Would you be bothered if your boyfriend or girlfriend did this?

[joseb]

My impression is that he was just playing around. I mean, if he really was intending to snoop on you, why would he TELL you that he is?

 

That being said, especially if he has insecurity/jealousy issues, I agree that you should talk to him about it. If he insists that it was just a joke, I think you should accept his explanation, unless something else happens that makes you think otherwise. But you can tell him you didn't feel comfortable with it and you would prefer he not do it again.

 

It's pretty easy to ensure he doesn't do it again. Change your password.

It's a good time to do it. He may have been kidding around, but it's given you a good excuse to change.

 

If after changing it, he is still somehow doing it then you can be sure he has something on your computer (I don't think this is the case, he doesn't need to as he has your password)

 

Does he have other passwords to things like your email, etc?

Edited March 13, 2016 by joseb

[PandaPookie]

It's pretty easy to ensure he doesn't do it again. Change your password.

It's a good time to do it. He may have been kidding around, but it's given you a good excuse to change.

 

If after changing it, he is still somehow doing it then you can be sure he has something on your computer (I don't think this is the case, he doesn't need to as he has your password)

 

Does he have other passwords to things like your email, etc?

Only my for email and Facebook i think. But i haven't gotten any notifications telling me it's been logged into

[Els]

It's pretty easy to ensure he doesn't do it again. Change your password.

It's a good time to do it. He may have been kidding around, but it's given you a good excuse to change.

 

If after changing it, he is still somehow doing it then you can be sure he has something on your computer (I don't think this is the case, he doesn't need to as he has your password)

 

Does he have other passwords to things like your email, etc?

 

No harm changing her password. But that doesn't solve the root of the problem, which is that she feels uncomfortable about him doing that. I mean, someone not snooping because he CAN'T isn't really the same thing as him not snooping because he respects her stance on it. Hence the need for communication.

[JourneyLady]

Well, I would take it as he is interested in what you are doing. I've had several boyfriends who took no interest in all in much that I was involved with. Makes you wonder if the person is really interested in you as a person... But then, some people have no natural curiosity.

 

Me, I am interested in much of what the guy I am with does. I like to find out what music he likes, what kind of food - sometimes to find commonality, some to find out what in particular would please him.

 

I think your guy just wants to know what music you like to listen to...

[Shining One]

The computer tech said that the bug was so deeply embedded that it wasn't possible to fully remove it.

Her computer was acting worse and worse - running slow, etc. She had a computer tech out to her house and he found it. There was no fix for it. It was too deeply embedded.

I feel sorry for your friend. The "computer tech" was feeding her BS. I hope he didn't charge her much for that terrible diagnosis.

[JourneyLady]

I just remembered that if you have access to someone's google+ profile, you can see what they have favorited on youtube and/or what they subscribe to as well... Unless they put privacy controls on it.

[Shining One]

I use to worry about a computer bug but my laptop is as fast as ever so no sign of one for me.

I'm not saying you have spyware, but a fast computer doesn't necessarily indicate a spyware-free computer. There are plenty of resource-efficient (won't slow your computer down) spyware applications out there.

[Els]

I feel sorry for your friend. The "computer tech" was feeding her BS. I hope he didn't charge her much for that terrible diagnosis.

 

I know, right?!?! Dude sounds like a total snake oil merchant.

[Versacehottie]

Only my for email and Facebook i think. But i haven't gotten any notifications telling me it's been logged into

 

ONLY??~??!??!??!??

 

I feel smothered for you.

[Versacehottie]

Well, I would take it as he is interested in what you are doing.

I think your guy just wants to know what music you like to listen to...

 

Yeah that could be part of what motivates him. here's an idea, he can ask her directly, take her to concerts, listen to a variety of music together and so on and so forth to figure it out. Spying on her really is not the best way--or least insecure.

[joseb]

No harm changing her password. But that doesn't solve the root of the problem, which is that she feels uncomfortable about him doing that. I mean, someone not snooping because he CAN'T isn't really the same thing as him not snooping because he respects her stance on it. Hence the need for communication.

 

Yeah but the thing is, by giving someone your password you are basically saying you ARE ok with them snooping.

 

I agree that she needs to talk with him. But I also think that she needs to change her passwords. That should not be something she needs his approval for.

[Els]

Yeah but the thing is, by giving someone your password you are basically saying you ARE ok with them snooping.

 

Disagree. It's not okay unless you say it's okay - same as how if you give a partner your house keys, that doesn't necessarily mean you're saying it's okay for them to traipse in, eat all the food in your pantry, poop on the carpet, and take your TV out with them. Access doesn't always mean 'access with zero boundaries'.

