i am overthinking...overanalyzing. [updated]

May 6, 2016

Guess i have a bad habit dating unstable people. Well. I aint't so stable myself either.

So get that stuff figured out before you involve yourself in a relationship that sounds like it requires a tremendous amount of your time and energy.

Get yourself straightened up and you'll "magically" see the number of troubled women in your life dwindle.

May 7, 2016

Weird thing happened last night. She was supposed to go to this nightclub with her friend, but her friend did not go so my GF called me and sent me a message "So my friend was unable to come so would you like to come party with me honey"

So i went. It was 23:00 in the evening, i was playing battlefield online, closed game immeaditely and went to the night club.

We danced together, we had so much fun. She said many times "why havent you ever danced? You are such a great dancer! You seem to really enjoy yourself!"

I replied "i never dance alone and you inspire me. You bring out different qualities in me..."

I really had fun. Then we kissed on the dancefloor, danced more and had fun.

"You know, i've never danced with a man like this, my ex's could not dance at all". she said

Then after a while and some dancing etc. talking i said i love her. She replied "I really think i love you too..." Well..."i think" is actually not a good word.

But when we left the nightclub she said about that other time we went out and it did not go so well. I had terrible day then and i just wanted to stay home. And was all grumpy and everything.

And at her place she said some naughty things.... "this is your *ussy and yours only. No one elses. and you can do whatever you want with it whenever you want.". Cool.

I have never enjoyed nightclubs in my life but yesterday i had so much fun. This is exatly what i've missed. This is what i tried to tell her. I want to dance with her, have fun with her. I felt alive.

even at morning she said "It was so fun to dance with you last night. I never thought :)". And we kissed.

I made her some breakfast into bed (first time i've ever done that to her.) and she liked it a lot. She kissed me.

But she still prefers to sleep alone :/ LAst night i slept next to her but she complains that i roll around a lot at nights and scratch my teeth while i sleep so she cant sleep well.

But her apartment is boiling hot! And the blanket she uses is so darn hot. I sweat like a fountain in her bedroom. Maybe that is why i roll around...and again she does not miss my closeness that much.

I really want to make things go forwards, not backwards.

She is complicated woman. Sometimes she has liked i pushed myself close by force, you know. Do surprise visits etc. "good thing you show you have some man in you". And so on. Complicated.

But i really want this to work. I really want to. We had so good chemistry at the dance floor. felt so natural and we kissed a lot and passionately. I know i read too much into small thing but i think kissing is a very good sign. She was genuinely having good time with me. I know i would not kiss a person i would want out from my life or not being sure what i want.

I read her well, the kisses are real. you can notice if someone is not fully and truly behind a kiss...

OH and she was not drunk last night. She had drank 2 drinks in the night club before i arrived (she said she would not drink even one so...really ate her own promise) but anyway, she was practically sober.

Edited May 7, 2016 by Protec

May 8, 2016

And now she is distant again. What the hell. She still sends me messages and complained she is exhausted.

Haven't seen her al weekend expect Friday and Saturday morning. I really don't know if I just should pop at her place or let her be.

I ve done few surprise visits and she always loved them.

May 8, 2016

You know what to do.

This is going to end very badly. Please read back over the ADVICE HERE.

How long do you want the drop to be?

Sorry but i see no way forward here.

May 8, 2016

And now she is distant again. What the hell.

Yeah, not like anyone said this would happen. Oh, wait...

Instead, you two have put a band-aid over a gaping wound and things will be OK for a bit, maybe a week or two, before the inevitable return to the status quo happens.

May 8, 2016

don't know if I just should pop at her place or let her be.

I ve done few surprise visits and she always loved them.

Oh my god. She's got her issues, but man, I'd dump you if I were her. You just sat her down and had this big long talk about how you were going to be less needy and here you are DAYS later talking about showing up unannounced at her place because you haven't seen her in a day.

She's still sending you messages and she's told you she's exhausted. So you know why she's "distant." You don't respect her boundaries at all. It's really just about you and getting your validation.

Stop making YOUR insecurities her problem.

May 8, 2016

Like Blanco, I've read your breakup thread with the other woman several months ago. Then I read your thread(s) about getting into this relationship and how crazy it's been.

