Chris2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 I did agree with your earlier comment that it's likely that's what's going on. But the way Smackie put it, it just sounds anything but confident. It sounds fearful and defensive. To my mind a truly confident person wouldn't need to ignore and avoid that person ever after. They would just go about their life normally and give it the attention it deserves, none. They wouldn't change how they reacted to someone. I'm not saying I'd expect them to flirt with me again. But I wouldn't expect them to go out of they way in avoidance either. Being professional, polite and neutral to someone seems the more confident thing to do. Avoidance just makes a big deal out of it and draws attention because it's a radical change of behaviour and it's also different behaviour to how they react to all the other people they aren't attracted to. Who cares if they ignore/avoid you? 2
Author Buddhist Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 Who cares if they ignore/avoid you? I care for the purposes of my own education. Because I am going through a period of self examination to see if the result (avoidance) is a product of my actions being somehow not in line with social expectations or it's a product of how they choose to react and there is not much wrong with what I'm doing. I do have a history of not being skilled at reading between the lines and getting the nuances of social interaction. I've done my best to amend and asking questions like this of total strangers is a pretty good way to get honest answers. Of course someone who is interacting with you from a position of vested interest isn't going to be forthcoming with the truth. But internet people have no qualms about just dispensing with the filter.
Emilia Posted March 14, 2016 Posted March 14, 2016 Well to be fair, they shouldn't be doing this in a work environment. However since you are not interested in them, they don't matter. I think what matters is how you interact with people you actually care about/want in your life.
Author Buddhist Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 Well to be fair, they shouldn't be doing this in a work environment. However since you are not interested in them, they don't matter. I think what matters is how you interact with people you actually care about/want in your life. True. Well I think there is something to what you said though. Because I have another coworker who is super friendly to everyone. When we first met he was eager, and I did respond with what I consider to be warmth because he was being super nice to me even though he didn't even know who I was. But I've noticed of late that while he will still chat to me he gets this kicked puppy look from time to time. If I ask him a question or chit chat he becomes nervous. I think I must have a hard expression or something. Because that looks like discomfort to me even though I think I'm being super nice and uber friendly compared to my normal self. Maybe my nice and polite looks a lot different to how I think it does. Sure those other guys are going a bit OTT with their reaction, but I could probably still work on things myself.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 guys without a reference will take it the hardest
mcjordan Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 But why should they feel awkward? To the point of completely ignoring, no longer saying hi, acknowledging her presence, walking out of the room? Isn't that a little (a lot) extreme? This is precisely what Buddhist was asking...why be *that* sensitive about it? I mean really? Hell, these guys never even asked her out. Simply were flirty and showed some interest. Buddhist didn't feel the same and didn't want to encourage them, so although polite, didn't flirt back. So what? Again, they never even asked her out, so it wasn't even a rejection. Just them being over-sensitive to something that should have registered as a mere blip. Get over it, sheesh. This. What is with people thinking that if a woman has been in the same room with you and smiled at you that she "owes" you some sort of "we were never on a date" breakup? Lighten up
mcjordan Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 What changes have you made to your approach as a result of this harsh feedback? I would suspect none. The typical MO is to place all the blame for lack of dating success on womankind.
mcjordan Posted March 17, 2016 Posted March 17, 2016 Who cares if they ignore/avoid you? I agree with this. In the current times, I'd be thankful they didn't curse you out, send you a ranty email, or bring a glock to work....sadly
deckard11 Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 I would suspect none. The typical MO is to place all the blame for lack of dating success on womankind. Well, they are the ones doing the rejecting after all. 1
Miss Peach Posted March 18, 2016 Posted March 18, 2016 Everyone is reading way too much into this. It's simple, these two only had one purpose in mind when interacting with you, and that was to get your interest. You didn't reciprocate, so to them interacting with you no long served a purpose. In other words, you won't date them, they don't want anything to do with you. In their minds they probably don't want to waste their time feeding a girl's ego giving them their attention. This is my thought too. Men are different than women in this regard. I've noticed most woman can just enjoy a chat with a guy. Most guys are looking for something from a woman - an ego stroke, a date, sex, etc. If they can't get what they want they move on typically. Have you read anything by Dr. Pat Allen or Evan Marc Katz? I think both of them have some good advice about how to be more approachable.
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