend who I used to kiss all the time...I know that she is out with guys now having her fun and here I am hurt and devoting my thoughts to this all. I seriously am so hurt. I feel a tad relieved that I saw this though, oddly. I visually witnessed her moving on for good, getting close to other men and it's pretty much taken out denial in my mind...It's allowed me to really accept that it's truly over It's been really over since December and she's done/said countless things that you could've accepted as closure in the time since.. So what's going to make this instance different than those where you actually finalize it? You haven't realized that the one card you have to play in getting her back and making her realize what she's lost is the fact that you spent 5 years with her. If you went no contact, started going out with your own friends, and actually opened yourself to other opportunities, nights out with other girls... Then she'd be the one checking your Instagram and askin you to get together and talk things out. Instead you've made yourself a groveling doormat who she could pick up anytime she wants even though she's thoroughly embarrassed you and disrespected you for the last 4 months. When you arranged to meet up this weekend. What did you actually think was going to come of that? She clearly has not had to face what life is like without you or feel like you've moved on because you've hounded her over and over and been the desperate nerdy unattractive ex BF since she broke ho with you. The only thing that would happen is you would confess your love, she'd say she still wants you as a friend, and the merry go round would start again. Or you would get pissed that she did something or posted something and throw things in her face to try and make her feel bad or guilty or that she's a bad person for doing things that make your 5 years together seem like nothing to her. And then you're still single tomorrow. These convos, and meetings have 0 purpose. Disappear from her life. Don't block her on IG, delete her!. Save yourself from yourself when you have moments of sanity. So when you realize how crazy you've been acting, delete her. Then when you have a weak moment again, you can't stalk her 50 times a day. And also realize that when you text her comments like "hope it was worth it. Bye forever" ... All it does is lessen the respect she has for you... And girls don't date guys they don't respect. If you actually have a life of your own that doesn't revolve around her, then she might start seeing how you were someone important to her and that there's a reason she was with you so long. You also need to look at why she stopped seeing her friends when you started dating. In a healthy relationship, each person can socialize and hang out with the others group of friends/inner circle. They can also let one another go out with their friends on their own every once in a while. If you're the kind of guy who can't deal with his gf having guy friends, or doesn't have a life outside the person you're dating... Then you are going to have this problem with the next person your with as well. Edited March 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Empire87 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 One more thing. Pretend that you magically got back together with her tomorrow and she said everything you wanted her to say and you're back as a couple. There is absolutely NO way you are going to be able to let go of the things she's done or the things you think she's done with other guys or while she was single and have a happy relationship. It'll eat away at you until you start an argument or bring up something that she did which hurt you and you'll spend all your time just fighting about the broken trust that's occurred as well as your insecurities that she'll leave you again. The only way you can rest easy and not go through that is by accepting that your relationship with her is over and not going to be fixed. Tell yourself that there's no way you could date her and respect yourself in the next 6months-a year. Because she's not going to come back to you based on the way you're acting. And you're not going to forget everything she's done without substantial time by yourself and hooking up or dating a couple other girls as well. If your ex sees or hears that you're going out with other girls or seeing/talking to someone, it will remind her that you're a valuable commodity which other girls can be aware of. At this point you're just showing her that you're not someone anyone wants to be with because you're groveling to her every other day. 1
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