She wants to date exclusive but doesn't want to call me a boyfriend or us a couple???

March 15, 2016

l'll cut to the chase i've been dating this girl(28) me(25) we been dating for little over 3 months now and we live 4hrs away. We hit it off amazing chemistry and been on like 5 dates due to schedule. We been acting like a couple mostly throughout kissing, cuddling, little PDA, going out on dates and sex. She hits me with the "the talk" says she wants to be exclusive but doesn't want to share her man(me)and has been exclusive for a while now but said she doesn't want titles and labels bf/gf right now which i accepted. She says she can't fully commit herself yet due to work the distance. She has said explicitly that we are not a couple or together she likes it like it is now but she insist she is not talking to anyone else. She has said doesn't want her parents to know right now due questions and opinions due to it being only 3 months

My thing is that i don't have a problem being exclusive it, But her making we are not a couple really irritated me and makes me question her intentions. it's still a huge commitment and alot of pressure on me to be committed to her if she doesn't want the us bf/gf us not being a couple thing

Anyone knows what's going on with her? Great advice would be appreciated

March 15, 2016

She's keeping her options open and if anyone asks her, "Do you have a bf?" She can honestly say "No"...

March 15, 2016

5 Dates and you're "exclusive"

wow...

Anyway, who cares about labels...?

That's all this is, a label, a name...ignore it.

If you're happy with this 4 hour MDR (Medium Distant Relationship, yeah, I just made that up), then continue...

March 15, 2016

Run bro! Dealt with the same exact thing from a woman. Exclusive but not fully committed???...notice the double talk. It's a bunch of crap...

March 15, 2016

She's keeping her options open and if anyone asks her, "Do you have a bf?" She can honestly say "No"...

Yep and i'd be doing the same because hey, i'd be a single guy.

OP man up and just go find another woman.

Good news is you don't have to dump your current one because you don't actually have one.

March 15, 2016

l'll cut to the chase i've been dating this girl(28) me(25) we been dating for little over 3 months now and we live 4hrs away. We hit it off amazing chemistry and been on like 5 dates due to schedule. We been acting like a couple mostly throughout kissing, cuddling, little PDA, going out on dates and sex. She hits me with the "the talk" says she wants to be exclusive but doesn't want to share her man(me)and has been exclusive for a while now but said she doesn't want titles and labels bf/gf right now which i accepted. She says she can't fully commit herself yet due to work the distance. She has said explicitly that we are not a couple or together she likes it like it is now but she insist she is not talking to anyone else. She has said doesn't want her parents to know right now due questions and opinions due to it being only 3 months

My thing is that i don't have a problem being exclusive it, But her making we are not a couple really irritated me and makes me question her intentions. it's still a huge commitment and alot of pressure on me to be committed to her if she doesn't want the us bf/gf us not being a couple thing

Anyone knows what's going on with her? Great advice would be appreciated

She has commitment issues.

March 15, 2016

She could just be unsure/not ready right now. No need to toss her yet.

Sometimes women (like me) need to be falling in love with a guy before committing to a full-on relationship.

March 15, 2016

I get she is still assessing this relationship because of the distance. Eventually someone will have to relocate, change jobs, etc. I really don't blame her for not wanting to set things in stone yet. At least she is being straight forward about being exclusive. Many don't even have that talk, which leaves things up in the air.

March 15, 2016

I'm with Cinnamonstix and Smackie. Three months isn't that long and you've only met up 5 times. It's good you've had the exclusive chat. If she's honest, there won't anyone else. Labelling is hard for some people (myself included). It sounds all serious and scary. I did this exact thing with my ex before we got together. We were FWB, then we talked exclusivity, then we became bf/gf. Some people don't like to jump right into relationships. If it bothers you so much, ask her. If she gets all defensive and moody, she might be looking for other options. If she explains she just isn't ready, it's your choice whether you are prepared to wait.

March 15, 2016

I'd argue with the fact that if we've gotten to the point that we're doing all things dating related, esp. with the physical part...that it is not possible for us to NOT be a couple.

If she doesn't agree, then I'd tell her, "You can't have your cake and eat it, too" and call the whole thing off.

March 15, 2016

Being sexually exclusive and not a couple is simply a fancy way to say you're friends with benefits.

I would decline it if I were you and tell her 'no exclusivity' and as long as she is unsure you are boyfriend material you will continue dating others.

Also making it bf-gf is not a marriage. I don't buy she is not ready for that commitment, what commitment? If next week she doesn't want you as her boyfriend any longer she ends it, that's all. It's also not because you are gf-bf that you need to rush and introduce family and friends, that can be kept for later on. You make your own rules.

March 15, 2016

Not worth the effort trying to stay with that one. Move on to someone that wouldnt mind you being her bf

March 15, 2016

It's just a label. Not like you're proposing marriage or anything. Why doesn't she want the label?

I'm inclined to agree with the poster above who suggested it is so she can truthfully answer "no" when other guys ask her if she has a bf. Plausible deniability. That is the only logical reason I can think that she wouldn't want the bf/gf labels.

