cookiejar Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 It's been almost 7 months since my break up with my ex. I have been complete no contact with him (I feel he initiated it, hes the dumper) since the day he ended things via text. I've been doing so well with coping and moving on until recently. We were previously co-workers (he switched jobs during our relationship) but has since started working at my place of employment again. & yes for anyone wondering, I have seen him. We've exchanged looks but have not spoken to one another. Mostly out of fear on my part. I don't want to annoy him or bother him if he doesn't wish to speak to me (which clearly he doesn't since we haven't spoken in 7 months). Most of my time lately has been spent wishing he'd talk to me and come back. I don't know why either. I feel like it is obsessive and pathetic. I don't know if I want the relationship back that I had with him or if I just want him. We didn't end on bad terms which is why I think I'm having such a hard time with this... All of my other relationships ended because of them cheating ... this one was completely different and I'm still so sad about it. I don't feel like I'm coping well today. I hope my state of mind changes soon and I'm able to move past this but sh*t, seeing him is the worst especially since I haven't seen him since before we split up.. Anyone else fine for a few months and then feel like they're taking 500 steps back?
CDJ Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 It's very normal to have these 'lapses' (not sure what else to call them). For me, after a rough first four months I really picked up and have been doing well for the past three months; however, occasionally (particularly recently) I've been having some down moments or even a down days - memories coming back, epiphanies and answers coming to mind, feeling lonely, etc. They are far less frequent than in the first four months and don't hurt as much, but they still crop up from time to time. The usual recommendation is to go No Contact, but I gather this is difficult for you as you still see him at work. I guess the best you can do is to limit the opportunities for bumping into him as much as you can, and when you do, just keep doing what you're doing in trying to ignore him. It probably doesn't feel like it right now, but to me it sounds as though you are doing rather well: you are coping well in a difficult situation, and seem to be self-aware of your feelings and emotions (and what they mean). It is certainly a 'two steps forward, one step back' process; over time, it becomes three steps forward, then four, and so on. It does get easier. But I think you need to brace yourself for certain checkpoints: the moment you find out he is seeing someone else (will be hard to avoid this gossip at work!); the moment you have to speak to him over something work related. These will set you back a lot the first time, but once you get past that checkpoint once, it becomes easier each time. Rest assured, 7 months is no time at all, so don't feel too frustrated! 1
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