Breakup has made me insane.

[loiden]

Hello...

 

I'll try to keep it short. I was in a 5 year relationship. It was perfect. We were best friends. She was gorgeous. We did everything together. She had a group of guy friends that she knew for years, but she barely would hang out with them. Out of nowhere, she pretty much started hanging out with them ALL the time (partying, sleeping over their houses etc) and cut me out of her life. She admitted to kissing one of them.

 

This happened in December. Ever since, I have been going to MAJOR depression. I can't get over the betrayal, and can't understand how we could go from being best friends, loving each other, doing everything together, to being a person she doesn't want to spend time with. I feel like my heart has been cut out and stomped on. I've been compulsively checking her and her friends instagram...very compulsively. Maybe 50 times throughout the day. Occasionally they post pictures of them all partying and drinking.

 

Not only this, but she has been stringing me along. I met up with her a few times and we have sex, but she never wants to hang out or spend real time together...yet she spends most of her time with these guys and one of them who she kissed. I feel so torn. The compulsive instagram stalking is making me go insane. The compulsive thoughts about her and why things turned out this way. The mood swings. The hope that maybe we'll get back together. I feel suicidal at times. I feel angry at times and punch walls. I have nightmares...

 

I need serious help

[Punchkick]

bro.... Drop that **** ASAP! for your own sake, dignity and self respect. No woman in the world should ever treat you like that. She's with other guys. who knows what else they do. Man, please take time for yourself and learn and know you deserve better. You are basically her little bitch

[sorano]

First off, I am sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine how painful that is. I am not an expert, but, if it were me, I would go no contact asap. cut her off. I know it's difficult to do bc you have been together for 5 years. You have to stop following her on all social media, no texts no phone calls nothing. even if she wants to have sex. NO. The more you follow her and let her string you along, the more pain and suffering you will feel and never heal.

 

Ask yourself, do you want to be with someone that treats you this way? You sound like a caring nice guy. You deserve 10x better. Imagine if you were married, had kids, a house and then this happened? It would be even worse. Think about that

[Bios]

I have been in a very similar situation as you. I know how difficult and how depressing this can be. But you know what, no one has the right to do that to anyone. I know that whatever you do, you will continue to think about your relationship, what could you have done differently, what could you have done better. She made her choice to throw it all away, all those years together.

 

Do yourself a favor and change yourself! Grieve if you need to and cry it all out. Don't do anything stupid as this phase will eventually pass. Start with unfriending her on FB and other social media. You are just making yourself miserable by continuously looking at her social media. USE VISUAL AIDS to remind you not to look a her profile, etc. With what has happened, I don't think your relationship will ever be the same. You won't trust her the same way, she may not leave her friends for you and you will continue to feel like crap. I've been there and I am still recovering from it. By not looking at her profile, I am not feeling so sad/angry anymore. Start there brother, it will get better.

[LostOnes05]

Bro...uninstall instagram. Your health is much more important than an app or the person(s) associated with it. She is no longer your concern. Once you realize your worth, you won't even want her back should she ask for a second chance.

 

Every time you think about her and get angry do pushups until you can't get off the floor. When I was blindsided years ago, going the gym was probably the thing that saved my life. I used my anger to my advantage and got in even better shape than I already was. Do this and you'll begin to feel better. Use that anger for something constructive and build yourself up again. Never let someone who doesn't want to be a part of your life occupy space in your mind for free.

[loiden]

Thanks for all the responses so far. As stated, the breakup happened in December and I've been essentially strung along since.

 

She had recently posted a picture on instagram with one of the guys she kissed (they are very close in the picture and look happy) and she knows I saw it. Anyways, I sent that picture to her in a text with the message "Good luck!" and I blocked her number right after.

 

Maybe it would've been better to block her without sending anything? Idk...but at least now I won't be hoping or expecting for any messages from her...no more contact. No more sex. Nothing. I am cutting her off for good. I might feel worse tomorrow morning, but I think this is the best thing for me.

Edited March 15, 2016 by loiden

[keiji]

Thanks for all the responses so far. As stated, the breakup happened in December and I've been essentially strung along since.