Seems she's uncommitted or is only staying "with" you until someone better comes along. I would bail.

March 15, 2016

5 Dates and you're "exclusive"
wow...

All the girls i've dated in the past, we were exlusuve after the first date, and i always made it clear that it cannot be otherwise. I'm willing to give any girl as much time as she needs to know if she wants me, but we have to be exclusive during that time.

If a girl didn't like it, I was done with her immediatelly.

March 15, 2016

It's just a label. Not like you're proposing marriage or anything. Why doesn't she want the label?

I'm inclined to agree with the poster above who suggested it is so she can truthfully answer "no" when other guys ask her if she has a bf. Plausible deniability. That is the only logical reason I can think that she wouldn't want the bf/gf labels.

Seems she's uncommitted or is only staying "with" you until someone better comes along. I would bail.

I tried asking out a woman like this, but I noticed she was "with" a guy at a group. She came with him. Later I talked to her on Facebook as I was wanting to ask her out, but asked her first if she wasn't seeing this guy as a boyfriend or something.

She agreed to go out with me, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't intervening in a relationship. She said, "I don't like to make labels." And I was confused as this was the FIRST time I heard this word used in context with the guy she was "with".

She wanted to go out with me "just as friends", but didn't want to "Label" this guy as a boyfriend?

I said to her, "Call me old-fashioned, but what's wrong with labeling it as such?"

Apparently she had a "busy" life, "busy" with her child, but she worked from home...so she couldn't honestly be that busy..but was just one of those overly-independent types.

The guy she's with, I think...is into the whole friends with benefits anyway, so he's probably cool with just bangin' her.

I've also noticed, the women in the OP is probably afraid to use the words, "Friends with benefits".

People seem to redefine what things should be when it comes to dating.

5 Dates and you're "exclusive"
wow...

Yeah, 5 dates is enough to be considered exclusive. There are men out there that have a 3-date rule for demanding sex after the 3rd date....so why not exclusivity after 5 dates? Right?

March 15, 2016

I'm going to take a different perspective on this, because this woman you are dating sounds like me!

Maybe it's pedantic, but I see "exclusive" and "boyfriend / girlfriend" differently.

"Exclusive" means neither of us are dating or sleeping with others but we don't "owe" each other anything. So it's not assumed we are a plus one at events, we're not necessarily meeting each other's friends or families, we're still taking things kind of date to date.

"Boyfriend / girlfriend" is a bigger commitment. You have a routine, you know you will see each other a few times a week, you're meeting friends and family and if an event comes up with a plus one the other will be attending with you.

In my current relationship, my guy and I became "exclusive" once we started sleeping together. But we didn't become "boyfriend / girlfriend" until about a month later. I was the one putting the brakes on - it all felt like it was moving fast and I needed more time to get to know him. Thankfully he didn't pressure me or worry about my reluctance to label, and we are now in a relationship and I am very excited about it! He moves faster than me but gives me time to catch up and I really appreciate it.

March 15, 2016

Run bro! Dealt with the same exact thing from a woman. Exclusive but not fully committed???...notice the double talk. It's a bunch of crap...

What happened in your situation?

March 15, 2016

Yep and i'd be doing the same because hey, i'd be a single guy.

OP man up and just go find another woman.
Good news is you don't have to dump your current one because you don't actually have one.

Exactly like minds do think a like. I was thinking the same thing as well and will probably do that.

I'm not gonna take her seriously i know fully she wants to be in a fully committed relationship. I'm just gonna look at her as FWB for now and keep doing the same thing

March 15, 2016

I'm going to take a different perspective on this, because this woman you are dating sounds like me!

Maybe it's pedantic, but I see "exclusive" and "boyfriend / girlfriend" differently.

"Exclusive" means neither of us are dating or sleeping with others but we don't "owe" each other anything. So it's not assumed we are a plus one at events, we're not necessarily meeting each other's friends or families, we're still taking things kind of date to date.

"Boyfriend / girlfriend" is a bigger commitment. You have a routine, you know you will see each other a few times a week, you're meeting friends and family and if an event comes up with a plus one the other will be attending with you.

In my current relationship, my guy and I became "exclusive" once we started sleeping together. But we didn't become "boyfriend / girlfriend" until about a month later. I was the one putting the brakes on - it all felt like it was moving fast and I needed more time to get to know him. Thankfully he didn't pressure me or worry about my reluctance to label, and we are now in a relationship and I am very excited about it! He moves faster than me but gives me time to catch up and I really appreciate it.

This is how I felt exactly with my current bf. He fell in love with me early on, even before we were exclusive. It took me a while to want exclusivity and then a full-on relationship, as they come with the expectations mentioned above. It hurt him, but he didn't bail because he trusted me completely and has always thought I'm the one for him. I waited until I was falling in love (and had been feeling that way consistently) and thus motivated to give as much as a relationship required. At this point in my life, I also wanted to feel that he could be "the one".