When you were posting about your last relationship and then the problems that you've had in this one, I never contributed a reply because I saw that you were getting such great advice from the other members that you were completely ignoring.

This is going to sound a bit harsh, but anyone who has read your previous threads could see where this relationship was going from a mile away. It's like watching a train wreck, it's horrible, but you can't turn away.

That being said, I think you really need to take it to heart that this relationship is over. This woman doesn't love you and clearly doesn't care about you. The sooner that you realize that and walk away, the sooner you can start healing. And it's going to be tough for you because you're way too attached. Do you really want to go through the same ordeal that you went through with your ex? Because I can promise you that's where this is heading. You put way too much stock into stuff that simply DOES NOT MATTER. None of the things you've ever listed are demonstrations of love. Buying each other trinkets? I buy my co-workers small gifts on holidays and at other times, I don't love any of them. Doing nice things and looking after her kids? People look after and buy things for their friends' kids all the time. Great sex? You could have great sex with a prostitute or in a no strings attached situation, it doesn't equate to love.

Another one of your problems is that whenever there's an issue in your relationships, you always seem to start blaming yourself and thinking about what you can do. That everything is your fault. Granted, there are things you need to work on. But relationships involve two people, you can't think that if you fix something all of your problems will magically go away. She clearly has issues that she needs to work on here, and I don't think that either of you needs to be in a relationship right now.

Lastly, it's been mentioned here several times that you let her walk all over you. I don't see how never standing up to her and letting her get away with a lot of this behavior can be attractive to her. That might be part of the reason she started seeing you as a "friend" a few weeks ago. Hell, she flat out told you that the few times you were aggressive with her and stood up for yourself that she was attracted to you.

I apologize if any of this sounds overly harsh or critical and it might fall on deaf ears like all the other advice you've received, but I think you really need to walk away from this. You're going to end up being just as hurt and miserable as you were before. This relationship isn't going to last much longer.

Edited May 8, 2016 by LostOne08

May 9, 2016

And now she is distant again. What the hell. She still sends me messages and complained she is exhausted.

Haven't seen her al weekend expect Friday and Saturday morning. I really don't know if I just should pop at her place or let her be.

I ve done few surprise visits and she always loved them.

Do you interpret not being together as 'distant'? She's texting you! You're needy. Friday and Saturday morning were enough; I'm assuming you slept over.

You have to stop the showing up unannounced stuff. Give her time to miss you (if you insist on pursuing this). She gave you her reason, she's tired.

No woman respects a man who doesn't have a life of his own. Get some guy friends and hobbies. It'll give you something to talk about when (if) you do see her.

May 9, 2016

Well i spent friday evening with my friend until I left to the club. Then at Saturday my other friend came at my place. Told her i had a friend over "you never tell me who. You always say just a friend".

True. She texts me a little and answers my calls. We are still in RS and I asked her mother as friend in facebook. And I took a selfie from both of us at club. Posted it on Facebook and my gf also liked that picture.

Saturday morning we had nice breakfast. And she took care of me by "hey, remember to take a water bottle with you". Then she put some water in the bottle.

That is caring. A small thing but still.

She loaned me 5euros for parking since I had no coins and was going to this market downtown to get her some spices. She was unable to join me because she had to bake cake for mothers day.

The weekend was full for her. At Saturday he baked a cake and was at her brothers housewarming party ad Sunday was mothers day so she spent whole day at there with her kids.

And again I am forgetting. She ia not like me. She has not spent her days in online chats and dating sites.

I am used using emoji's in message etc. She barely never uses them. But even more rarely now.

Well see.

May 9, 2016

So she had all this going on (I'd forgotten about Mother's Day) and you still felt like she was being distant.

She's a mother, she has a mother (I assume).

I've noticed a trend of you placing a lot of emphasis on little things - a bottled water, a few coins, emojis, and likes on Facebook. These are scraps. Nice, but still scraps. Are you in therapy?

May 9, 2016

Oh my, my, my.

That's all I can say, since I don't want my posting privileges restricted.

May 9, 2016

So she wasn't being distant at all, she was just busy!

She will also likely be tired after her hectic weekend.

Occupy yourself with other things OP and learn to be considerate for another person's time and energy levels.