 

She had recently posted a picture on instagram with one of the guys she kissed (they are very close in the picture and look happy) and she knows I saw it. Anyways, I sent that picture to her in a text with the message "Good luck!" and I blocked her number right after.

 

Maybe it would've been better to block her without sending anything? Idk...but at least now I won't be hoping or expecting for any messages from her...no more contact. No more sex. Nothing. I am cutting her off for good. I might feel worse tomorrow morning, but I think this is the best thing for me.

 

No, you won't feel worse, man. Posting certain pics on a social media site knowing that you'll see them sounds pretty cruel to me. I know I'd never do it. I've never rubbed a new girl all over my ex's face. Why hurt a person you loved once and whom you should still love, although in a different way? So yes, I'll go with everybody else's advice: cut her off from your life completely. It may sound terrible now to just vanish and let her vanish, but in the mid/long-term is the best for you. She's the source of your suffering. At least make her invisible.

[Joebloggs91]

One thing that is helping me is every time I am tempted to look on her social media profiles I do something else instead. For example, I have just downloaded an app all about fitness and health, it has all sorts of interesting stuff that us blokes enjoy in. I only log onto it when I want to see what she's doing, acts as a good distraction. Still early days and boy do I want to know what she is doing 24/7 but so far so good - get yourself into a new hobby, mix life up a little. I'm joining the gym this week which will mean my daily drive home from work when I'd normally speak to her will change, I'll be going a different way home at a different time.

 

You need to shake the old routine you had with her.

 

Also, post loads of stuff on here, tell us how you're feeling. Helps me massively

[forgetmeknot12]

Hey there,

 

First, you are letting her string you a long...so next time she is looking for something don't reply her! Look what its doing to you. You gotta focus on healing yourself now. Delete and block her off all social media! Unfortunately, if her Instagram profile is public, not much you can do about that...just have to use willpower there. Join a gym. This has probably helped me the most, along with getting a personal trainer and eating healthier. Also, I recommend seeing a counsellor! It really does help talking to someone. You really just need to focus on NC. Good Luck

[Itspointless]

I am sorry this is happening to you.

 

Make it a custom to start your day with positive confirmations about your selfworth, lines like:I am worth love and kindness, I am worth people who bring positivity in my life, etc. And do that for 5 of 10 minutes. It seems Hippy-ish, but if you do it enough it will make a change. Also use your anger. Kick and punch in the air for example, scream in a pillow (for the neighbours) and start running.

 

Please be kinder to yourself and remove yourself from her.

[loiden]

Hello all...

 

Thanks once more for all the replies from each of you.

 

I ended up stupidly speaking to her today on the phone. I pretty much laid out the situation about how she sincerely shows no interest to work through anything together, and how she just enjoys partying and seeing others instead. She essentially told me she can't handle a relationship now and that her friends are not going anywhere, with a few little words like "I still care about you" and "I still want to see you" which are meant to keep me on the hook. But all her actions say otherwise 100%.

 

I told her that I'm not trying to be immature, but that I'm blocking her number and that I can't allow myself to be strung along anymore. I told her I sincerely tried, but it just didn't work, that's life and I need her out of mine so that I can move on. She hung the phone up and I blocked her right after.

 

I could've allowed myself to continue talking to her every now and then, having sex every now and then while she's still investing her real self into her party guy friends and keeping me on the sidelines. But I decided not to. I decided that it hurts too much and that I need to have some dignity. I let a lot of my dignity & self respect go during this breakup, trying to desperately keep it together and being clear with my feelings to her only to have them stepped on. That's life. It hurts, but the point of my conversation to her today was that I'm closing the door. I couldn't continue holding onto false hope...

 

And about the instagram stalking, I just need more willpower even though it's very hard. It's my only glimpse into her life.

 

Time to move on...:/

Edited March 15, 2016 by loiden

[Zahara]

And about the instagram stalking, I just need more willpower even though it's very hard. It's my only glimpse into her life.

 

You'll never be able to fully focus on your life if you keep peeking into hers. Make yours the priority.

