spriggan2 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Been out with this girl 3 times. See each other on Saturdays. Dates are very pleasant. Each time though we say goodbye awkwardly. First time side hug, second time I leaned to hug her from the passenger seat, third time she leaned to hug me from the passenger seat but didnt risk a kiss even though we were both sort of feeling it I guess. I never think anything of it though. I think pretty soon we'll be kissing and fooling around. But she on the other hand seems to take it hard. Last two times she texted me apologizing somewhat extensively for the awkward hug, saying she dropped the ball by not kissing, even though im the guy and should traditionally be taking the lead. It seems to be bothering her. I find her anxiety kind of cute, we're both introvert types, but I don't know if it's going to stress her out too much. I mean I am super awkward generally, new at dating (30y/o) but I'm very used to my awkwardness and relaxed about it. What do you think? Is it that important in dating etiquette to get the initial goodbyes right?
soph-walker Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Been out with this girl 3 times. See each other on Saturdays. Dates are very pleasant. Each time though we say goodbye awkwardly. First time side hug, second time I leaned to hug her from the passenger seat, third time she leaned to hug me from the passenger seat but didnt risk a kiss even though we were both sort of feeling it I guess. I never think anything of it though. I think pretty soon we'll be kissing and fooling around. But she on the other hand seems to take it hard. Last two times she texted me apologizing somewhat extensively for the awkward hug, saying she dropped the ball by not kissing, even though im the guy and should traditionally be taking the lead. It seems to be bothering her. I find her anxiety kind of cute, we're both introvert types, but I don't know if it's going to stress her out too much. I mean I am super awkward generally, new at dating (30y/o) but I'm very used to my awkwardness and relaxed about it. What do you think? Is it that important in dating etiquette to get the initial goodbyes right? I have only ever experienced awkward goodbyes, be it on a first date or 3rd date so if anyone has any inside info I'd be happy to have it haha. It seems that goodbyes are always awkward as until you know someone well enough or are exclusively dating, the 'unknown' often takes precedent and there are so many factors ie 'the guy is supposed to initiate physical contact' VS 'it's 2016, women should be making initial physical contact'.
salparadise Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 It's not a big deal. Sounds almost like the way my gf and I started out. She explicitly green-lighted you via the text, so next time give her a real hug and a kiss she won't soon forget. Congrats on a good beginning!
Otter2569 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 I hate awkward goodbyes. If they are awkward and the date was awkward I may not call back for another...it all depends on the chemistry. One of my personal favorite things to break the kissing ice is to joke about the "kiss test - to see if we are compatible". You can do this via text or phone before hand to set the expectation and hopefully some fun chatting. Ill then say, depending on the nature of the feedback (which is almost always positive) that if the first kiss is awkward I am going to keep kissing until I get it right. I'll joke about wanting her to experience my A game. It almost always works for me...plus ill joke about rating the date and the kissing so we have an excuse to touch base afterwards. There you have it, my friend!
Lorenza Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Never experienced any awkward goodbyes. Luckily, where I'm from we have a custom to give a hug to any friend or acquaintance (or date) and hugs are super common and encouraged.
Jabron1 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Been out with this girl 3 times. See each other on Saturdays. Dates are very pleasant. Each time though we say goodbye awkwardly. First time side hug, second time I leaned to hug her from the passenger seat, third time she leaned to hug me from the passenger seat but didnt risk a kiss even though we were both sort of feeling it I guess. I never think anything of it though. I think pretty soon we'll be kissing and fooling around. But she on the other hand seems to take it hard. Last two times she texted me apologizing somewhat extensively for the awkward hug, saying she dropped the ball by not kissing, even though im the guy and should traditionally be taking the lead. It seems to be bothering her. I find her anxiety kind of cute, we're both introvert types, but I don't know if it's going to stress her out too much. I mean I am super awkward generally, new at dating (30y/o) but I'm very used to my awkwardness and relaxed about it. What do you think? Is it that important in dating etiquette to get the initial goodbyes right? The goodbyes are probably awkward due to sexual tension. You should have kissed her by now. Don't stick to the formality of waiting until the end of a date to kiss a girl. You are just putting pressure on her, and yourself. Always look to kiss her before the end of a date. 1
joseb Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I think you really need to step up and kiss her. Soon. She is even telling you this. If you don't you risk her thinking you are not interested or not up to it. I agree with jabron, do it during the date. I rarely kiss a girl for the first time saying goodbye. If I haven't done it by then I too feel pressure. Look for chances (or make them!) during the date.