Don't pop round, show her some respect and give her some space.

May 9, 2016

I notice little things, like bottle water etc because no other gf of mine has ever done small things like that. That's why I notice them.

I am to needy... I need to control it better. Today i have only sent her good morning message. I don't honestly call her than maybe once a day, maybe not even that always and I don't bomb her with messages all the time. Only when i have something on my mind or curious how her day went.

Don't know why I care ao much about emoji's or even text messages. She does not like even to call to people that much. At least that what she said. She did not even answer her best friends phone call (I was not there then so she could've answered).

I really need to get my **** together and stop analyzing Everything!

I need to be happy I was able to have fun night out with her on Friday and we had nice morning on Saturday.

She asked me so she wanted to spend time with me. She could have partied alone and say nothing to me. Now I need to back up and let her be alone for few days.

I am seeing demons in places they don't exists.

May 9, 2016

I think that are small sweet things she does.

I do realize she was busy this weekend. I knew it wee before that i am not going to see her maybe at all.

I mean at Friday she was so exhausted that she slept all night after her kids left to other home.

She is also burning herself out with the kids. She always complains to me how much energy they take, how she can't sleep at all (because of kids) and because the kids don't listen to her.

I know I drain energy as well. I've been trying to be as helpful as I can around her house. I always take out the trash and do dishes. Even help to clean.

She Is oversensitive to noise and also has stress about apartment being clean all the time.

She doesn't let herself relax even for a moment when the kids are there.

May 9, 2016

So, again i was worried for nothing.

Spent day at work as usual, got home, went on a 6km walk, came home, eat. Then my phone beeps. "Would you like to come with me to a flea market? You don't have to, if you want to enjoy your own company..."

So i went. A quick meeting of 45 minutes.

First thing i noticed she was wearing the T-shirt i bought her. That was very nice surprise

She kissed me few times, held my hand. And when we parted ways she said "it was so nice to see you..." She even tried out my chest...

And also "i found some slippers for you to wear at my place". So she can see me at her house, wearing those slippers. That is a positive thing.AND she actually asked me "so, how was your day?". So i think those are very positive signs.

As she hasnt asked me that in a long long time.

And now i need to stop being so stupid...

May 9, 2016

It's not a case of worrying over nothing. It's more of a case of you putting too much stock into things that simply do not matter. That's what you're doing here. How many people per day do you ask how their day is going? I'd guess it's a lot. Are you in love with all of them? Probably not. Sure, hugs and kisses are great, but people can go through the motions of hugging and kissing someone well after they have emotionally checked out. As far as plans to see you again go, look through these boards for more than a handful of stories where someone says, "The last time I saw her/him, he/she planned to X or Y with me." I can give you some of my own stories about that kind of misdirection.

Has she ever even apologized to you for her behavior? Or does she just act like nothing has happened because she knows she can get away with treating you like garbage as long as she's nice to you every few days/hours?

Maybe I'm wrong and you guys will work out in the end. I hope for the best. But, I would be lying if I said it would shock me if something happened in the new future that brings you right back to the boards wondering if you are overthinking.

May 10, 2016

Actually i dont talk almost at all with other people. I don't wish good morning or say good night to other than my gf.

I trust her that she speaks the truth. Why would she mention slippers etc.

I just need to be cool now. I am going to try to visit her place tomorrow. Tuesday is "me" time anyway. I will say to her that I will not accept if we only see few times a week and do not even sleep together. That is not what I want.

It's ok that we don't spend every day together. But at least 3 should be spent together a week.

I also thought that if I am going to spend time at her place and make things go forward i have to participate a bit in her living expenses. She is retired atm because of her illness so she does not get much of money and if I am there eating her food, using her water and electricity, I think it would be ok to pay her a little.

I mean one month I think I spent 20 days out of 30 at het place. At least over half.

That could be considered as living there. That is why I have bought toilet paper and cleaning supplies there. Sometimes food too. I can't just hang around there and she pays for everything.

But if he doesn't want to be with me, why she just doesn't breakup then? I know for sure that she has the ability to kick anyone out if she wants to.

I don't think she is trying to fool me. She ia better than that. If i would like to get rid of someone, last thing I would do is to spend time with me and say stuff like " I got you slippers to my place so you can wear them when you're here".

