JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 The reason I'm posting this here, is because the person I'm thinking of contacting, is currently married, and I'm wondering if this might be out of line? Almost 30 years ago, I went to a family camping/resort with my grandfather. I met some friends up there, one of which, was my first crush. My memories there are profound, and vivid, and I remember the girl by name. As is turns out, I literally just found her on Facebook. And I'm wondering, if I was decent about it, would it be out of line to write her, just to see if she remembers me? I CLEARLY have no intention of anything other than that, it's purely innocent, and I'm just incredibly curious to not only know if it's her, but to also see if she remembers me. I'm writing a story based on my experiences there, which is what triggered the memory, and it'd be nice to possibly be reminded of things I forgot. Thanks!
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 What do you expect to gain from this personally? Just curious what you are searching for by digging through your past... one that is long long gone I might add.
Author JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 What do you expect to gain from this personally? Just curious what you are searching for by digging through your past... one that is long long gone I might add. Lol, I don't think I'm digging for anything substantial. Certainly not looking for a relationship, or even a friendship for that matter. Suppose I'm just curious on how, and what she remembers of that Summer, assuming it is her. Is it not normal to be curious about that? And that's a real question, by the way.
Pipeline010 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 If my wife received a Facebook message in the manner in which you describe you would get a threat from me in return along with being blocked from our shared Facebook page. It's exactly this type of behavior that makes social media so dangerous. Your intentions here are clear and you revealed yourself with the "First crush" comment. Back off. 5
Mr. Lucky Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 If it's her, her memory will be as hazy and distorted as yours. Use your imagination, it'll be a better creative source for your story... Mr. Lucky 1
Author JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) If my wife received a Facebook message in the manner in which you describe you would get a threat from me in return along with being blocked from our shared Facebook page. It's exactly this type of behavior that makes social media so dangerous. Your intentions here are clear and you revealed yourself with the "First crush" comment. Back off. I mean, as a significant other, I can definitely understand how you'd feel that way, trust me. Which is why I made the post. But I do think you got my intentions all twisted up. Truth is, if I had something else in mind, there's no reason why I wouldn't admit that, on the internet especially, ya know? For you to allude that me intentions are "dangerous", is weird to me. What's even weirder, is that you guys share a Facebook page, with all do respect. I trusted my ex of 3+ years, and never once checked her phone, or Facebook. A side from that, I'm not sure if I made myself clear in the original post. But I suppose from my stand point, I'm just wondering where life has taken her. Edited March 13, 2016 by JustAnotherLostLove
Author JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 If it's her, her memory will be as hazy and distorted as yours. Use your imagination, it'll be a better creative source for your story... Mr. Lucky I actually thought the exact same thing. Thinking about it now, I do think catching up might reduce the nostalgia of it all, and for creative sake, that's not something I want to jeopardize.
elaine567 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 It may be a lot of things but it is not "purely innocent", we were not born yesterday. Man fresh out of a break up, seeks long lost love... Leave her be. 2
Author JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 Break up was 6 months ago, not sure if that qualifies as fresh anymore. Not saying it's been that long either tho. And long lost love is a pretty bold statement, don't you think?
Author JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 Guess I should have known better than to post this on a site where people come to after getting cheated on. That's my bad, I can admit it.
Author JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) That has nothing to do with it. It's only decent to stay out of their marriage. That actually has a lot to do with it. Edited March 13, 2016 by JustAnotherLostLove
elaine567 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 You even wondered yourself if contacting her was "out of line", so it is hardly surprising people agreed with you is it?
heartwhole Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 In my experience, people have different thresholds for what type of person they want to be Facebook friends with. Some want to accumulate every person they've ever known, whereas others cull the list down to their closest friends and families. I don't think there's any harm in sending a friend request (and yes, I'm here because my husband cheated on me). With the request, you can write a message saying, "Hi, not sure if you remember me from [Resort]." Now, here's for the reality buster. She will probably think, "Who is this? Oh, THAT GUY? I can't believe he remembered me after all these years. This feels a little creepy. Think I'll just ignore this friend request . . . " That's what I would do. But I don't see any harm in asking for the connection if you just want to be friends. It's her responsibility to have proper boundaries and to share her life with her husband. After the infidelity, my husband and I have talked over proper boundaries and have decided not to have any friends that aren't "friends of the marriage." We tell each other about any friendly interaction from someone of the opposite sex. How would you feel if your wife instantly turned to her husband and said, "Oh, this is weird. Look, this guy I can barely remember just Facebook requested me . . ." It's not your responsibility to avoid interacting with all married women, but you should do so with respect for the marriage and an understanding that if the marriage is healthy, whatever contact you attempt to make will be shared. I have friends on my FB on whom I had a crush at some point in my life, and goodness knows my husband does with his 1,000 friends. I don't think that this alone disqualifies you from being adults and being FB friends. But I do think you will look a bit odd remembering her name, and not that of any of the other guests, after all these years.
