soph-walker Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 Dear LS comrades How many of you go on dates (1st/2nd/3rd...etc) and have a flirty time? I'm finding that dates I go on aren't very flirty and there's not much suggestive talk or too much 'flirty' talk going on. The guys I date don't seem to be particularly flirty and I'm not sure if I'm the common denominator in this. I find flirting is a good way to lead into a kiss and gauge a guy's interest in you but I don't feel like I'm getting much there. Could it be the guys I'm dating feel I don't fancy them and are therefore not willing to push the boundaries?
Author soph-walker Posted March 11, 2016 Author Posted March 11, 2016 Bit of background - these non flirty dates are with online dating guys, not 'in real life' guys
losangelena Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 (edited) [] OP, I dunno, I'm not the most flirty person either, but I think you can still be subtle about it and ramp up the sexual tension. I'm not much of a suggestive banter person (I hate sexting and the like), but I am a fan of the touch. I had one date where a very casual touch on the guy's back led to us having a hot and heavy make out session in the backseat of his car that the cops had to come break up. 10/10 good date. Make and sustain a crazy amount of eye contact. Be witty. You don't have to blatantly suggestive or sexual. Are you playful? Are you more sensual? Whatever your "style" is, play it up to the hilt. See if that takes you any further. Edited March 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
joseb Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 It takes two to tango. Are you friendly, open, smiling? Or are you more naturally reserved, cross your arms, avoid much eye contact? It's hard enough for most guys to read body language to begin with. If you are giving no signs of fancying them they can't read your mind.
Author soph-walker Posted March 12, 2016 Author Posted March 12, 2016 It takes two to tango. Are you friendly, open, smiling? Or are you more naturally reserved, cross your arms, avoid much eye contact? It's hard enough for most guys to read body language to begin with. If you are giving no signs of fancying them they can't read your mind. I'm very friendly and smiley and don't sit with arms/legs crossed and I give good eye contact. I just find that the conversation rarely leads towards the flirtatious side, we always talk about a wide range of interesting stuff but for me I feel like I can gauge a guys interest by how flirty the convo is. Think I've used the word 'flirty' too much on this thread:laugh:
Versacehottie Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 I'm very friendly and smiley and don't sit with arms/legs crossed and I give good eye contact. I just find that the conversation rarely leads towards the flirtatious side, we always talk about a wide range of interesting stuff but for me I feel like I can gauge a guys interest by how flirty the convo is. Think I've used the word 'flirty' too much on this thread:laugh: Start with playful teasing. Don't be sooo literal about everything. Let the conversation jump around. Don't have it be like an interview. Do these things for yourself (in order to have a enjoyable date and practice your flirting). And yes be open to touching and being touched; be affectionate. I think the problem with a lot of first dates and online dating is that there is an interview quality to them and a 'need' to get all the facts on the table. Just flow. Purposely don't tell all the facts--there will be plenty of time if there are more dates. Your goal should be to make a connection and have fun. Think about when you are making friends. The conversation doesn't go sequentially: this is where I grew up, this is what my family is like, these are the activities i do with my free time, etc. Booooooring. Be different. A person can learn something about you with the expression of your personality and your free side--show that. Thus, don't conduct a linear first date. Refuse those coffee dates (soulsucking). And be affectionate. You should do this even if you don't feel a spark yourself (but he's fine as a friend) just to test out your skills. Many reasons for this--but hopefully you get the drift. I always flirt wherever. It's fun, it can be easy. You don't have to make it difficult. Flirting is about making the other person feel good and not taking things so seriously. 2
Sachs Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Dear LS comrades How many of you go on dates (1st/2nd/3rd...etc) and have a flirty time? I'm finding that dates I go on aren't very flirty and there's not much suggestive talk or too much 'flirty' talk going on. The guys I date don't seem to be particularly flirty and I'm not sure if I'm the common denominator in this. I find flirting is a good way to lead into a kiss and gauge a guy's interest in you but I don't feel like I'm getting much there. Could it be the guys I'm dating feel I don't fancy them and are therefore not willing to push the boundaries? Instead of waiting on them to initiate, you can do the initiating and see what happens. If they don't reciprocate, then leave it alone, and move on to the next available guy.
Author soph-walker Posted March 12, 2016 Author Posted March 12, 2016 Instead of waiting on them to initiate, you can do the initiating and see what happens. If they don't reciprocate, then leave it alone, and move on to the next available guy. I would like to initiate but in my experience, the guy always has initiated. It's weird with online dating as there's such a barrier having no background with the person. It's different to meeting a guy in a bar or mutual friend as the chances are we'll already have kissed or whatnot. I'm able to relax but it often feels like more of a friendly meeting rather than a romantic one and I'm getting a bit weary!