[Itspointless]

And about the instagram stalking, I just need more willpower even though it's very hard. It's my only glimpse into her life.

 

Time to move on...:/

Not that I do not get it. You know I never blocked my ex on Facebook and such, but that is because she was the opposite of your ex. I feel normal again but still I know that I better not look. Never expected that she would have such a hold on me but I have to recognize it for what it is.

 

At first we want to hold on as we hope that it gives a sign that we still are interested. The problem is that your ex at this point just is using you. It is harsh, seems immaturity on her part.

 

So unfortunately you do not need more willpower, you need to want it.

 

Good luck buddy.

[loiden]

Update:

 

After telling her I'd block her, a few hours later in a weak moment I texted her asking if we can talk and if I can see her soon...

 

I think this proves how unstable I am. I seriously can't cope with these feelings. Being with someone for 5 years, with someone you considered your best friend. Someone you did everything with, even falling asleep together every night on the phone. Only for them to shun you out all of a sudden...it has left such a huge void in me and I feel extremely unstable and destroyed.

 

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.

[Itspointless]

Update:

 

After telling her I'd block her, a few hours later in a weak moment I texted her asking if we can talk and if I can see her soon...

 

I think this proves how unstable I am. I seriously can't cope with these feelings. Being with someone for 5 years, with someone you considered your best friend. Someone you did everything with, even falling asleep together every night on the phone. Only for them to shun you out all of a sudden...it has left such a huge void in me and I feel extremely unstable and destroyed.

 

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.

Yes and it does not get any better if you keep doing that.

 

Use the Rubber Band Technique: place a rubber band around your wrist, and every time you catch yourself thinking about her, snap the rubber band.

[sorano]

Update:

 

After telling her I'd block her, a few hours later in a weak moment I texted her asking if we can talk and if I can see her soon...

 

I think this proves how unstable I am. I seriously can't cope with these feelings. Being with someone for 5 years, with someone you considered your best friend. Someone you did everything with, even falling asleep together every night on the phone. Only for them to shun you out all of a sudden...it has left such a huge void in me and I feel extremely unstable and destroyed.

 

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.

 

Your going further down the rabbit hole friend. Your not the only one going through this bro.

 

I got dragged along as well. Lied to, promised **** you name it. My heart was torn into pieces. But, I put my foot down, put ON MY BIG BOY PANTS AND SAID ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. ****s gotta stop. I am better than her and I will let karma finish it off.

 

You have to take this negative energy and turn it into positive. come on man. why are you going back? Really? You will never get better.

 

why dont you show her that your better and start making better changes in your life. Gym, new job more money, dress different, look and act better. dude..........

[triple-s]

No amount of post on here will solve your problem dude ...

 

No matter what we say, you wont listen . You will listen to your own gut and thats fine ...

 

Ill leave you this ;

 

" you must participate in your own rescue "

 

Do you wanna keep feeling like **** ? do you wanna constantly being treated like **** ?

 

Bro ... i was there . Just like you . Shes totally having her cake and eating it too . Ultimately shes being selfish

 

Im gonna lay it down to you --- she doesnt care about you dude. and thats the truth ...

 

One day you will wake up and will be so tired of it ... time will heal you but you gotta help yourself . No one will do it for you .

 

Look up coach corey wayne on youtube . he straightened me out ...

 

 

ive been 3 months no contact with my ex . No temptation to look at her instagram . Social media ...

 

Im working on myself and I FEEL F_KING GREAT

 

 

try it.

[darkbloom]

Your relationship wasn't perfect. That's fantasy land you are in. You are putting her on a pedestal and glorifying your relationship. If she could treat you that way, it was always there inside her to begin with. You just chose not to see it.

 

Online stalking is just as bad as real stalking. You can't control her. Finding out more info about her is just going to drive you nuts. You're choosing this path. The only way it stops is if you do.

[loiden]

Sincerely, thank you all for your comments.

 

Yes, I have had many weak moments...it's not the first time I spilled my heart to her in hopes that she'll come back. Reading all your messages inspires me to be strong, and reminds me that I am responsible for a lot my suffering. Realizing this, I know that a lot of power is in my own hands, to choose a path of happiness.

