jebrooks1988 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) So I've been casually seeing this guy- it's still fairly early in the courting phase. I let him pursue and he does 99.9% of the contacting. I'm incredibly forgetful and these last few weeks I've been working on a very important profect for school and forgot to respond back to him. I finally reached out to him and got no response :/. Should I just reach out again, exlain myself and try to set up a time for us to see each other? Edited March 13, 2016 by jebrooks1988
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 It's gonna take a while for him to trust you again because he interpreted your disappearance as a lack of interest 1
smudge21 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Be honest and tell him your reasons. At least if he still doesn't respond you can take some comfort in the fact you gave it your best shot and tried to make something happen.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 It's gonna take a while for him to trust you again because he interpreted your disappearance as a lack of interest Yea :/. I responded back to him last week just eventually forgot to respond again. Wouldn't me contacting him show that I'm interested though? So why not respond?
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Yea :/. I responded back to him last week just eventually forgot to respond again. Wouldn't me contacting him show that I'm interested though? So why not respond? It's possible he's turned-off now. Or maybe he's trying to show you what it feels like when messages go un-returned. This isn't an effective way to communicate, but it could be what he's thinking. Why not actually call him?
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 jebrooks, regardless of what happens with this guy, going forward, when you like a guy and he sends you a text, you need to stop "forgetting" to respond back. What's up with that anyway? If I texted a guy and he *forgot* to text me back, I would be calling major BS on that and NEXT him, immediately. Interested people act interested....they don't *forget* to respond back, whether text or phone call.... no matter how busy they are. Not accusing you of anything, but you sure you weren't playing games....in an effort to see how hard he would chase you? Many women play that game, which usually backfires. 2
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 jebrooks, regardless of what happens with this guy, going forward, when you like a guy and he sends you a text, you need to stop "forgetting" to respond back. What's up with that anyway? If I texted a guy and he *forgot* to text me back, I would be calling major BS on that and NEXT him, immediately. Interested people act interested....they don't *forget* to respond back, whether text or phone call.... no matter how busy they are. Not accusing you of anything, but you sure you weren't playing games....in an effort to see how hard he would chase you? Many women play that game, which usually backfires. I really do mean it when I say I'm forgetful (very ADDlol). I'm bad with getting back in touch with my family as well so it's not just him.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 I really do mean it when I say I'm forgetful (very ADDlol). I'm bad with getting back in touch with my family as well so it's not just him. If you know this about yourself, it might be time to implement some changes. Not replying to people sends the wrong message and gives people a less-than-glowing impression of you. Set a reminder on your phone. Write a Post-it to yourself. Do what you have to do to be more mindful of the people who are trying to communicate with you. 1
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) I really do mean it when I say I'm forgetful (very ADDlol). I'm bad with getting back in touch with my family as well so it's not just him. Have you been diagnosed, cuz ADD is no laughing matter. What happens when you get a job? Are you gonna *forget* to do the tasks assigned too? Or forget to return calls or emails from your boss or co-workers, colleagues? ADD, or even perceived ADD if you haven't been disgnosed, will affect every RL you have, and not in a good way, unless you seek treatment. There isn't a guy in the world who is gonna tolerate a woman he just started dating forgetting to get back to him .... so this issue will continue to negatively impact all your dating experiences. Instead of strategizing how to get this guy back, focus on getting help for the ADD, as that is a much more serious issue at this point. Good luck! Edited March 13, 2016 by katiegrl 3
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 Have you been diagnosed, cuz ADD is no laughing matter. What happens when you get a job? Are you gonna *forget* to do the tasks assigned too? Or forget to return calls or emails from your boss or co-workers, colleagues? ADD, or even perceived ADD if you haven't been disgnosed, will affect every RL you have, and not in a good way, unless you seek treatment. There isn't a guy in the world who is gonna tolerate a woman he just started dating forgetting to get back to him .... so this issue will continue to negatively impact all your dating experiences. Instead of strategizing how to get this guy back, focus on getting help for the ADD, as that is a much more serious issue at this point. Good luck! No i have been diagnosed. I'm on vyvanse. I have no issues with work or projects but it's just remembering to text back while I'm working is the issue. I'll look at it put ot down because I realize I'm supposed to be focusing on the task at hand and just forget to respond. Thank you though!
