LiveLaughLove1 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Hello All! I have two questions. How do you know when it's the slow fade and not something else? What is the best way to handle it if you don't know for sure? Or if you do know? Background story: I was introduced to this man (35) through a mutual friend. We have been on five dates now. Kissing but no sex. Things seemed very smooth. He called or sent a text every night and had the next date scheduled within a day of the previous. Problem: His best friend came into town a week ago. We had a date scheduled and he said he wanted to keep it but, then cancelled and said his friend had made plans for them. I figured ok, taking note of this but, not going to over react. Now the past week he calls for a minute or two or sends a quick good night text but has made no effort to schedule a date. I get that his friend is there so he is busy and isn't going to have long conversations with me. However, I know he is also going out of town this coming weekend. Am I being unreasonable? If it was just a lack of contact I wouldn't overthink it but, he did cancel our date. When/if he sends a good night text do I just respond normally? Also, he used to text things like "can't wait to see you beautiful" and now it's literally. "Good night" ugh.
Lady2163 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Hello All! I have two questions. How do you know when it's the slow fade and not something else? What is the best way to handle it if you don't know for sure? Or if you do know? Background story: I was introduced to this man (35) through a mutual friend. We have been on five dates now. Kissing but no sex. Things seemed very smooth. He called or sent a text every night and had the next date scheduled within a day of the previous. Problem: His best friend came into town a week ago. We had a date scheduled and he said he wanted to keep it but, then cancelled and said his friend had made plans for them. I figured ok, taking note of this but, not going to over react. Now the past week he calls for a minute or two or sends a quick good night text but has made no effort to schedule a date. I get that his friend is there so he is busy and isn't going to have long conversations with me. However, I know he is also going out of town this coming weekend. Am I being unreasonable? If it was just a lack of contact I wouldn't overthink it but, he did cancel our date. When/if he sends a good night text do I just respond normally? Also, he used to text things like "can't wait to see you beautiful" and now it's literally. "Good night" ugh. I'm not overly familiar with the term slow fade, but I get the gist. I'd say, give him a pass, BUT.... Watch for behavior like this in the future. You don't want to be at his beck and call, where he can schedule you as an afterthought. You don't want to accept only crumbs. This is kind of why I avoid dating men with children under a certain age. If child calls and wants or needs something, more often than not they will cancel plans with you and not think twice about it. I'm more tolerant when it is a need or a last minute school program or event, but a child wanting Daddy to take him to get the latest video game TODAY is not a good reason to cancel a date. So my suggestion is to wait and see. Is this a pattern? Is he bad with time management?
smackie9 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 You are not in a fully committed relationship, you have only been out on some dates....he doesn't owe you anything at this point, and you not his top priority which would be normal. Relax, and give him his space. On the other side of the coin....is it really his best friend or his long distance GF? That would explain a lot. 1
scooby-philly Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I'll admit up front - I've had a bad record and fallen too fast for the wrong people. I'm working on that. So in your case the first question - which only you can answer - is what's your experience in life? Why? cause that will help you understand if you're truly seeing something versus if it's just your past talking. I agree - at 5 dates, I wouldn't expect someone to make me their top priority. However, I will say as a guy, even if my BF was coming in from out of town for a week - I would still want to see my (potential) gf/friend/ new person. Each of us is different and has a different perspective on a situation. Unfortunately you won't know the answer until you do - meaning once the bff is gone he could come roaring back. The fact that he's still texting you is a good sign - unless...it's the slow fade - but again you won't know until he's proven one way or the other. If you really like him I'd say keep responding and keep up the pressure - force him into a decision. May not seem like something you should have to do, but if he doesn't bounce back right away after his friend leaves, then it will help spare your feelings.
preraph Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I see nothing wrong with what he's doing. He let you know there'd be a lull and sent polite texts to stay in touch during it. Now, it's only been 5 dates, so no reason to think he isn't also seeing other women -- and his visiting friend may be a woman. Still, too early to make any demands. You haven't slept together and no reason to expect exclusivity this soon anyway. Chill out. You have no official status.
Standard-Fare Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 You're overanalyzing and overreacting. See how things go once his friend is out of the picture and he's back from his trip.
NinjaX Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Solid responses here so far. You gotta patiently wait for him to come to you. Either he mans up and spends physical time with you, or he is doing you a favour by showing his true levels of interest.
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