Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 I met a guy a few years ago and we seemed to really hit it off. I was in a relationship at the time and I think he possibly also was. Now that we were both single, I decided to contact him around New Year. He asked if I wanted to go on a date and I said yes, that would be lovely. So at first I was having a nice time with him and then on the first date he asked 'are we going somewhere?' And talking very early about are we in a relationship etc. He started irritating me with things like kissing me while he was talking to someone on the phone and texting me things like 'we are falling madly in love' when he didn't even know me. He also asked if he could go on holiday with me, later this year (a holiday that I've booked to go on with my family) and I said 'well it's too early to tell if we'll be together still' and he said 'why wouldn't we be?' I started to find his behaviour really suffocating but still had a good time with him if we were out somewhere. The final nail in the coffin was when I finally had sex with him and he started saying 'you're mine, you're mine, you're mine, I'm yours' over and over. I absolutely hated it. Since then I ended the relationship and he still wants to be friends and kept asking for a second chance but he has annoyed me to the point where I feel that I don't ever want to see him again and the thought of him touching me makes me feel sick. I feel really mean - I've never felt hostile to someone that way and I can't make sense of my feelings. I do have AS and therefore I really dislike my space being invaded but I've been wondering if my reaction is unkind? I've just blocked him.
road Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 No you were not unkind. In fact blocking him and not allowing him to be friends afterwards is the kindest thing you could do for him and yourself. 1
GR4 Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 I can understand how his behaviour would be very annoying, I'd certainly hate dating a girl like that. However, you should have been honest with him and told him why you didn't want to continue with him. Ignoring people isn't a cool thing to do and he's probably sat there now wondering what the hell happened. 1
smudge21 Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 He was like that before you had sex and you still went for it? Sounds like you did feed his problem a bit there, but no I don't think you were mean. Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind and he was clearly coming on far too strong. I mean, we all do that from time to time, but there's a point where you have to step back. Maybe the sex gave him all the signals he needed that you felt the same way, so next time, go with your first instincts and cool it off before it's sweaty. Oh and in answer to your question, yes so many times. I say we never really know someone until we know them, and often that only comes once we've invested our lives with them. Not all of us are destined to be compatible.
Toodaloo Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 No. This is the kindest thing you can do for him. At least he will get over you quicker. Oh dear... poor chap... Next time when someone is as clingy as that try to have a bit of distance. Good luck but do not feel guilty. You have not done anything wrong. 1
Sweetgirl28 Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 Your reaction is totally understandable. Despite the initial feeling of flattery, I would be turned off by this quickly too. I tend to ignore guys who call me their girlfriend after the first date. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 I was really into someone last year until one night he tried to nearly force me to have sex when I was really sick. He apologized, bought me flowers, said he had too much too drink etc...but since that event, even a touch from him felt repulsive If I really like someone, they have to do something pretty drastic for me to be turned off.
Author Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2016 Author Posted March 11, 2016 I can understand how his behaviour would be very annoying, I'd certainly hate dating a girl like that. However, you should have been honest with him and told him why you didn't want to continue with him. Ignoring people isn't a cool thing to do and he's probably sat there now wondering what the hell happened. No, I didn't just ignore him out of the blue. I told him it was over and that I found him possessive.
preraph Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 I think you are on solid ground. He was overly eager and although a lot of people miss it, the automatic overeagerness is more of an insult than a compliment. Most people choose to see it as their considerable charm, but the truth is he was desperate and ready to latch onto anyone who stood still long enough, regardless of who they are as long as he had some attraction. Any old girl will do. He might be harmless and just have a "dream woman" in his head that he assumes matches any woman who'll talk to him, but you can never be sure. Even that is problematic when you disappoint and he can no longer fit you into her image. It can get very nasty, and it will be "You've changed." When it's really just that he never got to know you and and made assumptions. 1
Author Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2016 Author Posted March 11, 2016 Pre-Raph, you've hit the nail on the head really. I think he's one of those people who has a woman-shaped gap in his fantasies and is projecting that idealistic view onto me. He kept saying he thought I was 'perfect' when he doesn't even know me! I agree that at some point he would have found fault with me. But quite apart from that he made my skin crawl in the end. I probably should mention that he seems to still be very damaged by his wife suddenly leaving him. I think he's looking for a replacement... 1
soph-walker Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 No, I didn't just ignore him out of the blue. I told him it was over and that I found him possessive. I think you've handled it perfectly, considering there are some that wouldn't have given him the time of day. Props for being honest, it's hard sometimes and not a pleasant thing to have to do! 1
GR4 Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 No, I didn't just ignore him out of the blue. I told him it was over and that I found him possessive. Sorry, I must have misunderstood you then. In that case you've done all that you can and good on you for being honest. 1
preraph Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Pre-Raph, you've hit the nail on the head really. I think he's one of those people who has a woman-shaped gap in his fantasies and is projecting that idealistic view onto me. He kept saying he thought I was 'perfect' when he doesn't even know me! I agree that at some point he would have found fault with me. But quite apart from that he made my skin crawl in the end. I probably should mention that he seems to still be very damaged by his wife suddenly leaving him. I think he's looking for a replacement... If he made your skin crawl, I'm glad you listened to that, because that's your good instincts, and you should never ignore them. He might be truly creepy.
phineas Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Yes. had a girl who got zombie drunk on me one night. major turn off. actually, women who spend more time in a bar than I do in the gym are a turn off to me. had a girl I was dating let other guys hit on her when I went to the bathroom or to get more drinks. major turn off. she thought she did nothing wrong. went out with a woman who sent me a text "accidentally" about a guy she knew wanting FWB. she most likely meant to do it to make me jealous but it had the opposite affect. Any type of playing hard to get or game playing will turn me off ASAP. 1
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