jen1447 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 ^ Really I think that's mainly the crux of the matter here and the booty comment was incidental. 'Gurus' of almost any stripe have a tendency to be somewhat egotistical and think everyone should do what they do and lack the socialization filter to stop them saying offensive things. I'm not saying that lets him off the hook but I doubt he's really a horrible monster, moreso just a dope. 1
Phoenician Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Though I would advise you to eat and stay healthy , one v. important thing : If you start doing things because you want to show others an image they like to see ; you will definetly one day collapse ; instead , be healthy but be confident also of yourself . "It's not about what size you wear .... It is about how you wear your size ..." Venus , Godess of fertality , beauty was not skinny , she was a real women , beautiful no matter how many extra pounds she wear , no matter how old she is ...
Lorenza Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Ugh, been through that manipulative shyt... "You're so sexy and your body looks great, but I'm also gonna give you small mean hints that would make you slightly insecure and hopefully you'll want to change it". While it could still be that your boyfriend is just hopelessly clueless and ignorant, you should stand for yourself nevertheless. Don't let some guy's comments get you all self-destructive and get angry instead - tell him: "Either you stop commenting on my personal life choices or you're not gonna be a part of my life anymore". I had a boyfriend who used to tell me my body is great and it turns him on, but later he would shake my "fats" (I was thin but, lets say, soft ) and tell me how funny it is to touch something flabby, ocassionaly mentioning how great I'd look if I wasn't so soft. Then he would say how beautiful my breasts are and later ask what size implants I'd get if I ever would. You get the idea. After he dumped me, I realized that he was very conscious of what he was doing and tried to make into his ideal woman. Be aware that your guy could be doing that as well. 3
Lorenza Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Though I would advise you to eat and stay healthy , one v. important thing : If you start doing things because you want to show others an image they like to see ; you will definetly one day collapse ; instead , be healthy but be confident also of yourself . "It's not about what size you wear .... It is about how you wear your size ..." Venus , Godess of fertality , beauty was not skinny , she was a real women , beautiful no matter how many extra pounds she wear , no matter how old she is ... Please avoid such phrases as "real woman". Every woman that exists on Earth is real and so is her body, no matter if she's skinny or round.
GunslingerRoland Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I don't know how old you are, but candy and no exercise will catch up to almost everyone at some point. Clearly I don't think you should be turning back towards an eating disorder. But exercise isn't just about keeping pounds off... it's also about your overall health. But really that is besides the point, it sounds like you have the type of figure many if not most men desire right now, and it's clearly not good enough for your bf. He wants someone ultra fit like himself. Maybe you guys just aren't a good match? 1
GunslingerRoland Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Just an aside, but I find the reverse sexism, on this board hilarious sometimes. Just the other day a woman posted that her husband was slightly overweight, didn't exercise, while she was a fitness nut and everyone jumped in saying that her husband was a loser and that she should drop him. Now we have the reverse situation where the woman is maybe not overweight, but again not perfectly fit, while her bf is a fitness nut, and the man is again the bad guy. Does the man always have to be the bad guy? 1
Author catchthedrift Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 Thanks to everyone for the advice. I am still trying to figure out what this all means. He is very adamant about the fact that he just wants me to be healthy and to be a 'healthy couple'. He says I am the most beautiful, hottest woman he knows. He says he envisions a future with me. He never met someone with whom he has so much chemistry with. So I do firmly believe he really loves me, but this doesn't negate the fact that I feel slightly insecure about my body with him. It's not like he goes to the gym all the time, but he runs EVERY day and he finds it so important to stay fit that I just can't keep up. Someone asked how old we are, we are in our twenties.
