Bliss25 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Hi all, Ok so for those of you who would like to read my story of over a year ago, heres the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/506543-she-just-left-no-warning But in short, I was in a long term relationship ( lived together etc ). Over a year ago, she left me out of the blue. She did this so she could find herself etc but turned out she wanted to try out "other" people. We actually got back together and tried again but it was very difficult as we had no approval from a lot of people ( mainly my friends and family ).. We lived past each other and she ended up admitting to be an alcoholic. We have parted ways but I am struggling with one thing.. I have always believed that people are meant for each other. And I believe that she was the "one" for me... I am terrified at the fact that I have lost the "one".. I believe that we are meant for each other, and that now I will be unhappy for the rest of my life because the "one" has come and gone. Please tell me I'm wrong ? I am having a very difficult time accepting that shes gone.. I only see a life with her and her being the mother of my kids one day. I really am struggling with this one. Thank you for listening :/ 1
Raina314 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 I think the following article might help you a lot: http://twodrifters.us./blog/we-are-not-each-others-soulmates-but-thats-okay.html There are many people in the world with whom you may be compatible. What makes someone "the one" isn't finding the one person on the planet who you're perfectly compatible with, it's the decision to pick one of those many people and work hard to make it work together. So just because it doesn't work out with one of those people does not mean it can't with anyone. 4
kztar Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 No such thing as the one. Is someone you CHOOSE to make it work with. No magic trick to it bro. Go find another one. 3
SixxChick Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 No such thing as the one. Is someone you CHOOSE to make it work with. No magic trick to it bro. Go find another one. This reminded me of one of the many red flags I ignored in my relationship. During a conflict one time, he asked me, "Do you want me to leave?" I should have just said yes. 2
kztar Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 This reminded me of one of the many red flags I ignored in my relationship. During a conflict one time, he asked me, "Do you want me to leave?" I should have just said yes. I had plenty of red flags too from early on. I decided to just overlook them and that was a big mistake. 2
Satu Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 "The One" doesn't exist. There are just people who either can, or can't, create a loving a loving and healthy relationship. Your belief in "The One" is standing in the way of you creating just such a loving and healthy relationship with someone. Give it up.
powerisperfected Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Love is very complicated and you are experiencing this first hand. It sounds like you love this person very much and have a long history with them. However, you are also describing your relationship as turbulent and at times hurtful. It may be time to consider if this relationship were to have continued if it would have been a healthy relationship for you. Just the fact that you pointed out that there was an addiction problem indicates to me that you feel like there is issues there. You believe that this could have been your soul mate but true love lifts you up, it brings growth in your life, it brings joy and light. It does not sound as if this relationship was bringing you these things. Your true soul mate will bring these things to your life and will bring out the best in you. Just consider these things when evaluating your relationship with this person. 1
Author Bliss25 Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 Love is very complicated and you are experiencing this first hand. It sounds like you love this person very much and have a long history with them. However, you are also describing your relationship as turbulent and at times hurtful. It may be time to consider if this relationship were to have continued if it would have been a healthy relationship for you. Just the fact that you pointed out that there was an addiction problem indicates to me that you feel like there is issues there. You believe that this could have been your soul mate but true love lifts you up, it brings growth in your life, it brings joy and light. It does not sound as if this relationship was bringing you these things. Your true soul mate will bring these things to your life and will bring out the best in you. Just consider these things when evaluating your relationship with this person. Thanks for all the replies.. The truth is that that this is not the first time Im going through this, I was with someone else for 3 years prior to this relationship and I thought that brake up was bad... but this is so much worse.. Truth is that this girl did bring joy to me, she did lift me up, I was happy and content. The addiction is almost making me feel better because it is something I see as a cause why she went off the rails.. I just feel like this is it. I wont be happy ever again. I know i will find another girl again because I do have the ability to pick them up quickly but it wont be the same :(
kztar Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I've met "the one" four times... erm... Oh my God. How have all the breakups been?. I can't imagine going through this again. Literally my biggest fear in life right now. 2
