Teknoe Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Meeting a girl Friday night for a date but she's been very slow on her text replies. Even seems a bit distant. Makes me feel like i'm her fourth candidate or something. We haven't met yet but her slow replies aren't getting my hopes up for Friday's first date. I don't want to be pushy or clingy so I have just kept to myself. Maybe she's super busy? Anyway, what to do in my shoes?
smudge21 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 How many times have you contacted her? You don't want to drown the poor girl in texts before you've even met, you'll be sending her signals that you are just sitting around waiting for her already, talk about desperate! Just a few texts to confirm the date is enough, then afterwards a few more to set up another one.. or a phone call better yet. 8
Els Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 How slow is 'slow' and how often are you texting her?
Author Teknoe Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 How slow is 'slow' and how often are you texting her? Not much. We had a decent back and forth mid week and then I didn't text her for two days. I've kept texting to a bare minimum.
smudge21 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Not much. We had a decent back and forth mid week and then I didn't text her for two days. I've kept texting to a bare minimum. So, er, you keep texting to a minimum and have gaps of a few days.. yet you're wondering why she only replies occasionally? Seems to me you're both being equal to one another. Just relax and see what happens on the date, then text afterwards saying what a great time you had and how nice it was of her to pay for everything and buy you that new car (one can dream).
Author Teknoe Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 So, er, you keep texting to a minimum and have gaps of a few days.. yet you're wondering why she only replies occasionally? Seems to me you're both being equal to one another. Just relax and see what happens on the date, then text afterwards saying what a great time you had and how nice it was of her to pay for everything and buy you that new car (one can dream). The tricky thing about a first date more than a week away is communicating in-between that time frame. You don't want to be clingy nor too cold. Tough line to navigate sometimes
losangelena Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 OP, how would you prefer she text you? More often? Faster? You say you're unhappy with the way she's communicating with you, but you don't really sound like you're doing a lot of it to begin with. 1
smudge21 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 The tricky thing about a first date more than a week away is communicating in-between that time frame. You don't want to be clingy nor too cold. Tough line to navigate sometimes Tough? It's downright impossible to know what the right thing to do is. You've got two totally different people coming together and each one is unsure of what to do but each one is basing the entire chance of a future relationship on what happens next! Crikey, that I just scared myself! You just have to do what you feel is right, that's all you can stand by really. We all mess up, it's called being human, but if she likes you, then little mistakes won't matter - as long as you don't murder anyone during the date or set fire to her, then you should be okay. Just keep it quite simple for now and match her level of communication. Other than that fingers crossed. 1
Author Teknoe Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 OP, how would you prefer she text you? More often? Faster? You say you're unhappy with the way she's communicating with you, but you don't really sound like you're doing a lot of it to begin with. Well for example I texted her and it took her until the next day to answer my text. Like 5 pm to noon the next day. It makes me feel like a non priority. I don't want to bring it up because that would only make me look bad. Agreed that if she likes me then the little things won't matter.
d0nnivain Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I don't think you can tell anything by the pace at which somebody texts you back, especially if you haven't even gone on a date with her yet. At this point you can't expect to be a priority because you don't really know each other. Suppress your doubts. Be confident and see how the actual date goes. When you can hear her voice / tone and see her body language that will give you far more info then a bunch of text. 4
TXGuy Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Don't give it another thought until your date on Friday. You shouldn't be texting her that much in the first place. Once the date is set, you are done until you see each other. Perhaps a confirmation text the day before/day of the meet. Before I meet a woman in person, she does not even exist in my mind. She is pixels on a screen. Wait until the end of the first meet before you allow yourself to get invested at all. 2
rester Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Well for example I texted her and it took her until the next day to answer my text. Like 5 pm to noon the next day. It makes me feel like a non priority. I don't want to bring it up because that would only make me look bad. Agreed that if she likes me then the little things won't matter. At this point you are a non-priority. She could have had a busy evening and not read your text until it was too late at night, and then had a busy morning at work and didn't have time to text until noon. I don't personally buy into the "it only takes 30 seconds to text" mantra. I'd probably call and leave a voicemail tonight and then not text or call until you hear back. 3
thecrucible Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 It's hard to tell at this point. It could be that she is very busy, only saw your text late at night and then decided to get back at the next day. In my opinion 5pm to 12 noon the next day isn't a large gap but I say that as someone who doesn't enjoy texting very much so I will do this with most people (nothing personal). If the message was very urgent or they asked me something they need to know the answer to, then I get back straight away with an answer. If it's just chat then I'm laid back with it. I don't think you can draw too many conclusions at this point although it's good to be aware of how communication is going. I would wait and see what she's like in person.
