SoulSurfer94 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I'm starting to wonder if a genuinely healthy and happy relationship can blossom from going on dates with someone you just met. I'm a 21 year old guy and recently got dumped by my 2 year girlfriend, the only girlfriend I've ever had. I think it failed because we were strangers who got set up via a mutual friend, there was physical attraction and we started talking, within a month or two our relationship started. We jumped into it quite quickly and there was not much 'foundation' if that makes sense, ie, we didn't know what each other were like outside of the relationship. I'm surrounded by couples and I've realized that ALL of them began with friendships that turned into something more. We go on dates to get to know people we are physically attracted to, but can you really get to know someone on a date? I mean, everyone seems to be on their best behavior and aren't really themselves, almost like an interview. I would just like to know other peoples thoughts, on this. If the best relationships come from situations where people know each other before the relationship starts, ie friends/colleagues, what really is the point in dating people who are essentially strangers? 2
joseb Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I'm surrounded by couples and I've realized that ALL of them began with friendships that turned into something more Well, to counter balance this. I'm struggling to think of any couple I know who stared out as a friendship. One or two maybe. I don't think you can blame your failed relationship on its origins really. 2
okc85 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 When you say 'started as friends' do you mean truly platonic friends? I know ONE couple that started that way. I think it's rare. If there's mutual attraction, I'd assume that tends to get explored early on, unless both people are already in relationships....right? 1
Emilia Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I don't think it's rare but it depends on what you mean by friends. It's common to date people you've known for a while and had the chance to observe. This is why a lot of couples meet at work, for example. Not close friends but on friendly terms. It's my preference for dating, I don't date strangers. 1
Author SoulSurfer94 Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 'Not close friends but on friendly terms' (not sure how to quote properly, still learning) Sorry I wasn't clear in my post but this is what I meant. Friendly but not best friends or anything. 2
okc85 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 'Not close friends but on friendly terms' (not sure how to quote properly, still learning) Sorry I wasn't clear in my post but this is what I meant. Friendly but not best friends or anything. Yea, I think that's probably common. I just don't think real life ever plays out like it does on TV sitcoms, where the guy and girl are best pals, then they start dating. haha. 1
Satu Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I've never dated, and after what I read on Loveshack, I'd never want to. 1
Rumely Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 A lot of couples do meet through activities they are involved. Many times, they may be friendly to each other before dating, but for the most part, I don't think they really knew each other. The couple will have the activity where they met in common, so this may help some in the relationship. Your original post is bitter and looking to blame issues that weren't really the problem. If after two years of dating, you didn't have things in common and still didn't really know each other, there were other problems with the couple and the relationship. After two years, you should have known each other better than anyone, including your parents. And, you may have, but chose to ignore the signs. I've done it myself. How you got together was not the problem. I knew my x-wife a couple years before we date. Still ended in a nasty divorce. Looking back, the signs were there. 1
Alamo657 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I'm surrounded by couples and I've realized that ALL of them began with friendships that turned into something more. You probably mean that the people around you have metby chance and a relationship evolved from it ? I believe at 21 you're still a student, meeting people becomes harder when you grow older, that's when dating for the purpose of getting to know someone starts becoming a better alternative.
d0nnivain Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 When you are young, most times you meet people at school & there is a "friends" foundation before the romance begins. It's a function of your circumstances; school forces you to interact. IRL, things don't work that way & the only vehicle available to get to know most new people is the date, which is nothing more then a scheduled time for you to meet the other person & spend time with them, getting to know them. So no, I think dates are quite useful. 1
thecrucible Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I hate it too but it's one method of many. You may as well have as many strings to your bow as possible. As an adult it's sometimes hard to meet new people outwith your friendship group. Even when I meet people on nights out, it's rare that it will ever lead to meeting someone I have anything in common with or who wants the same thing as me. Then you have to factor in whether they are available for a relationship and interested enough in you. It's a bit of a minefield. I definitely share your frustration though OP.
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