duncsvoice Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 Hey gang, I just wanted to share my experiences. I've been through a pretty traumatic break up, we were engaged to be married this year, we had cats together, and were best friends. A lot of stresses got in the way, we forgot how to be with each other, both made mistakes and she moved out about 6 weeks ago. In that time, we've both made serious mistakes. Meeting up, arguing, she told me she still loved me, we've slept together, I've asked her to move back in...all stupid mistakes between two people who are hurting. I like to imagine all of my feelings and emotions during these six weeks as each a different colour of paint, and whenever I felt one it was poured in to a water balloon, creating a horrid looking, toxic mess. After the last time we slept together and she left, my balloon popped and I quite simply had a break down. So, if anyone is questioning if no contact is the right thing to do...IT IS! After a couple of days I wrote her a short note saying sorry for my part in the break up, but right now I just need space from her, and she understood. For the first time, I didn't feel guilty for asking her to stay away (she has a habit of keep trying to initiate contact, she's been angry with me one day, then tells me she misses me the next). Right now, I feel good. I miss her, and love her, dearly. But I've recognised that I want my free time to be MY free time, and not spent sweating over what she means or how to text back. I've started a new business, arranged a date for this weekend, spent more time with friends, and taking care of myself. So, if we ever reconcile, I'll be a far better person than when we were together. But I'm not doing it for her, I'm doing it for me. Fill your time, remember the fun things you used to do BEFORE you were together. It gets better gang, and take that from someone who quite honestly was having serious thoughts about killing myself a couple of weeks ago. Keep going, you'll get there. 5
siochana Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Hey gang, I just wanted to share my experiences. I've been through a pretty traumatic break up, we were engaged to be married this year, we had cats together, and were best friends. A lot of stresses got in the way, we forgot how to be with each other, both made mistakes and she moved out about 6 weeks ago. In that time, we've both made serious mistakes. Meeting up, arguing, she told me she still loved me, we've slept together, I've asked her to move back in...all stupid mistakes between two people who are hurting. I like to imagine all of my feelings and emotions during these six weeks as each a different colour of paint, and whenever I felt one it was poured in to a water balloon, creating a horrid looking, toxic mess. After the last time we slept together and she left, my balloon popped and I quite simply had a break down. So, if anyone is questioning if no contact is the right thing to do...IT IS! After a couple of days I wrote her a short note saying sorry for my part in the break up, but right now I just need space from her, and she understood. For the first time, I didn't feel guilty for asking her to stay away (she has a habit of keep trying to initiate contact, she's been angry with me one day, then tells me she misses me the next). Right now, I feel good. I miss her, and love her, dearly. But I've recognised that I want my free time to be MY free time, and not spent sweating over what she means or how to text back. I've started a new business, arranged a date for this weekend, spent more time with friends, and taking care of myself. So, if we ever reconcile, I'll be a far better person than when we were together. But I'm not doing it for her, I'm doing it for me. Fill your time, remember the fun things you used to do BEFORE you were together. It gets better gang, and take that from someone who quite honestly was having serious thoughts about killing myself a couple of weeks ago. Keep going, you'll get there. Good for you. 6 weeks for many of us is nothing though. I was in deep denial for alone for about two months
Wuku Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 It's good you are feeling better about things, but as mentioned above, 6 weeks is not long. I'm 3 months post break up, and I have good and bad days, and still think about her all the time. Don't be surprised or to hard on yourself if you hit a low patch. I Don't mean to sound negative, but I have felt I was doing ok and moving on fine one day, only to come crashing down again the next. Good luck.
bluefeather Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 I Don't mean to sound negative, but... Well, you do. I needed to hear his post.
Author duncsvoice Posted March 12, 2016 Author Posted March 12, 2016 Oh, by all means I'm not better. I miss her, particularly this morning when she'd call me from the bedroom to come back for some cuddles, but I've got stuff to distract myself. The point I was making that staying in contact just elongates the pain. For example, I saw her last weekend and each time she goes it feels like we are breaking up again. Staying no contact allows ME to be in control of MY emotions, not my ex. I'm sure a month, two, three months down the line I will still miss her, absolutely, but they will only be emotions that I can tackle, rather than being in contact with her and not having her.
