Kehv Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 So last saturday I had my first date with a woman I met online. I never dated a woman that's older than me (she's 34) and I never dated a foreign woman (she's Polish) I don't know if it matters but I never experienced a date like this one. Even though our conversation had to be in English, we still had a great time (I think), she laughed a lot and seemed pretty interested in me however I felt like she kept a bit of a distance. Before we knew it 3,5 hours had passed (yeah maybe a bit too long) and I brought her to her taxi. She told me she had a great evening, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and then she went in the taxi and left, almost as if she was in a rush to get away. So, obviously I felt like this was date was a failure. Today however, she messaged me. At first I thought she just felt sorry for me or something (could still be I don't know). Then she started dropping 'hints' (at least I thought they were) that it's such a nice weather and she didn't know what to do today. I thought I would use a direct approach and ask her to go to the park. To my surprise she said "sounds good" and so we met up at the park, walked around for 1,5 hours, laughed a lot. At the end she wasn't rushing to go home but I also could not see an opening to really get closer to her, even though her guard was a little bit lower than yesterday. So any suggestions how to deal with this situation? If she's just not that into me, it's OK but I was wondering if others have had any experience with women that would kept you at a distance. I would think it's pretty odd to invite someone you had a date with just because you like to talk but I guess anything can happen. 1
angel.eyes Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Maybe if she hit you with a 2-by-4 upside the head, you would get that she's interested in dating you? Yikes! The poor woman basically begged to see you again! Have you asked her out on another date since the park? If not, I suggest you hop on it immediately and start taking the lead. Also, I'm curious since you're missing pretty basic signals, how much dating have you done? Do you have friends? How old are you? What are you looking for out of dating? I may have some additional advice based on your responses to those questions. 2
Author Kehv Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 I'll be honest with you, I haven't done much dating. I'm 30 years old. Last year my ex dumped me and got together with a colleague after a 6 year relationship, which is also the reason why I lost the confidence I had left. Prior to this relationship I never did any online dating I've only met girls at work so I pretty much skipped the whole dating stuff. I know my confidence is the problem. I know people will laugh at me but she even told me "Be more confident" ... yes awkward to hear at a date... Do I have friends? Yes I do have friends, I don't see what the relation is with dating though What am I looking for? Hopefully a long lasting relationship. I'm curious what these basic signals are you mention since this woman seemed to keep her guard up. Thanks for the reply anyways 1
angel.eyes Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Social skills and an ability to read and respond appropriately to social cues. That's what they have in common. Do you have a lot of friends and a busy social life? Or just a couple? You're very lucky that she was willing to push the envelope and basically ask for a second "date." Most women would not bother. In early dating, it's your job to take the lead. To make it seem like a date rather than a business meeting. Sitting back and waiting for the woman to lead will generally not be successful. You'll be left in the dust on the side of the road. So yes, you need to work on your self-esteem and confidence, among other things. If it's been so badly damaged by the breakup, have you considered therapy? Why did things end in your previous relationship? 1
Popsicle Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 What did you want her to do that would make you feel like she wasn't "keeping you at a distance"? Kiss you first? Touch you a lot? Tell you "I like you"? Say something sexual? Take off her clothes? I'm not trying to be sarcastic here, I'm seriously asking? 2
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 If she wasn't interested she would not have said yes to going to meet you at the park. Have trust and go with the flow, she's giving you signs she's wanting to get to know you. 1
Author Kehv Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 @angel.eyes Yes I do have quite a few friends however guys are different than women so I guess it's hard for me to read women, which might be one of the reasons why my ex dumped me. The main reason for her to dump me was my lack of having a great job, I wasn't putting energy in trying to do extra studies etc. Then she met a colleague who did have a great job... I never said my confidence was super high before but you could easily say it was 0 right after she dumped me. @Popsicle After some time she was scanning the room a lot and I believed her attention was fading away from me and ofcourse I tried some moves but I'm just not that good at it unless the girl shows me that she wants it. The younger women I went out with made it clear what they wanted. @Whichwayisup Yes thanks to the replies here I've been thinking about it. My self-esteem is so low I litterally believed she wanted to meet me in the park because she was 'bored' or something.... Anyways, I will still try and see if she's still interested. I just proposed her if she wanted to have dinner at my place. She responded with "It's a nice proposel, I will think about it;)" so I guess it's not the end yet 1
brokengirl85 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I really think all your problem is a communication one. You're not being secure and aggressive, and you sound insecure. I hate when men don't take the initiative (because that's what you suppose to do!!) and expect too much from a girl. My guess is you are inexperienced or just too insecure (two characteristics that really turn me off. I'd run as fast as I could) this girl however, sounds interested, I don't understand why to be honest. Does she have a green card? Beware. Anyway, kiss her, tease her, seduce her. Do your job! And keep an eye on your wallet. If you're inexperienced and insecure, I don't see how a polish girl could be that interested. Unless you're hot as hell
truth_seeker Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 If she wasn't interested she would not have said yes to going to meet you at the park. Have trust and go with the flow, she's giving you signs she's wanting to get to know you. Yes, it's obvious she was giving him signs, but it's also annoying she has to give signs. The woman is 34 years old. She can speak up and just say: "The weather is so nice outside... how about meeting up for a walk in the park?" Games at 34 years old... and you wonder why she is single and on OLD. 1
Author Kehv Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 @Brokengirl85 I'm not insecure about everything but like I've already said there are reasons why. If the girl you thought you were going to marry (we actually spoke about it 2 weeks before) dumps you for another guy it's not something you get a lot of confidence from. The other reason is that in my country women are pretty blunt whether or not they like you, you can often tell by the way they act because they are so obvious. + one other little reason is that this woman is hot and I would've thought out of my league. So, she did tell me it seemed like I didn't feel comfortable with her but I think I've salvaged the situation for now and we still will meet up somewhere this week. For this reason I'm not scared of her intentions and I now know she likes me.
angel.eyes Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 What country are you in? I think you should suggest dinner out...not at your house.
NinjaX Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 This girl is making an effort to be with you. She is waiting for you as a MAN to escalate. A kiss on the cheeks is pretty weak and no further escalation during the park date is also weak. Sooner or later, she will start to feel that you are either not that much into her romantically, or you just don't have the balls to seal the deal. Then she will lose attraction and move on.
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