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 No i have been diagnosed. I'm on vyvanse. I have no issues with work or projects but it's just remembering to text back while I'm working is the issue. I'll look at it put ot down because I realize I'm supposed to be focusing on the task at hand and just forget to respond. Thank you though! Okay I understand this, and when I am working, I get very focused and don't have time to respond right away either. But I do eventually....assuming I am interested, I won't forget altogether. But I don't have ADD... Sometimes, when I am super busy, and I know I can't respond back with anything substantive for awhile, as soon as the text comes in, I text back immediately real quick and say "hey, got your text, I am super busy right now but will be back in touch later...xo" Then leave myself a note if I think I might forget. Seems to help ALOT in preventing the guy from being put off by my lack of response. I dunno, just a suggestion, works for me (and the men I date) anyway. 1
elaine567 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 You "forget" to text a guy for a few weeks!!! He obviously means very little to you, he is not that important to you. He got that message loud and clear, hence his unresponsiveness now. 1
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 You "forget" to text a guy for a few weeks!!! He obviously means very little to you, he is not that important to you. He got that message loud and clear, hence his unresponsiveness now. Wow, I didn't realize it was a few weeks! And to jebrooks... just curious but what happens after a few weeks that causes you to suddenly remember? This makes absolutely no sense, ADD or no ADD.
elaine567 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Is this the same guy you used to date and then became your fwb, that you refused to answer his texts in case he got too attached? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/572504-first-time-fwb-am-i-handling-correct-way If it is, then did you really think he was going to stick around waiting for your call for weeks? A fwb situation is a mutual arrangement for sex, not an arrangement for your benefit only.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 Wow, I didn't realize it was a few weeks! And to jebrooks... just curious but what happens after a few weeks that causes you to suddenly remember? This makes absolutely no sense, ADD or no ADD. It wasn't a few weeks. He reached out to me one week, I forgot. He reached out again that following week and I responded but eventually forgot to respond back afrer talking for a bit.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 It wasn't a few weeks. He reached out to me one week, I forgot. He reached out again that following week and I responded but eventually forgot to respond back afrer talking for a bit. How much time elapsed between his first and second attempts to contact you? Your lack of responses indicates a lack of interest. Are you sure you're actually into this guy? It doesn't really seem so.
sandylee1 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 One week is too long to not respond and I know if he posted on a forum like this...people would tell him you're not interested. If i were him, even if I knew that you were very forgetful.... I'd decide against a relationship with someone who has memory issues and doesn't text back for a week.. whether it was genuine or not. It's too stressful and I wouldn't know what signs to look for if you weren't interested.... as for getting is normal for you.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 How much time elapsed between his first and second attempts to contact you? Your lack of responses indicates a lack of interest. Are you sure you're actually into this guy? It doesn't really seem so. A week. He finally got in contact with me but now I'm feeling pretty uneasy with how long he's taking to respond (funny huh?)
ExpatInItaly Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 A week. He finally got in contact with me but now I'm feeling pretty uneasy with how long he's taking to respond (funny huh?) A week is far too long. Sorry OP, but I'd write off any guy that couldn't respond within a week. That would indicate that any type of relationship is going to be too frustrating. I have a hard time understanding how you forgot about him for an entire week, to be perfectly honest. I think you should probably consider this one toast. 1
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 A week is far too long. Sorry OP, but I'd write off any guy that couldn't respond within a week. That would indicate that any type of relationship is going to be too frustrating. I have a hard time understanding how you forgot about him for an entire week, to be perfectly honest. I think you should probably consider this one toast. Then why even respond back?
ExpatInItaly Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Then why even respond back? He was probably trying to give it another shot, see if you'd drop the ball again. It sounds like you did when you just stop responding to him. I imagine he just got sick of waiting to hear from you.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 He was probably trying to give it another shot, see if you'd drop the ball again. It sounds like you did when you just stop responding to him. I imagine he just got sick of waiting to hear from you. How did I drop the ball again? He responded yesterday and I replied back yesterday as well.
joseb Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Are you dating other guys too? If not, then I can't see how you can forget to text him for a week. I'm trying to imagine a situation where you go home every evening and literally don't once think of texting him. If this is the case, isn't it obvious you are not at all interested in him? 1
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 Are you dating other guys too? If not, then I can't see how you can forget to text him for a week. I'm trying to imagine a situation where you go home every evening and literally don't once think of texting him. If this is the case, isn't it obvious you are not at all interested in him? But I do lol. I'll go to respond and then say, "oh crap I forgot to send this email" *goes and writes email* do something else realize I forgot to respond, "oh it's time to walk the dog" and the cycle continues. It's not just him that I'm this way with either. I'm like this with family and friends as well.
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