elizabetk Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) Hi, Long story short, my partner (30, very successful) and me (23, good education and career) have been together for a few months now. Our relationship is amazing and I could not ask for more. He has been making engagement/marriage jokes pretty early on and is very serious about us (I have met his friends, went to weddings together etc. ; said "I love yous"), yet what is currently happening is puzzling me. I am not entirely certain how to handle it. Now to cut to the chase: We use contraception, however I experience what seemed a lot like implantation bleeding. I was alarmed and shared with him straight away as we were together. He simply asked if I felt okay and was generally concerned about me, not about a possible pregnancy. Long story short, the slight bleeding evolved into an early full-blown period. I was rather relieved and shared with him over text, he got back to me straight away completely ignoring the content of my message, replying that "I am going home now. It is cold outside". Could he have simply hoped for a different outcome? I struggle to believe that, we are far from that point of our relationship. My initial reaction is to ask him why is he not relieved, yet I do not want to make a big deal out of this. Please share your thoughts? Thanks Edited March 13, 2016 by elizabetk 1
TXGuy Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 My guess is that he had no interest in being drawn into unnecessary drama. I don't think there is anything to gain from bringing it up with him. 3
266696687 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 My guess is that he had no interest in being drawn into unnecessary drama. I don't think there is anything to gain from bringing it up with him. Agree. why do you want a big drama over not being pregnant? Sounds like he handled the pregnancy scare with concern and respect. You couldn't have asked for a better reaction. What more do you want him to do? Freak out and complain how disappointed he is over something that never existed? You wasn't pregnant. I don't understand what you wanted here? 1
Author elizabetk Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 My guess is that he had no interest in being drawn into unnecessary drama. I don't think there is anything to gain from bringing it up with him. Thanks, that sounds great to me. Main reason for surprise was that he didn't acknowledge it at all - "Good." would have sufficed and not made me wonder. 1
266696687 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Thanks, that sounds great to me. Main reason for surprise was that he didn't acknowledge it at all - "Good." would have sufficed and not made me wonder. Maybe he didn't think it was good or bad. Just reality. You wasn't pregnant. 1
basil67 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Perhaps he's the kind of guy who gets wigged about by discussions involving bleeding. Also, you had none of the symptoms of a pregnancy so it makes sense that he wouldn't have considered you might be pregnant. He won't feel anything either way if he hadn't considered the idea pregnancy in the first place. 1
Author elizabetk Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 Maybe he didn't think it was good or bad. Just reality. You wasn't pregnant. Haha, thanks. I like that perspective. Perhaps he's the kind of guy who gets wigged about by discussions involving bleeding. Also, you had none of the symptoms of a pregnancy so it makes sense that he wouldn't have considered you might be pregnant. He won't feel anything either way if he hadn't considered the idea pregnancy in the first place. Thanks, I believe he isn't particularly wigged about by such discussions. True, very helpful! 2
Ruby Slippers Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 He doesn't sound like the sensitive, verbally expressive type, but I think you're overthinking this. You told him something was up, he expressed concern. It's a little odd that he didn't say anything to acknowledge how he felt about things resolving, but not a major infraction. The way you tell the story, I get the impression he didn't even consider you might be pregnant, but just thought something was off with your cycle.
preraph Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 I'm with the guys on this. To me, it didn't sound like a pregnancy scare, so maybe it didn't to him either. Or maybe he thought it was a test that he wanted no part of, who knows. Just drop it and keep using contraception. And just because someone wants marriage doesn't always mean they want children, so don't assume that, but most do.
sandylee1 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 It doesn't sound like there was anything to suggest you WERE pregnant....I. e your period wasn't late.... so why all the drama in the first place? I may have missed something.
Author elizabetk Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 He doesn't sound like the sensitive, verbally expressive type, but I think you're overthinking this. You told him something was up, he expressed concern. It's a little odd that he didn't say anything to acknowledge how he felt about things resolving, but not a major infraction. The way you tell the story, I get the impression he didn't even consider you might be pregnant, but just thought something was off with your cycle. Sorry, I tried to make it as concise as possible - he is the sensitive, verbally expressive one of us. Hence the reason why I was surprised he did not acknowledge it. I didn't consider I might be pregnant due to the high success rate of the contraception method I have chosen (IUD, sorry if too much information). He is normally very attentive and was worried when I was overly tired + having unusual symptoms and has been more Thanks!
Author elizabetk Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 It doesn't sound like there was anything to suggest you WERE pregnant....I. e your period wasn't late.... so why all the drama in the first place? I may have missed something. Coming from a family of women who all experience implantation bleeding, my body is like clock-work and I know if something is off. Nothing similar has happened since I got my very first period. Boyfriend has been with me long enough to tell it is unusual. I'm with the guys on this. To me, it didn't sound like a pregnancy scare, so maybe it didn't to him either. Or maybe he thought it was a test that he wanted no part of, who knows. Just drop it and keep using contraception. And just because someone wants marriage doesn't always mean they want children, so don't assume that, but most do. Thanks. That's what I did, thought there is no reason to discuss it further with him. Completely forgot, we have spoken about children and he was the one bringing it up.