sandylee1 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 I've not been cheated on or cheated in marriage...but if I received a message from a guy I knew from way back... I'd probably think... wow..so he's remembered me after all these years. Not just remembered me ..but actively been thinking about me hence he managed to find me on FB... unless you have mutual friends. I'm assuming something went on between the two of you back then? I'm not sure what you want from her.. would it be yes I do remember you and I had a great time? Where would it end? Just put yourself in the position of her husband......would you be happy for your wife to get such a message? Because I wouldn't want my husband to get such a message... I'd think the woman was fishing. .... this is how many affairs start. If you were happy in a relationship and contacted her. .. it might be different.... 2
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 The reason I'm posting this here, is because the person I'm thinking of contacting, is currently married, and I'm wondering if this might be out of line? Almost 30 years ago, I went to a family camping/resort with my grandfather. I met some friends up there, one of which, was my first crush. My memories there are profound, and vivid, and I remember the girl by name. As is turns out, I literally just found her on Facebook. And I'm wondering, if I was decent about it, would it be out of line to write her, just to see if she remembers me? I CLEARLY have no intention of anything other than that, it's purely innocent, and I'm just incredibly curious to not only know if it's her, but to also see if she remembers me. I'm writing a story based on my experiences there, which is what triggered the memory, and it'd be nice to possibly be reminded of things I forgot. Thanks! If you have not been part of her life for thirty years....there is no need to be part of her life now. Leave her alone. 2
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Guess I should have known better than to post this on a site where people come to after getting cheated on. That's my bad, I can admit it. I've never been cheated on nor have I cheated on anybody. I responded first questioning your motives cause they read questionable in your OP. I can't imagine why anyone researching for a book would feel the need to justify their wanting to get a new source for it. If that's all you wanted out of this interaction with her, then why would you feel a need to ask anyone else what they thought of it? You would just email her and ask her if she would like to answer some questions and be a source for your writing. Then leave it at that, if she responded back or not wouldn't even matter to you cause you are just looking for a source. ... but that isn't what you are doing. You are sitting around thinking of your first crush. Thinking about the good times, and wondering if we think it's a good idea to contact an old flame to remember the good times y'all had. That is how your OP reads. If you want me to believe it's about a book.... well your writing skills could use a lot of work. 1
Author JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 I've not been cheated on or cheated in marriage...but if I received a message from a guy I knew from way back... I'd probably think... wow..so he's remembered me after all these years. Not just remembered me ..but actively been thinking about me hence he managed to find me on FB... unless you have mutual friends. I'm assuming something went on between the two of you back then? I'm not sure what you want from her.. would it be yes I do remember you and I had a great time? Where would it end? Just put yourself in the position of her husband......would you be happy for your wife to get such a message? Because I wouldn't want my husband to get such a message... I'd think the woman was fishing. .... this is how many affairs start. If you were happy in a relationship and contacted her. .. it might be different.... We were about 10 years old back then. Which is why I'm not sure why people could think there's some strange motive behind it. Like I said, the whole experience was just a good childhood memory, ya know? I suppose I'd be curious to see where life has taken her. If I remembered the last names of the others who were there, I'd certainly be curious about them as well. 1
Author JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 I've never been cheated on nor have I cheated on anybody. I responded first questioning your motives cause they read questionable in your OP. I can't imagine why anyone researching for a book would feel the need to justify their wanting to get a new source for it. If that's all you wanted out of this interaction with her, then why would you feel a need to ask anyone else what they thought of it? You would just email her and ask her if she would like to answer some questions and be a source for your writing. Then leave it at that, if she responded back or not wouldn't even matter to you cause you are just looking for a source. ... but that isn't what you are doing. You are sitting around thinking of your first crush. Thinking about the good times, and wondering if we think it's a good idea to contact an old flame to remember the good times y'all had. That is how your OP reads. If you want me to believe it's about a book.... well your writing skills could use a lot of work. Old flame? I originally failed to mention that we were about 10 years old then, lol. No need to be insulting, just cause someone burned you long ago.
