Would you be bothered if your boyfriend or girlfriend did this?

March 12, 2016

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now. He was really insecure and jealous easily at the beginning of our relationship and so was I. But in the last few years we've been more secure, very honest and trusting of each other. But a while ago he did something kind of weird that made me a little mad. You see, we have each others passwords but we hadn't used them in so long. I still have his but feel no need to log into anything of his. Never really felt the need to actually. He hasn't logged into anything of mine in forever. Except this one time. Ok so I was at home listening to music on Youtube which I was logged into. My boyfriend texted me the lyrics to one song I had playing. I thought that was weird but wasn't sure if he was really watching my YT activity or not. But then each time I clicked on a different video he would text me the lyrics or something about the video I clicked on. He was watching my Youtube watch history and then sending me clues that he knew what I was doing. I was like uhh ok wtf? At first I took it as him trying to say "I'm watching you." But now I think maybe it was him being bored and thinking he was being funny.

Would it make you made if your boyfriend or girlfriend did something like that?

Like I said I'm totally under the impression that he trusts me. He's chill, doesn't bother to go through my phone when we hang out, doesn't care if I go out with friends without him, never questions me the way he use to etc. I've seen him when he's insecure and jealous! He spends more time looking at my messages, asks me more questions, keeps me on the phone longer. At the beginning of our relationship we would be on the phone ALL day and would only get off if one of us had to shower or something and even then we would sometimes leave the room without ending the call. So he's a lot better about trusting than he use to be. His last gf cheated a lot so it took him a while to trust again. Sometimes I'm still paranoid he's watching my activity if he he mentions something related to things I watched online or looked up recently. I don't have anything to hide but I don't like feeling watched. Do you think he was texting me lyrics to songs I was playing as a way to say he was watching or do you think he was just playing around?

March 12, 2016

After five years, I think he was playing around and you are being paranoid.

March 12, 2016

i dont think theres anything wrong with what he did...it would probably make me smile if it were me........i dont think you should worry at all....deb

March 12, 2016

I'm a little confused. Was he in the same room with you while this was going on, or somewhere else? I think it would bother me but I'm not sure if I'd necessarily do anything about it except to talk to him.

My first thought, though, was that he has put a bugging device on your computer. Someone did this to a friend of mine once and that person was able to see every single thing my friend did on her computer -- when she logged into her checking account, what emails she sent and received, etc. My friend had to get a new computer. The computer tech said that the bug was so deeply embedded that it wasn't possible to fully remove it. I hope your bf has not done something like this. That would be the end of the line for me.

March 12, 2016

I'm a little confused. Was he in the same room with you while this was going on, or somewhere else? I think it would bother me but I'm not sure if I'd necessarily do anything about it except to talk to him.

My first thought, though, was that he has put a bugging device on your computer. Someone did this to a friend of mine once and that person was able to see every single thing my friend did on her computer -- when she logged into her checking account, what emails she sent and received, etc. My friend had to get a new computer. The computer tech said that the bug was so deeply embedded that it wasn't possible to fully remove it. I hope your bf has not done something like this. That would be the end of the line for me.

He was at his house and I was at my house so he wouldn't be able to hear it. I don't think he put a bugging device on my computer. I think he was just logged into my Youtube account so he was able to see my watch history. Gosh that's messed up that someone bugged your friends laptop. Talk about creepy!

March 12, 2016

He was at his house and I was at my house so he wouldn't be able to hear it. I don't think he put a bugging device on my computer. I think he was just logged into my Youtube account so he was able to see my watch history. Gosh that's messed up that someone bugged your friends laptop. Talk about creepy!

Yeah, it really creeped her out, and it went on for a long time before she realized what had happened. The person that did it was a friend of hers that she trusted. I personally never liked the woman because she was very odd. It turns out that she was very mentally unstable. It really messed up my friend's head for some time.

Well, if you're sure your bf hasn't done that, then good. If you start having computer problems, you may want to have it checked out. Based on his past behavior, I would be wary. If nothing else, I'd ask him about how he was able to know what you were listening to.

March 12, 2016

Yeah, it really creeped her out, and it went on for a long time before she realized what had happened. The person that did it was a friend of hers that she trusted. I personally never liked the woman because she was very odd. It turns out that she was very mentally unstable. It really messed up my friend's head for some time.

Well, if you're sure your bf hasn't done that, then good. If you start having computer problems, you may want to have it checked out. Based on his past behavior, I would be wary. If nothing else, I'd ask him about how he was able to know what you were listening to.

Wow. I hope your friends creeper didn't get a hold of anything too personal. And yeah I'm sure nothing like that has been done to me. I could see him doing it at the beginning of our relationship but with how he is now I highly doubt he would do it.

March 12, 2016

Yeah, it really creeped her out, and it went on for a long time before she realized what had happened. The person that did it was a friend of hers that she trusted. I personally never liked the woman because she was very odd. It turns out that she was very mentally unstable. It really messed up my friend's head for some time.