 

I have most of my SO's passwords and do not 'snoop'. He occasionally requests that I check something for him if he's unavailable and I'm free, and when he can't take phone calls during work I sometimes check his roster to see if he'll be back for dinner. That is pretty much the extent of the use - everything is agreed upon or requested by the other person. While other couples are certainly free to do as they see fit with regards to passwords, it's entirely possible for a couple to share passwords without it necessarily having to be associated with insecurity, jealousy, or control.

 

Besides, I still think her guy wasn't 'snooping' per se but just playing around, even though she's within her rights to tell him she doesn't find it amusing. But since we're full on the topic of snooping now...

 

I agree that she needs to talk with him. But I also think that she needs to change her passwords. That should not be something she needs his approval for.

 

Of course she doesn't need his approval to change her passwords. But merely changing her passwords doesn't solve anything.

[bathtub-row]

I know, right?!?! Dude sounds like a total snake oil merchant.

 

I'm not exactly sure what he said to her but that's the way I remember it. It has been a few years now. I think he indicated that if she wanted to be sure that the other person couldn't track her any longer, to get a new computer. Which is what she did. I would've done the same thing, just to be certain.

[bathtub-row]

Yeah but the thing is, by giving someone your password you are basically saying you ARE ok with them snooping.

 

I agree that she needs to talk with him. But I also think that she needs to change her passwords. That should not be something she needs his approval for.

 

I totally agree with this.

[angel.eyes]

Just because he no longer physically checks your phone in front of you, doesn't mean he isn't monitoring your texts, etc.--especially if you have an iPhone. It's possible, he "calmed down" with the constant checking from your perspective because he finally found less intrusive, less overt ways to get the same level of information.

 

At any rate, I don't think it's a wise idea to give a boyfriend passwords to your personal accounts, especially within the first year of dating. What happens if you have a nasty breakup? Think of the havoc he can wreak. Also, think of all the confidential information that comes through your email account! Communication from your bank, etc. If someone can't trust you, why would you turn around and give them access to so much personal information? Why would you trust someone who deems you untrustworthy when there's no valid reason for his belief? Just nuts!

 

It's not your job to pay for the sins of his cheating ex. He needs to work through his baggage and trust issues, not dive back into dating and punish the next woman silly enough to abide ridiculous demands on her privacy.

[Yookie]

I feel sorry for your friend. The "computer tech" was feeding her BS. I hope he didn't charge her much for that terrible diagnosis.

 

I agree. It's was probably a "geek squad" type of tech who's real goal is to sell products to the customer. In this case they get to sell her a whole new laptop. What a crock!

 

OP you felt creeped out because what your boyfriend did is creepy! Only you can determine if he was checking your history out of insecurity or if he was just being playful.

[bathtub-row]

I agree. It's was probably a "geek squad" type of tech who's real goal is to sell products to the customer. In this case they get to sell her a whole new laptop. What a crock!

 

No. This guy had nothing to gain by what he told her. I'm not sure if he knew what he was talking about or not but there was no gain from it except to get paid for that particular house call.

[Shining One]

I think he indicated that if she wanted to be sure that the other person couldn't track her any longer, to get a new computer. Which is what she did. I would've done the same thing, just to be certain.

For future reference, wiping the operating system and reinstalling it would be sufficient. Having a real tech do that is generally cheaper than a new computer, but that decision should be made on a case by case basis.

[Els]

I'm not exactly sure what he said to her but that's the way I remember it. It has been a few years now. I think he indicated that if she wanted to be sure that the other person couldn't track her any longer, to get a new computer. Which is what she did. I would've done the same thing, just to be certain.

 

You have GOT to be kidding me!!! Did she buy her new computer from him or from someone he recommended by any chance?

 

For future reference, there is NO spyware that a complete reformat can't eradicate. Reformatting is easy to do by yourself, especially nowadays with newbie-friendly installation software. And even if you get someone to reformat for you, they shouldn't be charging you more than $50. Buying a whole new computer is ludicrous, unless you were planning on upgrading soon anyway.

 

To be fair, there are methods targeting firmware and the BIOS (which were, I believe, used in the Snowden leak), but that requires an extremely high level of competency to achieve - the techie equivalent of brain surgery, so to speak. People who are able to do that are usually working for national security and espionage, an entirely different level from the average dude who downloads a little script to stalk his ex-gf.

Edited March 14, 2016 by Elswyth