Ashes_101 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Hi, I am a 20 year old guy. No experience with women, I just asked a girl for cofee, she said she is interested for Monday. What should I talk about. I often end up in positions where I do not talk about. When this happens, the other person ( usually a girl ends of nervously laughing). I am naturally introverted and a bit shy so asking this girl for cofee was not something that I usually do. I do like her. We only met in person for like 2 minutes and then I added her on Facebook, after that we messaged each other since yesterday and today she told me Monday would be good for cofee. Can I please have a list of things I could say? Also, at the end of the first date should I tell her I like her? Would it be an okay time to invite her to my place to watch a movie on the Friday? I dont want to get friendzoned. I have only been on one cofee date before ( about a year ago). I think the girl may have perceived me as being too nice and also I did not take any action. Mainly I would like to know, is it Ok to invite her to my room to watch a movie for the second date? ( I honestly am not a pushy guy, I dont have bad motives for wanting to do this). As well, should I tell her I like her on the first date? ( I wont tell her I love her obviously).
CarrieT Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Can I please have a list of things I could say? Where did you grow up? What was that like? Did you see the latest movie..... (Deadpool?) Name the top five songs/bands on your iPod? What is your major? Who is your favorite teacher? How are you roommates? Also, at the end of the first date should I tell her I like her? No, because at the end of the first date you won't know if you like her or not and being blatant after only 60 or 90 minutes of knowing someone isn't enough time to know if you like them or not. That takes several dates. Would it be an okay time to invite her to my place to watch a movie on the Friday? Absolutely not. That is tantamount to asking for a booty call - which is fine, if that is what you want, but not if you are as nervous as you are describing and just learning how to date. I dont want to get friendzoned. I have only been on one cofee date before ( about a year ago). I think the girl may have perceived me as being too nice and also I did not take any action. Than be a gentleman and if the coffee date goes well, ask her if she is available on Friday for a PROPER date where you take her to dinner or somewhere in public. If that goes well, you start getting intimate (hand-holding, first kiss, more flirting). Mainly I would like to know, is it Ok to invite her to my room to watch a movie for the second date? ( I honestly am not a pushy guy, I dont have bad motives for wanting to do this). Again, NO. You might not have bad motives, but the intention screams booty call. Take it slow. Date and get to know her first.
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 No it's not a good idea to ask her to your room to watch a movie. Most people assume that a request to go to someone's house / room early on is a blatant & pushy demand for sex. It's OK to tell her that you like her, but it's not the most brilliant idea. Get her a chance to get to know you. These declarations out of the blue can be startling, unwelcome or simply premature Talk about lots of things. Ask about her. Most importantly, pay attention when she speaks. Look in her eyes. Be interested in what she is saying. If you are an active listener what she says, will spark new follow up Qs in you to keep the conversation going. Carrie T gave you a nice list to get you started. I'd add: * current events * best or dream vacation * the classic what's your major / what do you do; follow up with why which is a much more interesting conversation * You can also talk about any unique features of the venue assuming you are not in a brightly lit Dunkin' Donuts or some such similar coffee shop
zenguy Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 Well it's supposed to be a two way street, where you figure out if you like her, and she figures out if she likes you. Keep it casual and friendly, definitely don't treat it as anything more than that. Then scheduled another date, like a dinner, better to watch the movie at a theater, though a movie is generally not something I would recommend for the first three dates. The second date is where you should get much more flirty, hand holding, but it's better to not have that many expectations for the first date.
Jabron1 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 What should I talk about. I often end up in positions where I do not talk about. The main topic of conversation should be about her. Get her talking, and keep her talking. If you get her doing 70% of the talking, whilst you just listen, she will consider you a wonderful conversationalist. You should just talk to show interest, or to tease her. Can I please have a list of things I could say? No, I'm not writing you a cheat sheet. Look, there are only two things you can do in a conversation anyway: make a statement, or ask a question. Direct both of those things towards her, and you won't go far wrong. Also, at the end of the first date should I tell her I like her? Absolutely not. You tell her that you like her by kissing her. is it Ok to invite her to my room to watch a movie for the second date? No. It's too forward, and will probably scare her off. It needs to be much smoother than that. Your second date should be an evening date, such as going out for drinks (I actually think you should be doing this as part of your first date too - but that's beside the point). Then, on the way home, you should just 'happen' to be walking past your house . Then you invite her in for another drink. You can 'show her' something that you brought up in conversation earlier: I use my guitar. Or, you just lead her and order a taxi back to yours. Do not bring up sex. Keep things light, and just talk about random BS on the way there. Do not make a big deal about where you are going. She will start to feel pressured if you do that. 1
normal person Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 "Can I please have a list of things I could say?" Where did you grow up? What was that like? Did you see the latest movie..... (Deadpool?) Name the top five songs/bands on your iPod? What is your major? Who is your favorite teacher? How are you roommates? Carrie T gave you a nice list to get you started. I'd add: * current events * best or dream vacation * the classic what's your major / what do you do; follow up with why which is a much more interesting conversation * You can also talk about any unique features of the venue assuming you are not in a brightly lit Dunkin' Donuts or some such similar coffee shop It's probably obvious to most of us but I need to emphasize to the OP that these questions can't be all your ask. They aren't substantiative on their own. These are mostly trivial, surface questions. Asking someone who there favorite teacher is, or what their major is is totally irrelevant until you ask the person "why?." If one person says there favorite movie is "Reservoir Dogs," and the other person says "Princess Diaries," and then you just move onto the next topic, what's the point? Anything you deduce about the person from that information would only be an assumption. Now if you say "I like Princess Diaries because I always imagine myself as the blahblahblah and thinking about blahblahblah makes me feel blahblahblah because I'm a blahblahblah person," that's a lot more characterizing, and you feel like you share a piece of yourself with the person rather than data. You don't really bond or get a sense of the person until they start explaining the unique reasons why they like the things they do, act the way they do, etc. The nature of the questions you ask don't really matter that much. But to do well, you need an engaging exchange of personality, not general facts. 1
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