NYC-BigKat Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 So, my boyfriend and me have been doing pretty well, considering we only been dating each other for a few months, but really getting to know each other well and spending much time together. We have so much in common and are really in love. But... he is super fit and I am rather average when it comes to body size... I am not really what one would consider fat, but I am also not super skinny. I have a very feminine, classic statue, big boobs, big butt, small waist. I am 5'5" weighing 120 Ibs. My boyfriend and me have a great sex life, however, sometimes when he goes to work out he tells me to also go with him, he is really valuing to be fit and to have a healthy lifestyle. I, for myself, don't really gain weight easily, and never was into sports, at no time of my life, so I don't like working out or eating healthy. And I like eating candy. Often I feel as if he is subtly insinuating that he wishes for me to work out more and get more fit. Sometimes he is even less subtle about it. Recently, this has put me in a depressed state, as I never have been in a relationship before where I felt pressured to lose weight. But 12 years ago I was with a guy who cheated on me with a model type, after which I became anorexic and lost a lot of weight - I went from originally 130 Ibs to 92 Ibs. It was a horrible time of my life. I eventually managed to get my weight back, never went back to 130, but always sort of stayed in the range of 110-120 Ibs. In the past years and throughout my late 20s I have become more happy with my body, more secure with the way I look. But since I have been with my boyfriend, this insecurity of body image has returned -- 12 years later. It is odd, because he always tells me also how sexy I am and how attracted he is to me, but whenever he makes those comments about "You should work out" or "You should stop eating this stuff" then I feel really insecure. Today we had a conversation where I felt, again, he was pressuring me into going for runs. I told him that this made me feel very insecure about myself - his response was only: "I just like f*****g a tight booty, it turns me on more" This really hurt me and for over an hour we had a huge fight over it. He said he didnt mean it, he said he loves my body and I am the hottest woman alive for him and he loves me so dearly, but for some reason I could not shake it off, that comment, it seemed to me as if my booty is not 'tight' enough for him. I am scared to fall into a depression again. And I don't want to lose him, it's been going so great and this is literally the only thing about our relationship that makes me unhappy. What should I do? Um...I think u should break up with him & get a new bf. I'm single & looking . 2
No_Go Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 So I think the biggest issue of yours is that believe every word of him. Of course you're not fat with your BMI. And of course you're not the hottest woman he knows, he's telling this to seduce you. All this is small talk, basically irrelevant. What matters is how he BEHAVES. Is he looking at other women while together? Do you suspect cheating? If not, I can't even fanthom what your problem is, other than taking works literally (without processing them in context). Thanks to everyone for the advice. I am still trying to figure out what this all means. He is very adamant about the fact that he just wants me to be healthy and to be a 'healthy couple'. He says I am the most beautiful, hottest woman he knows. He says he envisions a future with me. He never met someone with whom he has so much chemistry with. So I do firmly believe he really loves me, but this doesn't negate the fact that I feel slightly insecure about my body with him. It's not like he goes to the gym all the time, but he runs EVERY day and he finds it so important to stay fit that I just can't keep up. Someone asked how old we are, we are in our twenties.
Miss Peach Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I'm sorry to say but this guy is damaging your self esteem. Do not let him and his comments take away all the hard work and effort you put in to becoming comfortable and happy with your body. Do not let this guy set you back! He is disrespectful and thoughtless. I assume he knows about your history? If he does it makes it even worse. You should end this relationship. A man is supposed to make you feel good, happy and confident with who you are. As you've said you are no where near overweight and his only motivation to change you is "I just like ******g a tight booty" is beyond disgusting! He has no respect for you. The way he is treating you isn't making you happy, confident or feeling loved. Therefore it's not working how it should. Don't allow him to do this to you. Walk away and find someone who knows how to treat you. Get out now before he damages your self esteem even further. He is not good for you. Agree with this completely. Your BF sounds like an ex of mine who tried to pressure me into plastic surgery. If you like your body I would consider changing BFs; not your body. 3
Author catchthedrift Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 Agree with this completely. Your BF sounds like an ex of mine who tried to pressure me into plastic surgery. If you like your body I would consider changing BFs; not your body. Oh my god, I know for a fact he would never do that. That sounds ridiculous.
katiegrl Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 (edited) Oh my god, I know for a fact he would never do that. That sounds ridiculous. Her point was not the plastic surgery..... her point was her bf did not accept her as she was, he wanted to change her to suit what HE wanted. Your bf is doing the same thing...albeit a bit more subtly, but he still wants to change you...to suit HIS needs. Tight booty, exercise more, more toned, etc. Ugh. And disregarding how such *suggestions* are affecting you....negatively. Especially given your past issues!! Proceed at your own risk.... Edited March 14, 2016 by katiegrl 3
Author catchthedrift Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 Her point was not the plastic surgery..... her point was her bf did not accept her as she was, he wanted to change her to suit what HE wanted. Your bf is doing the same thing...albeit a bit more subtly, but he still wants to change you...to suit HIS needs. Tight booty, exercise more, more toned, etc. Ugh. And disregarding how such *suggestions* are affecting you....negatively. Especially given your past issues!! Proceed at your own risk.... Well, we had another conversation and he told me that he loves me the way I am and has no intention on changing me. He says that I blew his nudgings out of proportion and that he does not care either way if I stay the way I am or want to work out more (for myself, not him, as he says). He says I am beautiful and hot the way I am. I feel he is trying to refute everything he said before. He has not made any comments about me starting to work out etc. ever since our conversation the other day. Thanks everyone for the input. I think I was probably overreacting a bit, I think he truly meant well.
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