 

I think why I slip sometimes is, I remember the 5 years of trust and reassurance she always gave me. I remember a person I could depend on and trust without second thought. Sometimes, I hope that maybe I'll get through to that person inside of her, but I know that person is gone. I know that I'm in denial and no amount of words will get the girl I once knew back. She's different now. She's content with her new way of life and has no intention to change. She's already proved with her actions that she's not someone I can depend on anymore.

 

And yes, dark bloom, my relationship wasn't perfect, but it was actually a very happy relationship for both of us here we never fought and got along extremely well. We had a VERY strong bond and were best friends. However, you are right. Even though it took 5 years for her to reveal that she was capable of cutting me off like this and ditching me for others, it was nonetheless going to surface eventually. I sincerely could never do this to her no matter what the time frame. I was in it to marry her. If it didn't happen on year 5, it might've happened on year 6, or during marriage. In that sense, I dodged a bullet.

 

It really is time to just move on. I agree with kylo-ren...no amount of posts on this forum will solve my problem. I must say though, that all your comments have helped me immensely to vent and get input. I honestly don't have many people to talk to about this...I've already annoyed all the people I know with this topic to a point where I am embarrassed to bring it up anymore.

Edited March 16, 2016 by loiden

[Captivating]

Update:

 

After telling her I'd block her, a few hours later in a weak moment I texted her asking if we can talk and if I can see her soon...

 

I think this proves how unstable I am. I seriously can't cope with these feelings. Being with someone for 5 years, with someone you considered your best friend. Someone you did everything with, even falling asleep together every night on the phone. Only for them to shun you out all of a sudden...it has left such a huge void in me and I feel extremely unstable and destroyed.

 

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.

 

AWW, loiden,

 

I am sorry for your loss, it is very hard to cope with a breakup.

 

What you feel is COMPLETELY NORMAL, though, so please don't think for a minute that something is wrong with you. It is essentially a withdraw that you are experiencing, similar to drug withdraw, it's in the same spot of the brain.

 

Unfortunately, it takes many months before this fluctuation and roller-coaster of feelings will subside, but IT WILL! You will be fine, don't worry.

 

I would suggest to delete instagram, facebook etc....and don't check upon her, it is the fastest way to healing. You need to heal though for yourself !!!

Don't contact her, don't meet her, don't have sex with her.

 

Focus on yourself, be kind to yourself.

 

I found a really cool video that you might find helpful with what you are going through right now. Please watch it and stay up here keep posting for us, we will listen !!! ok ? Trust me, you will be fine, it will take some time, that's all.

[loiden]

Really needs some help here...I feel completely unable to cope and destroyed.

 

UPDATE

 

Since i unblocked her...i asked if I could see her. She said "Maybe Saturday". I got annoyed that it was 'maybe' after all we've been through considering that she was partying with that guy the night before and was going to see him again the same day I asked. I pretty much gave some passive aggressive comments telling her she betrayed me, shes a club girl now, a backstabber and I also spilled my heart saying how I wish things were like they were before.i kept saying why does she put me on the sidelines and see this guy and her friends over me. She even flew to new york city with that guy and her friends. She parties all the time with them and does everything with them. All the things i wish i could be doing with her she's doing with others.

 

She blocked my number. Her last words after I spilled my heart were "Lol bye".

 

I sent her countless emotional facebook messages pleading for her back. I created free phone number apps and called and texted her from them pleading to unblock me only for her to block those numbers. I feel totally crushed, betrayed, REJECTED and like I gave up my last droplet of dignity doing this. She blocked me for what seems like for good, is completely ignoring me and probably happy spending the day with her guy.

 

I feel so hurt and unable to cope with this. Not only did she **** me, i screwed my self respect and dignity by begging for her and seeming crazy to send so many paragraph long messages

Edited March 17, 2016 by loiden

[Logic10]

Really needs some help here...I feel completely unable to cope and destroyed.

