she keeps breaking up with me and coming back, and now she's dating someone. Why?help

[WhomiHide]

1. Does living with someone always ruin your relationship?

2. When someone says the want space and starts dating other ppl whatdoes that mean?

3. When someone says they love you and wants to marry you then brealks up with you saying they are not ready for commitment what does that say/mean...

 

And lastly, how do i make a nc work when my things are still at the apartment and i am currently at my moms...?

 

And does nc work even is she is dating to see the rest of the world...will she miss me or even think about even though there is someone she is dating, the are dating for less than a month now and my ex of 4.5 years seems to be head over heels and likes letting me know....why? She calls me all the time i don't call her...

 

Like the day i finally left, we broke up and lived together still, she called me 15x and called moms house twice, and my best friends house once......and comments why????? It wasn't important or else she would've left a message....but when she is with this girl she doesn't care jack about me....any help would be appreciated...also i will post later on the whole story...

Thank you all in advance....i really help. Please keep in mind that this is a 4.5 year relationship where she always asked for space and came back wanting me badly and more than ever!!! Thanks alll!!!

[Sal Paradise]

1) Nope. If that was true no marriage would last.

 

2) It usually means they don't love you anymore and want to be with someone else.

 

3) It usually means they don't love you anymore and want to be with someone else.

 

4) Go get your stuff and then start the NC back up. You could maybe even send your mother to get your things, or someone else. If not just go get the stuff and restart NC and stick with it. No emails, text messaging, phone calls, nothing. Tell her you don't want her contacting you for any reason. You're keeping the stuff there because you want to be in her life in one small way. She see's that and see's how weak you are.

 

5) The point of NC isn't just to get them back. The point is to have NC. If she wants to come back great. But don't count on it. If you act needy and like a wimp she is less likely to do it. I'd suggest get your own life and ignore her completely. Don't listen to her messages. She is doing it to hurt you and to rub it in. Only a complete ***** would do what she is doing by telling you how happy she is. Tell her not to call you any more that you don't want her in your life and you want to move on and find a real woman.

[WhomiHide]

well last year she left me and told me that the only reason she ever took me back for the last 3 years was because i made her feel guilty. she then told me that she never loved we and doesn't see us int he future.

so i cried and cried and tried to make her stay with me, and since i was living with her and her bro plus another roommate , she told me i had to leave as soon as she comes back from florida. I didn't have a job then, i was ver depressed with my family my life.....

 

so then she left to go to florida and i cried and cired as i lay in our bed in our room...just crying and hoping that maybe i could move on! but i still thought of her always and then slowely i started to move on, i started writing more music and playing more of my keys and guitar ( i am a songwriter ) ...and then i met someone who wanted to publish me, i told her and she was naturally happy. She was in Flroida then visiting parents. when she came back i didn't pay much attention to her, and then that night when she came back she wanted to talk with me on our bed...then we layed there talking and talking....i felt so sad cause what she told me, then...she started saying, mind you this was a year ago...she said , hey i realize how much i love you, you mean the world to me, please dont leave me cause i realized how much you mean to me and how much you meant o my life...i love you .....then i said to her that i am not sure i can open up to her, and she said well time is what we have, i hurt you so i know it will take time for us to heal.....

 

 

a few months later, i lost my job...i actually quit becaue ym depression was getting worse, also her brother was also very depressed....

then....a few months ago from this date, maybe two months ago, she met and old fling whom she broke upwith me try out...that didn't work...i got upset that they were talking and i said how come you don't talk to her infront of me....well short story i got mad and said i felt she was cheating and i said this wont work out...and then she said yeah lets break up ( i didn't mean break up but she did )..then she said im glad this is happening cause it gives me a a reason to break up, she said she was thinking about it for a while...and was unhappy....even though she told me she was......

 

so a month ago she started dating and now is dating someone who is older and asian...because she always wanted to....at least that what she would say to me when we break up...she is also asian...i am guyanese, south american...

