sv1123 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 He's my cute barista. We both have a thing for each other. I gave him my number two weeks ago though and while he said he was going to call - twice - he still hasn't. I assumed after the first week he just wasn't going to and tried to just avoid him...but I see him almost every day and he is still as flirtatious as he once way. I'm wondering if I should talk to him and ask what's up or just give up and assume he's stringing me along? Or a more compassionate view might that he's just gotten out of a relationship and I dunno know if this is playing into this? Whatever it is, I feel torn between my hopes going up when I see him still act interested, and then worry that he's stringing me along etc... Harder for me because this is my first time out in the dating world in years after an emotionally abusive relationship, so I'm really sensitive to disrespect and just a bit more frightened/vulnerable in general.
zenguy Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Is he flirty, or just being super friendly, as his coffee manager has instructed him to be? 2 weeks with no call seems to indicate he's not interested. I also would probably advise not asking someone out at a place of business you are likely to frequent everyday. It's just asking for trouble. 2
Author sv1123 Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 No, he told me he's specifically interested in me and wanted to date me, and repeated the same words like a week ago. Just saw him this morning even and he was singling me out to flirt. Yeah, I wasn't going to ask him out but I thought I got all the signs right...and tbh I did. He's definitely interested. I just have no idea why he's not making a move.
zenguy Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Ok, I see, well there's a few things I can think of, one is that you are making yourself too available to him, where you see each other too much already. But the other is that he is already in a relationship and is just stringing you along until he breaks it off with her. Where he is indeed interested in you, but has other plans... with someone else, right now. Don't want to be a downer, but those are the options I see right now based on your description of your interactions with him.
Author sv1123 Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 I wondered if I was too available but that's a weird word given we don't talk much when I'm at the cafe - he's busy with customers and I'm a freelancer working. But he does see me quite often because I work there a lot. Should I frequent less? Or do you think honestly there's probably bit more going on with his ex than he admitted and so should just figure out a way to write him off? Thanks for the help btw:)
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 No, he told me he's specifically interested in me and wanted to date me, and repeated the same words like a week ago. Just saw him this morning even and he was singling me out to flirt. Yeah, I wasn't going to ask him out but I thought I got all the signs right...and tbh I did. He's definitely interested. I just have no idea why he's not making a move. He may be the saying the same things to other female patrons too.... as a way to keep em coming back. It's business. Cuz bottom line is ....if he truly wanted to date you, like he says he does, he would be asking you out. Sorry. 3
losangelena Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 It's probably an unpopular opinion, but you could do what I do, which is ask the guy out first if he's dragging his feet. He may say no, but then you can put to bed all the "will he or won't he?" mind-effery. No one ever died from rejection!
angel.eyes Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 If he was eager to date you, you would have been on a date by now! He may be looking for something if he (and not you) initiated the exchange of phone numbers and the suggesting to get together. Your two posts are somewhat contradictory. So if he pushed to get your number, etc, but isn't following through with a DATE, this will most likely eventually turn into a fling, hookup, booty call, or whatever permutation of "casual" is of interest to him. No guy looking to date you, with the potential for a relationship in mind, asks for your phone number, tells you repeatedly he's interested, keeps flirting with you...but then goes for weeks without asking for and securing a date. They just don't behave that way. You mentioned that you just got out of an abusive relationship. Is it possible your picker is broken? That may be why you're letting this guy waste your time and play mind games with you for two weeks. For me, no well-planned date on my calendar = not worthy of one iota of my headspace. 1
zenguy Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 I wondered if I was too available but that's a weird word given we don't talk much when I'm at the cafe - he's busy with customers and I'm a freelancer working. But he does see me quite often because I work there a lot. Should I frequent less? Or do you think honestly there's probably bit more going on with his ex than he admitted and so should just figure out a way to write him off? Thanks for the help btw:) np Honestly, the fact that he said he'd call you twice, and didn't, kind of says a lot. At the very least he's not someone you can keep at his word, which is a bad start to a relationship. If I was in a similar situation I would just roll my eyes and move on. 1
smackie9 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Maybe he has money issues atm and can't afford to take you out. Anywho you should have called him out on it when he told you he was interested in dating you...."OK so why don't you ask me out then?"
