MellowMelly Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I'm confused about my ex and the sincerity of his apology. He treated me terribly but ended up apologizing to me 8 months later. When I first met him, he was intially really sweet and kind towards me but after about 4 months, I discovered that he was still on the dating site we met on after we became exclusive and I confronted him about it. He turned cold and dumped me because we weren't 'incompatible' and that he was going to be too busy to be with me. After he dumped me, I defriended him from FB and lost his number. I was upset for a while and unfortunately I thought about him everyday....and then he contacted me two months later, telling me that he missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me and wanted to give things another try. I liked him so much that I wanted to give it another go. Three weeks later, things aren't going great. He forgot my birthday, cancelled multiple plans in a row HE made with me to hang out with his friends instead, and I was getting very upset about it. He then promised to take me out on a date after the last time he cancelled on me to make it up to me. The next day, I texted him when he wanted to hang out with me. No reply. Sent two more, no response. Called, number no longer available. He blocked my number. I sent an fb message and he blocked me on there, too. And afterwards all the other social media we both used. On twitter and instagram, he bragged and laughed about blocking me and was sharing this information with all of his friends. It made me feel like such a loser and I cried multiple rivers about it. Two months after that, mutual friends tell me he has a new gf and how he did so much **** for her on her birthday, dates, quality time together, and how he bought her a ring. I ignore it, drop our mutual friends to not hear anything else about him, and move on. Well, a few days ago he messaged me and apologized multiple times for how he treated me. He mentioned that he received bad news about his mother having stage 4 cancer the day we were supposed to hang out. Instead of telling me, it was easier for him to just ignore me, drink, and get high with his friends instead. He acknowledged how rude it was and how much it probably hurt me and apologized. He hasnt said anything else to me since. Now, I'm also aware that his newer gf dumped him less than a month ago. Apparently he's heartbroken over her. I'm wondering why he would choose to apologize to me after all this time only after his relationship with someone else ended. I mostly just want some perspective.
todreaminblue Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 hey mell, it doesnt really matter why, only he would know why he chose to apologise after months, all that matters is that he did apologise......and now you can accept his apology for what it is worth for you to have.....he was open and honest about the reason why he treated you the way he did...that's worth merit in sincerity.... in my opinion accepting his apology is a way for you to heal what hurts from his treatment of you 8 months ago, more so than even him, accepting his apology benefits you as well as him.......so accept his apology with grace......good luck ....deb 1
266696687 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I'm confused about my ex and the sincerity of his apology. He treated me terribly but ended up apologizing to me 8 months later. When I first met him, he was intially really sweet and kind towards me but after about 4 months, I discovered that he was still on the dating site we met on after we became exclusive and I confronted him about it. He turned cold and dumped me because we weren't 'incompatible' and that he was going to be too busy to be with me. After he dumped me, I defriended him from FB and lost his number. I was upset for a while and unfortunately I thought about him everyday....and then he contacted me two months later, telling me that he missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me and wanted to give things another try. I liked him so much that I wanted to give it another go. Three weeks later, things aren't going great. He forgot my birthday, cancelled multiple plans in a row HE made with me to hang out with his friends instead, and I was getting very upset about it. He then promised to take me out on a date after the last time he cancelled on me to make it up to me. The next day, I texted him when he wanted to hang out with me. No reply. Sent two more, no response. Called, number no longer available. He blocked my number. I sent an fb message and he blocked me on there, too. And afterwards all the other social media we both used. On twitter and instagram, he bragged and laughed about blocking me and was sharing this information with all of his friends. It made me feel like such a loser and I cried multiple rivers about it. Two months after that, mutual friends tell me he has a new gf and how he did so much **** for her on her birthday, dates, quality time together, and how he bought her a ring. I ignore it, drop our mutual friends to not hear anything else about him, and move on. Well, a few days ago he messaged me and apologized multiple times for how he treated me. He mentioned that he received bad news about his mother having stage 4 cancer the day we were supposed to hang out. Instead of telling me, it was easier for him to just ignore me, drink, and get high with his friends instead. He acknowledged how rude it was and how much it probably hurt me and apologized. He hasnt said anything else to me since. Now, I'm also aware that his newer gf dumped him less than a month ago. Apparently he's heartbroken over her. I'm wondering why he would choose to apologize to me after all this time only after his relationship with someone else ended. I mostly just want some perspective. You should ignore the apology. This guy treated you extremely poorly despite his excuses and you have no reason to be in contact with him. There are a number of reasons he could be contacting you after his most recent breakup. 1. Checking to see if you have moved on (ego boost for him if you haven't). 2. Reaching out in the hopes to meet up for some no strings sex to get over his new relationship. 3. To relieve himself of any guilt for your breakup and how things ended. None of these reasons will benefit you in the long run. Do not engage with him. When someone treats you badly you cannot and should not allow them to keep coming back In to your life. He has shown you once before that he can come back and throw you away without thought or consequences. Do not open the door. Ignore ignore ignore. 7
