helo23 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 hello everyone! since my last post i came back to my senses! we loved each other very much but he broke up out of nowhere after cheating on me and i just dont manage to let him go. The funny part is that i dont want him back.. ok, maybe 10%of me still want him back but i know its for the best. The only thing is that my subconscious is not letting him go.. i still dream about him and it makes me want him back sometimes.. it has been nearly 6 months and we were officially together for a year. it has been only 2 months that i dont have to see him everyday and didnt see him at all or texted or talked to ( well he wished me happy birthday and i hated him for that because he was so nice in his text ) because he put me through hell.. he acted like i broke up with him and was just putting all the girls he could in my face and would pass next to me and give me a tap and the hip or the butt .. i just dont get him still. i think it might be why i can't let it go.. i had no explanation and the break up was so brutal .. from one day to another and never went back on it but always acted weird ... I have met other guys and i liked them but i dont see myself with any of them its weird. i know i ll meet someone great and i have no doubt about that .. im just scared that i won't be able to receive this person in my life. how could i just let everything go ... ?
smudge21 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 The one big thing that helped me years ago was the realisation that everytime I thought I wanted her back, it wasn't really her... but my vision of her, who I wanted her to be, who I thought she was; that's who I wanted back - this fantasy person that would come running back to me, begging me back, doing whatever she could to win me back and being perfect in every way... when in reality she never was. When we get dumped or cheated on, it's at that precise moment that the person we first met and fell in love with is gone forever, replaced by someone who looks and sounds the same, but never truly is. Be honest, that 10% of you that wants him back, doesn't just want him, but wants the him you remember and the him you've created in your mind. Sadly that person no longer exists. 8
BC1980 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 You can't just wake up one day and decided to let go. It happens gradually, over time, and it can sometimes be quite slow. NC is one of the most important things you can do because it forces you to let go. It removes the triggers that keep you hanging on. It's funny you mention dreams because I had a dream about my ex this past week, and we've been broken up for 3 years. Who knows why or how that happens, but maybe he will be in the back of my mind for a long time. I think that it's important to look at how you feel when you think about your ex. I think about my ex everyday because it's not something I can control. He pops into my mind at some point, but, as time has moved on, I have found that I don't really attach any type of emotion to those thoughts of him. It doesn't make me happy or sad. I don't ruminate on him. He's just there at some point, probably out of habit. How long have you been NC? And I mean total NC. Social media counts. 3
NolaLeForte Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 I looked at your last post and I can only imagine how hard its been the last few months. It sounds like your relationship was sort of a whirlwind and it takes time to come down from that sort of intensity, especially when it ends so abruptly. The breakup sounds really awful, and in addition to that you had a lot of other stuff going on in your life (changing apartments, failing your year). That’s hard enough without being told by everyone you guys are going to get married, and then be told he’s going to leave you because you failed. That’s a lot of pressure and expectation! He was your rock, you had the security of the relationship and then all of a sudden it was gone. I think that the memory of that time, combined with how abrupt it ended and you not having any way to prepare for it is what is making you feel this way. If he made out with someone else while he was out drunk, that isn’t something that is going to change even if you ended up back together. Being with him wouldn’t make anything fall back into place-you guys broke up for a reason, and I think you know that consciously even if you aren’t feeling it right now. The memory of what was is what you’re holding onto, and looking back at him in such a way will only make other guys constantly pale in comparison, and ultimately will block you from being able to connect with anyone else because your heart and energy are still with the other guy. Right now, you probably shouldn’t worry about receiving any one else though, you have a lot on your plate as is. The best thing you can do is focus on you. Closure doesn’t always come, and sometimes the hardest thing is being okay with that. Who knows why he did what he did when he was drunk, and you’re only going to torment yourself looking for an answer. It’s okay and good to move on, you don’t need an explanation to do that and holding on is only going to make things harder. Hang in there. x 2
Author helo23 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 The one big thing that helped me years ago was the realisation that everytime I thought I wanted her back, it wasn't really her... but my vision of her, who I wanted her to be, who I thought she was; that's who I wanted back - this fantasy person that would come running back to me, begging me back, doing whatever she could to win me back and being perfect in every way... when in reality she never was. When we get dumped or cheated on, it's at that precise moment that the person we first met and fell in love with is gone forever, replaced by someone who looks and sounds the same, but never truly is. Be honest, that 10% of you that wants him back, doesn't just want him, but wants the him you remember and the him you've created in your mind. Sadly that person no longer exists. i totally get that but its just so hard to see that the person i was with is just gone... since the breakup he is so different ... there is not an ounce of him that is him ... like he became so fake.. but the person i was with had his flaws but i liked them it didnt bothered me .. after what happened he just got really weird.. and looked like a hobo and just hookup with as many girls as he can ... its just so weird.. he behaves like i broke up with him..