Author JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 If you have not been part of her life for thirty years....there is no need to be part of her life now. Leave her alone. That's a good point. Was looking to be "part of her life" tho.
Author JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 You even wondered yourself if contacting her was "out of line", so it is hardly surprising people agreed with you is it? Not that at all, like you said, I was wondering the same thing. What I'm surprised about, is that people think I'm trying to reignite an "old flame", or that I have intentions of "disrupting a marriage". That right there, goes to show that some of these folks are reflecting on past hurt. Which like I said, is something I should have thought about, before posting on a website like this. For example, last month, my old girlfriend from JR. high school came over, with her boyfriend, and I haven't seen, or heard from her in literally 20 years. We all sat down, for about a half an hour, reflected on old times, and didn't once talk about the fact that we were technically "together". Why? Because we were kids, and it meant nothing. After that, she left, and I'll probably never see her again. It was cool, and nostalgic. I appreciate stuff like that I suppose.
BetheButterfly Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 The reason I'm posting this here, is because the person I'm thinking of contacting, is currently married, and I'm wondering if this might be out of line? Almost 30 years ago, I went to a family camping/resort with my grandfather. I met some friends up there, one of which, was my first crush. My memories there are profound, and vivid, and I remember the girl by name. As is turns out, I literally just found her on Facebook. And I'm wondering, if I was decent about it, would it be out of line to write her, just to see if she remembers me? I CLEARLY have no intention of anything other than that, it's purely innocent, and I'm just incredibly curious to not only know if it's her, but to also see if she remembers me. I'm writing a story based on my experiences there, which is what triggered the memory, and it'd be nice to possibly be reminded of things I forgot. Thanks! Are you trying to persuade yourself that you don't have any romantic interest in a married lady who was your first crush? Personally, I'm not persuaded. My opinion is to not contact her but rather to respect her marriage.
BetheButterfly Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 If my wife received a Facebook message in the manner in which you describe you would get a threat from me in return along with being blocked from our shared Facebook page. It's exactly this type of behavior that makes social media so dangerous. Your intentions here are clear and you revealed yourself with the "First crush" comment. Back off. My hubby wouldn't threaten the guy. I would block him though. Yeah, it's not so innocent...
BetheButterfly Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Old flame? I originally failed to mention that we were about 10 years old then, lol. No need to be insulting, just cause someone burned you long ago. When I was 9 years old, I had a crush on a very handsome 13 year old boy and boy did I have a wildly romantic imagination... I had planned our first kiss, wedding, child and everything! He never knew that I hearted him though. (I wasn't even allowed to date till I was 15.) I've never ever looked up and contacted that boy, or thought about him till now. I have no desire to contact him. There's a reason he is in the past and my awesome husband is my present and future!
jenkins95 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) JustAnotherLostLove I'm amazed at the response that you have got here! Wow - it's quite clear that you have no "evil" intentions whatsoever, just wanting to check in with someone that you crossed paths with in your childhood. However, the reason I am here at all is that I am a former cheater who "fell" (poor me) into an affair, and so this thread illustrates to me that I am much less aware of my boundaries than I should be. I will take note of this. But still......come on guys! This is clearly innocent - they were 10! If you really are curious to catch up, why not address the message to the girl AND her husband, kind of like..... "Hi James and Mary, You may not recognise my name, but Mary and I met on a camp once when we were kids and I just wondered if she remembered anything about that summer. All the very best to you both, JustAnotherLostLove". Surely that couldn't do any harm, could it? All the best of luck anyway! Edited March 15, 2016 by jenkins95 2
Liam1 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 We were about 10 years old back then. Which is why I'm not sure why people could think there's some strange motive behind it. Like I said, the whole experience was just a good childhood memory, ya know? I suppose I'd be curious to see where life has taken her. If I remembered the last names of the others who were there, I'd certainly be curious about them as well. Hi Just another lost love: Is this gal someone you see as a lost love? Or, does your screen name have no significance to this woman you want to contact on facebook. Here's the thing. Perhaps you are in denial about your true motive. Maybe yes, maybe no. But either way your skating on thin ice. This situation could easily turn into an affair. So, no, don't contact her. Now, if you met her at a party or a reunion and went up to her to revisit old times together and then left without taking her number or email, then you would be on solid ground. I may be wrong, but it seems like you used to really really like this girl and in more than just a brotherly way.
Recommended Posts