Well, if you're sure your bf hasn't done that, then good. If you start having computer problems, you may want to have it checked out. Based on his past behavior, I would be wary. If nothing else, I'd ask him about how he was able to know what you were listening to.

How did your friend find out about it?

March 12, 2016

Is it a little weird? Sure. But he wasn't hiding and doing it. He actually let you know.

I'm not sure what you would be even looking for in someone's youtube search history, so it seems tame.

If it makes you uncomfortable you should confront him.

March 12, 2016

Sorry, while I understand trust issues and all, it's extremely important to me to have my own intimacy and have the right to have my own secret garden. IT's not nothing to do with jealousy. Like... what are you gonna do, watch on youtube the video of your ex or of your future bf?

He was most likely being silly, or trying to impress you with his "mind reading skills". Given the importance I give to my intimacy, I would not laugh it off. This would put me off. I'd change the password to youtube. It's my thing. I dunno, I'm a bit weird, like that.

I don't think the paranoia is starting off again. I think he's just being silly and likes teasing you.

March 12, 2016

Sorry, while I understand trust issues and all, it's extremely important to me to have my own intimacy and have the right to have my own secret garden. IT's not nothing to do with jealousy. Like... what are you gonna do, watch on youtube the video of your ex or of your future bf?

He was most likely being silly, or trying to impress you with his "mind reading skills". Given the importance I give to my intimacy, I would not laugh it off. This would put me off. I'd change the password to youtube. It's my thing. I dunno, I'm a bit weird, like that.

I don't think the paranoia is starting off again. I think he's just being silly and likes teasing you.

Im the same way too. I don't believe in sharing passwords. If you trust the person, there should be no need to have their passwords. Even in relationships, i believe I should be able to act as an individual, a separate entity from my partner. Privacy is very important. I don't need or want a partner who wants to invade every part of my privacy; im not 12 nor are they my parents. If I had concerns, i would ask about it rather than snoop on my time.

I wouldnt even stay with someone who feels shady/suspicious.

March 12, 2016

He trusts you because he's monitoring your every move. I mean, if you had cheated, then yes, you owe someone a free pass and open book. But for no reason other than his personal issues to make him feel better, his time would be much better spent in therapy. I wouldn't want to live my life like that.

March 12, 2016

He trusts you because he's monitoring your every move. I mean, if you had cheated, then yes, you owe someone a free pass and open book. But for no reason other than his personal issues to make him feel better, his time would be much better spent in therapy. I wouldn't want to live my life like that.

Yeah, I agree that he "trusts" you because he is monitoring your moves. Maybe it's not as bad as it was at the beginning but also maybe you are desensitized to it. It's a form of control and you are just remaining "in line". A guy like this does not impress me. The lyrics thing could be harmless teasing but the whole point is at the base of it, he was able to tease in this manner because he is spying on you, which is probably why you feel weird about it--and you must at least a little bit or you wouldn't have created this post. If I were in your shoes, I'd be heavily evaluating the relationship. Good luck

March 12, 2016

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now. He was really insecure and jealous easily at the beginning of our relationship and so was I. But in the last few years we've been more secure, very honest and trusting of each other. But a while ago he did something kind of weird that made me a little mad. You see, we have each others passwords but we hadn't used them in so long. I still have his but feel no need to log into anything of his. Never really felt the need to actually. He hasn't logged into anything of mine in forever. Except this one time. Ok so I was at home listening to music on Youtube which I was logged into. My boyfriend texted me the lyrics to one song I had playing. I thought that was weird but wasn't sure if he was really watching my YT activity or not. But then each time I clicked on a different video he would text me the lyrics or something about the video I clicked on. He was watching my Youtube watch history and then sending me clues that he knew what I was doing. I was like uhh ok wtf? At first I took it as him trying to say "I'm watching you." But now I think maybe it was him being bored and thinking he was being funny.

Would it make you made if your boyfriend or girlfriend did something like that?

Like I said I'm totally under the impression that he trusts me. He's chill, doesn't bother to go through my phone when we hang out, doesn't care if I go out with friends without him, never questions me the way he use to etc. I've seen him when he's insecure and jealous! He spends more time looking at my messages, asks me more questions, keeps me on the phone longer. At the beginning of our relationship we would be on the phone ALL day and would only get off if one of us had to shower or something and even then we would sometimes leave the room without ending the call. So he's a lot better about trusting than he use to be. His last gf cheated a lot so it took him a while to trust again. Sometimes I'm still paranoid he's watching my activity if he he mentions something related to things I watched online or looked up recently. I don't have anything to hide but I don't like feeling watched. Do you think he was texting me lyrics to songs I was playing as a way to say he was watching or do you think he was just playing around?