greenman77 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 (edited) A few years back I went out with a girl for about 7 months and I didn't kiss her until our 5th date. Our goodbyes were extremely awkward from dates 1 to 4, probably because there was a lot of sexual tension. Every time I would drop her off at her place and we would kiss goodbye on the cheek but every time it felt very awkward. Like we were both going for the kiss on the lips but changed our minds right at the end haha! In our 5th date we were at her place watching a movie and we were cuddled up together on her couch and when the movie ended we stared at each other for like 15-20 seconds and before you know it we had a make out session that lasted about an hour and a half! We both just couldn't hold it any longer! Hell we even gave each other oral that same night! We both were extremely shy and introverted to have done anything before then. Needless to say that kissing/making out (and more ) was a piece of cake after that! My advice to you would be to invite her to your place next time to watch a movie and do the same thing I did. Set the A/C really cold and cuddle with her Chances are you'll have similar results as I did. You have gone out 3 times already and I think it's pretty clear she likes you! So after the movie ends, look her in the eyes for a little while and go for it! Edited March 14, 2016 by greenman77
Jabron1 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 She is clearly well into you OP. At some point on your next date, stop talking, give her good eye contact, and go for it.
normal person Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 It's only "awkward" if you make it so. For one or two dates you can get away without kissing. Last two times she texted me apologizing somewhat extensively for the awkward hug, saying she dropped the ball by not kissing, even though im the guy and should traditionally be taking the lead. It seems to be bothering her. I find her anxiety kind of cute, we're both introvert types, but I don't know if it's going to stress her out too much. I mean I am super awkward generally, new at dating (30y/o) but I'm very used to my awkwardness and relaxed about it. What do you think? Is it that important in dating etiquette to get the initial goodbyes right? I wouldn't call it anxiety on her end, probably just masked confusion as to why you aren't kissing her yet. She doesn't think it's cute, she's wondering what's going on and emasculating you, so much so that she actually had to text you about it to put the idea in your mind to do it because you won't do it yourself. "Sorry for not kissing you" = "Man up and kiss me." Being introverted and awkward isn't an excuse at 30 years old, it's unattractive. I would say "goodbye etiquette" isn't a big deal, but you're turning it into one with this girl. Just kiss her, already.
angel.eyes Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Why don't you open her car door for her? It's an opportunity to kiss her while she gets in or out, and you get brownie points for being a gentleman! Much better than awkwardly trying to reach across the center console of a car to peck nervously at whatever body part happens to be within reach...shoulder, hair, neck, cheek, depending on the size of the car. Sorry, but your concern sounds like a great scene for American Pie 8 or whatever sequel they're up to now. 1
Author spriggan2 Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 Thanks for the replies. I never thought about kissing anytime other than at the end of the date, maybe I'll try an earlier kiss. I feel like I still have some time and we've been texting all day, so vibes are positive on the surface, but I guess there will still be some level of unpleasant tension until we see each other again this weekend. @normalperson I have to put you on ignore for making me feel worse than I need to about this. Yeah I probably screwed up but it's not like I'm committing a felony. And I've been working on social awkwardness. Hopefully I'll salvage things next date, assuming she accepts.
angel.eyes Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 The safest thing to do if you aren't sure if your date is open to a kiss is to wait until the end of the date. That way if the kiss was unwelcome and things go sideways, you get a mercifully quick exit. If it happens in the middle of the date, you're stuck slogging through a very awkward remainder of the date. In this case, you know for a fact that she's interested in kissing you. So, flirt, build up to it, then go for it whenever the moment feels right during the date. No need to wait until the very end.