thecrucible Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I agree with others that maybe he is looking for some particular quality or isn't sure about you for some reason or another so hasn't bitten the bullet and asked you out yet. You could always ask him out as long as he is still flirting with you as it would stop the guessing. Btw I doubt he is judging you much, I just mean that sometimes men are looking for a particular type of guy and I've been rejected for reasons like not liking the same hobbies or being into bikes but we all have ideas about what we want so I'm not feeling bitter about it. Good luck and hope it works out for you.
stillafool Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Harder for me because this is my first time out in the dating world in years after an emotionally abusive relationship, so I'm really sensitive to disrespect and just a bit more frightened/vulnerable in general. If this is true don't go for this guy. If he said he'd call and didn't he's only mildly interested. Wait for a man who will pursue you this way you will know for sure he is interested.
Author sv1123 Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 Thanks so much for all your replies, guys! My picker is a bit off as somebody said before, so I'm going to just be safe and protect myself here. He tried flirting again with me today but I was distant and ignored him. I felt pretty bad after because he looked pretty hurt but, yes, I don't want to deal with disrespect. I think that's for the best, right? I wasn't rude as I think that's silly, but just very formal. It was confusing seeing him get hurt though. I don't understand why he wouldn't expect me to act in any other way though given his actions? Or more like lack of...
angel.eyes Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Hon, he's not that hurt! He doesn't really care. If he did, you would have been on a date by now. His repeated lack of follow through, despite all the flirting and exchanges of phone numbers tells you everything you need to know... You're wasting your time.
brokengirl85 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Mmmm...doesnt sound good to me. At all. Really...he asks for your number, he said he's going to text you twice, but he did g follow through his words. Mmm. No good. Sounds like a very disrespectful and inexperienced player to me. And he doesn't care at all! Please stop saying he's cute and that both have a thing. You do not. He's not worth of your time. In fact, if he contacts you id ignore but I would still have a nice attitude towards him when you're both working. Ugh, he sounds like really bad news. Sorry you have to work with him
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 He's my cute barista. We both have a thing for each other. I gave him my number two weeks ago though and while he said he was going to call - twice - he still hasn't. I assumed after the first week he just wasn't going to and tried to just avoid him...but I see him almost every day and he is still as flirtatious as he once way. I'm wondering if I should talk to him and ask what's up or just give up and assume he's stringing me along? Or a more compassionate view might that he's just gotten out of a relationship and I dunno know if this is playing into this? Whatever it is, I feel torn between my hopes going up when I see him still act interested, and then worry that he's stringing me along etc... Harder for me because this is my first time out in the dating world in years after an emotionally abusive relationship, so I'm really sensitive to disrespect and just a bit more frightened/vulnerable in general. Maybe he has a girlfriend and is just enjoying some fun flirting and bantering with you. How about asking him if he is single or has a girlfriend? At least you'll know one way or another. 1
katiegrl Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I stick to what I said earlier. He flirts and says such things to many women ....so they continue to frequent his bar! It is actually a very common business tactic to keep patrons (in this case women) coming back....spending money!! And attracting make patrons! It's all business, he never had any intention of asking or taking you out. Rather obvious at this point. 1
truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) He may be the saying the same things to other female patrons too.... as a way to keep em coming back. It's business. Cuz bottom line is ....if he truly wanted to date you, like he says he does, he would be asking you out. Sorry. Something is off with this whole thing. We're talking about a barista not a bartender here. Barista's don't make money on tips like bartenders, so it makes no sense for him to play games to get her to come back. Actually, he makes it worse for himself and puts his job in jeopardy to lead her on like this. If he didn't want to date her, all he had to do was tell her he had a girlfriend. Case closed. I tend to agree with another poster that he likes her but is holding back for some reason or another. Edited March 15, 2016 by truth_seeker 1
truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) No, he told me he's specifically interested in me and wanted to date me, and repeated the same words like a week ago. Just saw him this morning even and he was singling me out to flirt. That's messed up. He either is a psycho playing games or he's keeping you on the back burner until his current girl is out of the picture. I wouldn't be surprised if he has a girlfriend. Yeah, I wasn't going to ask him out but I thought I got all the signs right...and tbh I did. He's definitely interested. I just have no idea why he's not making a move. I think you're right. I just think this dude is playing games. Can you find out his full name? Google him, check his Facebook to see if he has a girlfriend. Edited March 15, 2016 by truth_seeker 1
Popsicle Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I tend to agree with another poster that he likes her but is holding back for some reason or another. Yes, he's "simmering" on it for a reason. Could be that he has someone else. Could be that he's gay in the closet. Could be that he's actually not that attracted to you. Could be that he's scared. Whatever it is, there's a reason. I have been "simmered on" a few times before and not once has it ever gone anywhere. They just fizzle, the feeling is just not there enough. The only relationships I've had that have gone somewhere are the ones that started out with intense fireworks and blazed the whole time. It's the way I like it too. 1
truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Yes, he's "simmering" on it for a reason. Could be that he has someone else. Could be that he's gay in the closet. Could be that he's actually not that attracted to you. Could be that he's scared. Whatever it is, there's a reason. I have been "simmered on" a few times before and not once has it ever gone anywhere. They just fizzle, the feeling is just not there enough. The only relationships I've had that have gone somewhere are the ones that started out with intense fireworks and blazed the whole time. It's the way I like it too. Simmering is a good word to describe this situation. I think OP should scale back on her appearances in this place... even go to another barista if possible. 1
katiegrl Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 Simmering is a good word to describe this situation. I think OP should scale back on her appearances in this place... even go to another barista if possible. That is really good advice, and precisely what I would do. Not even as a game, but cuz frankly I'd be pissed...as HE is the one apparently playing a game. And messing with my head and emotions, whether intentional or not, it's effed up and I don't do well with men who mess with my head and emotions like that. NEXT. OP, stay away. If you want go back in 2-3 weeks ...be as cool as possible. The more I think about this, the more I think he may simply be an attention wh*re, and yes men can be attention wh*res too....
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 He's my cute barista. We both have a thing for each other. I gave him my number two weeks ago though and while he said he was going to call - twice - he still hasn't. I assumed after the first week he just wasn't going to and tried to just avoid him...but I see him almost every day and he is still as flirtatious as he once way. I'm wondering if I should talk to him and ask what's up or just give up and assume he's stringing me along? Or a more compassionate view might that he's just gotten out of a relationship and I dunno know if this is playing into this? Whatever it is, I feel torn between my hopes going up when I see him still act interested, and then worry that he's stringing me along etc... Harder for me because this is my first time out in the dating world in years after an emotionally abusive relationship, so I'm really sensitive to disrespect and just a bit more frightened/vulnerable in general. He isn't stringing you along, you are stringing yourself along by watching the phone. If he calls, he calls. Until then, he's just a flirty guy you know. You gave him your number, he knows you're interested. He's my cute barista -- He flirts with lots of customers I'm sure.
truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 He isn't stringing you along, you are stringing yourself along by watching the phone. If he calls, he calls. Until then, he's just a flirty guy you know. You gave him your number, he knows you're interested. He's my cute barista -- He flirts with lots of customers I'm sure. Read her follow up post: he told me he's specifically interested in me and wanted to date me, and repeated the same words like a week ago. Just saw him this morning even and he was singling me out to flirt. This barista know she's interested and is messing with her - not cool.
truth_seeker Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 That is really good advice, and precisely what I would do. Not even as a game, but cuz frankly I'd be pissed...as HE is the one apparently playing a game. And messing with my head and emotions, whether intentional or not, it's effed up and I don't do well with men who mess with my head and emotions like that. NEXT. OP, stay away. If you want go back in 2-3 weeks ...be as cool as possible. The more I think about this, the more I think he may simply be an attention wh*re, and yes men can be attention wh*res too.... It's funny as this situation kinda correlates with my situation. If OP wishes to return the favor with mind games, she should make an appearance with a guy friend I do not like the fact that this guy told her he is interested in her and wants to date her, only to not call her and mess with her head like this.
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