Zahara Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Ignore. A guy that has consistently treated you badly -- take his apology with a grain of salt. You said his girlfriend left a month ago -- I have a feeling he is sniffing for attention and a way to rope you into more dysfunction. 4
Author MellowMelly Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 I accepted the apology he gave me and I told him I forgave him. It's been 3 days and he hasn't contacted me back. Unfortunately, him randomly hitting me up has brought back a weird desire for me to talk to him again. I almost sent him a text but didn't. I don't want to go backwards. This guy really hurt me, so I have no idea why I thought about talking to him again.... 2
Zahara Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I accepted the apology he gave me and I told him I forgave him. It's been 3 days and he hasn't contacted me back. Unfortunately, him randomly hitting me up has brought back a weird desire for me to talk to him again. I almost sent him a text but didn't. I don't want to go backwards. This guy really hurt me, so I have no idea why I thought about talking to him again.... Well, if you want to fall down that rabbit hole again, then it's completely up to you. But you have to ask yourself what about YOU is still allowing him access to you. He may have his dysfunction but it says something about you too to still engage with someone that has treated you with complete disrespect and disregard. Hold on to your self-respect -- block him and remove him from your life. 3
kztar Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Well, if you want to fall down that rabbit hole again, then it's completely up to you. But you have to ask yourself what about YOU is still allowing him access to you. He may have his dysfunction but it says something about you too to still engage with someone that has treated you with complete disrespect and disregard. Hold on to your self-respect -- block him and remove him from your life. Agree with Zahara. This is not worth it. Don't dig yourself in such hole. AT ALL 1
Neffer Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Go by his ACTIONS, not his words. He has shown you who he is. This person doesn't deserve attention or forgiveness - he should just be ignored and forgotten. You could throw a rock and hit a better guy than this. 3
ilovemefirst Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 You responded? Well no wonder he treated u like that. He took the fact for granted that you would be there whenever he needed you and you proved him right. Why would you want to be with someone like that? I'm shaking my head...NEXT! 2
Author MellowMelly Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 You responded? Well no wonder he treated u like that. He took the fact for granted that you would be there whenever he needed you and you proved him right. Why would you want to be with someone like that? I'm shaking my head...NEXT! I guess I just thought it would be too harsh not to reply.
Zahara Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) I guess I just thought it would be too harsh not to reply. Wha?!?!? Harsh? Do you remember what he did to you? It's one thing to be civil to someone that is deserving, but another thing to act like a doormat and appease someone that has had no issues treating you with utter disrespect. Know the difference. Edited March 15, 2016 by Zahara 6
Author MellowMelly Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 It was more than just me trying to be nice. In a way, it added to the closure I already made for myself and it felt better that he recognized how wrong he was. All this time, I thought he wasn't aware of how cruel he was towards me. And he hasn't said anything else, so I'm assuming that's the last I'll here from him. 1
Zahara Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 It was more than just me trying to be nice. In a way, it added to the closure I already made for myself and it felt better that he recognized how wrong he was. All this time, I thought he wasn't aware of how cruel he was towards me. And he hasn't said anything else, so I'm assuming that's the last I'll here from him. You don't have to be nice to people that treat you badly. If you set that precedent, people will walk all over you. Be nice to those that deserve it, not to people that don't have any regard for you. You're only going to establish yourself as a doormat. Block him. There will be no need to assume that it'll be the last you will hear from him. It's baffling why one would choose to be accessible to people that have treated them badly. 1
ilovemefirst Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 He has no remorse. He was testing to see if you would be available for when he needed you next. Harsh is what he did to you.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 It was more than just me trying to be nice. In a way, it added to the closure I already made for myself and it felt better that he recognized how wrong he was. All this time, I thought he wasn't aware of how cruel he was towards me. And he hasn't said anything else, so I'm assuming that's the last I'll here from him. You haven't gotten closure though -- you're debating whether you should text him or not! All you did was re-open old wounds. You basically absolved him of whatever guilt he had about treating you like crap. There's no reason for him to respond because you gave him the absolution he was looking for. Next time, show a bit more resolve and discipline. And being nice does not equal being an easily mistreated sap. 1
Author MellowMelly Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 From the responses I've received, almost everyone believes this wasn't a genuine apology. I don't have the best judge of character and I'm a little naive. I was thinking that he waited all this time because of pride and the fact that sometimes it takes a lot to apologize to someone. But the fact that he said this to me three weeks after he got dumped is a red flag. He had 8 months to apologize. He didn't because he didn't care to. Now suddenly he does?