After 5 years of relationship, don't you think you should be able to talk to him about this in a constructive manner? Talk it out! If he has something he wants to tell you, I am sure he will. You should not be afraid to bring this up.. After 5 years with someone, I'd think there would be a strong bond and openness to talk about everything?

I know that if my boyfriend of 2 months would do this NOW, I would call him out on it.

March 12, 2016

If you really want to take his temperature, silently change your password and watch him go nuts.

March 12, 2016

Even tho he is just goofing around, or playing with you, what matters is how it is making you feel. It's about respecting boundaries, and setting them in place so both understand the importance of privacy. This is obviously something that needs to be discussed with your BF, but do it in a delicate manner so it doesn't raise any unnecessary suspicions.

Just remember his perspective....he was probably just sharing time with you innocently. What you can request is he ask you what you are up to and if he can log on and enjoy what you are listening to.

IMO just because you are a couple doesn't mean you have a right to know everything your partner is doing every min of the day or night.

March 12, 2016

Apparently it worries you some. You have invested 5 years in this relationship so I would just ask him if there is something wrong. If your like me....it would bother me until I get to the root of the problem. If there is one.

March 12, 2016

I'm unsure what he was doing. If you had a vide chat thing he may have seen what you were listening to.

He could have some spying software on your computer.

Was he logged into your computer when he was there snd now you ar logged in as him on some site snd he is in there at the same time too ---thus he can see east you are listening to because it's showing up on his computer in his account.

A test on him......

Log into a dating site and see what happens.

Edited March 12, 2016 by Ami1uwant

March 12, 2016

One thing you have to be aware of so you don't end up taking blame for something you didn't do is that people are jealous not because you are who you are. They're jealous because that's inside them. They are insecure to a fault if they're not controlling it, and fearful. I get it because I'm jealous, but rationally I know that if anyone wants to cheat, they can always do it and no amount of monitoring will stop it. But more importantly, if someone wants to cheat, then WHY would you want them to stay with you??? Healthy thinking is, Oh, well, if she ends up being a cheater, better to find out now than later, and just leave the door completely open. If someone doesn't care enough but to cheat on you, it's nuts to fight to force them to stay in your life.

If you vanished from his life today, he'd still be a jealous person, even with no one to act it out on.

March 12, 2016

I find it really odd that you have to share passwords like that after five years?!

I'm totally against sharing passwords. I think it's nuts.

I'm guessing it was his idea? If I were you I'd change them. You have a right to your privacy.

And this is coming from a guy that was cheated on for months. Just because someone else did something doesn't give anyone the right to control others.

March 13, 2016

How did your friend find out about it?

Her computer was acting worse and worse - running slow, etc. She had a computer tech out to her house and he found it. There was no fix for it. It was too deeply embedded.

March 13, 2016

I personally wouldn't like someone doing what your bf was doing. But even if he was just clowning around, didn't the two of you ever talk about it? Even to laugh about it?

March 13, 2016

I personally wouldn't like someone doing what your bf was doing. But even if he was just clowning around, didn't the two of you ever talk about it? Even to laugh about it?

He jokingly denied it but we didn't talk about it much. I just get paranoid that he's watching so sometimes i try to give him clues that i know he's watching so that if he is he will know that i know lol. I use to worry about a computer bug but my laptop is as fast as ever so no sign of one for me. Plus i had it looked at for a vitus once and nothing was found.

March 13, 2016

He jokingly denied it but we didn't talk about it much. I just get paranoid that he's watching so sometimes i try to give him clues that i know he's watching so that if he is he will know that i know lol. I use to worry about a computer bug but my laptop is as fast as ever so no sign of one for me. Plus i had it looked at for a vitus once and nothing was found.

Sharing passwords is not a healthy thing to do indefinitely. You each need your personal private space and just as you unsure about what this means - confusion about other things can also get quickly out of hand.

Relationships happen in the space between you. Merging or enmeshment is not conducive to a healthy relationship. Your thoughts, feelings, and moods - including what song you are listening to are all private things can share but, should not cohabit. You do not belong in each other's head.

March 13, 2016

My impression is that he was just playing around. I mean, if he really was intending to snoop on you, why would he TELL you that he is?

That being said, especially if he has insecurity/jealousy issues, I agree that you should talk to him about it. If he insists that it was just a joke, I think you should accept his explanation, unless something else happens that makes you think otherwise. But you can tell him you didn't feel comfortable with it and you would prefer he not do it again.

Sign In

Would you be bothered if your boyfriend or girlfriend did this?

Recommended Posts

PandaPookie

CarrieT

todreaminblue

bathtub-row

PandaPookie

bathtub-row

PandaPookie

PandaPookie

zenguy

candie13

MovingOnIsHard

preraph

Versacehottie

kikik

preraph

smackie9

brothers343

Ami1uwant

preraph

joseb

bathtub-row

bathtub-row

PandaPookie

RRM321

Els

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...