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 The tricky thing about a first date more than a week away is communicating in-between that time frame. You don't want to be clingy nor too cold. Tough line to navigate sometimes Really? If it were me, I don't know if I'd be texting or calling AT ALL with a person I hadn't met yet, except to confirm the date when it's close. At this stage the person is probably in contact with others and you might be too. Why get all embroiled in texting back and forth when you don't even know if you'll end up liking each other in real life? I guess I'm not seeing any line to navigate.
MidwestUSA Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Well for example I texted her and it took her until the next day to answer my text. Like 5 pm to noon the next day. It makes me feel like a non priority. I don't want to bring it up because that would only make me look bad. Agreed that if she likes me then the little things won't matter. That feeling is on you, not her. I'd probably decide that a guy who needs that much communication before even meeting is needy, and call off the date. Matter of fact, I HAVE done that. Chill.
Hyperfocal Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Interesting case you present here: So I am in the same situation. My Tinder match was texting 1x a day with me for 8 days. Early on she agreed to a date 17 days out due to "work." She has been cheerful in messaging. Then Sunday "Hope you and the kids have an enjoyable Sunday and a nice rest of the week!" This struck me as a strong distance setting message to which I did not reply (it was not the first mention of my kids either... that scares some off). I think I will give her 5 days and send a "Was thinking of you, blah blah..." She's Russian, she's been in the states a decade, we are 36, she may have some cultural ties to being pursued which are more common over there, idk. I will note that I ran out of things to speak of... not having met or knowing much about her. You'll eventually have your answer, and I'll have mine, for better or worse. We remind ourselves, don't become very invested in those we haven't met, and then we wont look over invested either.
xxoo Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Well for example I texted her and it took her until the next day to answer my text. Like 5 pm to noon the next day. It makes me feel like a non priority. I don't want to bring it up because that would only make me look bad. Agreed that if she likes me then the little things won't matter. You haven't been on a date yet? Wait until the date. Keep the texts to a minimum until then. If she doesn't seem interested in your text after the date, that's a different issue. 1
okc85 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Just chill. You haven't been on a date yet. You don't want to build up a fantasy in your head. You aren't a priority yet, honestly...and she shouldn't be a priority for you, yet..wait until you go on a date, and see if you two click. Then go from there 1
lino Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 You very likely aren't the only guy in the picture. This is how women of today are unfortunately. In your shoes I'd go on the date and see from there. If contact doesn't increase gradually then you can safely assume you're a back up option.
Author Teknoe Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 Thanks guys. I'm gonna chill until Thursday which I will then text her a reminder for Friday's date. Just gotta chill...
Versacehottie Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Well for example I texted her and it took her until the next day to answer my text. Like 5 pm to noon the next day. It makes me feel like a non priority. I don't want to bring it up because that would only make me look bad. Agreed that if she likes me then the little things won't matter. Yeah well if you haven't even met yet than she is doing the right thing. It's good to manage expectations and not be into a de-facto relationship--which is what a quick reply kind of feels like if you haven't even met yet. I definitely caution my friends (and people on this board!) not to text or talk much before the date. It's unnecessary pressure in a way. Makes it feel like you already have a commitment to this person and you haven't even met. Plus takes the spark out of what you DO talk about in person if you have already exchanged all details and life stories over text/talk beforehand. It's just too much. She sounds like she is trying to pace you. And you are a lower priority because you don't know each other yet. Good luck on the date though and take it from there.
Author Teknoe Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 Thanks guys. My issue is I tend to over text! I was going to text her yesterday but widely held off. Gotta change it up or you'll always get the same results!
Author Teknoe Posted March 20, 2016 Author Posted March 20, 2016 Had the date. It was ok. Don't think there will be a second one. To be honest I am getting tired of these semi "blind" dates. I feel they are a bit awkward and not organic. I like getting to know people through board game nights and such. I see guys all around me seemingly getting into relationships left and right while I remain single for the most part. Sometimes it makes me wonder what's "wrong" with me that it's been so hard?
okc85 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Have you tried having a phone call before the first date? It helps a lot. Then you don't feel like you're meeting a total stranger. 2
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