 

she is now dating that person and says how she is really happy with her....makes her seem like she is in love, but i know this..............they know each other for less than a month!...and help ppl....

 

i am living with my moms until june and maybe a little later, im going my music, but my equip is at our house, im going to go to school this fall or winter, then i am planning to move to japan for a year so i can travel and learn more about me..i am seing a therapist now from my issues....it just seems like she abandoned me while i was faithfull to her always, i never cheated nor yelled or physically hurt her....

 

why come back to me 2 years ago if she knew she wanted an older asian person, and why tell me you dont love me and then tell me you do?

 

now to tell me that she thinks we might be soulmates and couldn't or wouldn't accept that.....and says she is not ready for a commitment....BLAH!!! i need help with this people andyone in the same situation....

 

i almost want to hate her as much as i love her.....she acts like im nothing now, and acts as if she is everything............

why does she keep calling me and put me down, to remind me that i am alone...

i feel that this relay of 4.5 years was a big mistake, i shouldn't of taken her back....but i can't say should our would or if or maybe i want to work in the now, and take this pain and heal....but i have no closure with her...she still wants my items i have giving to her....

 

in th relay i became depressed and a doormat.....

 

any feed back would be great...

and thanks sal..for your reply, it makes sense that she might not love me, but then....how come it was soo soon....? i dont get it! im lost and she confuses me...

[Sal Paradise]

She's screwed up in the head thats why. Find a sane girl. And really she has no respect for you. You're always available. She knows she could have you at a drop of a hat. She knows if she calls today and says she wants to get back together you will. THATS THE PROBLEM. Thats why she treats you like a doormat. Because you LET HER. Its really quite simple. You're no challenge and she can use you when she is bored or needs you emotionally and then move on for a while and come back to Mr. Reliable. Rinse and Repeat. As long as you allow her to do this, she will. She is a user and abuser.

 

Cut her off completely, forever. She isn't worth it. There are plenty of girls out there. You're a musician (as am I, though I don't do it professionally, just for the love of music) you should have no problems getting another girl.

 

In future relationships don't be such a pushover and this won't happen. When someone treats you like crap cut them off. Make them beg for forgiveness. Women don't respond to pushovers. Stand your ground.

[WhomiHide]

....is how she can just say " i realize how much i love you now" a year ago..and kept it going, bout "i love you, lets marry, i want you and only you, now i dont have to look for my soul for it is you"...she said all those words, yet w/o meaning....or was there any meanings...

 

i honestly told her i felt as if she stayed with me until " better" came. I am Guyanese and she is Chinese Canadian and i feel as if she was saying the Chinese race is surperior and my ethinicity is inferioir to hers....

 

at least that's how I felt, her knowing that I AM Guyanese why did she stay with me and came back after she said she wanted asian!! man i really believed her...

 

she always told me she wanted space, i gave it now....she is dating someone who is older and i feel utterly replaced and almost well like ****~

 

my dog went missing the other day, for a day and i called her thinking she will be supportive cause she was a family to me. I say WAS now because of how she reacted to my run away dog. She was basically bitter and cold, almost insensitive to me....

 

my pet is a family dog and has been with us for almost 9 years now...she has been with me for 4.5....see somewhere in those years i figured she might cared....but to my utter surprise seh was cold....actually i am not so surprised now....

 

why?

i almost think she thought i was lieing so i can speak to her...

seh treats me like nothing now, no empathy or any kindness towards me, just bitter....why bitter when we agreed not to destroy what friendship we might have....

why is she so bitter...

and why does she call me like 15x's....

 

any reason's as to why she keeps coming back...

is anyone facing interacial issues in relays? why is it so challenging for asian women to be with other cultures..?....and why stay and tell me you love me and want to marry me if she wanted asian not me.....

 

she has been seeing this person for less than a month and she is flipping making me so upset cause i think of her talkng dirty in my use to be bed...and maybe even hacing sex in our bed.....

 

do you think with her pattern she might come back! a part of me wants her back and lots of me says she will never change....

 

sal, thank you, well put!