Ami1uwant Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 I'm very friendly and smiley and don't sit with arms/legs crossed and I give good eye contact. I just find that the conversation rarely leads towards the flirtatious side, we always talk about a wide range of interesting stuff but for me I feel like I can gauge a guys interest by how flirty the convo is. Think I've used the word 'flirty' too much on this thread:laugh: His old are you? How old are thise you date? For a 1st date when meeting online it's not something that happens. Being flirty/suggestive/innuendo can come back to bite--thus not often done.
katiegrl Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 (edited) I'm very friendly and smiley and don't sit with arms/legs crossed and I give good eye contact. I just find that the conversation rarely leads towards the flirtatious side, we always talk about a wide range of interesting stuff but for me I feel like I can gauge a guys interest by how flirty the convo is. Think I've used the word 'flirty' too much on this thread:laugh: Are you actually into any of these guys? Is there mutual chemistry? IMO, when you *click* ....the engaging and flirting come naturally...even on a first meet! It all just flows easily..... If it's not happening, then perhaps there is just no chemistry....and you should move on to the next guy. No one's fault, it just wasn't there. On the other hand, if you DO feel a strong attraction and that mutual chemistry is there, then don't hide your attraction, show him! Like losangelina said, good eye contact, mirror his actions, light touching ....although in my experience, when we are really clicking, all this comes naturally and almost effortlessly. Edited March 12, 2016 by katiegrl
Author soph-walker Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 Are you actually into any of these guys? Is there mutual chemistry? IMO, when you *click* ....the engaging and flirting come naturally...even on a first meet! It all just flows easily..... If it's not happening, then perhaps there is just no chemistry....and you should move on to the next guy. No one's fault, it just wasn't there. On the other hand, if you DO feel a strong attraction and that mutual chemistry is there, then don't hide your attraction, show him! Like losangelina said, good eye contact, mirror his actions, light touching ....although in my experience, when we are really clicking, all this comes naturally and almost effortlessly. I hear ya.. I've fancied a couple of them but haven't known if they've fancied me. Their body language has been a mixture of open/closed and it's just so hard to read. I've been told before that men find me intimidating because I'm good looking (not to blow my own trumpet!!) but a guy I dated a couple of years back told me that men are often put off their game if a woman is too good looking as they fear rejection. Not sure if anyone's had similar said about them and how they've gone about OLD?
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) I hear ya.. I've fancied a couple of them but haven't known if they've fancied me. Their body language has been a mixture of open/closed and it's just so hard to read. I've been told before that men find me intimidating because I'm good looking (not to blow my own trumpet!!) but a guy I dated a couple of years back told me that men are often put off their game if a woman is too good looking as they fear rejection. Not sure if anyone's had similar said about them and how they've gone about OLD? Yes, and this is why when you really like the guy, YOU have to show him via your actions. Show enthusiasm, laugh at jokes (if he tells any) ...smile, good eye contact, be responsive. Don't go overboard with it, be natural .....genuine. Once he realizes "hey, this girl seems to like me!" ....he will start to relax and feel comfortable, making the whole process and opportunity to connect a lot easier! Men often feel intimidated by beautiful women, cuz many beautiful women (not all of course!!) sit there and don't do or say anything! They're waiting for the to guy to carry the convo and do most of the work, leaving the guy (some guys, not all) feeling nervous and off balance....and yes, intimidated!! I used to be this way as well ...as I was conditioned to receive a lot of attention for simply being pretty....until I learned that that attitude was intimidating, threw guys off....and so I changed my attitude ....became more open, approachable ...and find I connect with many more men this way! So..... show some enthusiasm ...smile, act like you want to be there and are enjoying his presence! This is all assuming you like him of course! Edited March 13, 2016 by katiegrl
Author soph-walker Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 Yes, and this is why when you really like the guy, YOU have to show him via your actions. Show enthusiasm, laugh at jokes (if he tells any) ...smile, good eye contact, be responsive. Don't go overboard with it, be natural .....genuine. Once he realizes "hey, this girl seems to like me!" ....he will start to relax and feel comfortable, making the whole process and opportunity to connect a lot easier! Men often feel intimidated by beautiful women, cuz many beautiful women (not all of course!!) sit there and don't do or say anything! They're waiting for the to guy to carry the convo and do most of the work, leaving the guy (some guys, not all) feeling nervous and off balance....and yes, intimidated!! I used to be this way as well ...as I was conditioned to receive a lot of attention for simply being pretty....until I learned that that attitude was intimidating, threw guys off....and so I changed my attitude ....became more open, approachable ...and find I connect with many more men this way! So..... show some enthusiasm ...smile, act like you want to be there and are enjoying his presence! This is all assuming you like him of course! This makes sense, I think I've been showing my interest but not actually displaying it in an obvious sense...I've always always had a guy make a first move and it's scary putting yourself out there. Guess I've learnt something so thanks!
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