Author helo23 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 You can't just wake up one day and decided to let go. It happens gradually, over time, and it can sometimes be quite slow. NC is one of the most important things you can do because it forces you to let go. It removes the triggers that keep you hanging on. It's funny you mention dreams because I had a dream about my ex this past week, and we've been broken up for 3 years. Who knows why or how that happens, but maybe he will be in the back of my mind for a long time. I think that it's important to look at how you feel when you think about your ex. I think about my ex everyday because it's not something I can control. He pops into my mind at some point, but, as time has moved on, I have found that I don't really attach any type of emotion to those thoughts of him. It doesn't make me happy or sad. I don't ruminate on him. He's just there at some point, probably out of habit. How long have you been NC? And I mean total NC. Social media counts. yeah i feel you he is always there with me its horrible... i ve been no contact since new years . i deleted him from Facebook and unfollowed him on instigram ( when i deletd him he started posting pictures with girls when i posted a video with a friend ) so i just took all out and didnt talk to him since so 2 months 1/2... well he wrote me for my birthday and i said "thks" .. and now that im not at school he goes and talk to my best friend there , added her on Facebook etc ... i dont get it ..
Emilia Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 yeah i feel you he is always there with me its horrible... i ve been no contact since new years . i deleted him from Facebook and unfollowed him on instigram ( when i deletd him he started posting pictures with girls when i posted a video with a friend ) so i just took all out and didnt talk to him since so 2 months 1/2... well he wrote me for my birthday and i said "thks" .. and now that im not at school he goes and talk to my best friend there , added her on Facebook etc ... i dont get it .. Tell your best friend to delete and block because you have to move on. If she doesn't, she isn't a friend and she needs to go. 1
BC1980 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 yeah i feel you he is always there with me its horrible... i ve been no contact since new years . i deleted him from Facebook and unfollowed him on instigram ( when i deletd him he started posting pictures with girls when i posted a video with a friend ) so i just took all out and didnt talk to him since so 2 months 1/2... well he wrote me for my birthday and i said "thks" .. and now that im not at school he goes and talk to my best friend there , added her on Facebook etc ... i dont get it .. You haven't been NC for very long, so it's natural that you are still having trouble letting go. I wouldn't even reply with a "thanks" if he wishes you happy birthday. You need to cut all the contact off completely. You don't understand a lot of what he does, so you need to stay away from it. There is nothing to be gained by wondering why he does what he does. Keep him blocked on social media.
Author helo23 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 I looked at your last post and I can only imagine how hard its been the last few months. It sounds like your relationship was sort of a whirlwind and it takes time to come down from that sort of intensity, especially when it ends so abruptly. The breakup sounds really awful, and in addition to that you had a lot of other stuff going on in your life (changing apartments, failing your year). That’s hard enough without being told by everyone you guys are going to get married, and then be told he’s going to leave you because you failed. That’s a lot of pressure and expectation! He was your rock, you had the security of the relationship and then all of a sudden it was gone. I think that the memory of that time, combined with how abrupt it ended and you not having any way to prepare for it is what is making you feel this way. If he made out with someone else while he was out drunk, that isn’t something that is going to change even if you ended up back together. Being with him wouldn’t make anything fall back into place-you guys broke up for a reason, and I think you know that consciously even if you aren’t feeling it right now. The memory of what was is what you’re holding onto, and looking back at him in such a way will only make other guys constantly pale in comparison, and ultimately will block you from being able to connect with anyone else because your heart and energy are still with the other guy. Right now, you probably shouldn’t worry about receiving any one else though, you have a lot on your plate as is. The best thing you can do is focus on you. Closure doesn’t always come, and sometimes the hardest thing is being okay with that. Who knows why he did what he did when he was drunk, and you’re only going to torment yourself looking for an answer. It’s okay and good to move on, you don’t need an explanation to do that and holding on is only going to make things harder. Hang in there. x you re so sweet you actually made me cry .. its exactly that , he was my rock.. he fought so much to be with me that i thought it would last a lifetime and everybody did and still does.. its just sad .. he did so much **** since we broke up .. its like he wanted to inflict me pain and i dont get it why ... i dont understand how you could love someone so much and after just act this way its insane.. ans he insisted so much to stay friends etc and we obviously dont talk well he tried live but never texted or anything if i wasn't .. and the creepiest is that he is still friend with the girl he cheated on me with that was also banged by his best friend that lives with her ( what a stand up girl )..