Op, it's possible she just moves slower than you and is waiting for her feelings to progress so that she is motivated to give all that a relationship requires of her. If you really like her, see great potential and TRUST her, have some patience.

March 15, 2016

So me and her had long talk talk

I told her i couldn't be exclusive to her because i didn't like the terms and can't be exclusive if she is not fully invested .She said it was not fair to her because she invested so much time and emotions. she doesn't mind labels and giving me that if it makes me feel comfortable but doesn't want to tell everyone so soon that me and her are together when their are to many variable and questions about me and what's gonna happen and what plans are for the future because i take care of my mom which i recently move back home from California and due to our work schedule. She doesn't know if i'm gonna move back out, save up and move where she lives ect. She said she really wants this to work but it has to be steps due to the circumstances she just need time she doesn't want the same thing happen with her ex of 7 years burned her by cheating and is afraid i will walk out on her at anytime. I told give it a chance and see how it goes but i made it clear i will walk away if such action is need for me to do so. She agreed

I really view this as FWB. We will see

March 15, 2016

So me and her had long talk talk

I told her i couldn't be exclusive to her because i didn't like the terms and can't be exclusive if she is not fully invested .She said it was not fair to her because she invested so much time and emotions. she doesn't mind labels and giving me that if it makes me feel comfortable but doesn't want to tell everyone so soon that me and her are together when their are to many variable and questions about me and what's gonna happen and what plans are for the future because i take care of my mom which i recently move back home from California and due to our work schedule. She doesn't know if i'm gonna move back out, save up and move where she lives ect. She said she really wants this to work but it has to be steps due to the circumstances she just need time she doesn't want the same thing happen with her ex of 7 years burned her by cheating and is afraid i will walk out on her at anytime. I told give it a chance and see how it goes but i made it clear i will walk away if such action is need for me to do so. She agreed

I really view this as FWB. We will see

I think she is full of excuses.

Being gf and bf is not an engagement. It's only dating for goodness sake. It's like she thinks if you are bf/gf you're gonna move in tomorrow morning. Plenty of people make it gf/bf after 3-4 dates and just take it slow and get to know each other with no pressure.

And she is emotionally invested but doesn't want to call you her bf! how does that work!

March 15, 2016

So me and her had long talk talk

I told her i couldn't be exclusive to her because i didn't like the terms and can't be exclusive if she is not fully invested .She said it was not fair to her because she invested so much time and emotions. she doesn't mind labels and giving me that if it makes me feel comfortable but doesn't want to tell everyone so soon that me and her are together when their are to many variable and questions about me and what's gonna happen and what plans are for the future because i take care of my mom which i recently move back home from California and due to our work schedule. She doesn't know if i'm gonna move back out, save up and move where she lives ect. She said she really wants this to work but it has to be steps due to the circumstances she just need time she doesn't want the same thing happen with her ex of 7 years burned her by cheating and is afraid i will walk out on her at anytime. I told give it a chance and see how it goes but i made it clear i will walk away if such action is need for me to do so. She agreed

I really view this as FWB. We will see

You want her to be honest?

You need to be honest with yourself first. LDR's fail. Highlighted text shows that you are not leaving California any time soon.

March 15, 2016

It's not hard to see her viewpoint, especially if you moved away.

A decent number of my relationships have started this way. It's usually put into terms like "If we are sleeping together, we aren't going to be sleeping with anyone else." At first that seems very limiting, but then remember that if you don't sign that sexual exclusivity contract, YOU might be the one swapping fluids with some other guy. Don't kid yourself, bro. Women can get it a lot easier than men, so if she offers to spare you from the some other man's sexual fluids, I'd take that offer.

As far as the bf/gf label goes - I can see her side of that as well. If you aren't living there and there is no clear to path to a real relationship, why should she announce to the world that she's in this big bf/gf relationship? Until she knows for certain what you are going to do, she's just going to spare herself the constant questions from her family, friends, co-workers, etc.

It's weird that this bothers you because it most cases, this actually seems like the natural progression of a relationship. You date, get to know each other, probably sleep together and eventually move on to being bf/gf. Trust me, you'll get nowhere fast trying to force it along long faster or making demands. It sounds like she genuinely likes you, but unfortunately you are about to screw it up big time. It will suck, but I promise you that you will learn from this. Better luck next time.

March 16, 2016

In my situation, she pulled the committed but didn't want a label yet. We were doing all the couple things and she was saying I love you (first), etc. However, she did very suspect things. Long story short she was a liar, cheater, manipulator, and I found out towards the end that she has BPD. She essentially told me after breaking things off that she didn't love me and that she was only with me at the suggestion of her friends and family because of my soon to be profession. I treated her well but I gathered that she was used to drama and craved the abusive relationships of her past...sounds like great girl right?!?!? Lol

March 16, 2016

Just go with it. I was in a situation where a girl said something similar to me. I screwed up by getting too caught up in labels. Just have fun.

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She wants to date exclusive but doesn't want to call me a boyfriend or us a couple???

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