Murek Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Tonight I struggled I wanted to contact you - yet there is nothing left to say. Truth be told, I once loved and was intoxicated by your presence and the person you were; that person I loved. You threw me away as if my efforts were meaningless, words storming out "you think you treated me that well?" Visceral pain induced by a person who once told me that they loved me. A desirable craving to belt out "I hate you so much right now" Yet I can't, I'm not mad nor am I angry. Lets rewind this, go back a couple years. We were friends, we had it all. Laughter in the car for hours on end sitting in an empty parking lot late at night with no plans. Getting away from everything, stargazing - long drives throughout the night. Reliving drive through theatres in my not so romantic hatchback. Same time different year, I was digging your flow. I thought no one could stop us. Nobody understood you, yet I knew you personally better than you knew yourself and I knew this for certain. Throwing jokes back at each other, working 90+ hours in a week only to drive sleep-deprived to see you, and your big brown eyes light up. The sure bliss of helping you overcome insecurities. illustrating that you're worth much more than you think of yourself. I was your Johnny Depp, you were my Janis Joplin. Just another day in the life of two people in love, but that wasn't enough. Could you imagine seeing "maybe we should stop this" over text sitting in a hospital bed. Angry, drowning, gasping for air - soul crushing disability to comprehend reality. Expressions flooding my mind, "I gave you everything, my heart, my soul but most of all me .". While no emotions appearing on the exterior a nuclear holocaust occurring within. My emotions pushed aside for your better well being. I wasn't perfect, neither were you - I admitted my mistakes, I fixed them. My response "If this is what you want then I understand, I want best for you" Your scared, lost, disorientated yet you continuously imply for me to talk to you months later. You were unsure of my love. Not of your love for me. Throwing out "You didn't treat me well... I'm relieved.. I miss you.. I wanted to leave my stuff at your place so i could use it as an excuse to talk to you". You were right, I didn't treat you well - I treated you remarkably better then I ever did for myself. I guess that you knew and blew a good thing. At least I can say I tried, plus I enjoyed the ride. Next go round I hope I pick the truest type and watch me do it all again, it's a beautiful life. Bye Baby. 4
bluefeather Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 My feelings. This is beautiful Indeed. And Murek, to your thread titled "Mental illness Coupled with Love," welcome to Love Shack Seriously, that title pretty much sums up the story of many here, myself included. You sound like a romantic and I can relate to those words, so thank you for sharing them. Peace be with you.
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