monchou Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Hello! I made an account here specifically to get help on my problem. I'm in college. I developed a crush on my TA at the end of the semester. We have a lot of common interests. But we're a decade apart in age. I didn't act on it during the semester, but after it ended I sent him a fb request. That was 3 months ago. We talk either every day or every other day, usually in small amounts, but if we have lots of free time, like on the weekends, our conversations flow really well for 3-4 hours, but then we have to get back to academia. We have spent time together outside of messaging. We've bowled, played card and board games, and had dinner one night. One day we were just talking at his (empty) office hours and walking around campus {which was when he told me the following}. And on Tuesday we might be having lunch together depending on his schedule. Recently a law has been passed in my state where he will be denied funding from the university to stay the coming school year. He needs this money to stay here, especially considering that he was going to defend a thesis to become a PhD candidate this summer (although now that plan is up in the air). There is a good chance he is going to leave if none of the other positions he has applied for (like other TA-ships not in his department) come through. I...never had an endgame in mind for this. I wasn't planning on asking him out. In the past, I have always asked out the guys I have been interested in, with most of those being rejections (and the one relationship that did happen was actually toxic and ended poorly). I just wanted to do things differently from before, and see how being friends would naturally develop into something, if anything at all. Plus, there was the age difference. But I think about him a lot and he makes me really happy just being near him. I've thought of so many worse-case scenarios for how this could end, and I never really considered that he would have to leave because he was still in the middle of obtaining a PhD. I thought I had a lot of time. Thanks for the curveball, life! Now I feel like I'm running out of time. What do I do? This situation has put me on edge ever since I heard it, and I feel anxious all the time. Please help.
sin miedo Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Wow, poor guy! I'm a PhD student and I can't even begin to imagine my funding being revoked, especially considering the meager pay we're allotted in the first place. Oftentimes doctoral students are funded through research grants in addition or in lieu of a teaching assistantship. Maybe he could look into this? Sorry, that was a little off-topic but I really feel for him! I think you may need to give him some space if he's indeed planning on leaving the program - it's a traumatic experience similar to losing a job but worse because of all the time invested in making it to that point. The more invested you get into this guy, the more it's going to hurt when you part ways. I would focus on dating other people, especially those around your age.
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