Alexandria1 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 This is my first time posting so I apologize if I'm posting in the wrong section. Her and I (we're both females) have been dating for 2 1/2 years and we're both in our junior year of college. We have very different personalities and I've been very aware of this since we began hooking up. She's a very introverted, loves to spend time alone, secretive, submissive person who can never say what she's thinking. She also won't say something thats bothering her if she's afraid it will start an argument. She does this with everyone not just me. I'm a very outspoken person who never lies because I feel honestly is the best policy. I have encouraged her to always tell me the truth and told her it isn't healthy to keep things inside. I'm also pretty confrontational and I love to be around people all the time. Our relationship didn't start on the best terms, she was in a long distance relationship with a guy and also sleeping with a guy at our school. But we met one day and she started flirting with me and we ended up sleeping together. For a short period of time after that she was sleeping with both me and this other person. It deeply bothered me, because of the fact that I'm very far on the gay spectrum and she was basically with two guys. We worked things out and she dropped both of them to be with me. Since then, she had hooked up with a guy and her best friend who's a female, not sex just hooking up. One day we got into a huge fight and I slept with my roommate, but instantly regretted it and left. That was over a year ago, things had been much better recently. We fought about stupid things from time to time but no more than I would expect from a relationship. Recently I've noticed that she doesn't tell me whats on her mind/ if somethings bothering her. We had gotten into a huge fight a few weeks prior because she was hiding little things from me constantly. I told her she needed to come clean and tell me everything about her past etc. or else this wasn't gong to work. She assured me she did and for once I felt like I actually got the whole story out of her. A few days ago it was her birthday, her family came to visit and were going to take her out to lunch. She asked me if I wanted to come, I told her no and that she should spend some time with her family (on a side note she gets crazy when she can't see her family, and gets offended when I want to do anything with them). She was very quick to agree to my not coming, which didn't surprise me. She didn't invite me to come say hello to them, she didn't want me to come out to dinner, so naturally I felt bad because I never know what her motivation is for the things she says/does. I suspected that she was ashamed of introducing me to some of her more extended family as her girlfriend (even though her immediate family knows and loves me). I very calmly confronted her about this when she came home and it was like pulling teeth to get her to tell me the truth. She admitted she really just wanted some alone time with her family and that I never give that to her. I told her that if she wants something then she has to tell me the truth otherwise how the hell am I supposed to know whats bothering her? We argued and she kind of blew up on me, telling me she's not happy in the relationship, that there have been tons of little things that I do that bother her and that I smother her. She told me our personalities are too different and this isn't working. I was devastated. I'm trying my best to give her space and it's hard because we live in the same house. I just feel really ****ty about the whole thing, I didn't even know the things I was doing were bothering her and she was so quick to end an almost 3 year relationship over things that she never even told me about. I'm slowly getting over it but I miss her a lot. It's only been a few days but were still touchy from time to time, I would love to get back with her at least for the time being and try to work things out but she gives me such mixed signals. One day its like I get cold shoulder another day she's telling me she misses me and another day she tells me she doesn't know what she wants. We both agreed to give each other a grace period before we start hooking up with other people because were trying to keep things civil. My question is, what do I do next? I know I give her space and deep down i really do want her back, but if someone can't even speak their mind to tell me whats wrong and then blows up out of nowhere and breaks up with me without a chance to even fix anything, what do I do? She says she still loves me and still has to fight the urge to hook up with me because she's still attracted to me, but I don't know what's the truth anymore because she's literally always hiding her feelings. If she said she wanted to try to make things work some time in the future, should I give it a shot? I don't know if I'm in love with her but I really really enjoyed being her girlfriend.
jen1447 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Didn't see this last month, sorry. Has anything changed since then? Off the cuff I'd say you don't sound like a good match, between her introversion and also a tendency you seem to have to want to lay everything at her door. (I get that you're just making your case here but when the underlying message in someone's post is "they're wrong," that usually tells me they're not, entirely. No offense.) Assuming everything's not already resolved one way or another, if you really just want to get her back the best way to do that is give her space, don't appear needy or clingy, but be happy and relaxed and generally available. You won't likely talk her into anything - she has to come back to you herself.
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