 

UPDATE

 

Since i unblocked her...i asked if I could see her. She said "Maybe Saturday". I got annoyed that it was 'maybe' after all we've been through considering that she was partying with that guy the night before and was going to see him again the same day I asked. I pretty much gave some passive aggressive comments telling her she betrayed me, shes a club girl now, a backstabber and I also spilled my heart saying how I wish things were like they were before.i kept saying why does she put me on the sidelines and see this guy and her friends over me. She even flew to new york city with that guy and her friends. She parties all the time with them and does everything with them. All the things i wish i could be doing with her she's doing with others.

 

She blocked my number. Her last words after I spilled my heart were "Lol bye".

 

I sent her countless emotional facebook messages pleading for her back. I created free phone number apps and called and texted her from them pleading to unblock me only for her to block those numbers. I feel totally crushed, betrayed, REJECTED and like I gave up my last droplet of dignity doing this. She blocked me for what seems like for good, is completely ignoring me and probably happy spending the day with her guy.

 

I feel so hurt and unable to cope with this. Not only did she **** me, i screwed my self respect and dignity by begging for her and seeming crazy to send so many paragraph long messages

 

You lost all her respect there buddy. You can't beg and grovel and be all emotional like that. You just gotta bare the pain, and move on. Sounds like she's attracted to the new guy, and you being a clingy like that makes her view you as a doormat and pushes her further away. It's 100% over now so don't even have hopes of getting back with her, concentrate on moving on. It seems impossible now but you'll be fine eventually, it just takes time.

[loiden]

You lost all her respect there buddy. You can't beg and grovel and be all emotional like that. You just gotta bare the pain, and move on. Sounds like she's attracted to the new guy, and you being a clingy like that makes her view you as a doormat and pushes her further away. It's 100% over now so don't even have hopes of getting back with her, concentrate on moving on. It seems impossible now but you'll be fine eventually, it just takes time.

 

True. You didn't sugar coat anything...you said it how it is. I lost all her self respect. And worse, respect for myself. This not only makes it harder to move on, but it really has crushed my self esteem further to know that I stooped so low for her.

 

Any advice on hope to deal with this feeling?

 

Bleh...

[Logic10]

True. You didn't sugar coat anything...you said it how it is. I lost all her self respect. And worse, respect for myself. This not only makes it harder to move on, but it really has crushed my self esteem further to know that I stooped so low for her.

 

Any advice on hope to deal with this feeling?

 

Bleh...

 

I went through something similar in Aug. 2013. This girl that I put on a pedestal was distancing herself from me, and instead of just taking the hint I poured my heart out like a simp, hoping to win her over.

 

She was always kind a respectful, making up excuses to let me down easy, but after a while when I still kept trying after a few weeks of not communicating, you can tell she was getting annoyed. I remember the last thing she said after I asked her out was "I'll MSG you if so ok" lol that was the last thing she ever said to me. I msged her a few more times after that, even wished her a happy birthday but she never responded to me again, and I can see why.

 

It's just trial and error, you'll get better in the future. Relationships nowadays, can't really be taken to seriously with the way western culture is and the fact that it appears that people have limitless options and ways to connect to each other with social media and technology, it just makes people seem easily replaceable and we always thinks there's better. Soooo much baggage.

 

As for dealing with the feeling.. Just mourn it, you can't run from it. It's almost like someone died, that feeling. Continue on with your daily tasks and the pain will start getting more manageable as more and more time passes.

[loiden]

Surprisingly, she called me today to 'clear the air. She said she still wants to talk and be friends, and even see me (probably for same ole usual sex and nothing else). She told me if we got back together, things probably wouldnt be the same. She also mentioned concern that Id use pictures she sent me of herself throughout the years against her. I said I wouldnt ever do that...Im wondering if the phone call was essentially so she could get that reassurance only.

 

I think she's over me...she probably just wants to keep me around for her ego. Idk...I dont even think she wants me around really. One thing I know for sure is she doesnt want the same thing as me. She doesnt want to have me as a close friend, or someone she has new experiences with. Really, I shouldnt be over thinking anything. I should just forget about her, accept that she's no longer part of my life, and move on...