I hope things go well. And thanks for the encouragement.

May 10, 2016

She has not apologized. Few months back she apologized for snapping at me etc. And even cried "I know you will leave me because of im like this".

But now...nothing.

One of the reasons is that I yelled at her. I snapped back.

Then she was like "I have no energy to look at a mam who yells at me".

I did not yell loud...but did raise my voice. I know its wrong but even I have mu limits. After that she started to act like this.

She probably thought I am cool always and never lose my temper. I feel bad forr that and I apologized for losing my temper like that.

May 10, 2016

I add. Of course I say good morning to co workers etc. I don't love them for sure. Even some whatsapp pala sometimes when I have something to say I can say good night etc. I don't love them so yeah.

But as i read her body language...she did not fake those kisses. Week ago when this thing started, she avoided kissing me and ifi got any kisses they lacked spirit.

She even wanted to kiss me. She has problems with her lips because of acne medication which dryes up her mouth so sometimes she doesn't like to kiss because of that.

But those felt real.

May 10, 2016

Actually i dont talk almost at all with other people. I don't wish good morning or say good night to other than my gf.
I trust her that she speaks the truth. Why would she mention slippers etc.

I just need to be cool now. I am going to try to visit her place tomorrow. Tuesday is "me" time anyway. I will say to her that I will not accept if we only see few times a week and do not even sleep together. That is not what I want.

It's ok that we don't spend every day together. But at least 3 should be spent together a week.

I also thought that if I am going to spend time at her place and make things go forward i have to participate a bit in her living expenses. She is retired atm because of her illness so she does not get much of money and if I am there eating her food, using her water and electricity, I think it would be ok to pay her a little.

I mean one month I think I spent 20 days out of 30 at het place. At least over half.
That could be considered as living there. That is why I have bought toilet paper and cleaning supplies there. Sometimes food too. I can't just hang around there and she pays for everything.

But if he doesn't want to be with me, why she just doesn't breakup then? I know for sure that she has the ability to kick anyone out if she wants to.

I don't think she is trying to fool me. She ia better than that. If i would like to get rid of someone, last thing I would do is to spend time with me and say stuff like " I got you slippers to my place so you can wear them when you're here".

I hope things go well. And thanks for the encouragement.

She TRIED to break up with you and then You went to her house.

May 10, 2016

Let her go mate.

This is not going to be to be pretty when she does `let you go`

Take the first step.

May 10, 2016

No she didnt. All she ever said that she needs more time to herself and feels I am more a friend than bf. But after that she has said 2 times that she loves me.

After the talk and at the club.

Why would she ask to meet me to a flea market if she does not want to see me?

She could have just gone by herself.

Why did she ask me to the club? Her friend did not show up but

She could've partied alone.

It makes no sense...

And she also talked that we could play tennis as she found her rackets and balls.

My guess is that she is confused atm. Also she increased dosage on her medication.

I have no idea what that does to her. But remember her saying "..then I become that zombie again".

May 10, 2016

No she didnt. All she ever said that she needs more time to herself and feels I am more a friend than bf. But after that she has said 2 times that she loves me.

After the talk and at the club.

Why would she ask to meet me to a flea market if she does not want to see me?
She could have just gone by herself.
Why did she ask me to the club? Her friend did not show up but
She could've partied alone.

It makes no sense...

And she also talked that we could play tennis as she found her rackets and balls.

My guess is that she is confused atm. Also she increased dosage on her medication.
I have no idea what that does to her. But remember her saying "..then I become that zombie again".

You are being incredibly selfish. That's all I have to say. I can't read this anymore.

May 10, 2016

Well how am I supposed to read her then?

If someone kisses me passionately and says that really enjoys being with me and says she loves me its a damn sure I think she says the truth.

Guess I am just too naive and I feel like an alien. Everything people say is either not true or has opposite meaning I guess.

May 10, 2016

And now she asked me of i go to her place today and help her clean.

Maybe I should or maybe shouldn't. If I can't spend the night at her place i will be pissed.

But I have nothing to donat home anyway. And if I ever want to live with her I need to learn how to help her around the house.

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i am overthinking...overanalyzing. [updated]

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