Author helo23 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 Tell your best friend to delete and block because you have to move on. If she doesn't, she isn't a friend and she needs to go. it doesn't bother me to be honest ... they are in the same school and everybody knows everybody .. its just weird that he keeps that contact to me and he is very nice to her like he feels guilty about his behavior towards me
Author helo23 Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 You haven't been NC for very long, so it's natural that you are still having trouble letting go. I wouldn't even reply with a "thanks" if he wishes you happy birthday. You need to cut all the contact off completely. You don't understand a lot of what he does, so you need to stay away from it. There is nothing to be gained by wondering why he does what he does. Keep him blocked on social media. i will ! but im invited to amazing parties soon and i won't deprive myself from going because of him .. i know he ll probably pull something but at least i ll be ready for it..
BC1980 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 i will ! but im invited to amazing parties soon and i won't deprive myself from going because of him .. i know he ll probably pull something but at least i ll be ready for it.. What do you think he might try to pull? I thought I was ready to see my ex at work, but it didn't pan out like I thought it would. I was fine, but it just played out a bit differently than I expected. It's easy to say you will do this and that, but, when you are confronted with the actual person, it's more difficult.
Author helo23 Posted March 17, 2016 Author Posted March 17, 2016 What do you think he might try to pull? I thought I was ready to see my ex at work, but it didn't pan out like I thought it would. I was fine, but it just played out a bit differently than I expected. It's easy to say you will do this and that, but, when you are confronted with the actual person, it's more difficult. the only thing he can pull is making out with a girl in front of me but i ve already seen that .. i know he is not mine anymore so im fine with it .. the thing i dont get is how we are not in each others life at all ..
Emilia Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 it doesn't bother me to be honest ... they are in the same school and everybody knows everybody .. its just weird that he keeps that contact to me and he is very nice to her like he feels guilty about his behavior towards me It makes you think about him more and holding you back. Ask your friend to delete
NolaLeForte Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Aww I’m glad to help! Honestly if he’s being weird and fake that energy and attitude isn’t going to give you anything you want or need, and as hard as it is to imagine being out each other’s lives I really think it’s a good thing you’re apart. Actions speak louder than words, and he’s making it pretty clear where he’s at and what’s he’s about right now. We don’t know his motivations for his behavior, but we know very well what he’s doing. Maybe he does feel guilty about he acted, but in the end, that’s neither here nor there (although trying to get in with your friends is kind of crossing a line IMO, but that’s a whole other topic). We always see people we care about in a more positive light (nothing wrong with that!), and you’re still emotionally tied to him. While the relationship may have been great, this side of him is just as much a part of him as the good things are. I think in time, when you’ve had more emotional distance and you’ve had more time to heal and be away from him, you’ll start to feel differently, being apart won’t be so painful, and it might even feel good. If he’s acting like that, it’s a blessing he’s not in your life right now. Trying to keep that energy around is only going to drain and hurt you in the end, and you have enough on your plate to focus on as is. No contact is about putting your energy to YOU and YOUR LIFE and things that YOU WANT. So go out there, enjoy those awesome party invites, and focus on you. I promise it will get easier. x
Redhead14 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 hello everyone! since my last post i came back to my senses! we loved each other very much but he broke up out of nowhere after cheating on me and i just dont manage to let him go. The funny part is that i dont want him back.. ok, maybe 10%of me still want him back but i know its for the best. The only thing is that my subconscious is not letting him go.. i still dream about him and it makes me want him back sometimes.. it has been nearly 6 months and we were officially together for a year. it has been only 2 months that i dont have to see him everyday and didnt see him at all or texted or talked to ( well he wished me happy birthday and i hated him for that because he was so nice in his text ) because he put me through hell.. he acted like i broke up with him and was just putting all the girls he could in my face and would pass next to me and give me a tap and the hip or the butt .. i just dont get him still. i think it might be why i can't let it go.. i had no explanation and the break up was so brutal .. from one day to another and never went back on it but always acted weird ... I have met other guys and i liked them but i dont see myself with any of them its weird. i know i ll meet someone great and i have no doubt about that .. im just scared that i won't be able to receive this person in my life. how could i just let everything go ... ? pass next to me and give me a tap and the hip or the butt -- that is smug and disrespectful. The guy is a d*ck. Picture him that way every time you think of him.
Recommended Posts