No_Go Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Nothing of your description even hints pregnancy scare. Your partner is older and more experienced and maybe that's why he didn't got concerned. IUD is known for messing up monthly bleeds. If it is Mirena IUD your period may stop altogether after an year of use. If it is the copper T you may have longer/stronger bleeds. Hi, Long story short, my partner (30, very successful) and me (23, good education and career) have been together for a few months now. Our relationship is amazing and I could not ask for more. He has been making engagement/marriage jokes pretty early on and is very serious about us (I have met his friends, went to weddings together etc. ; said "I love yous"), yet what is currently happening is puzzling me. I am not entirely certain how to handle it. Now to cut to the chase: We use contraception, however I experience what seemed a lot like implantation bleeding. I was alarmed and shared with him straight away as we were together. He simply asked if I felt okay and was generally concerned about me, not about a possible pregnancy. Long story short, the slight bleeding evolved into an early full-blown period. I was rather relieved and shared with him over text, he got back to me straight away completely ignoring the content of my message, replying that "I am going home now. It is cold outside". Could he have simply hoped for a different outcome? I struggle to believe that, we are far from that point of our relationship. My initial reaction is to ask him why is he not relieved, yet I do not want to make a big deal out of this. Please share your thoughts? Thanks
Author elizabetk Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 Nothing of your description even hints pregnancy scare. Your partner is older and more experienced and maybe that's why he didn't got concerned. IUD is known for messing up monthly bleeds. If it is Mirena IUD your period may stop altogether after an year of use. If it is the copper T you may have longer/stronger bleeds. I am using the copper coil for awhile now and thankfully have not experienced any issues/other unusual occurrences with it. Judging by the fact he has joked with me being pregnant a fair few times before, I genuinely don't think he would have been terribly worried if I was pregnant. That could also possibly add up to the reaction.
elaine567 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 I am using the copper coil for awhile now and thankfully have not experienced any issues/other unusual occurrences with it. Judging by the fact he has joked with me being pregnant a fair few times before, I genuinely don't think he would have been terribly worried if I was pregnant. That could also possibly add up to the reaction. Joking about being getting you pregnant and you actually being pregnant are two different things. The whole false scare episode may have sobered him up a little.
No_Go Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 The copper T is super safe. But the mechanism of action is partially that it keeps your uterine lining inflamed, so some period changes like what you experienced are not unusual. How long have you been dating guys? If it is under 6 months and he's a sound man, pregnancy is completely off the options and pregnancy jokes are just jokes OR ... something that he thinks you may like to hear (i.e. almost part of the courting). But anyway, you have pretty much no chance to get pregnant on the IUD. In the extremely rare occasion that it may happen (3/1000 chance), you have bigger problem than your partner reaction (ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage risks are high). But again, you are very safe with the copper IUD. I am using the copper coil for awhile now and thankfully have not experienced any issues/other unusual occurrences with it. Judging by the fact he has joked with me being pregnant a fair few times before, I genuinely don't think he would have been terribly worried if I was pregnant. That could also possibly add up to the reaction.
Author elizabetk Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 Joking about being getting you pregnant and you actually being pregnant are two different things. The whole false scare episode may have sobered him up a little. Thanks, very true. I am sure I would have another matter to be resolved at some point and would make sure to add a side note on whether or not the pregnancy scare has sobered him up in case you are reading. 1
Author elizabetk Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) The copper T is super safe. But the mechanism of action is partially that it keeps your uterine lining inflamed, so some period changes like what you experienced are not unusual. How long have you been dating guys? If it is under 6 months and he's a sound man, pregnancy is completely off the options and pregnancy jokes are just jokes OR ... something that he thinks you may like to hear (i.e. almost part of the courting). But anyway, you have pretty much no chance to get pregnant on the IUD. In the extremely rare occasion that it may happen (3/1000 chance), you have bigger problem than your partner reaction (ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage risks are high). But again, you are very safe with the copper IUD. Thanks! My main concern was an ectopic pregnancy (which I did not bring up with him) as I was experiencing back pain (yet again, usual for me). Due to the fact I have been using the copper coil for over a year and not had anything unusual until this episode, thoughts of possible inflammations of the uterine lining were completely absent. We have been dating for 4 months now, although our relationship is very serious by all standards (he had a relationship that lasted nearly six years and ended a couple of years ago, since then he has not had a relationship - I have met his friends, family etc. and have no reason to think otherwise), he has a great sense of humour that makes me believe pregnancy jokes are just jokes. However, as he is financially secure and due to the nature of his job (high position in major bank) money is not an issue. Also, he has openly told me that he has wanted someone like me for awhile now (and so did his sisters and best friend for that matter), so I wasn't surprised why he took the scare so calmly. It was the reaction of the scare being eliminated that made me think twice. Edited March 13, 2016 by elizabetk
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