CalmAndCarry Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Not sure what my ex is thinking and I want to use good judgement. My ex broke up with me 2.5 years ago out of the blue (to my perspective) during Christmas break as she was preparing to leave to study abroad. She said "it's not you, it's me" and she just saw us as friends. I saw her once before she left for overseas, and she acted like I was invisible. Fast forward to last Spring - we hadn't spoken for over a year. After going through the pain and healing, I then saw the good that came out of her breaking up with me - including a pursuit to use my hurt to start a grassroots non-profit helping girls rescued from the sex-trade. It had been several months since the break-up, and I felt like I was alive again. I felt the need to reach out to her and tell her that I forgave her. We reconciled on good-terms in friendship. From then on, not much talking between each other besides a few messages of "hey" here and there and seeing how she's doing. This past week, I reached out to her on Messenger to see if I could see her again this summer. She's currently studying overseas this semester and returns in June. Ever since, she's been asking me so many questions - from how I'm doing in life, what I'm doing, what my typical day looks like, interest in my projects, jobs, pursuits and more. I answer her questions thinking that the conversation will die casually, but they've been getting longer and longer with her sharing things from her life and me as well as we talk back and forth. Since she's overseas in an impoverished country - her internet is sketchy sometimes, so she has a few times sent me specific messages sharing that she will get back to my message ad reply in X time. And she delivers each time on her promise. The biggest thing is she's asking very specific questions on interests in my life at the moment - as if she wants to continue to conversation. I guess I'm just lost in understanding if she's just curious, wants a second chance, or feels guilty and wants to try to mend things (although I felt we're past that from my "forgiveness" conversation. Not sure if I should kill the conversation and move on or continue. Thoughts?
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 To be honest, I don't get a sense of romantic interest or a romantic vibe from anything you have described. What stands out is the fact that you have continued to reach out to her from time to time since she ended your relationship, and that she has responded like a friend would. If she isn't bringing up your romantic past, how she regrets letting you go etc.. it doesn't sound more than a platonic friendship. At the end of your relationship she said that she saw you more as a friend, which I think tells you everything you need to know. As hard as it is to hear, you are in the friend-zone, and once you are there, that rarely ever changes. My opinion is that she is keeping the conversation going because she is in a (impoverished) foreign country and is probably feeling a bit lonely and missing home and familiar culture. Hearing about day to day things back home could be quite comforting. I'm sorry this probably isn't what you want to hear but I get the impression that this is messing with your head a bit, and if that is the case you should probably take a step back and not invest too much emotionally. If this is going to set you back then I think it is best to stop engaging her in conversation and try and focus your attention on someone else. However, if you feel you can just be platonic friends then it is ok to just talk every now and then. Just be honest with yourself about how you are really feeling.
smudge21 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Be honest with yourself, can you be "just friends" with her? Unless otherwise stated, I believe that's all she's offering you. Oh and seriously think what that includes - the positives of being around her, the negatives of meeting her boyfriend.
CalmandCarryOn Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 To be honest, I don't get a sense of romantic interest or a romantic vibe from anything you have described. What stands out is the fact that you have continued to reach out to her from time to time since she ended your relationship, and that she has responded like a friend would. If she isn't bringing up your romantic past, how she regrets letting you go etc.. it doesn't sound more than a platonic friendship. At the end of your relationship she said that she saw you more as a friend, which I think tells you everything you need to know. As hard as it is to hear, you are in the friend-zone, and once you are there, that rarely ever changes. My opinion is that she is keeping the conversation going because she is in a (impoverished) foreign country and is probably feeling a bit lonely and missing home and familiar culture. Hearing about day to day things back home could be quite comforting. I'm sorry this probably isn't what you want to hear but I get the impression that this is messing with your head a bit, and if that is the case you should probably take a step back and not invest too much emotionally. If this is going to set you back then I think it is best to stop engaging her in conversation and try and focus your attention on someone else. However, if you feel you can just be platonic friends then it is ok to just talk every now and then. Just be honest with yourself about how you are really feeling. That's a different perspective than what I was expecting...
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