Jabron1 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 @normalperson I have to put you on ignore for making me feel worse than I need to about this. Yeah I probably screwed up but it's not like I'm committing a felony. And I've been working on social awkwardness. Don't put him on ignore. He was making a really good point. Too many people use introversion as an excuse. I am an introvert too. But that doesn't mean that I use it as an excuse for not taking risks. Introversion just means that other peoples company wears me out. I need plenty of my own space - it's like regrouping, or recharging my batteries. Never use introversion as an excuse for anything. Introversion isn't a weakness; it's a strength. The safest thing to do if you aren't sure if your date is open to a kiss is to wait until the end of the date. That way if the kiss was unwelcome and things go sideways, you get a mercifully quick exit. If it happens in the middle of the date, you're stuck slogging through a very awkward remainder of the date. Where's the passion in that? No risk, no reward. As a man you act, and she reacts. Men push, and women resist. There have been plenty of times that a girl has rejected my initial advances, only to be receptive later. It's nothing to worry about. Things only go downhill if a guy lets it affect his vibe and shows disappointment. Just give her a short kiss part-ways through the date. Then, a bit later, you can go in for a much more passionate kiss - now that the first kiss has happened, and she is used to the idea. Build things up by complimenting her. First something small about her personalty or whatever, and then by telling her something about her that you find sexy. Make excuses to be physical with her. Sit together, put your arm around her, etc. You need to ramp up the sexuality towards turning things physical. No one is going to do this for you. Certainly don't expect the woman to do these things. 2
joseb Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) The first time I tried to kiss my ex she pulled back (midway through the date). Before, I'd always given up at this point, but I didn't this time. Later I found a better opening and then went with it. We were together for years. I've also had occasions where I went for a kiss and was rejected and that was that, but I survived, and realised it's not such a big deal. I'm an introvert too by the way. Edited March 15, 2016 by joseb
Jabron1 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I'm an introvert too by the way. I've never heard people typify it as a weakness, until I used these forums. I've always considered it a strength. Extroverted people typically can't stand to be alone for any amount of time. They need constant company and attention. My introverted nature is probably what makes me independent. It's what stops me from being needy around women (or anyone). It causes me to be reflective. It's a strength. I think a lot of people here use it as an excuse. Or they are accepting other peoples reality (have a weak frame) and accept that it is weakness, when it isn't.
Author spriggan2 Posted March 15, 2016 Author Posted March 15, 2016 I wouldn't consider introversion a weakness overall, and I'm not using it as an excuse, but it does have it's drawbacks in the instance of being comfortable and practiced with socializing and courtship. Neither of us have that skill very well honed and so some awkwardness arises in what we lack. I realize awkwardness is not cute for a guy, but I definitely find her awkwardness cute. My issue though is social anxiety, which is different. I made a post about this a few months back detailing my efforts to overcome it. Gets irritating when I receive remarks implying how pathetic it is that I have this issue at my age. I'm already fully aware. I always appreciate feedback but I don't like feeling like a bad person for screwing up a date in a non offensive way, or for being awkward. I think it's important to keep perspective, which most of the feedback here has. I am capable of self reflecting and understanding where I went wrong purely from the advice I receive. I take steps to improve. I don't need disapproval, judgement or a harsh pep talk, just advice.
normal person Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I am capable of self reflecting and understanding where I went wrong purely from the advice I receive. I take steps to improve. I don't need disapproval, judgement or a harsh pep talk, just advice. My apologies, Spriggan. I gave you the advice and perspective in the way I thought would be the most affective, at least for me. Lessons I've learned the best come from harsh realities, not coddled fantasy. Personally, if I really wanted pragmatic advice, I'd rather have someone give me all the facts, straight as they are, as unsettling as they might be. That's the mechanism that's likely to shock you into action -- at least for me. The things I tell myself and do work for me, I'd hope they could work for someone else. But being on this forum I forget sometimes that's not how people want to hear things. I'm introverted myself and I'm a similar age as you. Yes, it's not a "weakness," more of a disposition, but it can be a roadblock such as in this situation. It takes conscious effort to overcome. The same thing with awkwardness, there's no "cure," you (or anyone with the same predicament) just have to find the strength to step out of your comfort zone and deal with it, and then it diminishes. 1
Author spriggan2 Posted March 18, 2016 Author Posted March 18, 2016 (edited) Round 4 last night...considerably better. Back on track. Chains of awkwardness lifted...for now. I foresee myself returning later. Edited March 18, 2016 by spriggan2
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