Zahara Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 But the fact that he said this to me three weeks after he got dumped is a red flag. He had 8 months to apologize. He didn't because he didn't care to. Now suddenly he does? You already know the answer. You're hoping to find some sign of kindness in him but unfortunately -- history has shown you more than once that he is incapable of empathy or true remorse.
mightycpa Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 From the responses I've received, almost everyone believes this wasn't a genuine apology. I don't have the best judge of character and I'm a little naive. I was thinking that he waited all this time because of pride and the fact that sometimes it takes a lot to apologize to someone. But the fact that he said this to me three weeks after he got dumped is a red flag. He had 8 months to apologize. He didn't because he didn't care to. Now suddenly he does?You know what? It doesn't matter whether he was sincere or not. What is more at issue is your attitude towards his apology.It was more than just me trying to be nice. In a way, it added to the closure I already made for myself and it felt better that he recognized how wrong he was.That's fine. You got some satisfaction out of his apology. If this was the whole truth, you could have accepted it internally and let it go. But just that wasn't enough for you, was it? You had to answer so the HE KNEW that you were still paying attention. If you were a fish, you'd be on a hook right now. All this time, I thought he wasn't aware of how cruel he was towards me. And he hasn't said anything else, so I'm assuming that's the last I'll here from him.Your not-so-secret wish: that he'd respond to your response. Can you imagine? Now you have this urge to talk to him, but deep down inside, you know that nothing on his side has changed. Duh. It would have been better for you to have known this before you responded, or at least thought about it. What happened was that he opened a door just a sliver with this apology and instead of slamming it shut, you put your fingers in the door in the hopes of trying to pry it open. Now what you've found is that you can't see anybody on the other side. You want to open the door more, but part of you knows better than to go looking. In spite of all this, you still haven't decided to slam the door shut once and for all. It's difficult, but you really need to understand your own motivations better. This is you trying to re-open the lines of communication. Maybe one thing leads to another and one day when he sees the light, you're back in his good graces. Don't do it. Make it next to impossible for him to contact you, and you'll never have to worry about any of this stuff again. 1
Author MellowMelly Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 I made myself reblocked his number. I guess I was over thinking things and hopefully he would hit me up again. He was extremely disrespectful and doesn't deserve my attention or affection. I KNOW this, but I miss the memories and "what ifs". What if he were to come back and he would treat me as well as his ex? Apparently it wasnt THAT well, he's single now... I'm crazy. :/ 2
Zahara Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I made myself reblocked his number. I guess I was over thinking things and hopefully he would hit me up again. He was extremely disrespectful and doesn't deserve my attention or affection. I KNOW this, but I miss the memories and "what ifs". What if he were to come back and he would treat me as well as his ex? Apparently it wasnt THAT well, he's single now... I'm crazy. :/ Ugh, why would you even want to get with that idiot again? So, 4 months of memories when he was sweet and kind. The thing is, that guy is a fake. A facade that he created to rope you in. The real guy, the true person that he is, is the one that mistreated and disrespected you. The douchebaggery he exhibited is his true nature. All that sweet and kind in the beginning was just his way of getting you invested. Don't place any weight on that. How do you know he treated his ex well? Just because he bought her a ring, quality time, gifts, etc? Just as he was sweet to you in the beginning, he was doing the same thing to her. Doing his song and dance to get her roped in. She probably left him because his douchebaggery was starting to show. 1
elaine567 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 If any of the guys here are to go by, some of them do bitterly regret treating their gf/wife/partner badly, they did not realise they had a good thing until it was gone and some are very sorry and contrite, but others seem to have "learned their lesson" get her back, yet end up mistreating her again with the same old garbage. I do not know where your bf fits into the scheme of things, he may have grown up a lot in the last 8 months, he may indeed be sorry, his recent break up may have put a lot of things into perspective for him... BUT unfortunately you cannot trust him here, as others have mentioned he may only be seeking a hook up, or he is revisiting his little black book to get some comfort...etc. Personally I have never been a fan of re-igniting old flames, they usually got extinguished for a good reason, here this was definitely the case. Forget him. 4
TheScientist Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Why would you tell someone that shared the fact they blocked you all over social media that you forgive them?? He wanted people to laugh at you, that isn't a nice guy, don't re invite him into your life by accepting apologies!!! 1
Author MellowMelly Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 I want to thank you guys for all the feedback I've received on this thread. It happened so long ago that I forgot how awful his actual treatment of me was and the seriousnes of it. Normal people don't just disappear without a trace. He never cared about me and I just have to accept that. And the fact that I still blamed myself and desired him shows that I lack respect for myself. 1
Recommended Posts