Author duncsvoice Posted March 12, 2016 Author Posted March 12, 2016 Well, you do. I needed to hear his post. I hope you're ok. I'm having a low day today, but I'm still sticking to my plans, I'm in control of my days now - not her, wherever she is. 1
Wuku Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Oh, by all means I'm not better. My apologies, I see your point. I know what that's like and it sucks
sorano Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 It is going to get better. Im doing actually pretty damn good myself. Keep no contact, keep bettering yourself, and stay positive. The mind and body are amazing. Time really does heal. 1
ksol9 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 All these things sound so familiar. Can't believe I'm battling something like this at this point in my life. I hear everyone saying it gets better and I'm sure it does, but one day up and the next down. I don't want to meet anyone else. I don't care to get out or doing anything, I'm just doing it because I need to occupy my mind. Regardless of where I go and what I do, he is still in the back of my mind. I want him. I want my life back. 2
preraph Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Hey gang, I just wanted to share my experiences. I've been through a pretty traumatic break up, we were engaged to be married this year, we had cats together, and were best friends. A lot of stresses got in the way, we forgot how to be with each other, both made mistakes and she moved out about 6 weeks ago. In that time, we've both made serious mistakes. Meeting up, arguing, she told me she still loved me, we've slept together, I've asked her to move back in...all stupid mistakes between two people who are hurting. I like to imagine all of my feelings and emotions during these six weeks as each a different colour of paint, and whenever I felt one it was poured in to a water balloon, creating a horrid looking, toxic mess. After the last time we slept together and she left, my balloon popped and I quite simply had a break down. So, if anyone is questioning if no contact is the right thing to do...IT IS! After a couple of days I wrote her a short note saying sorry for my part in the break up, but right now I just need space from her, and she understood. For the first time, I didn't feel guilty for asking her to stay away (she has a habit of keep trying to initiate contact, she's been angry with me one day, then tells me she misses me the next). Right now, I feel good. I miss her, and love her, dearly. But I've recognised that I want my free time to be MY free time, and not spent sweating over what she means or how to text back. I've started a new business, arranged a date for this weekend, spent more time with friends, and taking care of myself. So, if we ever reconcile, I'll be a far better person than when we were together. But I'm not doing it for her, I'm doing it for me. Fill your time, remember the fun things you used to do BEFORE you were together. It gets better gang, and take that from someone who quite honestly was having serious thoughts about killing myself a couple of weeks ago. Keep going, you'll get there. You are an inspiration to us all. You set yourself free! 1
Author duncsvoice Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 All these things sound so familiar. Can't believe I'm battling something like this at this point in my life. I hear everyone saying it gets better and I'm sure it does, but one day up and the next down. I don't want to meet anyone else. I don't care to get out or doing anything, I'm just doing it because I need to occupy my mind. Regardless of where I go and what I do, he is still in the back of my mind. I want him. I want my life back. Yep, I know EXACTLY where you're at. My wedding was booked and paid for, now I'm in an empty flat, still reeling. I had a couple of good days, even told my ex to stop contacting me for the moment and that I didn't want to see her (even though I want to spend all of my time with her, knowing that it'll end in tragedy). Right now I'm having a bit of a bad one, but it's all part of the process. I went out on a date last night. I FORCED myself to go, I was dreading it. I don't want to get to know anyone else, and it felt at points like I was cheating. But I realised that she doesn't have the monopoly on my happiness. So what if I might have had more fun with her than my date? She wasn't there, so who cares. Doing things to occupy your mind is the FIRST and RIGHT step. Before long, you'll allow yourself to enjoy these things. I'm in that zone at the moment, last night was weird and horrible, but I wasn't thinking about my ex (much). Next weekend I have plans to go hiking with a friend, the weekend after I've got plans to meet a group of strangers for drinks through a meetup app! It sucks at the moment, absolutely sucks. But on the chance you bump in to your ex or maybe even reconcile...do you want to say you've just sat in doors thinking about them, or have loads of cool new stories to tell?
Author duncsvoice Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 It is going to get better. Im doing actually pretty damn good myself. Keep no contact, keep bettering yourself, and stay positive. The mind and body are amazing. Time really does heal. Good to hear my friend, and thanks for sharing. I'm learning that for every bad day I have, there are a couple of good ones just around the corner.
Raina314 Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 All these things sound so familiar. Can't believe I'm battling something like this at this point in my life. I hear everyone saying it gets better and I'm sure it does, but one day up and the next down. I don't want to meet anyone else. I don't care to get out or doing anything, I'm just doing it because I need to occupy my mind. Regardless of where I go and what I do, he is still in the back of my mind. I want him. I want my life back. Yeah, I'm definitely experiencing that "rollercoaster" phenomenon. One day I can believe I'm better off without him because he's not so special anyways, and the next I'm crying in my car at lunch. Today I woke up and really felt amazed at how long someone can stay on your mind almost constantly, even when it doesn't hurt. When I have a good day, it's not because I don't think about my ex, it's because I can think about him without it hurting too badly or delving too deeply into the feelings associated with the memories I have of him. I still think of him more often than not and it's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I fall asleep, just like when we were together. It's been months. I really wonder when the brain gets tired of running over and over that one person. Does anyone else feel this way? 1
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