Author Bliss25 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Posted March 21, 2016 I really am struggling today. I'm completely lost and it feels like my world is falling apart. I'm not sure who I am and what I like anymore. The 1 thing I know for sure though is that I lost my best friend, partner, only person who makes me feel safe and understands me. Today has been so difficult. She's constantly on my mind. I almost contacted her but I didn't. It's almost 1 month NC. It feels like I have no purpose left in life. I've been meeting girls but I don't even feel like it. So what's the point. This is the worst I have ever felt... thanks for listening. 3
thespacey1 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Wish I had the words to remedy your pain and everyone's pain, including my own. But I don't. What I will say is that we all grieve differently. It takes time to truly get past this type of pain. Healing will be more definite I feel,when we stop trying to jump right back in the dating game so quickly. You said your other breakups were painful as well but this one is worse. Slow down...don't date so quickly until you truly feel like you WANT to go out with someone else. Although I'm a female, I know(like many) how it can be picking them (guys) up pretty quickly but they may not last. Reason most likely being,because I'm simply not ready. You're probably not ready. It would only serve as a band aid .If you're aware of that and just want a distraction then go for it. Otherwise, be careful with your heart and the treatment you give the next woman... 1
darstar007 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 I feel the exact same way. You are not alone. There are many of us out here that have had our lives shattered by a sudden betrayal by someone who we loved. My best wishes to all for a speedy recovery. 1
Author Bliss25 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 Thanks for the replies and for being here to read.. I am really struggling with this. I don't know who I am and what makes me happy. I am doing everything I can to move on but how on earth am I supposed to if she is CONSTANTLY on my mind. I wake up in the morning with her on my mind. I go to bed with her on my mind. Worst, I have been dreaming of her EVERY single night for the last 2 weeks. I have been on 6 dates just to distract me. But these girls have done nothing for me. I met one girl who has it all, own business, home owner, highly qualified, great looks and body, very well mannered, the works! But again I'm just not interested. And it's scaring me because it makes me think I will never be happy ever again. I'm so scared. Nothing feels worth life anymore. Thanks again for listening.
Author Bliss25 Posted April 4, 2016 Author Posted April 4, 2016 The last few days has been the worst yet. We were invited to a wedding when we were still together thats coming up - its someone in her family. I have a very good relationship with the groom to be. We became good friends over the past few years. I got an email from the best man to say I cant come to the bachelors anymore. This was very difficult for me as I wasnt the one doing anything wrong here.. I wanted for us to continue the relationship. But I am getting treated as if im in the wrong ? She sent me a msg last week and asked me how I'm coping. I told her about the email and she said its just better that way and that everyone knows that its not a good thing for me and her to see each other.. She then told me that she will drop some of my stuff at my friend's house. So she feels very strong about the fact that she does not want to see me in person ? Very cold... Why is this happening ? Why am I being treated like Im some danger or something to her. I have always just cared for her and I treated her very well.. She is the one that screwd up and yet I was willing to try again. I do not know her like this. She always taught me that one can still be nice to your ex no matter how bad they hurt you. shes not one for conflict. shes friendly, sweet and warm. Its making it so much worse. I dont get much sleep. I have constant nightmares. The pain is unbearable. And at times i feel like i was robbed of almost 5 years of my life.. Thanks for listening
Raina314 Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 That's awful . I'm so sorry for what you're going through. There's nothing as painful as being pushed away by someone who used to be warm and kind and reliable. I wish I knew what to say to help, but I'm right there with you in terms of my sadness level. All I can say is that it was very unkind of her to tell you that, and pretty messed up that your friend turned that invitation around on you. But the only way now is up. Just hang in there. This time next year you'll feel so much better.
Author Bliss25 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 Thanks Rain314.. Last night I hit what I believe the lowest point in my life. I realized again how I have absolutely NOTHING in my life to be excited about and that I do not feel like doing anything but ly on my bed. I have done a lot of reflecting on my life etc and it hit me hard yestersday.. When I read on here, people always seem to say that there are reasons that their exes arent good for them. Or that their exes never brought out the best in them. Well.. I cant say the same. It hit me hard yesterday that my ex brought out the best in me. She brought out a person in me that no one else ever could. We are supposed to be together. somewhere there is a massive mistake. I also know that I only ever wanted the best for her and I was willing to support her in anything - Also something I'm not always willing to do with anyone. I hate myself at the moment... I want to be happy again and I am not sure that will happen. I have mentioned that I have met a lot of women and I still continue to do so but I cant seem to be excited at all. thanks for listening.
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